It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 50

MARK

I pull into the shop parking lot next to Cal’s dually and down the rest of my Gatorade. My phone buzzes in the cup holder. Rob. Shit.

I close my eyes, debating whether I want to know what he has to say. My fingers itch to grab it and find out if there’s a deal waiting on the other end, but turning down an offer will be like walking into a pool without knowing how to swim. A slow and painful death to a dream I wasn’t done living.

My hyperactive tendencies override my senses, and my hand reaches for my phone, hitting the speaker button.

“Damn, Mark. I don’t get paid enough for this.” He lets out a breath. “The one time I need you to answer your phone, and it takes a million years.”

“It was five rings.”

“You sitting down?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for whatever has you all worked up.”

He quiets. “Believe me. You want to hear this.”

I’m pretty sure that’s not true.

“Denver laid out a deal, and when I say deal, I mean it makes what the Liberties were offering look like the clearance section at Walmart. They want you, and they’re bringing it.”

I knew I didn’t want to hear this. My heart pumps a little faster as if it has something to hope for .

“Mark, I heard you loud and clear, but you’d be a complete fool not to seriously consider this. I want to think we can figure out something that will work for your family.”

My family. Dammit. I run a hand through my damp hair. “Rob—”

“Mark, hear me out.”

My jaw clenches while Rob runs through the deal of a lifetime, and he’s not wrong about it making the offer from the Liberties look like chump change.

I inhale long and slow, staring in my rearview at the shop behind me. Lex is inside, likely doing something she shouldn’t be. How could I walk away again?

“Rob, my babies are coming. I won’t miss that. Bree needs me, and she has to remain here. I can’t—”

“Mark, just sleep on it.” His voice is soft now, almost like he’s begging.

I fist my hands, wanting to punch myself for answering this call. My insides wage war with wanting to sign on the dotted line and be with the ones I need.

Rob has fought for Shane, Sean, and me more than most would have. I have to at least give him this and suffer the horrendous torture of letting the offer dangle before me like water to a dehydrated, starving man.

“Ok,” I say, my hands gripping the steering wheel so tight it’ll leave indentations on my palms.

“They’d send a plane to get all the paperwork out of the way.” He pauses, and I know whatever he says next will make me want to ram my head into the brick wall behind me. “Camp starts next week.”

“Shit, Rob. What the hell?!”

“I know,” he says like it will somehow make being ripped down the middle better. “They’ve got plans, and they’re being aggressive. Just . . . think about it and call me in the morning.”

I rest my head on the seat. Just think about it. Yeah, freaking right.

“Mark, you’re one of the best players I’ve ever seen. The way you read the field is unmatched. I want you to take this deal. You’re nowhere near done yet, but . . . if this is the end, you can walk away with your head held high, and I’ll respect the hell out of you for putting your family first.”

I close my eyes as I end the call. My lungs squeeze tight, and I fumble for the button to crack the window to get some air.

I’m not ready for this to be the end .

The truth singes the edges of reality, burning a hole straight through me. I force some deep breaths.

There’s a tap on the window, and I jump, smacking my head on the ceiling. Cal stands on the other side, laughing so hard I think he might keel over. His face is red, and his deep chuckle carries throughout the entire parking lot.

“You all right, son?” The old man grins.

“No, not now that you made me shit myself.”

He laughs some more. “I thought maybe you were sleeping. You need to get in there and get my granddaughter off the floor. I’m pretty sure she’s about to flip me off.”

I collect myself, momentarily brought back to the present and out of my complete mental freak out. “And you think I’ll get a better response?” I grab my phone and push the door open.

“Use your powers of persuasion, boy,” he demands, climbing in his truck.

I step into the shop, and Lex is leaning over, inspecting something under a hood. She straightens and pauses, holding her belly. She’s having one of those false contractions, but it’s enough to cause her brow to furrow.

When she notices me, her mouth creeps upward into a full smile, and the chaos pulsing through me calms.

I raise my hand, using my pointer finger to call her to me. One light eyebrow hitches up slightly before she surrenders. Her arms slide around my middle, and her head rests against my chest.

“What are you doing?” I press my lips to the top of her head.

“Helping . ” She draws out the word.

“How about you help me?”

She peeks up at me, resting her chin on my chest. “Help you with what?”

I’m so tempted to kiss her lips, but I refrain. For now. “I have ideas.”

Her cheeks redden, and I want to kiss her even more. “That’s not happening.”

“Oh, I have other ideas.”

Her eyes flick between mine as her hands slide up my back, holding me tighter. “What’s wrong?” Her mouth softens into concern, and I have no idea what she’s seeing that I’m really good at hiding .

“Nothing.” I lie, not even wanting to discuss this. I know what she’ll say, and I can’t hear it.

