In Every Universe

5. Zacky

FIVE

ZACKY

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” Cameron asked, beanie pulled over his ears, game-day suit on. He had a much nicer duffel bag over his shoulder than Zacky had ever seen him use before.

“I’m going to nap until my babysitter gets here.” He sat on the arm of the couch and rolled his eyes at Cameron to let him know how he felt about his current situation.

“I know you’d be able to keep yourself alive. I just thought you’d be bored. Plus, Millsy is bored too.”

Cameron had arranged for Millsy to stay with Zacky for a few days while the rest of the boys were on the road. It was nice of him to even think of that on top of everything else. The thoughts in Zacky’s brain were like balls he was juggling. He had so many of them in the air at the same time that when one dropped, he didn’t even notice. There was never the possibility that he’d be able to keep them all in the air. Cameron’s thoughts were threads he could weave together to create something stronger. It was one of the reasons Zacky loved him so much. It made him reliable.

“Well, I guess if I’m doing Millsy a favor…” Zacky said, as Cameron’s face went from nervous to his sweet goofy grin, and for a moment, Zacky wasn’t thinking about how his head hurt. “Get outta here.”

“You’re going to be okay?”

“I’ll be here when you get back,” Zacky said. It was all he could guarantee.

Cameron took a deep breath, then walked the four steps to Zacky in order to pull him in for a hug. He was gentle about it, but Zacky looped his arms around Cameron’s waist and let himself melt against him, instantly feeling better. He could stay here for hours if Cameron let him.

However, the rules were different when the man you were hugging, who looked, acted, smelled, and sounded exactly like your husband, was actually your platonic best friend from a parallel universe. Not that he was clear on what those rules were. He let Cameron go.

After Cameron finally left, Zacky took some more painkillers and made a cheesy tortilla melt in the microwave in order to have something in his stomach. He didn’t have the energy to do anything more. Cameron said Millsy was going to make him dinner. Maybe it was good that Cameron got him a babysitter.

He slept for a couple of hours and woke up with enough time to pee before Millsy knocked quietly at his door. For as loud as hockey players generally were, Zacky figured they’d all been around enough concussions to know how to act.

Millsy came in with a big toothless grin, a backpack on, and too many Target bags hanging off his arms to count.His smile, missing his top four teeth in the center, made Zacky grateful for his easily hidden lost tooth.

“The fuck? Are you movin’ in?” Zacky asked, taking bags from him so Millsy could close the door behind him and take his shoes off.

“I only brought one bag. All this shit is V’s Target order he made me pick up. Stuff for you.”

“For me?” Zacky asked. Cameron hadn’t mentioned anything. He dragged the bags over to the coffee table and then started sorting through them. The first bag had a jigsaw puzzle of the ISS, two medium-sized Lego sets of dinosaurs, and a couple of extremely questionable pairs of sunglasses. A coloring book and markers. The next had a pile of card games and a container of…slime? Zacky didn’t know you could buy slime at Target, but he was Canadian. What did he know?

The bag after that one had a big soft blanket in it, and Zacky ripped off the cardboard loop that was keeping it folded and draped it over his shoulders. Next was a bag of candy—all Zacky’s favorites, including two bags of KitKats. He wondered if this universe’s Zacky and Cameron always ate KitKats by breaking every pair in half and each eating one. Cameron wasn’t gay for him, but he did buy him…a whole shitload of stuff from Target. They still appeared to be weird about each other.

“God, V fuckin’ spoils you. Happy wife, happy life, I guess,” Millsy said. There were bags of real food, too, that Millsy took to the kitchen to put away. Which was good, because Zacky was sure his face was doing something ridiculous. Cameron doted on him, and everyone noticed. Zacky heard that phrase a lot in his real life.

When Millsy came back, Zacky had the blanket carefully draped over his head like a hood in order to block out some light. He grabbed a pair of sunglasses. “That’s a look,” Millsy said. He took a photo before sitting down on the couch next to Zacky and handing him a bottle of water. Zacky wondered if Cameron had sent Millsy care instructions for him.

“So, how’s it feeling?”

Zacky wasn’t even sure how to answer that. Not only was he having the strangest emotional experience of his life, but his head was fucking killing him. “Bad.”

