Into the Fire (Flame in the Shadows Trilogy #1)

34. Tommy

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

TOMMY

It wasn’t supposed to go down like this.

Trees loom like monsters outside the windshield, stark in the headlights, the rest of the forest black. The purr of the engine and the scratch of branches against the car’s body are too loud, the only sounds inside the dark SUV. Neither Bill nor Cait, silhouetted in the front seat, have spoken a word since we left the safehouse yesterday.

I wish they’d scream at me. Berate me for fucking up so badly. Anything but this never-ending silence.

I squeeze my eyes shut, the tang of failure sharp in my throat.

Everything went wrong the second I arrived at the pathogen’s stopping point in Michigan, using the navigation system in the minivan I stole in Clearwater to find the address listed on the bill of lading. I’ve crashed enough of the Organization’s weapon shipments for those missions to be second nature. Lurk in the shadows. Distract or take out the lackeys. Steal the weapons.

Based on the bill of lading, the pathogen is being transported in sealed vials which are secured in a box about the size of a loaf of bread, hidden in a cargo truck among crates of legitimately shipped materials. Without a team to help, I knew improvisation would be necessary to locate and nab it, especially considering the number of sentries I found traveling alongside the truck. What I never could have planned for was making it halfway through the Organization’s camp, only to find Jack and Zara undercover among the guards.

Jack and Zara, who had been with Lisa from the very start. Who helped train me to run missions. Who laughed with Cait and me instead of turning us in when they caught us sneaking caterpillars into Bill’s pillowcase.

I tripped up, unsure what to do next. Let the distraction get me caught.

Then came a shootout I couldn’t avoid. It forced Jack and Zara to choose between revealing themselves to protect me, or preserving their covert mission.

I tried to help as the Organization turned on them. Even as Jack shouted at me to run, Zara’s pain-laced shriek drowning out half his words, I fought to reach them. Next thing I knew, Bill was staring down at me in our Michigan safehouse, a bump throbbing on the back of my head from where he knocked me out amid the fray. His shadowy, twisted expression said enough about Jack and Zara’s fate. It burned a new hole through my damaged heart.

More death on my hands. More family used as shields to save my sorry ass. I was so desperate to protect Mel I was blind to everything else, and now Jack and Zara are dead.

It should’ve been me.

The car lurches to a halt, and I open my stinging eyes to see the rock facade of the garage rolling upward, the lights flicking on within. Empty.

Good. The last thing I want is to face Mel, to tell her how badly I failed and that the Organization’s hold on the pathogen survived while Jack and Zara did not.

When the door clears the top of the Telluride, Bill maneuvers us smoothly into its usual parking spot. The Veloster and the Civic are both missing, which means another team are out on a mission right now. The Civic is stuck wherever Jack and Zara abandoned it, or else it’s lost to the Organization. I’m glad they didn’t take the Veloster. I’ve always loved that car.

It’s strange, though. When I left, no other missions were planned. We usually have at least a couple weeks’ notice before a non-routine job, and yeah, there are four separate mission teams in the Resistance, but we’re all privy to each other’s assignments. I should’ve been aware if there was a mission planned for tonight.

Although Jack and Zara’s task was kept secret. Lisa must’ve sent more operatives out without telling the rest of us.

Or … but no. Even if Mel ignored my note, she wouldn’t be in the field yet. I’ve only been gone two days.

Bill cuts the engine, and the three of us slide out of our seats in silence, dread weighting my every movement, making me slow. I’ve only taken one step toward the caves when Bill blocks my path, arms crossed, every bit the ex-Navy SEAL.

“You are suspended from the mission team effective immediately. You are not permitted to leave the caves. If it weren’t for what your death would do to my daughter, you’d be carrion. I would’ve taken you out and helped Jack and Zara instead.”

The only thing icier than Bill’s tone is the chill that freezes the air in my lungs.

“Cait, do not let him out of your sight. Leadership will decide his fate.”

Cait nods curtly, avoiding my eyes.

“I need to find Lisa. I suggest you both move out.”

“Yes, sir.”

Usually, hearing Cait address her dad that way stirs my pity, but not today.

As much as I fucked up by going after the pathogen, I can’t forget what she did to Mel.

“Good.” With one more glare for me, Bill turns and disappears quickly into the tunnel heading to the caves.

