Into the Light (University of Isles #2)

16. Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen

As I strolled down the street with Santiago, heading back to my apartment, I couldn’t help feeling anxious as we got closer to campus. After Tana’s incident, I wished I had a cap or a hoodie to hide my face. Santiago noticed my unease and tried to distract me with his random questions.

“What year was the university created?” he asked, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You are a reader. I figured maybe you’d have been curious about where you were living, so you studied it.” I laughed and kept counting the cracks inside the sidewalk as we walked forward. There were only a couple more blocks to my apartment.

I paused momentarily when I looked up and recognized the same patchwork tattoos I’d seen hundreds of times last year.

“Ember?” The familiar voice echoed in a somber tone. It was my old roommate.

“Hey,” I responded, trying to walk around her, but she got in my way.

“I heard you were back on campus, but I guess I couldn’t quite believe it.” Santiago tightened his grip across my shoulder.

“Here in the flesh.” I offered a tight-lipped smile, hoping the answer would satiate her and she’d leave me alone.

“Why?” she asked, not bothering to step out of the way.

“Why, what?”

“Why’d you come back?” she hissed; there was the Maddy I knew. The person who could pretend to be your best friend one moment, yet was constantly preoccupied with her own needs, wants, and desires.

“Because I deserve to be here like anyone else does, Maddy Kensington.” I didn’t owe her an explanation, but I wanted to give it to her because I was so tired of people dragging my name.

She shook her head. “It’s Madison Ryan. I went by my mother’s name for so long.” She shrugged before turning the conversation back on me.

“I can’t believe you told your brother to go after him the night before the bonfire. You couldn’t give him that time to prep.” My jaw was so wide, I swore I could feel the cement with my bottom lip.

“I’m sorry . . . but kindly step the fuck out of the way.” Santiago started to step in front of me, but I threw up a hand, wanting to face her myself.

“No . . . I see you fixed Tana’s mistake.”

She paused for a moment before adding in, “And looks like you moved on to his best friend pretty fast, too.”

Crack.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I struck her square in the nose, the sound of a little crack filling the air, and Santiago snickered next to me. My clenched fist dripped with her blood, and an unexpected fierceness coursed through me.

“What the hell, Ember?” she muttered, her hand going up to her bloody nose.

I was taken aback myself, impressed by my own sudden action. There was no contemplation; it was a pure, instinctive reaction.

“Oops.” I shrugged.

“You’re a bitch,” she yelled onto the otherwise empty street.

“Yeah, just like when you left me alone at the party to get drugged, tattooed, and kidnapped. I’m simply returning the favor.” With that, I took an extra-large step around her and continued walking, not bothering to look back.

I kept moving, my feet propelling me forward, but I couldn’t shake the shock of what I’d done. Santiago quickly caught up to me, and once we were at a safe distance, he erupted into a wild symphony of cackles.

“Ember Solis,” he taunted, pulling me into a side hug.

“I can’t believe I did that,” I confessed, still reeling.

“Me neither.”

“I think I was . . . no, I am just sick and tired of people assuming the worst about me, about Ash. I was simply done with it, to be honest.”

“No, don’t mistake my laughter for thinking you did something wrong. I’m genuinely proud of you.”

“In a strange way, I feel like I understand how upset Ash would be about all of this. He’d want to protect me and shield me from it all. But I think I needed to stand up for myself, to learn that I can protect myself, that I deserve that.”

“I agree.”

“It’s kind of ridiculous, considering I’m saying this with my bodyguard right next to me. But I swear, I think this is part of my personal growth journey.”

Santiago grabbed my shoulders, stopping me. His expression was thoughtful. “No, mija. Your path of personal growth is like a winding road, full of unexpected turns and challenges. Embrace each twist and turn, for they lead you to the person you’re meant to become.”

“And Maddy was a bump?”

“She was someone in your past who wasn’t good for you. She probably never was if you really looked back, but it is only now with your eyes wide open that you are able to see her true colors.”

I sat on this statement and then giggled. “Are you sure you aren’t replacing my therapist?” Santiago laughed as we arrived at the apartment complex and walked inside.

“Are you staying here?” he asked as he opened the door to his home across the hallway.

