In Every Universe

15. Zacky

FIFTEEN

ZACKY

Zacky was getting his concussion routine down. Now that he had some screen time, he could watch Cameron play hockey and send a few text messages here and there. Cameron bought him a Kindle, and in a fit of absolute boredom, he started a sci-fi series his older brother had been talking about for years. It passed the time pretty effectively. He diligently recorded the memories he had of his quiet life with his realtor husband in Mississauga in his composition notebook. When Cameron was home, they spent a lot of time in the kitchen. Neither of them had a solid foundation in the kitchen, so Cameron ordered meal kits they struggled their way through.

The YellowJackets were on a home stand, and Cameron was going to be home for a week and a half straight.After a disastrous California trip, which Cameron blamed his broken lucky bracelet on, Zacky thought the time spent at home would be good for the whole team. They could rest and gel with each other. The next two games on the schedule were against “easy teams,” which could always backfire. The worst team in the league always had a chance to beat the best team. And they were not the best team.

Cameron had been taking such good care of Zacky since his injury that Zacky thought it was probably his turn to take care of Cameron.

“Pool after dinner?” he asked as they polished off their meal kit. They got the size for a family instead of two people because they both needed to eat more than an average person.

“Pool sounds good. Sun will be down. Or on the other side of the building.”

Seeing the sunset from the pool would be beautiful, but Zacky was grateful for the pool’s orientation because having sun in his eyes the whole time would be brutal. Cameron didn’t let Zacky help clean up dinner, so he unpacked Cameron’s suitcase for him, tossing his clothes into the washer so it could run while they were in the pool.

Zacky grew up with a pool and swam every chance he got when he was younger, and he prided himself on converting Cameron too. When they traveled for hockey when they were younger, Zacky always made sure they both packed swimsuits, and sometimes they would get lucky enough to stay at a hotel with a pool. As married people, Zacky had also converted Cameron into a somewhat reluctant skinny-dipper.

“All to ourselves,” Cameron said when they got down to the pool, letting out a sigh of relief. If there had been screaming kids, they would have had to leave. Zacky was grateful to have Cameron to himself. It was different being alone with Cameron outside of their apartment than in it. At home, they were just living. There was always something to distract them. In the pool, it was just the two of them and the water, the high ceilings, big windows, and humidity, their phones left on the kitchen table.

If Zacky’s head felt good, he would have cannonballed into the water, getting the adjustment period over with. Instead, Cameron jumped in feetfirst, and then Zacky slid into the deep end after him. The water was cool, and light refracted through it to scramble the lane markers on the bottom of the pool and the way their legs were moving. His whole world was refracted through water at the moment. He knew what he should be seeing, but there was something slightly different when he looked.

Zacky swam a couple laps to stretch his legs and get his heart rate up. He was unwilling to run a single mile, but he’d swim a million laps. He missed pushing his body like this, getting winded and feeling his muscles strain. When he came up for breath, Cameron was watching him.

“Not drowning,” Zacky said, splashing Cameron.

“I know you won’t. I just need to see it with my eyes.” Cameron had made him promise not to swim alone while he was gone, and Zacky had complied, even though his doctor said he was clear to swim.

Zacky swam over to him coyly, giving Cameron a sweet smile before jumping on him and pushing his head underwater. Cameron sputtered as he popped up. Zacky was treading water, kicking away from Cameron enough to be out of his reach.

“That’s super unfair when I can’t return the favor,” Cameron said, water dripping down his face. Zacky’s heart ached again, getting shot through with grief that took him off guard every time. Instead of dunking Zacky, Cameron grabbed him around the waist and swung him around against the edge of the pool. Cameron’s skin on his was hot in the cool water, and Zacky couldn’t help the tears that welled and spilled over so quickly he couldn’t hide them.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. Did that hurt? I was trying to be gentle,” Cameron said. Those big brown concerned eyes drilled into him, and all Zacky could do was wrap his arms around Cameron’s neck and hold on tight.

“My head is fine.” He pressed his forehead to Cameron’s shoulder, and Cameron smoothed a hand down Zacky’s bare back. The shiver of arousal coupled with how much he missed his Cameron was enough to break his brain in half. “I’m just sad.”

