It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 37

MARK

I pull up to the curb as cars and buses zoom past. Silence. There’s been nothing but silence for the past eight hours.

I don’t know what to say, and I’m sure Lex said everything she wanted to. I feel sick. The bile in my stomach stirs. In two seconds, she’ll step out of this car and walk through those sliding doors.

The last thing I want is for her to leave. I need her here. I need her to help me sort through this, to make me understand.

I want to go with her. I want to know that my mother won’t steal her away from me again, but Lex is right. I can’t go back like this. There’s a wildfire blazing within me that’s likely to destroy everything in its path.

Every time I think about my mom expecting that I’d help her and then Lex taking the hit instead, it spreads further. At some point, it’s going to consume me, and I can’t be with Lex when that happens. And I can’t let it impact my . . . sister. My sister. Shit.

Lex pushes the door open, grabs her backpack, and lifts herself out, belly first. She’s leaving with my babies, and I have to swallow down a sob that wants to break free.

I pop the trunk and lift her suitcase out, setting it next to her. She stands, watching the passing traffic—everything but me.

I hate this. I hate it so much, I could scream.

I move into her and slide my arms around her, holding her close to me, but it’s awkward and stiff, and I detest it.

“Call me when you get there. Ok? ”

She nods. I release her, knowing it has to happen. Her eyes lock on mine for a second. I think she might say something, but she doesn’t.

She pops the handle on her suitcase and turns. I watch her, my stomach twisting into a hard knot. My whole life. I’m watching my whole life walk away. FUCK!

I run after her, grab her arm, and pull her to me. The sick feeling in my gut eases only slightly. “I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry.” I bury my face in her neck as her arms wrap around me, holding me tight. “But I’m not going anywhere, ok?” She sniffs, and the coolness of her tears soak through my shirt. “I need time to sort through this. It’s . . . I don’t know how to feel about any of it.”

I pull away, my hands cupping her face. She won’t meet my eyes. “Lex, look at me.” Her eyes don’t move from my chest. “Please, look at me.” They drag up, filled with tears, and I want to make it better, but I can’t right now. “I just need time, and you have to . . . ” Go. I hate it.

I hate my mom. It wasn’t enough to let me be beat while she drank herself unconscious and lived for her next hit. She took Lex from me. She used her, and Lex let her. The woman who didn’t care whether I lived or died right in front of her.

Lex helped her when she should have been with me. She kept herself from me. Kept the truth from me. For what? An addict who didn’t give a shit about me. Who would’ve probably sold me to get her next fix.

She let Lex take care of my sister, the one I should be looking after. They should be calling me to come to get her and keep her safe. Lex and I could’ve been caring for her together all along.

I press my lips to her forehead.

“I love you.” Her voice is so weak I barely hear her. She wipes her face, grips her suitcase, and walks away.

I watch her, just beginning to waddle, as she walks through the sliding glass doors. Her hand slides over and under her belly to support it. I bite my cheeks to keep from losing it. I fist my hands, wanting to beat the absolute shit out of something. Anything.

But I can’t. I have to figure out how to let this go without it drowning me. I need to do what I’ve always done. Play the game. The one that’s always saved me. I need a team, a contract . . . something to work toward. Something that will help take away a little bit of the rage that’s threatening to boil over.