“That’s the plan. I’ll let you know if I decide to go to Rain’s later.” I wasn’t being truthful. I had every intention of heading to Ash’s rock, even though I didn’t want Santiago to join me or list all the reasons it was risky to be off campus, especially during the spring semester. While Ash’s . . . situation technically was allowed because he was off campus, I’d assumed that people would show some restraint this year regarding the bonfire. Of course, that wasn’t the case, and the leader this year was Rain. He would be put in the same precarious position that Ash was in that led to whatever turmoil he’d encountered.

“I’ve got to make sense of this before then,” I muttered to myself. I didn’t want Rain to know what was going on or have him worry unnecessarily. After getting myself cleaned up, I spent an extra half hour in the bathroom, waiting until it was safe to slip out of the apartment. I quietly descended the stairs and reached my car, starting it up without a second thought. Pulling out of the driveway, I headed toward the outskirts of town, my mind focused on finding answers, even though I couldn’t quite figure out what exactly that meant.

As I drove away from Isles, I glanced over my shoulder, following the cautionary lessons Ash and Rain had imparted. When no one was tailing me, I turned onto the road leading to Ash’s rock. Even though I wasn’t officially part of the Den or the Alphas, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I, too, might become prey like Maddy’s roommate had two years ago.

The route to the rock was etched into my memory, and as I navigated the winding mountain road toward the clearing, I couldn’t help but imagine the fear and torment Ash might have experienced in this very place. Whether he was battling his own demons or someone chased him, I imagined as he took this route here it was not easy.

As I approached the clearing, I parked on the dirt path, grabbed the flashlight, and embarked on my journey down the path leading to the rock that overlooked the forest clearing. A vivid memory resurfaced, one from when I had run away from Ash after he refused to tell me about the tattoo. He had kept me in the dark about many things. I touched the tattoo behind my ear, reminiscing about the day it had become a part of me. I had been so scared and naive at the beginning of that year.

But . . . I had also been deeply in love. Maybe it was more of a lustful infatuation, but I distinctly remembered how captivated I had been by Ash. He was the first boy to ever show interest in me. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first sexual experience, or at least, the first that mattered. I had perpetually been on cloud nine, oblivious to the harsh realities of the world. Looking back, I wondered if I should have paid more attention to Ash’s underlying depression. Perhaps I could have noticed that Maddy was treating me poorly, or maybe I could have been more honest with myself. I didn’t want to share Ash, nor did I want to share myself, but I had been so consumed by the intoxicating spell of love that I could see none of this.

My steps faltered as I realized I had walked in a circle and now stood atop his rock. A pang of guilt coursed through me for harboring these thoughts. I sat down, my feet hanging off the edge, and contemplated how different life might have been if I had never met Ash.

Because without Ash, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to find . . . myself.

It was one of the most important lessons I’d learned. Through the darkness and loneliness, came a significant wave of self-awareness. I chuckled as I remembered the phrase my mother used to tell me when I was a kid.

“Into the darkness you’ll go, and into the light you’ll be.”

That maybe it was all a metaphor for what life was. I’d spent so many months upset at my mom, too, blaming her for Ash. If it hadn’t been for the realization that she’d cheated on my dad, then maybe Ash and I wouldn’t have had to break up.

But as I took in the serene clearing, I knew it wasn’t about my mom or even Ash. This was the outline for the journey I was supposed to take. They were the words to the story I was writing.

Just then, I glanced to my right where Rain had pointed out the . . . incident . . . happened, and got up, stalking over to the area. Walking around, I noticed there was something hidden behind some bushes next to a fallen tree branch.

A wave of anxiety hit me, and I had no idea why. I moved the branch that seemed to have fallen recently and was providing some sort of a shelter or protection for whatever laid beneath it. As I cleared away the branches, my eyes widened. It wasn’t just his hoodie.

Carefully, I picked up the abandoned hoodie. It was damp but had shielded whatever was beneath it from the relentless rain. My fingers brushed against a hard, cold object, and I realized it was a phone. No. It wasn’t just a phone.

“Holy shit,” I whispered as the matte-black iPhone was so familiar.

