In Every Universe

17. Zacky

SEVENTEEN

ZACKY

In an effort to make new memories , Elliott booked them a private catamaran for an afternoon of snorkeling, drinking, cruising around, and eating the food cooked by the private chef. This was the normal life of Zacky’s teammates. Elliott was a couple of years older than him and Cameron and had accumulated more of a salary—and more of a taste for fancy experiences—than Zacky had.

“We’ve been missing you,” Elliott said, already three beers in for the day, even though it was barely past noon. They were sharing a booth seat as the catamaran made its way slowly through clear aqua water. Hockey players were touchy, and Elliott was no different, his arm around Zacky’s shoulder, pulling him close to talk over the sound of the boat and their friends. Cameron kept looking over his shoulder, where he was going through snorkeling instructions, catching Zacky’s eye, his face a constant are you okay?

Zacky shot him back a smile.

“I’m right here,” Zacky said, lifting his Sprite in the perpetual toast that started the moment they arrived at the airport, and he assumed would go until they left the resort.

“I’m for real. I know you don’t remember us—except Ves, who I know you’re surgically attached to—but it’s true. We’re all tight. We love you. Ves made it sound like it’s stressful to be around us. But we’re not out here judging you. We want you back on the ice with us. Back on the planes and the buses. Back at practice, back while we watch tape, back to losing to me in Fortnight.”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever lost to you at Fortnight,” Zacky said. If Zacky had half the Fortnight skills here that he had in his real life, there was no way Elliott was as good as him.

“All right, that one was a lie,” Elliott joked. “The rest is true. Someone has to split every entrée with Ves when he can’t decide between steak and fish. Someone has to clean up the rebounds and take the good group selfies.”

“If you make me cry right now, Cameron will push you off the boat,” Zacky said. He’d been on edge for over a week, his feelings brimming over at any given moment. When he first woke up, he had confusion, and he had terror, but he also had hope.

The longer and longer this went on, and the better his head felt, the less hope there was to find. This was it. This was probably where he would be for the rest of his life. And it was going to take a while to accept that.

“Oh man, I didn’t mean…” Elliott said as Zacky’s tears got the best of him. Out of the corner of his eye, Cameron dropped his snorkel back into a bin and headed back toward him.

“I’m okay,” Zacky said. “Just…it’s a lot.” That was his favorite excuse lately. And it was always true. Plus, people could interpret it however they wanted. Losing three years of memories was enough to qualify as “a lot” without a layer of the deepest grief Zacky had ever experienced.

“I didn’t?—”

“I know. I’m okay.”

Cameron didn’t seem to agree. His presence cleared Elliott out of their booth seat, and Cameron took a seat next to him, his gentle touch brushing Zacky’s hair out of his face, hand coming to rest on the back of his neck.

“Feelings come in waves,” Zacky said, knowing Cameron was the only one who could understand.

“And I’ll be right here, every time.”

He scooted closer to Cameron and rested his head on Cameron’s shoulder, his hand on Cameron’s thigh. The gentle motion of the boat was making him nauseous.

“Have you ever been snorkeling?” Cameron asked, fingers tracing soothing circles on Zacky’s back.

“We went a few years ago, on our first family vacation with my family.”

“Did you like it?”

“I fucking loved it. The water was so peaceful and so beautiful.”

“Should we get you out in the water? Make you feel normal again?” Cameron gave his shoulder a squeeze, and there was no way Zacky was saying no to the hopeful look on his face.

They got the full safety lesson that Cameron had walked away from and then hopped off the back of the boat to where Micah and Marshall were already facedown in the shallow water, checking out fish.

This was what Zacky was meant to be. A fish. Just a tiny creature in the vast ocean. He and Cameron stayed in the water for a while, pointing out different things to each other until a pair of stingrays came floating along, their flippers overlapping slightly to make it look like they were holding hands. Cameron pointed to the rays, then pointed to him and Zacky. And yeah. If Zacky was a fish, Cameron would be a fish right along with him.

