Into the Fire (Flame in the Shadows Trilogy #1)

6. Tommy

CHAPTER SIX

TOMMY

The cool glass of the passenger-door window against my temple is uncomfortable enough to keep me from drifting off, even with my head full of fuzz from my sleepless night. The silent game I’m playing helps too. It’s something Dad used to do with me on long drives. Find things along the road that start with each letter of the alphabet first, and you win.

I’ve gone through the whole game twice, but I keep at it. I don’t want to let myself think about Mel, about how vibrant she is, about what might be happening to her, even now.

“What’s up with you today?”

Cait glances at me, then stares out the windshield at the rain-washed highway, one hand loose on the wheel. Usually when the two of us make a supply run together, we talk for hours.

Not this time. After I ignored her cheerful hello this morning, we spent all day in increasingly prickly silence. Why at five-thirty in the afternoon does she suddenly want to chat?

I’m pissed about what happened last night, about her betrayal, but I’m too ashamed to confront her now. She was right all along. So, I give her a noncommittal shrug.

She tilts her head. “You don’t look too good.”

“Gee, thanks. That makes me feel much better.”

I can tell by her expression she wants to dig into what’s bothering me. She’s going to dig in, whether I like it or not.

“Tommy—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad. You won’t feel better ’til you do, so spit it out.”

Cait never puts up with my crap. I huff a humorless laugh. “Fine. I know you told Lisa I helped that girl the other day. You promised not to rat.”

Rain drums on the roof of the car as Cait’s mouth thins, her eyes darting to me and away. “I’m sorry. Really. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was making a huge mistake by keeping it to myself. Lisa needed to know.”

Annoyance stabs through me. “You promised.”

“I know. But isn’t it strange the girl was close enough to the caves to cross your patrol route? Runners and hikers hardly ever get that far out, and the ones who do have enough experience not to get lost. What if … What if she was looking for us?”

I snort. “You worry too much. You’ll be gray by twenty-five.”

“And you aren’t careful enough. Anyway, I know the girl is Reyna and Max Snow’s daughter. Is that why you helped her?”

I look out at the storm, torn between aggravation and embarrassment. Lisa must have filled Cait in. I wish she hadn’t. Who else knows how badly I screwed up? That I put us all at risk?

“No. I … I felt bad, that’s all.”

“You felt bad? ”

My cheeks burn. “You didn’t see her. She was scared.”

“I know you feel guilty about what happened to her parents, but you can’t let that fuck with your judgment. What if she works for the Organization?”

“I didn’t know who she was,” I snap, the words sour in my mouth. “She doesn’t work for the Organization, regardless. They’re tailing her. They wouldn’t follow their own.”

I sigh. “That’s another thing. She’s in danger and we’re supposed to do nothing? Sit on our hands and wait for her to get hurt? We have weapons, knowledge, each other, and she’s alone. Lisa won’t help. How is that fair?”

“Come on, Tommy. What do you expect us to do? I feel bad for the girl, yeah, but we have rules for a reason.”

“You sound exactly like Lisa.”

“Well, it’s true.”

I glare at her. “You really think the Organization will let Mel skip off into the sunset when she’s been poking around Levett’s confidential files?”

Cait nods, emphatic. “Yes, I do. She won’t find anything, and they don’t want another death drawing attention. You remember what happened last time. Lots of negative press.”

She’s referring to the cover story the Organization put out to explain my parents’ murder. It was all over the news—four people killed in a tragic accident in Levett’s R&D lab, the only culprits being neglected gas line maintenance and outdated safety equipment.

I’m appalled Cait’d bring the subject up, especially to scold me. She’s the only person I’ve confided in about what I saw that night, and she knows how messed up I am over it.

“Oh yes,” I say scathingly, “of course. Negative press. That’s what I remember about last time.”

She has the decency to look abashed. “Tommy, I’m sorry.”

“Save it. What if it was you who saw your parents tortured to death? It was savage. How would you like it if I made offhand comments about something so grisly?”

Stricken, she holds up a hand, palm out. “I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I just meant?—”

The floodgates are open now. I talk over her, not interested in her apology. “And it wasn’t only my parents. It was Mel’s parents too. Four people pummeled to death while I hid and did nothing. And now I’m supposed to do nothing again. How is that right?”

