It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 28

LEX

“She won’t start?” Carson rubs his forehead. “I replaced the timing belt, but the damn thing won’t fire.”

“Did you check the sprocket alignment before you put the cover on?” I try to lean over to get a closer look.

“This piece of shit,” Carson says, tossing his wrench down. “I thought I had them aligned.”

I lean over the fender, squishing my babies, and as much as I hate it, I know my hands-on days are over for now. My back hurts, I drink enough water to hydrate a city, and peeing is becoming a constant interruption to every task.

“Let’s remove the inspection plate.” I hold out my hand, and Carson hands me a screwdriver. I bump the starter until I see the sprocket alignment marks. “The lines have to match up exactly. They’re off a tooth.” I straighten, arching my back. “You have to take it apart. Get them lined up, and I bet she starts.”

Carson curses under his breath but removes the timing cover.

The metal door squeaks and slams as Krissy enters.

When I called and asked her to go shopping with me, I broke the extra wide news. We haven’t seen each other, and she definitely hasn’t seen my double-size belly uncovered in all its growing glory. I’m convinced it’s expanding by the minute.

Her eyes widen to the size of rims, and then her glossy lips turn up into a show-stopping smile. “I still can’t believe I was right.”

“Right about what?” Slade returns with a new filter in his hand .

“I was right about this one being pregnant, but can you even believe it’s twins?” She rubs her hands together. “I’m throwing you the most badass baby shower you’ve ever seen.” Her mouth drops open. “We’ve got to have it here. I’ll talk to Cal.”

“Need some help with that,” Trig winks at her.

Slade growls. “She doesn’t need your help with anything.”

Krissy grins at Trig, knowing it will drive Slade bananas. “You any good at planning baby parties?”

These two flirt like love-sick teenagers just to piss Slade off.

Trig leans up against the Toyota he’s working on, looking brave. “I’m good at a whole realm of things.”

Carson’s hand falters on the screwdriver. He mumbles a few choice words, looking like he’s about to take out the SUV in front of him.

“Take all that mushy shit somewhere else,” Wind yells.

“They’re not taking anything anywhere,” Slade dictates. “There isn’t a single thing having to do with babies the two of you will be involved in . . . together.”

Krissy ignores him, keeping her attention on Trigger. “I’ll be in touch, and we can plan,” she winks. “We need double the party.”

Trig grins.

Slade points at him. “I know you think this is funny, but I’m about ready to take your ass out.”

“All right. We’re leaving,” I say, waving goodbye. “Don’t get any blood on the vehicles.”

Krissy laughs and blows Trig a kiss, which just about sends Slade through the roof.

“Kris, if you don’t want to find all your shit on the lawn, I suggest you knock it off.”

She laughs, “It’s too easy, Slade. Maybe you should get out there and find yourself a woman, and then you won’t be in such a pissy mood all the time.”

“Yeah, man,” Wind adds. “If you ever find someone who can tolerate your stoic, boring, ritualistic lifestyle. You need to have a little fun.”

“And you need to mind your own fucking business,” Slade shoots back.

I grab my coat, leaving the guys to their grunted comebacks .

“Where are we heading?” Krissy asks, pulling the door open, not giving a crap about the large masculine pot she stirred.

I shrug. “I was hoping you’d know. I need a dress.”

She raises a perfect eyebrow. “A dress or a dress ?”

“Is there a difference?”

She laughs. “Let’s go. We’ll figure it out on the way.”

Twenty minutes later, Krissy thrusts me into the dressing room of an uptown boutique I’ve never set foot in and hands me an armful of dresses. I take them, wondering what I’ve gotten myself into.

As if she knows I’m not undressing, she pops her head inside the curtain.

“Scoot. This might take us the rest of the afternoon. You need a whole new wardrobe, plus a killer dress. Those won’t take another second of that.” She waves her finger toward my completely unzipped jeans being held up by luck and a tight tank.

I shimmy out of my clothes and tug on item after item, hoping it will work for this weekend, but still feel like me. I’m not into playing dress up or wearing bright colors or flowers or things that make me look like I stepped out of a Target ad.

I pull on a navy and white striped three-quarter length sleeved dress that hugs my body and is not completely terrible.

I step out, searching for Krissy, my arms at my side.

“Oh, that’s really cute. It hugs all the right things.” She comes closer to inspect. “This would work for a casual party or dinner.” My stomach fists at the thought of going to one of these highfalutin sponsor parties that Mark mentioned. “With your blonde hair, you look like a cute little pregnant beach babe.”

“I feel like a sailor.”

“You’re a cute one, and I think you could get by with some sneakers.” That ups the appeal. “Try on that fitted, black T-shirt dress. I bet it would go with a cute jacket or one of your flannels. Totally you.”

I try the shin-length, tight-fitting dress in my preferred color wheel.