Cait doesn’t move. I search her gray stare, anticipating more of the hard resentment she’s thrown my way for the past few weeks. Instead I find weariness. Sadness. There’s not one flicker of her usual fight left.

“So you’re my guard now?”

“Guess so.”

Great.

I move to step around her, but she halts me with a hand on my chest. I jerk away. “Don’t touch me.”

Her eyes flash, a bit of the anger I expected leaking through. “How could you do that to me?” She steps forward, hurt swimming underneath her furious expression.

Unwanted guilt squirms in my stomach. She’s comparing me to June, but it’s not a fair assessment. June intended to give the Organization information. I hoped to wreck their plans.

“This has nothing to do with you,” I growl, sidestepping her, but she blocks my path again.

“Traitor!” she half-screams, her voice cracking.

Fury burns its way through the emptiness that’s frozen my insides since Jack and Zara died.

“I’m a traitor? What about you, huh? All I did was try to protect the person I love.”

Cait’s lip curls. “Ditto.”

Just then, light floods the garage and the Veloster pulls through the open door and slides into its spot, driving a little too fast. Seconds later, Lisa, Aaliyah, and Jess rush from the tunnel and surround the car. No one notices us.

Their worried expressions and absolute focus kick up my heartrate.

Something went wrong on the other mission.

The Veloster’s front doors open and shock bolts me in place as Vik and Hunter climb out, unharmed. They belong to Cait’s former mission team, just like me, which means they should never have been sent out lacking their leader.

I can only think of one reason why they would.

My breath sticks in my throat as they move to the back of the car, fully concentrating on whoever’s in there. Lisa, Aaliyah, and Jess make room as a door opens.

Sam climbs out, and my blood runs cold. That’s Mel, cradled in his arms, dark-red streaks crusted down the side of her face.

She ignored my note. Didn’t wait. And now?—

“She’s mostly okay. A little confused,” Sam’s saying to Aaliyah. “It could be a bad one.”

Concussion.

Mel’s arms tighten around his neck. “Mr. Greene,” she tells Lisa, who frowns as Aaliyah shines a flashlight into Mel’s unfocused pupils.

“Hey!” She turns her face into Sam’s neck, then whimpers; Aaliyah’s running nimble fingers over her scalp.

“She’ll need Advil, ice, and bed rest, but she’ll be all right. Can you carry her all the way to her room?”

“Sure.”

Sam shifts Mel in his arms, and despite the distance, I reach out, wanting to help. Five pairs of eyes swing my way.

“What…” I clear my throat. “What happened?”

“Take her,” Lisa says to Sam, attention fixed on me. It’s like standing blind in a spotlight. “I need a private word with Williams.”

Cait twitches at my side.

“I need to talk with him too,” Aaliyah cuts in. “You guys go on. I’ll meet you in Mel’s room. Lisa, Cait—a moment of privacy, please.”

I blink. I have no idea why Aaliyah would need to see me, especially in private. As our doctor, she’s patched me up plenty of times, but beyond that we don’t have much to do with each other.

“Be quick,” Lisa snaps. “Come with me, Cait.”

Aaliyah watches everyone move into the tunnel. Mel never looks up, her face still pressed into Sam’s neck, but the glares of my teammates linger even after they’ve disappeared. When we’re alone, Aaliyah turns to me, her dark ponytail bouncing.

“A few days ago, Mel came to see me. For emergency contraception.” Her tan cheeks go slightly pink, but she holds my gaze.

All my insides evaporate like steam in the wind. Totally wrong-footed, I stare in horror as she goes on. “Luckily, I happened to have some on hand, but that won’t always be the case. I might not have been able to help. You both need to be more careful in the future. This is no life to bring a child into.”

She pauses, and I’m left floundering. Babies. As if I could ever.

“I saw Cait grow up in these caves, you know,” Aaliyah goes on softly. “She had a childhood without other kids around. She didn’t get to play sports or go to school. She was given a lot of love from us grown-ups, but our love could never replace a real friendship with someone her own age. When she was fourteen, you got here. Imagine. At fourteen, you were the first friend she ever had. No child deserves to grow up like that. Be smart, Tommy.”

Pity wells up through the swirl of other, sharper emotions churning in me. Of course, I already know all about Cait’s past, but I never considered what growing up here must have been like. I never thought about what my friendship might mean to her as a result.

I frown, picturing a young Cait, sitting alone in the caves while the adults busy themselves with running the Resistance.

