It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 39

MARK

I shove my gear in my duffle and then toss some clothes in. I need this visit to give me something to go on.

I met with the Kings, and even though the meeting was promising, Rob’s heard nothing. My trip to Houston was just as I expected. They’re rebuilding, and it’s a mess, but if an offer comes through, I may not have a choice if I want to play.

I sit on the edge of my bed and scroll through my phone, sifting through rumors. None of which are even remotely accurate. Now, Seattle called, and their private plane will be waiting for me in the morning.

I flick to my contacts, my finger hovering over Lex. I want to call her, to hear her voice, but the last thing she needs is my lingering anger. I know she’s tired, and I hear her worry and stress. I want to be the one to take it away. I just don’t know how when every time I think about her ghosting me and why, I’m in desperate need to beat the shit out of something.

I hear my door slam. “Yo, bro.” Sean’s voice carries through my house, and I fall back on the bed.

“Get your ass out here.”

Shit! Shane’s bark is always worse than his bite, but his directness is not what I need. It might push me over the manic ledge I’ve been hanging on these past weeks.

It doesn’t surprise me that they’ve both shown up after not responding to their texts and calls, but I’m pretty damn sure I don’t want to hear what they have to say .

I drag myself from the bedroom and into the kitchen, where they’re loitering. Shane rests against the counter, his large arms crossed over his chest. Sean leans over the island, his stare is softer.

I met Sean at the training facility the day after I dropped Lex off at the airport. When I told him about my mom and Bree, he remained quiet, likely sensing I was on the verge of exploding, and he chose not to pull the pin. Now, he’s called in reinforcements, and I have no doubt we’ll be here until they’re satisfied with my course of action. The problem is I don’t have a plan, and I’m not really interested in them helping me develop one.

I pull out a stool and sit, not offering to start this conversation.

“You done sulking now?” Shane’s tone is a little gentler.

I set my phone on the counter along with my elbows. “Man, I’m not sulking.” I’m angry as hell, and he’s an excellent target if he wants to push.

Shane’s head falls to the side. “Oh, you’re not. You want to tell us why you’re here and not with your wife. Why your ass isn’t back in Ohio doing exactly what you know you should be doing?”

“I can’t do this.” I shut him down, standing and they both step in my direction. “What do you want from me? I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry I can’t see straight!”

Their demeanor relaxes slightly as if they think we might be getting somewhere.

“I can’t go there. I might literally kill someone. One person in particular, and then you two will have to pick up the pieces. All the pieces that belong to me.”

“You’re sure as hell not acting like they belong to you,” Sean states matter-of-factly.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head. “She waltzed her strung-out, drunk ass into Cal’s shop and ruined the best, most important thing that has ever happened to me! It wasn’t enough to sit stoned out of her mind while my dad beat the living shit out of me. To watch me burn alive as he held my hand over the stove or say nothing while he’d see how many hits I could take before I had no fight left.”

My fists ache to make contact with something. “She walked her baked-ass in there and stole the only thing that ever mattered to me. The only thing I’ve ever fucking needed!” My jaw is clenched so tight I’m surprised it doesn’t crack .

I sit back down on the stool, collecting myself before I do something I regret.

“Get up.” I drag my eyes to Shane’s, and his dare me not to. “Stand up, Mark, and lift your shirt.”

I stay seated. One dark eyebrow arches slightly, and I know he’s two seconds from lifting me out of this seat, and we both know he could.

“You had those words permanently engraved on your skin for a reason. And you weren’t wrong. They weren’t a lie. Not even a little bit. Don’t you see that?”

The very spot on my ribs feels like a match is being held to it.

Perhaps your love will make me forget all I wish not to remember.

After I read them out loud for our English Lit assignment, she’d asked me if I thought love could do that—allow me to forget. I knew right then that her’s could. She repeated those exact words over and over again to me, believing it was possible.

I drop my head, unsure if I’m able to hear the truth.

Shane’s now gentle voice filters through. “Those words are exactly what she did. She loved you enough to let you go, so you never had to go back there.”

Stab. Right through my heart, twisting as it sinks in. It’s the truth I don’t want to face. The truth is that she loved me enough to carry the burden so I wouldn’t have to.

I shake my head, letting it fall into my hands. “I spent all that time walking around, trying to convince myself she was a liar. Forcing myself to believe that I’d made it all up.”

“Stop.” Sean’s voice is soft. “Stop punishing yourself. She needs you now, and you need to be there.”

The fire that was dampened returns, and I burn with rage. “Punish myself?” I scoff. “I was floating around on bought air, messing around with women, and living the high life while she was there taking care of a baby and living my hell so I didn’t have to.” I stand. “And even worse . . . she had to watch. She had to watch me with those women, pretending like I was living on cloud nine.”

I want to ram my fist into a wall a thousand times. “There is no punishment that’s enough.”

Shane steps forward. “You think this is helping? You think sitting here making a list of all the ways you were wrong will help anything?” I don’t respond, and Shane moves to stand a foot from me. “She’s pregnant, you asshole.”

Shane’s patience is gone, and I can feel the heat radiating off him. “I don’t care what your mom did or didn’t do. What she let happen. Lex is your wife. She needs you more than anyone else. And there’s a scared little girl who needs you to get your head out of your ass and make sure she’s safe.”

His finger jabs my chest, and Sean moves closer, poised to intervene.

Shane is unfazed. “You have a sister who needs you to step up and give her everything you never had. Someone to love her and take care of her. Give her a family. She’s probably scared shitless while you’re here having your princess pity party.” His nostrils flare as he inhales, cooling down.

“You made it out, man.” Sean’s tone is much softer. “You got out and made it here. Lex made that happen. She saved you from the life that would have taken you down. You could be the one sitting in that jail cell or worse.” He pauses, not saying what we all three know. I could be dead. “Now, you owe it to her and Bree to get them out of it. Go get them and give them both the life they deserve.”

A burn crawls up my throat that’s so intense I can’t breathe. “I don’t know how to do that.”

“Yes, you do.” Sean’s tone is tight now. “You aren’t that kid anymore. All you need is to be the man we know you are. Be the man Lex married and brother you’ve been to us every single day.”

Tears crease my eyes as I stare at my two brothers. The ones I somehow got lucky enough to find, or maybe they found me. I’m not sure. All I know is they’re right. Period. There’s nothing else to be said.

“Get to Seattle tomorrow. Then have the plane take you to where you really need to be.” Shane’s coach tone returns, but there’s no heat to it.

My blurry gaze pops up to theirs.

“Tell Rob to find a deal. A decent one and take it.” Sean states it as if it’s a simple task. He knows it’s not. “Until then, your ass stays in Ohio.”

It’s where I need to be. Shit. The problem is, it means I have to go back and face all that I don’t want to, all that I’ve tried so hard to forget, but they’re right. It’s time I get them out of there, where I know my past won’t touch Lex or my sister ever again, at least not without having to go through me.