Cait peeks sideways at me, eyes full of sympathy. “You were fifteen! What could you have done? They’d have killed you too.”

I don’t try to disguise the regret burning in my expression.

We both fall quiet. Flipping on the turn signal, Cait takes the next exit. It’s not ours, but I’m too lost in ugly memories to ask where she’s going. Or to care.

She turns down a side street, then another, and pulls over onto the shoulder of a narrow, empty road. She cuts the engine.

I stare at my knees, jaw locked tight, while the downpour thunders around us. After a minute, Cait reaches over to rest her fingers under my chin. She nudges up, and I’m forced to meet her gaze. The muted light of the storm brings out the silver in her eyes. They shimmer, wet with unshed tears.

My heart squeezes, and I cover her small hand with mine. My pain hurts her. It always has. I wish I could make her feel better, make us both feel better, but I don’t know how.

She opens her mouth, hesitates, then says, “Your parents wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer like this.”

“They wouldn’t have wanted to be dead, Cait.”

A tear slides down Cait’s freckled cheek. I drop my eyes. “Mel’s parents wouldn’t have wanted to be dead either. Maybe a fifteen-year-old couldn’t have made a difference, maybe he could have. I’ll never know.”

Lie. I know all too well.

“What I can do is make a difference now. Mel’s on track to meet the same fate.” I look back up. “I could stop it this time, but I’m not allowed to act. Do you know what that feels like? The weight of it, of letting it happen again…”

The words get stuck, blazing in my throat. I turn and stare out at the cold drizzle, hands clenched in my lap.

Gentle fingers brush my shoulder. “I know it’s sad. I can’t imagine how you must feel, but she’s one girl. If you see her again, even just to warn her, you’ll put twenty-seven other lives at risk, not to mention the people we protect.”

She pauses, rubbing circles into my tense shoulder. I lean into her touch, comforted by her care, even as her words prick at my guilt.

“Sacrifice is part of life in the Resistance,” she goes on. “Hard choices must be made. Think how many more innocents would be killed every year if we didn’t stop what weapons we could from falling into the wrong hands. If her life is the price that must be paid so we’re able to continue our mission, well…”

Something Mom used to say pops into my head.

Remember, Tommy. You may not be able to change the world, but if you can touch the life of one person, you have made all the difference.

For a fleeting moment, I see myself acting to save Mel. A wave of exhilaration burns through me as Cait’s hand vanishes from my shoulder.

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

My voice is thick. I swipe my knuckles under my eyes.

“I know this is a horrible thing to say, but she’s one girl among millions.” Cait’s words are soft. Soothing. “Her life isn’t worth endangering who knows how many others.”

Revulsion twists my gut. Mel is a human being. How can Cait devalue her like that? How can I?

Suddenly, my decision is easy.

I will not let Mel suffer. Not when I can stop it.

Excitement blazes in my chest, races like adrenaline through my blood. I’m going to save Mel. I’m going to do something good, something to atone for my past, something that will make all these years trapped underground worth it and give this half-life meaning.

Mel will be safe if she runs. The Organization won’t take her in, not if she leaves now and never comes back. I’ll incapacitate her tail, tell her to skip town, and slip away before they realize I’m there. My family will remain secure. No harm done.

Cait’s gentle voice breaks into my scheming. “What are you thinking about?”

There’s no way I can tell her. Cait has a good heart, but she’s the product of her environment. Raised by an ex-Navy SEAL determined to forge her into a weapon, sharp and efficient and brutal. A blade for the Resistance.

I can’t trust her not to go to Lisa.

“It’s hard,” I say, twisting my bracelet around my wrist. “Letting this unfold. Doing nothing.”

When I turn to face her, my expression is blank. It feels strange, deceiving Cait. I’ve only ever lied to her about one thing.

She gives me a small, sad smile. “I know. But you’re making the right choice.”

The right choice, indeed. I close my eyes, leaning my seat back and pulling the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head. “Just get us home, okay? It’s been a long day. I want to be alone.”