With a shake of my head, I block out the image. I can’t think about Cait right now.

“I will.”

“Good. I need to go treat Mel.”

Without another word, Aaliyah turns and heads to the tunnel. Cait and Lisa reappear as soon as she’s gone, the expression on Lisa’s face something past anger, past disappointment. Cold and hard, it twists my numb insides and holds them tight.

“I am beyond words.” Her furious gaze darts between us. “What the two of you have done over the last few days is frankly appalling. Accetta.”

A fresh wave of fury cuts through my dread as Cait shifts her weight, ill at ease.

“You should not require explanations from your superiors. However, I would like you to know Mel is the only reason for her team’s safe and successful return from Levett Tech tonight.”

Cait’s eyebrows contract as Lisa’s words hit me like a blow.

“I monitored the mission myself. Our comms went down as soon as the team crossed the fence behind Levett’s campus, and when I hacked their security system to unlock the admin building, it tripped a silent alarm. I maintained control of the locks and the CCTV, but the guards were immediately notified of intruders, and we couldn’t reach the team to warn them about it. Worse, there didn’t seem to be any normal patrol officers on duty. They were all Organization. So much easier for them, not having to hide or involve the police. They knew we were coming.”

Even though I’m aware the team will make it out, my throat tightens.

“Mel led the others up to the third floor, to the offices there, where they were quickly boxed in. There was no escape. We were sure they were dead, sure the Organization would interrogate and kill them. We planned to evacuate the caves, but we continued to watch the screens to try and gauge how long we’d have to get everyone out.”

I shift my weight, hardly able to breathe. The thought of Mel and my friends surrounded…

“Sam, Hunter, and Vik took cover. Mel didn’t.”

Immediately, I see where this is going. I squeeze my eyes shut.

“She went out the door. Sam tried to go after her, but Hunter and Vik dragged him back. Meanwhile, she caused a diversion and drew the guards away in the nick of time. She held their attention while the others snuck down the stairs, disposing of the sentries posted there.”

Of course Mel sacrificed herself. Of course she did.

There had to have been a better way. If I’d been there, I would have stopped her.

“Two guards brought her outside and discovered the bodies in the stairwell. They called the rest, who rushed out to the quad in time to see Vik, Sam, and Hunter going over the fence. Gunfire was exchanged, but ultimately the three of them disappeared into the trees. Even Sam. You’d never guess this was his first mission. I should’ve promoted him before now. Mel was right about that.”

I’m too wrapped up in Mel’s fate to spare much emotion for Sam’s triumph, though I’m not surprised by his success. I’ve known for a while he’d be an excellent addition to the mission team.

I’ll catch up with him later. There’s only one thing I want to know right now.

“How did Mel get away?”

Lisa glances at me. “She was ultimately left with a single guard, cuffed and disarmed. We couldn’t see what went down, but somehow, she overpowered him and escaped.”

I frown. It seems too simple. Too lucky.

Lisa’s focus is back on Cait, who stares listlessly at the floor. “She gave herself up to save the rest of them. She was willing to die for them. She is not a spy, and I have no more patience for your arguments to the contrary.”

“And you,” Lisa snaps, turning flinty eyes back on me. “Because of you, two wonderful, selfless people are dead.”

I hold her accusatory gaze as my ears rush and the room spins, emptying of air. It takes all my strength not to sag under the weight of my guilt.

“Not only that, but their mission failed, and now the Organization is aware we know about the pathogen and seek to destroy it.”

Pressure builds in my chest until I have to drop my eyes.

“The only reason you will not rot in the cells for the foreseeable future is because I know your heart remains loyal. Both of you acted out of stupidity, not betrayal. However, you are both confined to the caves until you can learn some sense. Until then, you have no place in the field. I cannot express the depth of my disappointment.”

With one last burning stare, Lisa turns and strides back into the tunnel, tapping the button to lower the garage door on her way by. It clatters down and bangs into the ground, leaving a ringing silence in its wake.

Cait and I don’t move.

It doesn’t even look like she’s breathing. She’s still staring at the floor, shoulders slumped, fingers knotted in front of her. I clench my jaw, determined not to feel bad, not to imagine what Bill has said since Mel’s trial or how many ways it has broken her.

She brought this on herself.

We both did.

With a heavy sigh, I force my feet to move, even though my boots feel like they’ve sunk into quicksand. I need to make sure Mel’s okay.

