In Italy for Love

Chapter 15

15

‘Chill out, Captain Cranky,’ Jules said, putting her hands in the air. ‘No need to get defensive.’

‘I’m not defensive,’ he snapped, pausing when her lips wobbled and he listened back to what he’d said. ‘Okay, that was defensive, but you’d better explain what you think you do wrong.’

He poured two glasses of wine and, as he’d hoped, she followed the wine to the table and sat down – with enough stifled groaning to suggest she’d been on her feet too long that day, again.

‘There’s no “think”. I was told often enough that I was doing things wrong.’

‘Your ex-boyfriend,’ he said grimly as he fetched the risotto off the stove and set it onto the painted tile in the middle of the table.

‘And his mother, yes. If I ever hear the phrase “brutta figura” again, I will punch something. How was I supposed to know that yellow flowers are for jealousy and hanging the washing out in my old tracksuit wasn’t allowed?’

He stifled a grimace. ‘Okay, I’m starting to understand.’

‘It gets worse!’ she said, her mouth full of risotto. He was kind of touched that she felt so comfortable in his kitchen. ‘He said I had cheap taste,’ she said with a false laugh. ‘At first I thought he meant it fondly, but we were running a B&B together – or trying to – and he said I always bought the wrong things, inferior products that the guests would notice as cheap substitutes. To be honest, I wouldn’t know Maddalena’s fresh, organic olive oil from the supermarket own brand.’

‘Of course you would!’ he scoffed.

She paused shovelling the risotto in to give him a pained look. ‘I know nothing about olive oil.’

‘You don’t have to know about it. You just have to taste it – at least, that’s the way it works around here. And Siore Cudrig across the courtyard hangs her washing in her dressing gown with curlers in.’

‘While you kiss strange half-naked women in your kitchen with the neighbours catching glimpses,’ she teased. But she continued before he could blush. ‘I didn’t even think to wait until I had gloves to collect chestnuts.’

‘You didn’t have any with you. I’m impressed you managed to bring so many. You went into the forest and you came back with food. You’re turning into a real Furlane.’

As he’d hoped, she snorted a laugh at that. ‘I spend enough time with my hands in the Friulian soil. Maybe some of it is rubbing off on me. But it’s Furlan- e not Furlan- a ? The female form of Friulian, right?’

He nodded. ‘Furlane. It’s different from Italian.’

‘You’ve made that abundantly clear,’ she said with a dry smile.

‘Berengario thinks you can do no wrong and Maddalena might actually have time to sit down for once because of you.’

‘Yes, well, I didn’t do very well helping out at the restaurant today. The farm work is better. I don’t know whether things are really different here in Friuli or whether the expectations are just different. I suppose it’s not very challenging work.’

‘What do you mean? I’ve seen you this week. You’ve been ready to drop dead every evening. How is that not challenging?’

‘You barely saw me all week! The instant I came home, you had to rush off somewhere – which was very suspicious! But you know what I mean. I’d hate for my ex to see me, now, confirming all his thoughts about how incompetent I am. He probably wishes he’d given our relationship a merciful death sooner.’

Alex choked, the shot of panic at her choice of words taking him by surprise. He set his fork down with a shaking hand and gripped the edge of the table.

‘Are you okay?’

He nodded, willing that to be the case before she asked more questions. Damn it! He’d been enjoying the conversation and lulled himself into a false sense of security, but he didn’t have emotional security – not any more.

She sighed deeply, making him look up and distracting him from the ache. ‘Do you have an accordion to urgently tune?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You rarely last this long in a conversation with me.’

He stood suddenly, feeling trapped. ‘I’ll put the chestnuts in the fire.’ Telling himself firmly to pull himself together before he made her feel even worse, he fetched the wine out of the fridge to refill her glass. But when he turned back, he found her halfway to the sink, dinner plate in hand. ‘Sit down!’ he said – again, too harshly. ‘I mean, wait for the chestnuts. And have some more wine if you want.’

