Insatiable (Inferno Games #3)

5. Toxic Together

5

TOXIC TOGETHER

ROWENA

I t doesn’t matter how much I try to avoid Felix, he’s always there and, worst still, Anthura is never far behind. I’d like to say I’m surprised about the pair of them hooking up again. But I’m world weary about anything when it comes to both of them. They deserve each other. I try to ignore the pang I feel when I think about them, but it doesn’t take long for the pang of... regret… to turn back into the blazing anger I’ve felt at Felix since pretty much the first second I met him.

When there’s a knock on my door much later, I already know it’s him. Juliette always knocks quickly as though she’s in a rush and Quinn has a habit of calling out as though I’m screening guests, which, to be honest, most of the time I am. Felix’s knock is so typically Felix–curt and to the point. Two knocks, that’s it.

I’m half inclined to ignore it, but he’s been trying to talk to me all day, and I know he’ll continue to bug me for the rest of my death if I don’t let him in. Besides, I need something to take my mind away from the gnawing hunger and nausea.

I pull on a dressing gown over my nightdress and open the door, leaning on the door frame. “Barclay.”

I have one hand on the door, ready to duck back in and slam it in his face.

“Can I come in?”

“Nope.”

His face scrunches up for a second. “You infuriating bi...” He stops talking before saying whatever slur was about to come out of his mouth, which is an improvement.

It’s almost fascinating watching Felix lose his composure and then scramble to regain it. He should be a politician, with all his lies and slander.

"I don't think you want what I have to say to be overheard," he says. As if on cue, the gorgeous blonde walks past, giving us a curious look before heading down the stairs. I hate when Felix has a valid point.

With a sigh, I open the door to let him pass, holding my breath as his shoulder brushes against mine, sending a shiver through my treacherous body.

"Five minutes," I warn him, my voice edged with steel. I need to remain composed. "Five minutes, then you'll leave this room and never have another conversation with me unless it's absolutely necessary for the games. Do you understand?"

“Is the baby mine?” he asks, his tone unreadable.

I knew the question was coming. I’ve known all day that’s what he wanted to know, but it still hits me like a sucker punch to the chest. I don’t sleep around. His question makes me feel dirty and cheap.

I glare at him. “You took my virginity and you know that.”

“Yeah…” he falters.

“But you thought that after losing my virginity to you a whole week ago, I suddenly decided to sleep with every man in Lust. Is that it?”

He sucks in a breath and I wonder, not for the first time if he is going to kiss me or punch me. With Felix, it could be either. I ready myself for both but he just stands there.

"The baby is mine, Barclay,” I reply firmly. “That’s all you need to know."

His eyes drop to my stomach, prompting me to tighten my dressing gown belt further around it. "So you’re really pregnant, then? How is that even possible?"

"You know it's not possible,” I snap. I know it's not possible. But it's happened and it's real. I’ve had morning sickness all day." I leave out the part about my tender breasts; the last thing I want is Felix thinking about my body.

"We... we slept together."

As if I could forget. It’s been at the very forefront of my mind since the second it happened. "Yes, and I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater than repeat the action."

I turn away so he can’t see my eyes. I guess he’s not the only liar in the room. He’s just better at concealing it than I am.

“If the baby is mine, I want to help.”

It’s rare that Felix catches me off guard, but this is one of those moments. He’s so close I can feel the heat radiating off him, his presence overwhelming, suffocating. The space between us is nonexistent, and it takes everything in me not to reach out, not to close that gap. Hating him is hard enough. Wanting him? That’s pure agony.

It takes everything in my soul to keep my features impartial. “You come in here, insinuate that I sleep around and now you want to help me? Pray tell, Felix Barclay, what can you offer me? You have no fortune in here and I doubt your fathering skills are up to much. I’ve read up about what you did.”

And just like that he surprises me again. It’s not the fact that he has skeletons in his closet. His walk in wardrobe is probably an elephant graveyard, but it’s the fact that he looks scared that’s intriguing. Barclay never looks scared. He’s got an ego the size of a zeppelin and is as full of hot air.

His face falls and he runs his hands through his hair. “I fucking regretted it, alright. There’s not a day that hasn’t passed since my decision that day hasn’t plagued me. That’s why I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes of my past. He falls to my bed and lowers his head to his hands.