“Wait,” Cait whispers.

I freeze, fury immediately rising, warring with the unwelcome pity in my chest.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Trust me, you don’t.” I start to walk, anxious to find Mel, even though I’ll have to admit my failure to her. Again.

Cait comes up behind me, ignoring my warning as completely as if I didn’t speak at all. It grates on my nerves. “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please, wait!”

I jolt to a stop, and she narrowly avoids crashing into my back. She never admits to being wrong.

Muscles tight, I take a deep breath, working to get a handle on the rage that blazes under my skin, threatening to burn through my tenuous grip on control.

Cait’s fast to take advantage of my silence.

“I don’t like Mel,” she states baldly.

No shit. My blood boils hotter, my jaw flexing against the furious accusations I want to hurl at her like knives. None of us would be in the positions we’re in if Cait hadn’t tried to sabotage Mel in the first place.

“But she’s no spy. I know that now, and I’m sorry for how I’ve acted. I’ll do better, be better, if you give me the chance.”

“You planted those files in her room.” My words bleed, dark with condemnation. “You hoped she’d be exiled, in which case the Organization would have gotten to her. Or you hoped Lisa would order her execution. Either way, you wanted her dead.”

To her credit, Cait doesn’t deny it. “I thought we’d be safer with her gone. I was wrong. Please. Forgive me. I did what I thought was necessary at the time to protect our family. Kind of like you, going after the pathogen. We both fucked up.”

She’s got me there. Still… “You showed her pictures of her parents in pieces, Cait. What kind of a monster does that?”

Cait’s lips go white. “There were pictures?”

“For fuck’s sake, you didn’t check what you were handing over to the supposed enemy?”

“I knew she wouldn’t escape. We guarded her room, and regardless of the outcome of the trial, Lisa would never risk letting her go now. She knows too much. But Tommy, I promise I had no idea those were in there. I just wanted to protect everyone, and I thought those files were the best way, given her excuse … her reason for being here.”

Her eyes glisten, and she clasps her hands in front of her. “You’re my best friend in the whole world. I just lost everything I’ve worked my whole life for. I can’t imagine losing you too. Please, please, give me another chance.”

Guilt eats at my gut, Aaliyah’s words coming back to haunt me. You were the first friend she ever had.

We’ve been a team for so long. Cait’s saved my life countless times. More than that, those first hellish months after I arrived, she walked with me through the darkness of my grief. She led me out the other side, damaged, but breathing. Somewhat myself again. I shouldn’t turn my back on her, regardless of the circumstances.

But after what she did to Mel, after realizing her utter lack of faith in my intelligence, my judgment, I don’t know if I can forgive her.

I frown, watching warily as she steps forward and takes my hand.

Once, Cait’s hand in mine felt nice. Safe and wholesome, like sinking into a warm bed after a long day on patrol in the cold. Now, though, I have to stop myself from pulling away.

She can tell. The sorrow in her eyes deepens.

“I’ll work on it,” I say roughly. “I’m … mad isn’t a strong enough word. Horrified might be closer. But you’re my best friend too. We’ve both made mistakes. I’m not going anywhere.”

I squeeze her hand, then drop it, sort of feeling like I swallowed a lemon.

“What can I do? How can I fix this?”

“I don’t know. Space, I guess. Give me time.”

Cait throws me a sad smile. “I can do that.” She tilts her head at the tunnel. “Do you want to see her?”

My shattered heart aches, the shadows in me yearning, as always, toward Mel’s light. “Yes.”

“Well, let’s go then.” Cait holds her hand out again, waiting, this time, to see if I’ll take it.

“Space,” I remind her. “That kind of thing isn’t right. Not anymore. I’m with Mel now.”

Cait nods, her eyes emptying. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

My stomach twists with guilt, but I force myself to walk beside her. Forgiving Cait feels like a betrayal. Even so, I can’t deny I’m less lonely with her here. At least now she knows how wrong she was. Hopefully she learned something from all this.

In my future darkness looms, so close at hand, swallowing the path ahead like a bottomless pit. It’s a path I know too well. My broken heart throbs, the pain leaving no part of me unscathed. I don’t know how I will make it if Mel dies too.

Alone, I have no chance. None at all. But maybe … maybe with Cait’s help, I’ll survive. Maybe I’ll come out the other side.