They would be CameronandZacky in every universe.

The lunch they had on board was the best food Zacky ate the whole trip. Skewers of fresh shrimp and lobster, bright, acidic fruit, and fun drinks.

“Everyone thinks that growing up playing hockey in Arizona means I was one of about five people in my program. But youth hockey is popular. My mom always insisted on taking me because she never adjusted to the heat after my folks moved there from Washington, so she liked to sit in the rink,” Marshall said, explaining more of his lore as they ate. Learning about someone along with his other teammates put Zacky on equal footing.

“Being a goalie from an uncommon location gives you some mystique, though, which all goalies need,” Shane reasoned.

“I play competitive Magic: The Gathering, and I’ve worn the same pair of socks every game since I was fifteen, so I think I’m racking up plenty of goalie weirdness.”

“If you want mystique, can I recommend a head injury that causes amnesia?” Zacky joked.

“If someone asks about your memories, I’ll interrupt them with details about the Commander deck I’ve been bringing to Friday Night Magic and that will shut them up,” Marshall said. Zacky had no idea what that meant, so he assumed it would be effective.

“Thanks, dude.”

“How’s your brain feeling?” Shane asked, grabbing a fist full of napkins from the table. Zacky averted his eyes when Shane ate usually.

“Better. There’s progress. It feels good down here, and I’m not sure if that’s because of the weather, or the water, or the fact that I’m on vacation and supposed to be unfamiliar with my surroundings.” Next to him, Cameron pressed his thigh against Zacky’s in support.

“Your brain is like one of those just-add-water dinosaur sponges,” Micah said.

“You’re not beating the child prodigy allegations when you reference toys,” Elliott said, slinging an arm around his neck and giving him a noogie. Micah’s smile was wide and still so boyish.

If surgeons opened up his head right now, Zacky thought there was a fifty-fifty chance they would find a dinosaur sponge. That would make as much sense as anything.

But for the first time, talking about his head felt normal. Being with his teammates was starting to feel more normal. He had worried about going on a group trip with guys he didn’t know well, but this was exactly what he needed.

In the hour they had left on the boat, Zacky was determined to spend as much of it as possible in the water. Out where they were snorkeling was less crowded than the beach during the day, and Zacky floated on his back, letting the movement of the water soothe him. Cameron had fallen asleep on the boat, tired from the sun and travel and weeks of hockey that Zacky hadn’t played. But Marshall came with him instead, and Zacky was enjoying having another friend who wasn’t Cameron, even if Cameron was truly the best person in the world.

“Can I ask you a question you don’t have to answer?” Marshall said, his question going to the sky as he floated on his back near Zacky.

“I can’t guarantee I’ll remember what the answer is.”

“That’s a great excuse for media interviews, if you get put on the spot. I’m wondering about Cameron.”

“Yeah, the buzz is actually his choice. He opted into it. It wasn’t a lost bet,” Zacky joked. He loved the buzz, but he also loved razzing Cameron and would take any chance to do so.

“You’re together, right? I can’t get a straight answer out of anyone, but I suspect it’s because there isn’t a straight answer.”

Zacky hummed. “I’m gay,” he said, mulling over how to approach the answer to that question. “Cam and I…we are just…friends.”

“Okay. That wasn’t what I was expecting. I was expecting to hear that you were secretly married or something.” Marshall’s laugh underscored how hilarious the idea was to him. “I guess I should be used to guys being close close after so many years playing this sport. Not used to a lot of guys who are share-a-hotel-room close.”

It sounded like Marshall didn’t know that Zacky and Cameron were sharing a room because they added a person to their trip at the last minute, so he didn’t tell him the real reason. Regardless of need, he knew he’d end up in Cameron’s bed anyway. “Sometimes you gotta be codependent with your bestie.”

“You two are cute, though,” Marshall said, and Zacky appreciated the allyship.

“Yeah. We are.”