She releases me, grabs my hand, and leads me to the back, where it’s quieter. She pulls me into Cal’s office and pushes me into the desk until I sit.

“What’s going on?” Her brow scrunches.

“Why do you think there’s something wrong?”

Her head falls to the side. “Mark Lucas Sandburg. Look at me right here.” She points to her pale blue eyes. “Tell me there’s nothing wrong.”

Shit. I should’ve known she’d know. “Rob called.” She doesn’t move like she’s been expecting this. “Denver made an offer.”

“And?”

I rub my forehead, the heat of frustration building all over again. I want to peel my skin off. Maybe that will help.

“Lex, it doesn’t matter. I’m not taking it.”

“Did you tell him that?”

Her and her damn questions. “He told me to call him in the morning.”

She stares at me, searching my face, and I look away, not wanting her to see the truth.

“It’s an amazing deal, isn’t it?” Like a defiant little boy, I don’t answer. “You’re taking it.”

My eyes snap back to hers as she calls me on my shit. “Lex . . . ” I stand.

She holds up her hand. “Tell me you don’t want it.”

“Lex, I’m not—”

She holds up her hand again, her eyes closing this time. “Tell me.” Then, one finger pops into the air as her eyes flip open. “But before you say anything, let me remind you that we promised never to lie to each other.”

Damn her and her memory.

I slump against the desk. I can’t do it, and she knows it. She steps into me, resting her arms on my shoulders.

“Take the deal, Mark.” Her fingers press into my jaw as she draws my gaze up to hers. “You have no idea how much I want this for you. I’ll be there as much as I can be. You have to do this.”

“I don’t think I can,” I whisper. Either way .

“Yes, you can. You’ll get on a plane and sign those papers. Eli, Peyton, Bree, and I will be watching and cheering for you. You have to do this.” She brings her forehead to mine. “You’re not done yet, and this time, we’re doing it together.”

Her voice is so soft. If it cracks, I’m a goner. I want her confidence.

“How am I supposed to leave you?”

She pulls away, her warm hands holding my face. “Because you know this time, there isn’t a thing that will keep me from you. I’m always right here.” She places her hand directly over my heart. “You wrote your name on mine so long ago. Permanent ink. There’s no changing it. Distance. Time. Nothing.”

I hold her tight, wanting to take to Denver all the plans we left in Phoenix, only with the addition of Bree. The thought of it causes an ache somewhere deep in my middle that I don’t allow access to often.

That deep-rooted fear is like muscle memory rearing its ugly head. Its taunting voice wants me to believe that if I leave, I’ll lose her just like I did the last time I accepted an offer and told her goodbye.

I bury my head in her neck, breathing her in. “Eli and Peyton, huh?” My question comes out muffled.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s kind of stuck. They’re already roughhousing in there.”

I pull away, placing my hands on the sides of her face, needing to see her eyes. “I won’t miss this.”

That bottom lip gets tucked between her teeth. “You won’t because I won’t let you.”

______

“So, you’ll sign the contract and then go to camp?”

Bree sits on the edge of the bed, reciting what I told her while I’m sprawled across the bottom in the middle of a tragic downward spiral.

Why does it all sound so innocent and simple coming out of her mouth?

“Can I come to a game sometime?” Her eyes brighten at the idea.

“I’m not sure. Maybe one of the games that’s closer.”

I thought talking to her about this would involve sadness and her begging me to stay, which would give me an out. I’d tell Rob no because Bree needs me and to know she can trust me .

But no. Both my girls seem to be perfectly fine with me hitting the road for roughly the next six months.

“What about the babies?” Of course, she asks the question that takes my uneasy stomach and rolls into a giant ball of turmoil. I’m going to need a pallet of Rolaids to get me through all of this. I should tell Denver to add that to the contract.

I swallow down the bile that’s taken up permanent residence in my throat. “Well, the doctor recommends we schedule their birth, so I’ll be back for that once camp is over. I’ll have a few weeks off before preseason training starts, but I should be able to come back on the weekends for a while.”

Please tell me it sucks. Tell me you hate me for leaving and throw your clay pencil holder at me.

She pats my leg. “I’ll help take care of the babies when you’re gone.”

Why in the hell is this child so agreeable and helpful? Where’s the drama, the crying, and the neediness?

“So, you think you’ll be fine if I take the offer?” Say no .

She laughs. “Yeah. I can’t wait to tell all my friends you’re playing for the Big Horns. Can you get me a jersey? I’ll wear it on game days.” She bounces toward me.

It’s my turn to laugh. “Yeah, I think I can manage that.”

“The babies need little jerseys. We can all wear them while we watch.”

