It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 33

MARK

My heart smacks against my rib cage as I shake another hand, and the camera flashes. I need to find Lex. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her tear-streaked face. Her sad, gentle smile is the only thing giving me marginal comfort.

Not warning her was a big risk, but I wanted her to see that it never mattered. I had nothing and came from less. I was my dad’s punching bag, his torture doll, the object of his despise. Most days, my mom couldn’t stay sober long enough to make breakfast or ensure I wasn’t beaten to death.

Until Lex, I was letting my circumstances dictate my future, but she showed me I could do and become anything. Where I came from and who my parents were didn’t matter. She believed in me like no one else ever had.

Through high school, Lex and I worked hard together. When I could, I read our textbooks out loud and helped her memorize the material. But I couldn’t help her with tests, and it tore me in two every time she failed. She knew the answers, but if you can’t read the questions or write the answers, it won’t ever matter.

But it was her fight and bravery that only made me love her more. She never gave up. She always tried despite the comments, discouragement, and knowing the outcome. She kept going. Kept trying.

It all showed me how much I had when I didn’t have a damn thing. She gave me perspective and, eventually, love. The only kind I’d ever known. The kind I desperately needed .

All this time, it was the hope, the possibility that I wasn’t wrong. That I hadn’t made it all up. What we had. What we felt for one another. That she really did love me.

Besides football, it’s what kept me going. Kept me clean. Kept me from spinning out of control and going down a road I’d never return from.

“Mark.” Another person sticks out their hand.

“Yes. Thank you.” I thrust my shaky hand out in return, having no idea what they said to me.

I pose for another picture, trying to inch my way to the exit. When I finally break free, I want to sprint, but I leash myself and wind my way to the auditorium doors.

A few people linger as awards continue to be presented. I wonder if she’s still inside. I pace a second, my heart racing and a cold sweat breaking out over my body, and then . . .

My lungs kick out a breath. She’s twenty yards from me, tucked back outside the restroom. Her eyes are red and puffy. Her face is smeared with mascara. She’s gripping a wad of paper towel as her lip quivers and tears fill her eyes.

My feet move subconsciously, and then she’s in my arms, her face buried in my neck as she lets loose. She squeezes my neck so tight.

I hold her, not quite sure what’s happening, but comforted by the fact that she’s holding onto me as if she’s afraid I’ll disappear. My heart slows, trying to return to its normal rhythm.

When her hiccups and sniffs subside, she inhales deeply.

“I’m sorry—”

Her head pops up, and she looks up at me. Her face is a complete mess. I release her to run my thumbs underneath her eyes to remove some of the black makeup.

“Mark, I . . . ” She shakes her head, dropping her chin. She wipes her nose with the paper towel. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracks again. “I didn’t—”

“Shhh.” I push the sticky, damp strands out of her face.

“I wanted to go with you. I never wanted to say goodbye.”

I hold her face. “Baby, I—”

“I came to see you,” she sniffs. “Your first game. ”

“What?” My voice catches in my throat. “When?”

“At Notre Dame. I watched you win your first game.”

I step back. “You . . . were there?” She nods. “What? How?” My heart stutters at her confession.

“I had to see you. I had to know you’d be ok.” Her bottom lip begins trembling again. “You won, and then I watched you celebrate with all of your friends.”

My mind rewinds to that time and spins. “Lex, why didn’t you find me? I searched for you. I needed you.”

My throat burns with the memory of searching for her and how much I wanted her to be there. She was there . My chest explodes with a consuming ache for all of the hurt and time lost but also . . . so much love.

She was there.

She shakes her head. “I couldn’t. I just had to know you’d be ok. That you were happy and on your way to doing everything I knew you could.” She swipes at a tear. “It’s all I ever wanted.”

“I would have—”

She presses her finger to my lips. “I know, but you couldn’t. Look at what you’ve done, what you’ve accomplished. Mark, you did it and so much more. I’m just so sorry I missed it all.” A tear tracks down her cheek.

My lungs hitch as my vision blurs. “Lex, I . . . ” My wounded heart aches for all that we’ve missed together.