“Yep. Definitely a winner. We should see if they have this one in other colors.”

And this is how it goes for an hour. Eventually, we move on to fancy dresses, needing one good enough for the awards, where I’ll be surrounded by supermodels wearing designer gowns .

I groan, taking a seat in the wooden chair in a horrible emerald lace dress. “Krissy, I’m done.”

“Not now. We’re so close.” She steps inside with two more dresses. “Up, I’ll unzip you. One of these is it. I have a feeling.”

“You said that about the last eight dresses.”

“You can’t show up in a tank and unzipped jeans. The women will be showing the goods in shimmery gowns.” I slump down in my chair. “What’s wrong?” She leans against the side of what has become the dumping ground of unwanted clothes.

I could tell her I’m tired. It wouldn’t be a lie. I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept well and have been up all hours of the night staring at the ceiling. It’s given me a lot of time to imagine what this weekend will be like.

I want to see Mark. Each time I talk to him, I miss him more. I can tell he’s stressed about turning down the Liberties offer, which I can’t help but feel guilty about. Now, we’re headed into bright lights, and I’m not sure what to expect.

“This weekend will be . . . a lot. The cameras and attention. Mark is used to that, but I’m not.” I pick at the ugly dress. “I’m not made for fancy clothes and crowds.”

“But you’ll be with Mark, so it really doesn’t matter if you fit in. You fit with him.”

She makes it sound so simple. I let my head fall to the side. “Yeah, for the weekend. Then what?”

Krissy hangs the last two dresses up and takes a seat on the floor across from me, leaning back against the wall. “What do you want to happen?” Her soft tone eases the swirling in my stomach.

I raise and lower one shoulder. “He wants me to go back to Phoenix with him, and part of me wants to. To see what it would be like. I want us to have time and a chance to really be together, but I can’t just sit around while he trains and . . . ”

I inhale and let it out slowly. “He gave up an amazing deal because he knew I’d hate New York, and even though he’ll never admit it, he’s worried about finding another team. I feel like a total jerk. I’ve never wanted him to give anything up for me.”

“Alex, he walked away from the deal. It shows how much he loves you and wants you to be happy. He took a really big risk because he wants you with him. ”

She pulls her knees to her chest. “I don’t know a lot about relationships, but I know they’re scary. Sometimes, we have to risk it. The world out there is terrifying. Change is terrifying, but regrets are a thousand times worse than the fear of the unknown. Those suckers we hold on to forever and torture ourselves with what-ifs.”

“So, just go back to Phoenix? Leave the shop, my job, the guys . . . Grandpa. What am I supposed to do?”

She smiles. “Spend time together. See what life is like with his training schedule. Go out to dinner and hold his hand. Make out anytime you want. Go on vacation.” She shrugs. “You have a few months before you’ll have two babies that will need all of you all the time. Maybe put your feet up and love on the guy you’ve waited so long to be able to.”

She grabs a hanger, twisting the hook around and around. Her tone shifts down to a sad whisper. “I don’t think it’d be that bad to have someone who’d do anything to be with me.”

I stare at her and her downcast face. I don’t know all of her and Slade’s story, but I know enough to know those words are filled with pain. And . . . she’s right. It’s pretty damn amazing what he did for me.

I lean over and hug her tight. “Ok. Hand me those dresses. Please, God, let one of them be good enough.”

“Good enough? Honey, it needs to be drool-worthy.” I groan, and she swats me in the butt with a shirt. “The entire football community is waiting to get a glimpse of you. If women are going to hate you for stealing Mark’s heart and having his babies, then you should look fabulous while you’re doing it.”

______

“What in the hell is that? A coffin?”

I drop an oversized suitcase in the middle of the living room and unzip it. “Want to get in and test it out? If it doesn’t work, I have another in my truck?”

“Who taught you to be a smart ass?” Grandpa asks, settling in his recliner for dinner and news. “Damn, girl. Did you purchase an entire department store? You better tell Mark he needs to charter a cargo plane. ”

I perch on the edge of the couch. “I forgot my phone, but I’m heading to Linda’s for dinner.” One overgrown eyebrow raises as he stuffs the corner of his sandwich in his mouth. “I need to talk to her, but I also want to tell Bree I’ll be gone for a little while.”

“Really?” he mumbles through a mouthful. “You’re telling her?”

I shrug. “After this weekend, it’ll be no secret.”

He nods, taking another bite. “You’re going back with him?”

“Mark and I need time, and I can’t sit around drooling over what the guys are working on.”

Grandpa takes a sip of his drink. “Pal, I want you here, and I’ll miss you like crazy, but this is what you’ve waited for. Don’t waste it. I want you to be happy.”

A burn rises in my throat, and I swallow it down. “I’ll be back for my next doctor’s appointment, but I need you to check in on Bree and make sure—”

He holds up his hand. “I’ve got it. Maybe I can bring her to the garage. I’ve got a lot to teach her.”