“You burned,” Cameron said, standing too close to him in the bathroom of their hotel room the night before they had to leave. It was late, and Zacky didn’t want to go home. He wanted to stay right here forever, with Cameron and the water and the little stingrays that held hands. Cameron’s touch was barely there as he followed the sunburn from one cheek, over the bridge of Zacky’s nose, to the other.

“Shocked it took this long,” Zacky said honestly. No matter how good at sunscreen application he was, he always ended up with a sunburn. He’d spent a lot of time on the trip trying not to pop a boner when Cameron got his back for him. “I have aloe in my bag somewhere.” Both their suitcases were disaster zones, contents strewn all over the hotel room. At home, Cameron was the neat one, but here, vacation rules applied. Cameron went to dig through their collective pile of shit.

“What’s this?” Cameron asked as he came back into the bathroom, aloe in one hand, Zacky’s composition notebook in the other. “Do you have a journal? Have you always had a journal?”

“It’s not really a journal. I’ve just been trying to write down my memories of my old life. To hold on to them, I guess.”

“Oh,” Cameron said, setting the notebook on a dry part of the bathroom sink and squirting aloe onto his fingertips. Carefully, he smoothed it over the redness on Zacky’s face, and then without turning him around, also got the back of his neck, referencing the mirror over Zacky’s shoulder, fingertips dipping below the collar of Zacky’s t-shirt.

“I always forget how fucking good aloe feels,” Zacky said, letting his eyes slowly close. Cameron was driving him crazy, giving him the soft, gentle touches that he craved, while withholding the sexual touch Zacky was so used to coming in the wake of something like a sunscreen or aloe application. He breathed in slowly through his nose and out through his mouth, trying hard not to get hard.

“You can read it if you want,” Zacky offered. His face burned even more than it already had been, warming under the cooling gel. The thought of this Cameron reading about the memories Zacky thought were worth holding on to from his other life was weirdly embarrassing. The first time they had sex. Their anniversary trip to Banff, where Zacky learned Cameron had lied about knowing how to snowboard, so they spent most of the trip on the bunny hill—and in bed. The time Cameron spent three weeks trying and failing to make Zacky croissants because of one TikTok he sent Cameron of a woman whose wife made her croissant breakfast sandwiches when she asked. Cameron ended up buying croissants for the sandwiches. It was still sweet, and the sandwiches were bomb.

“If there’s anything in there that you want me to know, you can tell me, and I would love to hear about it,” Cameron said, pressing a kiss to Zacky’s forehead and bringing the notebook back to the suitcase pile. He set it on the table next to it so it didn’t get rumpled in the pile of chaos, then peeled back the sheets on their freshly made bed. Their bed at home never looked so neat, but here it was fresh every day. It was nice.

Zacky made his way to his own side of the bed, huddling close to Cameron as he picked a TV show. They could hear the waves outside their room. The sun had already set, and with Cameron’s arm around his shoulders, hand carefully smoothing over the spot on Zacky’s head that he’d hit so hard, even though the bruising was gone and he could finally sleep normally, he felt safe.

“I’m scared that I’m going to be here forever,” Zacky whispered into the comfort of the dim room. “And I’m scared if I ever get back to my universe, I’ll miss you as much as I miss my Cameron.”

“Zack,” Cameron sighed, adjusting them so they could look at each other. Zacky braced for rejection as Cameron reestablished the platonic foundation of their friendship.

“I know—” Zacky started, but his hedging was cut off by Cameron’s lips, just as sweet and soft and plush as they were in another universe. Zacky whimpered. He wasn’t strong enough to resist this, when it was the thing he wanted the most.

“Zachary,” Cameron said, Zacky’s full name coming from his lips as easily as it had a thousand times before from his husband’s mouth, exclusively when they were in bed. Zacky couldn’t control the shiver that shot through his body. Cameron kissed him again, deep and dirty, with purpose, with desire. Their bodies were already so close together that it didn’t take much for Zacky to press himself against Cameron, confused about what was going on but not confused about how good Cameron was already making his body feel.