She swipes at her face with the towel. “I won’t miss another second. Wherever you go, I’m going, too.”

“What?” Something drips from my cheek and hits the floor somewhere beneath us.

“I’m going with you. I don’t care where or when. I couldn’t before, but I can now, and I am. I won’t miss another thing. Ever.”

My heart starts beating wildly again, but it’s different this time, and it’s all I can hear. “Lex, what?”

One side of her sad mouth tips up. “My life is with you. You were right.” She shrugs. “It’s always us. No matter what. It’s my turn to show you that now . . . if you’ll let me.” She sniffs while I stand like a damn fool trying to make sure I understand.

“You’ll come with me?” She nods. “Like for good?” She nods again. “We can be together, always? ”

She pushes up to her toes and throws her arms around me. “Yes, if you can forgive me. I will follow you to the ends of the earth.”

I scoop her up, my throat swelling shut. “We don’t have to go that far.”

I hear another sniff and then a whisper. “I’m never leaving you again. Ok?”

A boulder that’s sat on my heart for so long finally breaks free. “Ok.”

______

I toss the key card on the table. Lex heads straight for the bathroom and washes her face. After finding her near the restroom, we nabbed a car and blew off every after-party.

All I want is to be with Lex. Alone.

The silence that’s lingered between us is full of promise and anticipation, and it’s as alive as an exposed wire connecting the two of us.

I hang my tux jacket and hear the faucet turn off. She stands in the doorway of the bathroom, watching me. Her face is flushed, and her eyes are a bit puffy, but she’s still the most breathtaking sight.

One hand reaches up and fiddles with her earring, and I can’t prevent the tug at my lips. She’s nervous, and so the hell am I. I’m sixteen again, needing her like I’ll never need another again.

“Get over here.” I toss my head back slightly, beckoning her. Here she is, my wife, already pregnant with my babies, and I feel like this is the first time I’ve ever been alone with her. Blood pumps through my veins as if I’m connected to a machine set on high.

Everything that’s stood between us is finally gone, and there’s nothing left but the two of us. Together.

Her only movement is her eyes tracing over me.

“It will get much better if you come over here.”

Her head falls to the side, testing me. “Huh. That so?”

“Lex, you’re challenging my very limited and mostly non-existent patience. Slow has never been well received with me, and you can be damn sure it’s been eliminated when it comes to us.”

That has a smile breaking across her face. “Fine.”

I let my head fall back. “Fine. That’s it. Really? ”

I take two quick steps toward her, but she retreats and holds out her hands. “I . . . need to say something first.”

“Lex, not tonight, not right now. I don’t care. No talking.”

She lowers her arms. “Ok, but before you touch me—”

I groan. “Hurry up.”

She points at me. “No touching.”

“Fair warning, I’m not very good at following rules.”

“Shocking.” She smiles, moving toward me, but it quickly falls away. Her fingers grasp the top button on my shirt and works it free. Then moves on to the next. “I don’t want to go back. I want to start here with you.” Her hands stop on the last button, and her eyes remain focused on the remaining slick, round object. “I don’t want anything between us. I’ve never lied to you, but . . . ” Her hands fall to her sides, and she shifts back an inch.

I loathe the distance. All I can’t think about is feeling her skin on mine. I fist my hands, dying to touch her.

“I need to tell you something.”

I break her useless momentary rule, tipping her chin up with my finger. “Does it change anything? Does it change us being together, or what happens after this?”

Her eyes flick between mine for a few long seconds, but before my stomach can determine if it needs to clench, she shakes her head ever so slightly.

I release a slow breath. “Then, not tonight. Not right now. We have time for that. Right now, I just need you, or I literally might die.”

That bottom lip gets sucked in between her teeth again. “But it—”

I’m DONE. My hands find her hair, and I crush my mouth to hers. My tongue swipes across her lips, and she responds, hers tangling with mine. Over and over again, I kiss her. Taste her. Her body molds to mine in need. It no longer feels of desperation and longing but of something everlasting. It’s so familiar, yet so very different.

Her hands glide over my chest, pushing my shirt to the floor.

