It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 31

LEX

I blink, hearing the soft tones of Mark’s voice. I blink again. My back is pressed up against his warm body.

“She told me what to do. All these men, standing around completely useless,” he whispers.

I frown, wondering what he’s talking about and who he’s talking to.

“That was definitely not that plan, but I’ll take it. Yeah. Ok.” He chuckles soft and low. “I’ll let her know.”

I roll over, stretching my arms over my head. My body is stiff like I laid in the same position the entire night.

I don’t even remember falling asleep. The car dropped us off at the hotel, and Mark ordered food while I changed into a shirt and shorts. The last thing I remember is eating and him teasing me for folding my pizza before taking a bite.

I haven’t slept well in weeks, but apparently, I didn’t even move last night. I groan, and the weight of Mark’s strong body moves over mine, making room for my belly.

He braces himself on his arm. “Good morning.”

I yawn, heat crawling up my body from my toes. “Hi.”

“I had to make sure you didn’t fall asleep with pizza in your mouth. I was scared you’d choke.”

I rub my forehead. “Sorry. I was so tired. I haven’t slept well for a while. I guess . . . ”

He kisses my neck. “I like that you were able to sleep with me.” Me, too. His hand glides up my thigh to the hem of my shorts. His lips move over my cheek. “How come you haven’t been sleeping?”

His question comes out soft and curious, but I’m not sure I want to think about it when I’d much rather get lost in what he’s starting.

When I don’t answer, he pulls away, his eyes meeting mine. I hold his face, running my thumb over his jaw, needing my head to stay clear. I guess we’re going there.

“I’m scared.” I drop it and let it sit there. And it does, for a few long seconds while he watches me.

He pushes my unruly hair behind my ear. “What are you afraid of?”

That’s the big question. The one I spend endless hours tossing over and over in my mind, and the list is overwhelming.

I think about Grandpa, the garage, the guys, and all the life I’ve lived in that little circle. My circle. The thought of leaving is sometimes too much to handle. Then there’s Bree, and that pit begins to open again, but I yank it shut. But it’s the two little beings counting on us to make sure everything is right for them that have me staring at the ceiling into the wee hours of the morning. The idea of not being able to share all of it with Mark causes my throat to swell.

I swallow, taking a second to let the fear claiming the number one spot float to the surface. The one tied down with uncertainty and the unknown. “I don’t think I can do this by myself . . . away from you.”

His forehead falls to mine. “You won’t have to. I’m right here.”

I bite my lip, trying to reel it all in. “For now, but we don’t know where you’ll be or what that will even look like for us. I lay in bed at night thinking, and I can’t stop. There are so many things we have to do and decide beyond that. We need two car seats. Two. And they won’t fit in my truck. Am I going to breastfeed? Do I want to? How will I work when I’ll be feeding one and then the other all day and night long? Their little crib thing probably won’t even fit in my room, so I’ll be sleeping on the floor in the—”

“Shhh.” Mark hushes me and kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry, Lex.” He rolls off me and pulls me close. “I’ve been so caught up in my own shit. I’m sorry I haven’t thought about what you’re going through and what they need.”

“I just . . . ” I start, but I don’t really know what to say .

“Baby, what do you want?”

I let out a slow breath and close my eyes, gripping the fear tight.

He tips my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Tell me what you want. How does it look when you close your eyes?”

Oh, man. Seriously. One tear breaks loose, and he pushes it away with his thumb. Damn hormones. “I don’t know. Everything I thought I wanted . . . it’s all changing, and I don’t know what any of it means or what to do.”

Mark’s eyes roam over my face like the answer to his question lies underneath. He’s warm and safe, and when I’m with him, I believe everything will be ok. Maybe that’s just it. Somehow, with Mark, I’m ok being scared.

My mind scurries back through all the things Grandpa said about living life and not wasting time. He said he was selling the shop to Slade, and it’s not meant to be my future. I think somewhere deep down I want it all to be true. I don’t want to waste another second, and it’s difficult to imagine anything other than a future with Mark.

Little flutters in my belly make me brave, so I risk it and tell him what I see. “When I close my eyes . . . I see us with our babies building a life together.”