“It’s okay to be sad,” Cameron said, comforting him. He pulled Zacky closer to the shallow end so their feet could touch the bottom incline. Zacky was a split second away from wrapping his legs around Cameron’s waist reflexively, which would have been one more embarrassing thing for Cameron to put up with.

“I’m sorry you miss him,” Cameron whispered, his voice always quieter when he talked about Zacky’s husband, like the conversation got more private.

“I miss being loved,” Zacky said, aching not only for his husband but also for the feeling of being enveloped by the pure, deep, and eternal love his Cameron promised him on their wedding day. The kind of love that held his heart as well as his body.

“You are so loved.”

“Loved by a lover. So loved it sucks the air out of the room. Loved enough to be sustained by it.” He couldn’t explain it. The way he was loved by his husband was so deep and encompassing. Cameron’s love filled every room he was in like air, like water in the ocean.

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” Cameron whispered, his voice barely audible. And now Zacky’s heart was aching for two Camerons. The one he left behind whose love he was desperate for, and the one whose arms were holding him close, who was not on the same page with Zacky at all.

His heart broke in every direction. Soon the shards would be dust.

“I love you, too,” Zacky said. It was the truth.

Cameron had one arm wrapped around Zacky’s waist and one on his neck. His touch was tender like it always was, and Zacky was grateful he was so sad because it was keeping any potential boners at bay. Cameron pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. Zacky filed it into the category of affection he was pretty sure did not exist between them pre-head injury.

Still, he didn’t want Cameron to stop.

“How did we get together? In your universe?”

“In Junior.”

“Oh. So, we’ve been together this whole time.”

“It was the second year. When you hurt your hip.”

“That was miserable,” Cameron said, confirming that the event had happened in this timeline too. “That was attractive to you?”

“Not to be weird, but pretty much everything you do is attractive to me, so…”

“Point.”

“We were at an away game in Erie. There weren’t a lot of options for you outside of dealing with it until we got home. I went to the hospital with you to make sure nothing was alarmingly wrong, and when we got back to the hotel room, you were crying in pain, trying to pretend like you weren’t. I don’t think you had cried in front of me yet. And I had to help you get into your pajamas and bundled you up in bed with every pillow in our room to stabilize you.”

“Still not seeing the romance,” Cameron said, a soft smile on his face, listening to Zacky talk. He didn’t know how this Cameron could listen to him talk about the story of their love and be so cool about it.

“You were on a lot of painkillers. A little handsy. And eventually you cried and said that it was torture to feel this way and also to have me refuse to kiss you better. And I told you I never refused, and I kissed you.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Yeah. It was. We had always had…something there.”

Cameron made a curious little sound in his throat, and Zacky’s heart jumped with hope.

He took a deep breath and put some space between him and Cameron.

“Can we go get ice cream from that one place?” Zacky asked before dipping back under the water, washing the salt off his face with chlorine, desperate for a palate cleanser.

“Mega Scoop? For sure,” Cameron said when he resurfaced.

The night was calm and soft. Cameron and Zacky ate ice cream on the patio outside the creamery. The bubble that had been around them in the pool burst, and Zacky got his strength back to paste a smile on his face. He knew he wasn’t fooling Cameron, but he needed an emotional break, and Cameron could tell.

“I don’t know what to even do now. Do I go to a craft store? I don’t know how to make a bracelet.”

Zacky stuck his spoon in his ice cream cup as his caramel popcorn ice cream melted deliciously around the edges.

“What about this?” he asked, reaching behind his neck to undo the clasp on his chain. His oldest brother bought him this necklace when he got drafted, and it was only by some miracle that the number dangling off of it had stayed the same over all these years.

He motioned Cameron close and clasped it around his neck. The 14 caught the dim streetlights illuminating their dessert, and Zacky tucked it under Cameron’s shirt so the gold rested directly on his skin. “You still have my number now. And Coach won’t sacrifice you at center ice because you got beads all over the place.”

Cameron’s hand covered the spot where the number charm was dangling underneath his shirt. “I know how much you love this necklace.”

He shrugged. “I love you more.” Plus, it wasn’t like he needed any puck luck lately. He was happy to do anything that would make Cameron feel better on the ice. He knew, even though Cameron hadn’t complained, that he hated playing without Zacky. Zacky knew what that felt like.

“I’ll take good care of it,” Cameron said, pulling the chain from under his shirt to run it through his fingers and admire it.

It looked good on him.