‘I should be contributing to the wine budget, if we’re real housemates.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘I don’t want to rely on you.’

He looked up from pouring wine to find her stubborn jaw set. He really liked that jaw. ‘You’re not relying on me,’ he insisted. ‘Or rather, we all rely on one another.’

‘I didn’t mean to suggest that Maddalena and Berengario did basic work, by the way. I can see how complicated it is to run that place. I was only talking about myself. I studied International Relations at university – feels like a long time ago, now. I was just going travelling for a few years and then I was going to go back and do a Master’s or join a graduate programme or something, but…’ Her sentence trailed off.

‘How old were you when you left Australia?’ He busied himself arranging the wet chestnuts in a cast-iron pan and placing it carefully on the coals of the little fire in the stove.

‘I was twenty-four,’ she answered. ‘I’d just turned twenty-five when I moved here. At first, I was certain I’d perfect my Italian in six months and apply to the University of Parma, and in five years I’d work for the European Commission or something.’ Her laugh was bleak.

‘Why didn’t it work out like that?’ he asked carefully.

‘It was never going to work out like that. I was an idiot for thinking it would. I never perfected my Italian, even in three years.’

‘Did he help you?’

Her hesitation vexed him even further. ‘Yes, he did,’ she began, but she didn’t sound convinced. ‘He had to. You don’t understand what it’s like to be completely dependent on someone else. He had to come with me to every official appointment, all the bureaucracy, the tax, healthcare, business permits – everything. I didn’t understand enough Italian and when some words started making sense, I didn’t know how “things worked”. Every time I filled out a form, I did it wrong somehow. I was different and I couldn’t communicate with his friends. It wasn’t at all like either of us had pictured.’

‘Life rarely is.’

She’d taken a breath to continue but paused, slowly deflating as she released the breath. ‘I suppose you’re right.’

‘Are you going to continue your study when you go home? Is that your plan?’

‘Oh, God, I have no idea. I haven’t thought that far ahead. And “International Relations” sounds like a bit of a joke now. I don’t know if I could handle going back. So much pressure.’

‘If you can handle the chaos at Due Pini, you can handle anything,’ he said lightly. ‘Did you know Maddalena used to work a corporate job in Verona until she decided to come home and buy the farm? It’s the most honourable work you can do, producing food and taking care of the land for the future. Like collecting chestnuts, there’s something calming about it.’

‘Meaningful,’ she agreed. She toyed with the stem of her wine glass. ‘It seems to be what I need right now. What about you? How long have you worked at the bike shop? And what were you doing in London when you weren’t playing the accordion?’

‘I worked as a technical designer for an engineering firm,’ he said carefully. ‘That’s my profession. I’ve been at the bike shop for… nearly two years?’ How had it been that long?

‘That’s when you came back from London?’

He shook his head. ‘I was having some problems when I came back from London.’ He looked up suddenly to force her to meet his gaze. ‘I know what it’s like to rely on others too. I don’t know where I would be without Maddalena and Berengario. That’s why I will help you with anything you need – not because I think you can’t look after yourself.’

Her jaw moved and her eyes asked a hundred questions he wouldn’t answer. He thought about that jacket, the one she’d filled with chestnuts almost until the pockets burst. There was something new here – inside him too. For the first time, he wondered if it might be something good, even if it wasn’t forever. He knew nothing was.

Nodding slowly, she said, ‘Thanks. I appreciate the explanation. I’m oversensitive today.’

‘Oversensitive sounds like me. I’m sorry I snapped at you when you came home.’

‘I obviously should have showed you the chestnuts first, since they seem to have made everything better.’ She gave a little toss of her head and the cracks inside him glowed with heat. She was so… alive , which broke his heart. He wanted to pull her into his lap and kiss her until her ponytail was a mess and she’d forgotten all about this guy who’d stolen her confidence, but every time he looked at her, he was also reminded of everything he’d lost. It didn’t make sense.