It’s a punch in the gut. They’ll be wearing my jersey, but I won’t be able to see them.

“You know, I’m really glad to have a big brother. I never thought I’d have one, but it’s even better that my friends think you’re so cool.”

I bump her shoulder as I roll up and stand. “Just remember that when you’re sixteen.” She frowns. “Time for bed, Obi-Wan.”

She climbs under her purple quilt and sheets covered in flowers she and Lex picked out. “Who’s Obi-Wan?”

“Oooohhh, we’re going to have to fix that. Everyone should know who Obi-Wan is, but that requires a movie night.”

“With popcorn and candy?”

“Popcorn and lots of candy. You can’t watch Star Wars without a sugar high. You’ll miss stuff.”

She grins. “It’s a date,” she giggles, and I can’t help but smile.

“It’s the only kind of date you’ll ever be having. ”

She rolls, laughing, and I tickle her side. “Goodnight, Breezy.”

I pull her door closed and step across the hall to find my pregnant wife sitting up in bed eating.

“What is that?” I smell dill, and I know pickles are involved.

“The leftover pasta with pickles on top.”

“That’s just gross.” I flop onto the bed beside her.

She presses a hand to the underside of her belly that’s sagging a little lower each day. “Ugh. I don’t know how much longer they can stay in here. They’re out of room.”

I wrap my hand around her thigh. “Only two more weeks, then they’ll inject you with drugs, and you’ll pop them out of there.” She groans. “I can’t wait to watch the whole thing.” I wiggle my eyebrows, forcing a grin rather than spilling into the pool of fear that’s growing around me.

“How’d Bree take it?” she asks around a mouthful, snatching me off the ledge.

I roll to stare up at the ceiling. “She’s ready to step in and be a full-time parent in my absence.” Lex laughs, her belly jiggling. “She’s all mature and well-adjusted, and I’m like a spastic nutjob. Peyton and Eli will probably be better off.”

She runs her fingers through my hair. I need her to do this every night, but if I sign with Denver, her fingers will be here, and I’ll be there. Alone. Again.

“These babies are the luckiest to have you as their dad.”

“I’m going to miss so much of the first months.” My ribs suddenly shrink, and I have to sit up a bit, or else I might suffocate. “Lex, seriously. I’m terrified to say yes, and I’m terrified to say no.”

She sets her mostly empty bowl aside and slides her hand into mine, linking our fingers. “Remember when I came to Phoenix to tell you I was pregnant?”

“Baby, I won’t ever forget that.”

Her thumb runs over my knuckles. “You asked me if I trusted you.” She lets that hang a moment, and I wonder where she’s going with this.

She moves closer, resting her head on my shoulder. I breathe her in.

My eyes burn, and my throat is so tight I hold my breath. I can’t help the constant voice of my sucky past that tells me leaving is a mistake. To stay so I won’t lose her again. That ugly voice jabs, ‘ What if it’s for good this time? ’

“Hey.” Her soft whisper pulls me from my dark thoughts, and I have to blink away the fear that’s crept from my gut into my eyes.

“Yeah.” I manage to choke it out, but only barely.

“Do you trust me?”

Shit. She shanks me in the chest and punches me in my already spasming throat.

She lifts her head to look at me, but I can’t bear to meet her eyes. “I know last time, I broke something precious. Something that’s not easily repaired, but I really hope you know this is different.”

When I don’t move, she grabs my face, forcing me to look at her.

“When you call me tomorrow night, I’m answering. When you call me the next night, I’ll answer again. And again. And again. When you get through with camp, you’re coming back here, and we’re having our babies.”

She releases my face, and my lungs are paralyzed. “When the season starts, your little Tasmanian Devils and I will be standing on the sidelines before the game and waiting for you after so we can go home. It doesn’t even matter where that is.” She pauses, sniffing and swiping at her cheek. “Wherever you are . . . that’s where our home will be.”

I slide my arms around her and haul her onto my lap, which takes effort, but needing to hold her. Her tears run down my neck.

“I need you to trust me. I promise you can.” Her words are shaky but honest and true.

The ugly voice is drowned out with love. The overwhelming love I feel for her and the total and complete love she’s only ever given me in return. She put me first over everything we had.

The desperation I felt only seconds ago evaporates into belief. Belief in her. In us. In what was always meant to be.

A swift thump-thump from her belly hits mine.

I hold her face, pressing my forehead to hers. “I love you.”

Her hands slide to my neck. “I love you, too. I’m so proud of you.” Her lips press against mine so, so gently. “It’s only a couple of weeks.”

Just a few weeks. “You have to stay off the shop floor.”

She bites her bottom lip, hiding a wry smile.

I glare at her. “Don’t make me stay here.”

She kisses me hard but quick. “Never.”