My fingers fumble with the zipper on the back of her dress, and I snag it. In one swift motion, the fabric pools beneath us .

Lex pulls away breathless, looping her hand around my belt and tugging me toward the bed. “I’m still mad you stole my pencil. It was my favorite one from the shop.”

My hands slide over the soft skin around her ribs.

“Baby, I didn’t steal it. I told you I wasn’t giving it back.”

“What about my heart?” She stops at the edge of the bed. “Taking it and never giving it back. Was that always your plan?”

I hold her face. “You’re damn right it was. The first time you smiled at me.” My teeth graze her neck. “Every time I made you laugh.” My lips find her shoulder. “You in the stands, grease-stained fingers over your heart, and your blue eyes telling me I could.” I make my way back up to her lips. “Laying in the grass all those nights, knowing you were the only home I ever needed.”

I kiss her soft, slightly swollen lips. “I fell in love with you over and over and over again. Harder, deeper, and now, there isn’t a word to describe what I feel for you. Your heart . . . it’s mine.”

She pushes up to her toes. “You never gave me a choice.”

I angle her head, diving in slowly and savoring this moment, knowing it’s just the beginning. The new beginning I’ve dreamed of a million times.

I pry my mouth away, letting my lips brush over hers. “I knew what I was doing.”

She pushes me down on the bed and stands between my legs. “You were so cocky and full of yourself.”

“I was confident.” Her soft laughter turns the fire in my belly into a blaze. “When you finally broke and spoke to me . . . told me about a stolen catalytic converter. I was a goner.”

“You didn’t even know what that was,” she laughs.

My hands coast over her smooth skin from her thighs to her belly and ribs. My thumbs brush along the silk of her bra. “Shane and Sean razzed my ass for weeks when I brought home every mechanic book I could find at the library.”

“You did not?”

I grip her hips, pulling her with me as I lie back. “Oh yes, I did. There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d miss an opportunity to get you to talk to me again.” Her hands hold mine as she straddles me. “And look . . . it worked. ”

She grins, but then her face falls to an intense seriousness. She stares at me lying beneath her. “All that cockiness has turned into a beautiful confidence.” Her eyes roam my face, taking in every detail. “I’m so proud of you.” It comes out as a whisper. “Your love . . . I don’t deserve it, but I want it so much it hurts. All the time.”

I smile. “I was just a kid who didn’t have a clue what it meant to be loved . . . until you. We went eight years without this. Loving you from afar really, really sucks.”

A bright smile appears. “It really does.”

I sit up, my hands skirt up her spine, and find the clasp on her bra. “What’s it going to take to make this happen?” I free her of it and toss it. “How big of a garage are we talking about?”

She laughs, her lips brush over mine. “It’s going to take more than a garage.”

“Oh, really. Do tell?”

“I’m going to need a four-post lift.” Her teeth nip my bottom lip.

“Oh yeah.”

“And a workbench.” Kiss. Long and torturously slow. “A large tool chest with lots and lots of tools.” She trails kisses along my jaw to my neck.

“Got it.”

“At least an eighty-gallon air compressor.” Her hands run over my stomach muscles.

“Damn, girl. This sounds expensive.” She tries to pull away, but I tug her back. She’s not going anywhere. “I’ll throw in a crappy, old radio for that awful country music.”

Her hands pause from undoing my belt as her gaze lands on mine. “Only if you hang out with me when you’re not working.”

“Fine. Done.” I arch an eyebrow. “I’ll warn you, if I do that, it’s not likely you’ll have time for fixing things.”

She smiles, her cheeks turning pink, and that’s it.

Unable to wait a second longer, I take her mouth fast and hard. A soft feminine hum escapes her, sending my need into the unknown.

She said she never had a chance, but it was me. Her quiet, blue eyes saw straight into me.

Once you find someone who sees you just as you are, all screwed up and flawed, mostly just a bunch of broken pieces held together by invisible duct tape, and somehow, they believe in you anyway, you don’t have a choice but to love them fully and completely right back.

______

ME: I need your help.

CAL: It’ll cost ya.

CAL: Again

ME: I’ll pay any price.

ME: As always.