I was talking about investing in a company that made baby milk and sold it to third world countries leading to mothers giving up on breastfeeding. The scandal happened before Felix was born but his company invested in that company anyway. Mostly it was all in the past when he invested and I was only bringing it up because I had nothing else to throw at him. But the way he is now tells me that whatever he thinks I’ve found out is far closer to home.

The desire to throw him out hasn't lessened, but a nagging voice in my head tells me to probe him. What on earth could the mighty Felix Barclay regret? He's certainly never shown any remorse for anything he's done in the past.

Begrudgingly, I sit next to him on the bed and ignore the flutters in my core. The last time I sat next to Felix Barclay on a bed, he took my virginity on it, and that’s what led to this whole crapshow in the first place. I make sure there’s enough distance between us so it doesn’t look like I’m coming onto him.

“What did you do that has you worked up so badly?”

He looks up and turns his head to me, his eyes locking onto mine. For a second, I think he’s going to kiss me, and holy hell, I’m not sure I want to stop him. But he doesn’t. He speaks instead.

“You don’t know? I thought you said... meant...” He stands up and runs his hands through his hair, his frustration evident. “Forget I said anything. Maybe you’re right. You and me are fucking toxic together, and I don’t even need this...”

Anger burns inside of me, quelling any ridiculous hint of want I have for this asshole. “I don’t remember asking you for help. I don’t remember asking you for anything. This... this...” I can’t talk. I’m so angry and upset. “This baby...” I gesticulate to my belly, finally acknowledging it out loud. “You are nothing but a sperm donor. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

The tears come before I can stop them, and I can taste the salt as they slip down to the corners of my lips. So much for keeping my composure, for pretending I could stay detached. So much for remaining impartial.

The bed shakes as he stands. “This has everything to do with me,” he growls. I’ve seen many emotions in Felix, but this is something else entirely. It’s raw, and it’s overpowering. He turns and walks out the door, slamming it behind him.

It takes me ten minutes to compose myself to be able to do anything other than breathe, and even that is choky sob filled gasps of air. I don’t know what I expected from Felix and I don’t know what he expects from me. Hell, I don’t even know what I expect from myself. I’ve been given a gift that I could never have hoped to wish for in the past and yet now everything feels so messy. However much I hate to admit it, even to myself, there was a tiny part of me that hoped Felix would beg for forgiveness for everything he’d done, and doubly beg to be part of this baby’s life.

He shouted at me. Screamed even. And maybe there was a shred of remorse for everything he’d done to me, but it isn’t enough. It’s not nearly enough. I lie back on the bed and press my hand gently to my belly. It’s still flat. No real signs that this baby even exists yet. It could all be one last cruel joke by Noémi before they took her away. And yet I know it it’s true. I know my child is growing inside of me. Felix’s baby.

I huff and bring out my Hell Cell. If Felix isn’t going to be forthcoming about his murky past, I’ll have to find out myself.

The Hell Cell doesn’t just have information about Hell. It has information about the living too. It’s got a database of millions of articles and is up to date with current affairs on Earth, a fact I find sad and have ignored up until today. I type Felix Barclay into the search bar. His photo comes up immediately. Underneath it are the words FELIX BARCLAY. THIRD CIRCLE. CONTESTANT IN THE INFERNO GAMES. I don’t bother to read his bio. I’ve already read it and can recite it word for word. Instead I click onto the earthly part of the Hell Cell. It takes me over four hours of searching to find it, and when I finally do, the breath leaves my body. Six years ago, Felix paid off a supermodel called Sylvia Rothwell to have an abortion, then buried the whole thing under a mountain of hush money. My chest tightens with every word of her story, the pain gripping me like a vice. She doesn’t mention him by name—that’s why it took me so long to uncover—but I recognize him instantly in the way she describes him. The arrogance, the charm, the manipulation. It’s Felix, through and through.

And that’s why it never hit the headlines. If anyone had known she was talking about Felix Barclay, it would have exploded. But instead, she vanished from the spotlight, left her modeling career behind, and used the blood money to start a ranch in Montana. Just... disappeared.

Suddenly, the memory of that task in the Lust Circle comes flooding back. The one where I conjured up a ranch house, and Felix shattered me, left me trembling on the floor. I didn’t understand it then, but now I do. He wasn’t just breaking me. He was remembering her—remembering what he did to her.

My hand drifts to my stomach, and I rub it slowly, the life growing inside me grounding me in the moment. A vow forms on my lips, one I should have made from the very beginning:

Felix Barclay will never come near this child. Not as long as I’m around to stop him.