Insatiable (Inferno Games #3)

16. I’m Out

16

I’M OUT

FELIX

“ I ’m out!” I storm into the canteen, catching Hades’ attention. Even seated, his presence is imposing, his dark eyes flicking up at me with mild surprise.

“You’re out?” His deep voice carries an undertone of curiosity.

“Of the games. Out. I cheated.” I steal a quick glance at Twila, who arches her eyebrows in surprise at my blunt admission. “I want Rowena to take my place, like when Quinn took Twila’s in Purgatory.”

Hades leans back, eyes narrowing as he studies me. I can practically see him weighing his options. What could he say? He can’t bend the rules for one person just because he wants to spend eternity with her and not do the same for me.

“You cheated? You understand that admitting to that will have... very grave consequences.”

I meet his gaze without hesitation. “And I’ll take them all. Just put Rowena back in the games.”

“You’ve treated Ro like shit since the moment you met her. Why the sudden turnaround?” Twila pipes up.

I turn toward her, the weight of her words stinging more than I’d care to admit. "Because..." My throat tightens, the reasons jumbling together in my mind. It’s hard to put it all into words, to admit that the person I’ve been dismissing might actually mean something.

"I’ve been a coward," I admit quietly, forcing myself to meet Twila's eyes. "But that doesn’t mean Ro deserves to be out of the games. She’s better than me. She deserves a chance."

Hades' eyes narrow further, his expression inscrutable as he watches the exchange. After a long, tense moment, he rises to his full height, towering over us. "Very well. If you insist on taking Rowena's place, then so be it. But know this - the consequences of cheating in my games are not to be taken lightly."

A shiver runs down my spine at the ominous warning, but I refuse to back down. I nod, holding his gaze steadily. "I understand. I'm ready to face whatever comes."

“There you are,” Anthura purrs, suddenly appearing from nowhere and linking her arm with mine. She flashes me a warning stare and digs her sharp talons into my arm, before smiling at Hades. “I thought I’d lost you. I know how upset you’ve been about the baby.”

“He says he cheated and wants out of the games, Anthura,” Hades says.

“Nonsense.” Anthura digs her nails in deeper and smiles more widely at Hades. “He accidentally got some of Rowena’s meds. There was a mixup in the hospital. Sedatives or something. Don’t listen to a word he said. He’s probably hallucinating.”

“Anthura,” I caution, but her nails are digging in to my flesh so hard, I can feel blood trickling down my wrist.

“Don’t say another word. We need you to get you back to your room.” She shakes her head dismissively. “He didn’t cheat. He’s just confused, aren’t you?”

“I’m not…” I can’t say another word as a flash of heat runs up my arm, scorching it. “See?” Anthura trills. “He’s still in the games. Now come with me before you fall over, Felix.”

She’s shorter than me, but her strength surpasses mine as she drags me away from a confused looking Hades and Twila. It’s not helping that my arm feels like it’s on fire.

Anthura doesn’t say a word all the way up on the platform but the second her apartment door closes, she lets rip.

“What the actual fuck are you thinking? Have you gone completely insane?”

“Me?” I rage at her, pulling my sleeve up to find my right arm red and blistered, with four puncture marks just above the wrist. “You burned me, you heinous bitch.”

"Having you simpering after that freak is one thing, but putting me in danger?" Anthura's voice drips with venom. "That's something you're going to come to regret, Felix Barclay. What did you tell Hades?"

"I didn’t even mention you," I shout back.

Anthura laughs bitterly, a sound that sends chills down my spine. "You're not that fucking bright to be able to cheat by yourself. Of course, they'll know I helped you. And for what? So you can go crawling back to that freak?"

I feel my fists clenching. "Damn it, Anthura. Stop calling her a freak."

Anthura narrows her eyes, a dangerous glint flashing in them. "What? It’s not true? He’s a freak, Felix. Always has been, always will be. But you? You’re a fool for getting tangled up with him again. And now you've made a fool of me."

“Goodbye, Anthura.” I turn to leave, but she grabs my arm and spins me back around to face her.

“Don’t tell me you're going back to him.”

I push my face into hers. “Her. Stop calling her a him. It’s fucking gross, even by your standards.”

“You called him a him plenty of times so don’t come over all morally superior to me, you little shit.” Her eyes widen and her mouth cranks into a malicious grin. “You’ve fallen in love with him. Fucking Hell, Felix, I knew you were dim, but I never thought you’d lower yourself.”

My nerves are taught. “Let me go, Anthura,” I warn her.

“You tell Hades you cheated again and he’ll have you thrown in a pit with a hellbeast. And after that, I’ll throw the love of your life right in there after you.”

I hold her stare, anger filling my veins.

“You have to stay in the games. It’s the only way to save your precious freak, because I’ll be going through to the next circle with you.” She shrugs. “I can’t harm her if we’re not in the same circle, can I?”

I’d damn her all the way to Hell if we weren’t already here. “Fine. I’ll stay in the games, but get this through your fucking ugly skull. I don’t want anything to do with you ever again. I don’t want to see you or hear you and if I hear that you’ve harmed one hair on Rowena’s head, I’ll drag you down to the hell beast’s pit myself and gladly let him rip you limb from limb, even if it means sacrificing myself to do it.”

I turn and this time she doesn’t bother to stop me.

“Well, well, you do have it bad, don’t you?”

I hear her cackling all the way down to my floor.

I slam my bedroom door shut and once again, push the dresser in front of it before punching the wall, leaving a fist sized hole.

I never lost my shit when I was alive. I was well known for keeping my composure, but there’s something about this place… No, there’s something about Anthura that riles me up. Probably the fact that I hate she’s got something on me.