“After tonight, I need you to—”

He pulls his sandwich away, cutting me off. “It’s time for you to let this go and finally live your life. I’ll make the rounds.”

I smile, knowing if there’s anyone I trust with this, it’s this old stubborn fart.

“Have you told him you’re infiltrating his space?” He lifts his sandwich and takes another bite. I shake my head. “That boy could use some good news.”

I smile. “I’ve gotta go.” I stand, needing to find my phone, but pause before heading upstairs. “I’m going to miss you like crazy, too.”

I leave him to his obnoxiously loud newscast while I break the big news one more time to a woman who once needed help. She needed help, and it changed everything.

I find my phone on the floor at the bottom of my bed. I scoop it up. I glance at the time, noticing I’m going to be late.

SEXY BABIES’ DADDY: Tomorrow. Noon. *Airplane emoji *

My stomach leaps into a flip thinking about spending the weekend with Mark and telling him I’m going back to Phoenix for a while. The flip-flop is followed by a swell of nerves that ripple through me. Being with Mark this weekend will be one thing. Having all eyes on me will be another.

ME: **Kissy face emoji**

I shove my phone in my back pocket, along with my anxiety. I have somewhere I need to be and a more pressing matter to deal with. A little matter that had major consequences and maybe still does. It’s like a swirling whirlpool that’s churned for years and has the power to spin out of control and pull the weak under.

I made a choice, and even now, looking back, I wouldn’t change it. I close my eyes, reliving the moment I stood in the stands, watching Mark celebrate his first college win. Tears ran down my cheeks, everything in me wanting to slide over the rail and onto the field. I wanted to run to him. To hug him and kiss him and let him know I was there. I wanted him to know I’d always be there, but I didn’t. I couldn’t so that he could be free.

SEXY BABIES’ DADDY: Voice Message: Just so you know, there will be a whole lot of that happening this weekend.

Excitement and anticipation for my trip are overshadowed by restlessness and worry about what lies before me this evening. I used the ten-minute drive to pull myself together. Taking a big, deep breath, I barely have a chance to knock when the door swings open.

“Alex!” Bree’s arms fly around me, and she hugs me tight only for a second before she steps back, her little brow scrunched. She doesn’t say anything as she tries to comprehend what’s different. I bite my lip to keep from smiling. The bubbly, confident little girl is now speechless, her mouth hanging open.

“Ummm . . . ” Her eyes light up with wonder.

“Hi. Can I come in?” I ask as she continues to study me.

She moves back inside, and I follow as she closes the door. I survey the small space, ensuring things are as they should be .

“Mom, Alex is here,” Bree yells like she’s looking for backup.

Linda appears, pulling down the hem of a fuzzy sweater. “Sorry, I just got home. I’m running—”

She stops mid-sentence, staring at me in my new clothes. A plain heather gray shirt with extra room in the middle to stretch over my bump and an old flannel hanging open over the top. Thanks to Krissy, I now have jeans that fit, and when I put them on, I realized I was an idiot for waiting so long.

“So . . . ” The two ladies stare at me. “I have some news.”

“Looks like it.” Linda’s dark, colored-in eyebrows raise, and she smiles softly.

“I uh . . . I guess I should start with a couple of months ago, I got married.”

Bree’s eyes bug out. “You did?!” She bounces on her toes, clasping her hands together.

“Yes.”

Linda’s head falls to the side slightly, her brow scrunched. “You married Seth?”

I shake my head, needing to keep paddling through this and not get sucked into the current of avoidance. I want to head straight for it, but I can’t.

I focus on Bree’s confused face. “Actually, I couldn’t marry Seth because I’ve been in love with someone else for a very, very long time.”

She pushes her lips to the side. “So . . . you didn’t love Seth?”

Kids’ blunt questions have the ability to make you feel like the biggest jerk in the entire world. I glance at Linda, and she’s watching me and listening carefully. “I cared about Seth, but not in the way I should if I was going to marry him.”

“But you love someone else like that?” Bree asks. Her gentle curiosity makes me smile.

“Yes. I’ve loved him pretty much since the day I met him, which was a long time ago.” She smiles, and I notice she’s missing a tooth. “And we’re having twins.” I run a hand over my stomach as her eyes grow wide again.

She claps her hands and hops in place. “You’re having twins! I can’t wait to babysit them.” I drag my eyes to Linda, who’s as still as a statue and growing a bit pale. “Mom, can you believe it? Alex is having twins! ”

Linda shakes herself free enough to offer a small, fabricated smile. “That’s . . . amazing news.” She squeezes Bree’s shoulders. “I’m . . . going to check on dinner and make sure it’s not burning.”

She scurries away to the kitchen as Bree grabs my hand.