This discovery left me baffled. As I examined it more closely, I noticed it was still in good condition despite the constant rain that frequented this place. I tried to turn it on, but it was dead. I mean, how ridiculous to even think the phone almost a year ago would turn on, but there was hope.

My heart raced with a mixture of intrigue and apprehension. Could this phone hold any clues about what had transpired here? Questions swirled in my mind as I held the phone in my trembling hands.

Pushing branches aside, I searched for anything else that could be down there. I was desperate and knew I needed to go see Rain. After I felt like the area had nothing else mysteriously lying around, I jumped off the path and ran to my car where I had a charger.

My hands trembled the entire time, not knowing if anything would be on the phone or if it would even turn on, but there was something there. I just knew it deep down.

The stomping echoed as I ran as fast as I could through the woods. The quicker I could get to the car, the faster I could plug the damned phone in.

“Please, Ash.” I prayed I’d find any answer at all.

Just as I reached the Jeep, I jumped inside and shoved the charger into the bottom of the phone. My fingers crossed that it would turn on and reveal the answers to Rain’s and my biggest problems, but it was a long shot and the phone likely wouldn’t even turn on.

I switched the dial to heat to warm the icy-cold shiver basking in my bones. Time stood still as I waited to see if the phone would turn on.

By some miracle, after ten minutes, the phone turned on and wetness greeted my cheeks as the familiar photo of the two of us together lit up his lock screen.

It was taken at this exact spot on the day of our first date when Ash surprised me with a picnic after class. He had also forced me to take a photo, and I was staring at him, entranced by everything about him. That feeling sent me back to that place again. It was like being hugged by your favorite childhood stuffed animal or doll as an adult. That feeling washed over me like the warmest blanket, and I welcomed it in because I was desperate to feel close to him.

I wiped away the tears now pouring from my face. This wasn’t cute or sweet crying. I swiped the home screen, but the phone was password protected.

“Fuck,” I wailed because just when that small string of hope was given to me, it was snatched away.

I tried his birthday, but it buzzed, warning me that was not the correct password.

“Think, Ember,” I told myself, and then tried my birthday but was surprised when the phone notified me that was also the incorrect password. What else could it be?

“Rain,” I whispered aloud, surprising myself at knowing Rain’s birthday was November tenth. I typed it in, and the phone greeted me by opening to the home screen.

It was bittersweet being reminded of Rain through all this. I was desperate for answers, but Rain’s presence was still very much here with me.

I went to his Notes app, hoping that he would share something there, but most of it was just random instructions and meeting notes from the Den.

Then I went to his messages, and there was an exclamation mark next to one to show he’d attempted sending a message, but it never sent.

As my finger brushed across the screen to open the message, a surge of emotions rushed through me. There it was, a text meant for me, even after our breakup. My chest tightened.

It was one simple phrase. Three small words that changed my entire life.

I love you.

I buried my hands in my arms and wailed, deep sobs bursting through my very core. As I sniffled, I stared into the darkening forest sky through the front window of the car and whispered, “If you are up there with her, I hope you’re teaching her how to ride a bike.” I laughed, inhaling the snot that was also unattractively pouring out of my nose. “You’re probably teaching her how to shoot a gun or something, honestly.”

I took a few deep, centering breaths as I caressed the unsent text message.

Fuck, I am so grateful this phone was cosmically saved by the branches through all the storms. I lifted the damp hoodie to my nose. Although it smelled nothing like I remembered Ash to be, the faint smell of pine from the forest wrapped around me. I imagined the way his arms felt holding me.

Finally, when I had enough courage to go through the phone, I skimmed through the most recent texts, then realized I would need a tech person to do a dig through this phone. Nothing else seemed out of the ordinary, so I went over to the Call app.

I clicked through his recent phone calls, and there were a bunch from Pico and hundreds of missed calls from Rain and his dad. A few voicemails pinged through as service to the phone was restored.

I clicked on the voicemails and pressed the first one from Rain from the night of the accident.

Hey man. I am worried about you. I haven’t heard from you in a while, and I know you were going to your rock, but this isn’t cool. Where are you, man? I’m going to have to find your GPS from your car soon if I don’t hear from you. I know as you listen to this you probably are laughing at me because you’re going to tell me to stop overreacting, but I am legit worried. Okay, love you, brother.