A subtle sweet scent and the faint smell of burning reached his nostrils and he stood to check on the nuts, glad to be out of her gravitational pull. Over his shoulder, he said to Julia, ‘Can you get that tea towel and put water on it?’

Tugging the pan out of the fire with a pot holder, he gestured for Julia to set the wet towel on the bench and then poured the nuts onto the towel, wrapping them up while they cooled.

‘You really haven’t ever tried chestnuts?’ he asked, his ears hot, remembering the moment she’d told him that.

‘Really. We don’t have the trees in Australia – definitely not in Brisbane. We don’t even have autumn where I’m from. I saw the sellers in the street in Parma, but never tried them.’

‘Well, it’s an honour to share your first ones with you.’

‘I’m sure it won’t be life-changing,’ she said with a chuckle.

He gave her a look that suggested otherwise, making her laugh again. Unwrapping the bounty with a flourish, he tested a nut and picked it up when he was sure it had sufficiently cooled. Cracking the shell and rubbing off the inner skin with the ease of many years of practice, he held it out to her on his palm while he reached for another with his other hand.

She took it with a doubtful look and bit it in half, chewing thoughtfully. ‘Wow, it’s…’ She popped the other half in her mouth. ‘Mmm. It’s like a savoury dessert, sweet without being sugary, definitely comfort food. God, how did I live nearly twenty-eight years without tasting these?’

He stifled a smile, inspecting the next peeled nut before lifting it to his mouth, only to pause when he noticed her greedy gaze on his fingers. Lifting his brows, he offered it to her. ‘You wanted this?’

‘I foraged it.’

‘You did,’ he said, handing it to her with a laugh. ‘You foraged them, so I’ll peel them.’

‘You can have the next one,’ she said magnanimously. ‘I’m not going to eat all of them, not after that delicious risotto. What will we do with the rest of them?’

That little ‘we’ crept up on him, but he was sick and tired of everything she said triggering him. ‘Roasted, boiled, in soup – the only thing I can’t do at home is grind them into flour.’ He popped the peeled nut into his mouth, stifling his own groan of enjoyment. There wasn’t anything to compare to fresh, warm chestnuts, buttery and rich.

‘Now I see why you were willing to accept rent in nuts.’

‘Get some gloves next time though. Speaking of which…’ He fetched a tube of antiseptic ointment, noticing Attila skulking inside through the cat flap when he headed back to the kitchen. The cat followed him in casually, his tail rubbing against Alex’s leg, but stopped suddenly, hackles up, when Arco pricked up his ears.

A second later, the cat was gone again.

‘That poor cat,’ Julia said with a grimace.

‘He’ll be all right,’ Alex assured her, his jaw tightening when he appreciated what he hadn’t said— He’ll be all right when you’re gone again .

Pulling his chair to hers, he took her hand and dabbed drops of ointment onto her fingertips, glancing up in concern when she hissed at the sting. Her skin was dry and there was a little dirt under her fingernails and— He should stop studying her hands.

But when he lifted his head, her face was right there. He couldn’t stop thinking about how they’d kissed by the city wall as the river rushed by, how she’d told him she wanted him . That evening had been everything – but it had to be nothing.

Kiss her again and all this guilt and confusion would only multiply. She deserved so much more than his bad-tempered hospitality, but he still didn’t draw away.

She did. With a light pat on his cheek, she gave him a tight smile and said, ‘Thanks – for everything. I’m going to take a shower.’

He nodded mutely, letting her brush past. Arco lifted his head and watched his mistress leave the room. When the dog hauled himself to his feet, Alex assumed he was going to station himself outside the bathroom door to wait, but he plonked himself down next to Alex’s chair and rolled over with his feet in the air.

‘Why are you so determined to be friends with me?’ he asked the dog. But he leaned down and gave him a thorough scratch on the tummy.