One of Cameron’s hands cupped his ass, grinding them together as they lay on their sides. “What if your universe and this universe aren’t all that different? What if there’s overlap? What if there’s a blurring of whatever barrier that exists between them?”

A philosophical conversation while his dick was hard felt like a cruelty. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Everything I hear about your husband—I don’t understand how that’s not just me. So we’re missing three years of each other’s memories. We’re still CameronandZacky. Wherever we are, we will always be CameronandZacky.” Moments passed as Cameron let Zacky think about that, but not too hard, as Cameron’s hand came around to the front of Zacky, cupping his erection through his boxers.

“How are you gay?”

Cameron smiled, giving Zacky a sweet kiss. “I don’t know, baby. I think it’s been simmering in me for a while now. Whenever someone’s asked me about why I haven’t found a nice girl to settle down with, I’ve always thought, ‘How can I find a girl I’ll like more than Zacky? How can I love anyone more than I love Zacky?’ If I see my life projected out in front of me, it’s always me and you together. Where does a girl fit into that? And then you woke up one day and asked me where my wedding ring was, and I haven’t stopped thinking about that for a single second.”

Cameron continued to rub him through his underwear as tears ran down Zacky’s cheeks. No, this wasn’t his husband. But…he also was. There wasn’t a second of his time in this universe where Cameron felt strange or different to him. His body and soul had been calling out for him, for this Cameron, since the moment he woke up.

“You’re going to make me come at an awkward moment,” Zacky said, voice shaking through his emotion.

“I’m going to make you come from this?”

“I’m used to us having sex every day, and now it’s been months,” Zacky whined, not wanting Cameron to stop touching him but getting close to the edge.

“We have sex every day?” Cameron asked, his voice sex-husky as he pressed his erection to Zacky’s thigh.

“Yes, often more than once a day.”

Cameron reached into Zacky’s boxers to wrap his hand around Zacky’s aching erection, his grip nice and tight. Zacky whimpered, earning him a kiss as Cameron jerked him faster, his teeth biting into Zacky’s lower lip and sending him over the edge.

“Fuck, Cam,” he panted, thrusting into Cameron’s grip as he milked the rest of his orgasm out of him. He caught his breath as Cameron wiped his hand on the sheet, then bundled Zacky into his arms, letting him tremble against his body, comforting him in the exact way he needed. Cameron always knew exactly what he needed.

A sprinkling of kisses landed on his forehead, finally feeling correct. Filled with the kind of affection Zacky craved like air. “That feel okay, baby?”

God, the transition from babe to baby was fucking everything . “Perfect.”

He was crying again, of course, body filled with so much emotion that he could hardly remember to breathe. When he tipped his head back to look at Cameron, there were tears on his cheeks, too. Zacky smiled as he wiped them away with his thumbs, kissing Cameron again because he could.

Fuck. He could kiss Cameron. Hopefully whenever he wanted.

“I gotta get out of these fucking gross boxers.” Zacky laughed, feeling a lightness that he thought he would never feel again. He climbed out of bed and peeled the offending underwear off, heading into the bathroom to wipe himself down and grab a towel for the wet spot that had gotten on the sheets.

When he made it back from his detour, Cameron was lounging against the pillows, hands behind his head, showing off his arms, his chest, and the V-cut that disappeared into his underwear, his erection straining against the fabric.

Zacky’s mouth went dry.

He crawled onto the bed and over Cameron, giving him another kiss because he absolutely had to , before trailing kisses down his chest, to his stomach, and finally to the head of his dick, right where a damp spot on his underwear was starting to appear.

“I missed your body so much, fuck,” Zacky mumbled, getting his hands on the elastic of Cameron’s boxers. The two of them coordinated to remove them, and then it was Zacky and his favorite dick in the entire world. In the entire universe. In every universe. His body wasn’t exactly like his husband’s, who still worked out but not to the level of a professional athlete. His dick, however, was the same.