“Come on. You’ve got to see my art project. I finished it today.” She tugs me down the short hallway to her room and lifts a small, misshapen clay pot. “I used a purple glaze, and my teacher put it in the kiln.” She holds it up, supporting it underneath with her hand. “I’m going to put all my colored pencils in it. Mom said I could get new ones. If we make something else, I can make something for the babies.”

“That’s very thoughtful. They’ll love it, I’m sure.” I sit on the end of her bed while she sets it back on her small desk and shuffles a few things around. “Hey, Bree,” I say, wanting to make this quick.

She turns around, her dark braid falling over her shoulder as her fingers squish some kind of peapod fidget toy.

“I’m going to be gone for a little while, but I want to remind you that if you ever need me, you can call me anytime. It doesn’t matter day or night, ok?”

“Where are you going?” Her sad tone spears my chest.

“The man I married . . . he doesn’t live here, so I need to spend some time with him, but I’ll be back.”

“Will you be back for my dance recital?” She peers up at me with so much hope that my throat grows a little tight.

“I’ll talk to your mom and find out when it is. I’ll do my best.”

She plops down beside me. “Are you moving?”

It’s the question I ask myself a thousand times a day, and all I can do is answer her honestly. “I don’t know. Right now, I’m . . . taking it one day at a time.”

She’s quiet for a long moment, her lips pressed together, thinking hard. “If your husband doesn’t live here, you should probably be with him. Your babies really need a daddy. I wish I had a daddy.”

I put my arm around her, hugging her close and resting my chin on her head. “I know, sweetie.” I let out a long, slow breath. “It doesn’t matter where I am. We’ll still be best friends.”

She peeks up at me. “Always?”

“Always and forever. ”

She beams. “If you have to move, maybe I could come visit you sometime.”

My stomach kicks me in the throat at the idea of explaining all of this to Mark, and suddenly, the past doesn’t seem so far away.

Linda peeks her head around the doorway. “Dinner is ready.” Her tone is soft and uncharacteristically cool.

We follow her to the kitchen, where dinner is waiting on the table. We sit, and Bree bounces in her seat, filling all necessary dinner conversation with school, dance, and everything under the sun while Linda contributes little. When dinner is finished, she reminds Bree to finish her math homework. She hugs me and leaves us to do the dishes.

I hand Linda the plates, and she sets them in the sink, but instead of rinsing them, she turns to me.

“I didn’t know you were still in touch with him,” she says, continuing to avoid eye contact.

“I hadn’t been, but then . . . ” I stop, realizing I don’t need to explain this to her. “It’s been eight years, and I was done trying not to love him anymore. We’re going to be together. Always.”

Saying the words gives me confidence I didn’t know I had. “I’m going to tell him. I wanted you to know.”

She grips a towel tight in her hands. “Telling him won’t do anyone any good.”

I shrug. “Maybe not, but I won’t lie to him. I’ve hurt him enough and won’t do it again. Ever.”

“You haven’t lied to him.” She fidgets with her watch. “I don’t want him . . . I don’t want him involved. I can’t—”

“I did what I did for Bree and Mark.” I pause, needing her to hear me. “ You need to make sure that this doesn’t . . . change things.”

She still won’t look at me, and a low boil simmers in my belly. “Linda,” I say, waiting for her to pick her head up and meet my eyes. “You need to focus on Bree. This is about her.” Like I’ve shocked her back to life, her eyes clear, and she nods. “I’m leaving town for a bit, but Grandpa will be checking in, and if you need help with Bree, he’d love to have her.”

She doesn’t move.

“Ok,” I say, pushing away from the counter. “I’m going to hug Bree again and then head out. Please take care of her.”

“Alex.” She stops me, swiping at an eye filled with fear .

I nod. “Just . . . take good care of Bree. That’s what matters.”

I tell Bree goodbye, hugging her tight but not lingering, ready to go home.

I climb into my truck and turn the ignition, taking a deep breath as my gut sinks. I need to hear Mark’s voice and be reminded that things are different now. I grab my phone and tap his name.

“Hey, baby. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” His voice is low, and he sounds tired.

“Me, too.” My throat swells, and it’s all I can manage.

Mark is going to get all of me, which means telling him exactly what happened eight years ago. It won’t be this weekend when he’s celebrating with his friends and family, but I will tell him.

I glance back at the small apartment, worrying for the joyous little girl with too much good and innocence inside to have darkness enter her world.

“You ok?” Mark’s concerned tone has me getting it together.

“Yeah.”

“Are you having second thoughts about coming with me this weekend?”

I bite my lip. “No, I just . . . miss you.”

“Just a few more hours.”

Just a few more hours, and then I’ll step foot into a whole new world, suddenly on display, but I’ll be with Mark. It’s what I’ve been waiting for, and it’s time to find out what life is actually like together.