“Fair enough,” he said as he settled back into the couch.

“How’s the hip?” Zacky asked. In the last couple days, Zacky had convinced Cameron to tell him basically every thought in his head, especially as they pertained to their teammates. Some of the guys he knew from his brief time in the Jackets system, like Millsy. Others were new. The current roster was almost the same as it was in his real life, so he wasn’t worried about recognizing his teammates. He still followed the team like it was his own, and he probably always would. He hoped that he could pass off any potential weirdness as head-injury stuff.

“Getting close,” Millsy said. “I feel like I’ve been ‘getting close’ for about a month, but I’m feeling good. Should be soon. Doc thinks less than a week before I can get back on the ice.”

“That’s great, man,” Zacky said.

“Yeah. It’s so fucked how being away from the game can make you feel like you’re not yourself. It’s like living a different life.”

Well, Zacky couldn’t agree with that more. He nodded and let Millsy think his feelings were coming from his concussion.

“It’s also lonely. Or it was lonely at the beginning,” Millsy said. Zacky was caught up on how Millsy had fallen in love with his physical therapist, which sounded ethically questionable. “You’re lucky you have Cam.”

“Cam’s my best friend,” Zacky said. He’d always had a hard time keeping a lid on his feelings about Cameron. He hoped he didn’t sound too gay.

“Nah, man. That’s not best friends. I’ve had best friends. You two are something else. Soulmates or some shit.”

The blush that crept up Zacky’s cheeks was sudden and uncontrollable. God, no one should blush like this about someone they feel platonic feelings for. He was not doing a great job here. “What do you want to do after hockey?”

“Porter, you’re not retiring.”

“Someday we both will.”

“I haven’t even let myself think about it. My focus is one hundred percent on getting healthy and getting on the ice. Anything else feels like…you shouldn’t say it out loud.”

Zacky didn’t have any sports superstition left in him. “I want to be a gym teacher.”

“Not a coach?”

“Nah. I want to hang out with little kids all day.”

“You have baby fever?”

“You have no idea,” Zacky said. He’d always wanted kids. When he imagined it, he thought about having a family as big as his own. Three kids. He and Cameron had recently been talking about having kids for real. They’d been researching. Saving. They had a way to go before they could afford it, but he wanted it so badly. He wanted a little baby with Cameron’s dimples.

“You know, you could probably convince V to have a baby with you. You’ve already adopted Micah.” Zacky hadn’t met Micah Laurier in this universe yet, but he knew from following the YellowJackets in his other life that Micah was the Jackets’ eighteen-year-old phenom who’d forced his way onto the team coming out of development camp that year.

“Should probably heal my brain before I’m around any screaming babies.”

“Solid plan. Do you want to play Uno?” Millsy said, sifting through Zacky’s pile of presents on the coffee table.

Yeah. Zacky wanted to play Uno.

Later, while Millsy was making dinner, Cameron called. He had to first endure Millsy chirping him for all the stuff he’d bought for Zacky, but Millsy did eventually hand the phone over. Zacky was still on the couch, trying to pretend that the warmth of the blanket wrapped around him was from his Cameron. Hearing his voice helped. As long as Zacky was out here hallucinating shit, he might as well imagine his husband there comforting him.

“Millsy treating you right?” Cameron asked, and Zacky closed his eyes and let himself sink deeper into the couch.

“He made me celery with peanut butter and raisins earlier, so I’m getting the full babysitter experience.”

“Wait. Did he actually?” Zacky didn’t have to see him to picture the soft, confused look on his face. There were few faces Cameron could make that didn’t have Zacky wanting to kiss him.

His life was pain in every way.

“No. But we played Uno. I like that blanket.”

“Millsy sent a photo with the sunglasses. Looking hot.”

It took everything in Zacky to react to that statement in a platonic way. “Gonna add that photo to my Bachelorette application.”

“They do always need the funny, weird-lookin’ one.”

“Then maybe you should apply.”

“Zack, you done flirting yet? Dinner’s ready,” Millsy called from the kitchen, careful not to be too loud.

“I’ll let you eat,” Cameron said. “Don’t let Millsy be too bad of an influence.”