“I’ll give it up and move to Ohio.” His solution is quick and firm.

“Mark.” I pull away from him. “That’s not—”

“No, listen to me. I’ve played in the NFL. I’ve made millions of dollars doing what I love . . . for years. How many people get to say that, Lex? But all I’ve ever wanted was to be with you. Now . . . ” His hand moves under my shirt and lays flat against my stomach. “ They are the only thing that matters. I won’t miss this. I won’t miss being with them. With you. I can’t do that again. So, if you need to be in Ohio, that’s what we’ll do.”

“No.” I don’t even have to think about that. “No, you can’t come back to Ohio.”

He smiles. “If you’re there, then that’s where I’ll be.”

“Mark, you escaped. You made it out of the place that reminds you—”

“Then you’ll come with me.” His grin widens.

“I want you to keep playing as long as you want to. You love it. It’s why I— ”

He pulls me to his chest. “Then come with me. After the babies are born, we’ll figure out how to get you under a hood.”

“But these babies are coming, and you’ll be training and heading right into the season with a new team. You won’t be able to be up all night helping me. You’ll be gone all the time.” And I’ll be left in a new place alone with two babies.

His chest contracts as he sighs, knowing I’m right. We lie together in silence.

“Ok. Come on. Get up.” He throws the sheet off.

“What?”

“Let’s go.” He’s up and moving.

“Where?”

He stands in his boxer briefs with his hands on his hips. His long, lean muscles cut through his skin. I need him to get back to what he was doing before I let my mind get in the way.

I’m so tired of thinking. “How about you come back here first?”

He doesn’t move. Only his eyelids drop into a bit of a squint. “Extremely tempting.” My entire body lights with fire. “But, the next time I make love to you, I’m going to do it over and over again. There won’t be anything between us preventing it or clouding it. Withholding myself from you has been enough torment to last me a lifetime.”

Someone help me. I pull the sheet up over my face, and it’s possible I groan.

He rips it off. “Get up. We’re getting breakfast, and then we’re going shopping.”

“What? Now?” I stare at him, enraged at my brain for interrupting . . . things.

“There has to be a Target or one of those big baby stores or something around here. We can’t figure everything out today, but we can at least start with car seats and the other gobs of shit these babies will require. We’ll make the list and then order it.”

“Krissy is throwing me a baby shower.”

One side of his mouth tugs up. “Even better. People who make millions less than I do can buy it.” I throw a pillow at him, and he catches it.

I climb out of bed but walk to him, throwing my arms around his neck and pushing up to my toes to get closer. “Thank you. ”

His hands find my waist. “For what?”

“For letting me be scared.”

“It’s ok to be scared for now, but this is all going to work out.”

“Yeah. You think so?”

“Yep. It has to.”

I let my forehead fall into the crook of his neck. “Maybe I’ll quit and follow you. That’d be the easiest.”

“Not a chance in hell. I saw you yesterday dealing with that big-ass bus. In fact, social media is blowing up with pictures of you working.”

I pull my head back to see him. “You were working on it.”

“No, it was me doing what you told me to do. I was talking to Rob earlier. He wanted me to let you know he’s available if you need an agent.”

“What?”

“Women and girls are screaming for you to post more. They want videos of how to fix things.”

“Videos?”

“Yeah, they want more. I mean, when have you ever seen a woman fixing a broken car?”

I think about that for a minute but come up with nothing.

He smacks my butt. “Let’s go. We have shopping to do before you have to put on that sexy dress.” He heads for the bathroom but stops in the doorway. “Plus, since we made it through all the pamphlets, we’ll grab one of those tell-all books so we understand everything we have to look forward to. I want to know all about the birthing part.” He raises and lowers his eyebrows.

“Mark,” I warn, but he laughs while I decide that’s the one part I’m perfectly fine knowing absolutely nothing about.

He laughs that ridiculously contagious laugh, and I’m so glad his punk-ass can’t see me smile.

This man. I didn’t know it was possible to fall in love with someone who already has your whole heart. But Mark, the man, I’m pretty sure I’m falling for him in a way I didn’t know existed.

Oh, man . Falling isn’t even close to what’s happening. This man is wrecking me. Totally and completely . . . for good.