He wasn’t going to waste any time. Cameron’s legs parted wider so Zacky could settle in, and he licked a stripe up the underside, sucking soft kisses as he made his way back down to the base before sucking one of his balls into his mouth, then the other.

“Zachary, fuck ,” Cameron groaned, his hands not knowing where to find purchase since Zacky had a head injury and a sunburnt neck. Zacky looked up at him, the pleasure making Cameron’s expression loose and relaxed, and took his hand in one of his own.

He licked and sucked his way back up Cameron’s thick cock. His hips moved so subtly that Zacky could tell he was trying not to. “I know you love fucking my mouth. Just do it,” Zacky said, egging him on with a smirk before wrapping his lips around Cameron’s cockhead.

He sighed, the familiarity of Cameron’s erection in his mouth somehow soothing. He fucking missed this. Missed the silky softness of Cameron’s skin and the sharp tang of the precome that spurted out unexpectedly.

Cameron was gentlemanly as he pushed farther into Zacky’s mouth. It took a few careful thrusts before there was enough saliva coating him to smoothly slide in and out. Zacky focused on getting Cameron as wet as possible, ensuring the slide of his hand around the base of Cameron’s cock—the part that wouldn’t fit in his mouth—was smooth as well.

“God, not to be a sixteen-year-old virgin or anything, but I’m going to come,” Cameron said, thrusting into his mouth with more abandon. He was used to a Cameron who had more endurance, but then again, he was also used to the two of them fucking a lot . Cameron came and Zacky pulled off, swallowing his hot and salty come. He continued to jerk him, kitten-licking at his slit as Cameron’s body went heavy and lax again.

Zacky crawled back up to settle next to Cameron, and he was rewarded with Cameron pressing him onto his back, one of his hands coming up to cup Zacky’s cheek as he kissed him again, long and deep, licking into Zacky’s mouth like he was desperate to taste himself.

Fuck, that was hot.

“Zachary, fuck me. How on earth…” He basked in that soft, post-orgasm feeling, thick with emotion, which was raw on his face. “Baby, I know I’m not your husband, but I want to take care of you like a husband. I want to be at your doctor’s appointments. I want to do your laundry. I want to spiral every time you wear one of my t-shirts and worry about whether you’re getting enough protein. I want to kiss you every second. I want to make you come like that as often as possible.”

Zacky had a lightning bolt of grief at the mention of his husband. He’d gotten so lost in Cameron’s body, in how fucking good he felt for the first time in ages, that he had kind of…forgotten about his Cameron. But maybe this Cameron was right. Maybe they weren’t different.

And at some point, undeniably, this Cameron had become his Cameron, too.

Zacky hooked a finger on the chain that was dangling from Cameron’s neck. He was already wearing jewelry that claimed Zacky as his.

“Every Cameron is my Cameron.” That felt right. Because as much as he wanted to get back to his husband and his life, having this ripped out of his hands now would destroy him just as much.

He could see the love in Cameron’s eyes as he leaned in to kiss him, his lips soft and lush and everything .

“I want to give you my whole heart. But?—”

“But the whole thing isn’t yours to give. I know. I know he’s part of you. And I know you’re…grieving. I want literal forever with you. We have time for you to feel every single feeling.”

“How do you know the exact right thing to say constantly?”

“I am very, very good at loving Zachary Porter. It is my life’s work.”

Zacky laughed, the silliness of his earnestness unsticking something rock hard in his chest.

“I love you,” Zacky said, realizing that, even though Cameron had expressed that sentiment already in more ways than one, Zacky hadn’t returned it in the way Cameron deserved. Directly. Concretely.

“I love you so much, my baby. My Zacky.”

Fuck, this man melted him.

“What did I do to deserve you?” He knew there were more Zackys out there who got to be loved by Camerons, and that did something so weird to his heart. It was what it must feel like when people read poetry.

“You didn’t have to do anything. This is how we are, who we are, the two of us.”

The two of us . Yeah, the best thing in existence. The two of them.