Then another, a little after his . . . passing. He was in tears while leaving the message.

Ash. Don’t do this. Why did you do this to me? I keep calling you even though I know you’ll never get this. We cannot seem to find your stupid ass phone either, so good luck to some random hiker or forest person finding this. Your dad thinks someone else was there. Fuck, Ash.

Another.

We found another set of tracks on the trail before the rain washed them all away. Who the fuck were you with? I always knew you suffered, and when I found you in the house when you were in high school with the bottle of pills by the floor, I told you I’d get you out. What am I supposed to do about Ember? She’s in Dansport but . . . fuck, I was tucking away all the emotions I felt about her for you. Because you were my brother and because of what happened in high school, you deserve someone who made you feel special, but now all I want to do is go down and comfort her, but I’d be hurting you if I acted on my thoughts.

And another.

Ash. Your funeral was today. Everyone was crying, but I forgot how to. I can’t seem to shed another tear. I’m so lost without you. I feel so empty inside. Your dad is saying I have to replace you at the Den. I don’t want to. I want nothing to do with this godforsaken organization. I always knew there was a possibility this would happen, but I had no idea you’d do it to yourself. I wish I could have changed things. I wish I would have been a better brother to you—protected you more. I wish I was more like you.

Finally, I tapped on the most recent message, which was a couple of weeks old, dated the day after I’d seen Rain in our photography class.

I saw her, Ash. I know precisely what drew you to her; she’s stunningly beautiful. Her curves, her luscious lips . . . I couldn’t help but fantasize about every way I wanted to have her right there on that desk. But I couldn’t ignore your voice echoing in the back of my mind. How the hell am I supposed to protect her while resisting these urges? I think we’re both lost souls, but I need your permission somehow. I need you to tell me it’s all right to pursue her. From the moment I laid eyes on her, from the sweet words that flowed from her lips like a melody, I knew she needed to be a part of my life. However, you wanted her more, so I handed her over to you, as I always did. I wanted to ensure your happiness. After the affair between her mom and my dad, which ignited the feud between the Cartel and the Mafia, as you always reminded me, I took a giant step back. Your dad was the one who pulled the trigger on Ember’s mom but it was her father who killed mine. I know Mr. Ortiz was looking for revenge, thinking he’s the savior here, but there was a lot of shit from all sides. God, I pushed her away, even going as far as being a total jerk to her because I had to remove her from my life completely. But, Ash, I think I might love her. Not as you did, but in a way that I want to see her smile again, hear her laughter, and have her spirit around me. She’s more than just Ember; she feels like . . . she’s mine.

Then there was a long pause .

Damn, this is unbearable. Please tell me what to do.

As the message ended, the phone went dark, and the air inside the car became oppressively hot. I pulled my shirt collar away from my neck, as it was becoming increasingly irritating and itchy. My eyes shifted toward the door handle, and I grabbed it, trying to open the door but nothing happened.

Get me out, I cried to myself.

Panic coursed through me as I struggled to escape. Silent pleas for help reverberated in my mind over and over again, and just as I forced the door open, I tumbled out, landing on the branches below. My face met the dirt, and I raised my hands, my legs still feeling as unsteady as jelly beneath me.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar warm scent of pine, and tried to sit upright on the dirt.

Holy shit. If Rain’s dad was the one who was having the affair with my mom…

I cannot believe it was Rain’s dad, Franco. I wasn’t sure how I didn’t put two and two together. I should have known when Rain told me in the diner.

I should have known.

I needed to get home. I closed my eyes and when I reopened them, the forest floor was dark, as were the trees around me. I’d been gone for far too long, and if Santiago hadn’t already gotten wind that I’d left, he would soon.

I jumped into the car, leaving Ash’s phone charging, before I pulled my phone out and checked the messages. There was nothing, which meant I could take my time on the drive back to Isles.

I couldn’t believe Franco killed my mom. He’s the person they were after. My dad was the reason Rain didn’t have a dad and got roped into this. Rain had to have known, so why didn’t he tell me? So much of his message hit me in the face like a slap.

He-he loved me?