I sit on the bed, still hearing her last words to me. You do have it bad.

Now she thinks I’m in love with Rowena. How the fuck did I let that happen?

I pace around the room, my mind racing with thoughts of Rowena and the mess I've gotten myself into. I can't deny she’s a fucking great lay, but love? That's a foreign concept to me, especially in this godforsaken place.

I’ve done what I can to protect Rowena from Anthura even if it means that she’ll stay in this circle. That’s enough. Then I can move on to the next circle and pretend she never existed.

A knock on the door startles me out of my spiraling thoughts. I freeze, hands gripping the edge of the dresser I've just shoved against the door. Anthura's smug grin flashes through my mind. Of course, she’d come after me now. I cautiously move the dresser and crack the door open, bracing myself.

But it’s not Anthura. It’s Rowena.

Well, shit.

“What do you want?” I huff, annoyed at both the situation and myself.

She glances at the dresser still blocking half the doorway, arching a brow. “Planning on an earthquake?”

“Fuck.” I drag the dresser out of the way and when I look back, she’s already in my room.

“You’re supposed to stand in doorways during an earthquake,” I say, trying to sound casual. “Blocking them won’t help much.”

“Right,” she mutters. “Active shooters for blocking doors, earthquakes for hiding under tables.”

I roll my eyes, not in the mood for sarcasm. “Is there any particular reason you’re here, or did you just want to critique my disaster preparedness?” My voice comes out sharper than I intended, but I can’t help it. I’m on edge, and her presence only stirs things up further.

“Actually,” she says, her tone shifting to something softer, something I’m not used to from her. “I came to apologize.”

I drag my hands through my hair. “You don’t need to.”

She wanders around the room, almost like she’s inspecting it before she comes to a stop and sits on the bed, her flowery dress sprayed out beneath her, her legs crossed at the ankles

She’s not crying, but the weight of her sadness seems to fill the space between us. It lingers in the air, thick and unspoken, and for the first time since she walked in, I feel... unsettled. More than anything, though, I notice how beautiful she looks, her face framed by soft waves of dark blonde hair. It’s almost disarming.

“Look,” I mutter, trying to distract myself from whatever this is. “You don’t have to?—”

“I do,” she cuts in.

I sigh and sit down beside her, the mattress dipping under our combined weight. The silence stretches between us.

“You stayed with me in hospital the whole time. Juliette told me.”

“I had to make sure the baby was alright,” I say dismissively, keeping my tone as flat as I can manage. No fucking point turning this into something it’s not. I’m not in love with Rowena, no matter what Anthura might think. Our one night together was one fucking huge mistake. Just one that ended with consequences.

“Just the baby?” she presses, and I feel her eyes on me, like she’s waiting for something more.

I tear my gaze away, staring at the wall as if it holds the answers. When I don’t answer, she continues, “You didn’t know about the food being poisoned, did you?”

“I already told you that.” My voice is edged with frustration. She needs to get out of here before…

“Barclay, will you effing look at me?”

I turn to face her, my eyes meeting hers reluctantly. The intensity in her gaze catches me off guard, and I feel my resolve wavering. "What do you want me to say?" I ask, my voice rough with emotion I can't quite contain.

She reaches out, her hand gently cupping my cheek. "I want the truth.”

I grab her wrist, pulling it away from my face. Funny how her touch burns worse than Anthura’s, just not in quite the same way.

“You want the truth?” I reply, barely keeping the anger from my voice. “The truth is that I knocked you up, and that’s it.”

“Bullcrap.”

I inhale a deep breath, frustration and anger pouring out of me. “Okay then. Here’s the truth. I hate how you say bullcrap instead of bullshit and effing instead of fuck. I hate that you think you can just come in here like you own the place. I hate your fuck-awful dress and most of all I hate that…” I stop myself before I say the one thing I shouldn’t.

She’s not even shocked at my outburst. I hate that about her, too.

“You hate that you knocked me up?” she says, her voice not even wavering. “That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it?”

“No,” I grit back, blood raging through me. “I was going to say that despite all the things I hate about you, which, believe me, are plenty, I hate that I want to tear that fucking hideous dress off you and fuck you until you beg me to stop.”

The world comes to a standstill, and for the first time, I see it—some flicker of emotion breaking through her usually guarded exterior. Rowena’s eyes widen, her mouth parts in shock, and it hits me like a punch to the gut. I’ve never wanted to take back words more than I do right now.

Except I don’t. I meant every damn word. I’m leaving, and she’s staying. I’ll never see her again.

Ten minutes ago, I was certain all I needed was space. Freedom. But now? Now, all I want is her.

She’s staring at me like I’ve lost my mind, confusion and disbelief etched across her face. I can almost see the battle raging inside her, like she’s wrestling with her own demons. The silence between us feels suffocating.

She moves closer to me slightly, leaning in. I swear I see something in her eyes—desire, maybe. For a moment, I think she’s going to kiss me.

But then she stops. Shakes her head, barely moving. "I can't do this, Felix."

Before I can respond, she turns and slips out the door, shutting it softly behind her.

The moment the door clicks shut, the air feels like it's been sucked out of the room. I’m left standing there, frozen in place, my heart still pounding as if it hasn’t caught up to the reality of what just happened.

I thought I saw something—something real, something more—but it slipped through my fingers just as quickly. What the hell was I thinking?

I sink down onto the bed, my hands clenching into fists. I don’t know whether to be angry at her for leaving or at myself for letting her go. Probably both. Either which way, getting away from her to the next circle will be the best fucking thing for all of us.