Just A Little Magic (Just A Little #2)

Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

BARRETT

“Of course I remember what you said.” Owen’s confusion clouded his eyes, and I hated it. “But what does that have to do with tonight?”

“It has everything to do with tonight.”

As much as I’d tried to prepare myself for our necessary conversation, having Owen across the booth from me still took my breath away. This was the man I’d wanted for years, but we were both hiding something from the other.

We’d always had this strong connection with easy affection and laughs, and then it was gone. We both came up with excuses without explanations. Owen’s refusal to allow me to help him or be a caretaker stung. Not because he owed me anything but because I wanted him to be happy, and his distance felt like a punishment.

All of that led to our time in the mountains, and once I had a taste of him, I knew there was no way I could give him up again and just go back to the way it had been. I had to get him to agree that trying and being together was worth the risk .

“I want a repeat of what happened in the mountains,” I said.

“What did you say?”

“Did you like what happened at the lodge? It kinda sorta seemed like it, what with the way you screamed my name.”

Owen watched me through narrowed eyes before he delicately plucked at his paper napkin. “That doesn’t matter. It happened, but it shouldn’t have. I refuse to regret it, but I told you it was a one-time deal.” With an aggrieved sigh, he added, “We want different things.”

“Who decided that? Because I didn’t decide shit.”

My question went unanswered because our server arrived at our booth with her pad and pencil.

“Gentlemen, what are you having?”

I waved for Owen to answer first.

“Ugh. I can’t decide. Umm…” Owen’s eyes darted across the menu in a frantic rush.

“You could get what you always get.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’d like the patty melt, please.” The server was in the process of writing that down when he added, “With extra onions and onion rings too.”

Oh, silly boy. He smiled smugly. Like a few onions would deter me. It would take a helluva a lot more than that to put me off him.

“I’ll have the same,” I said while I handed her the menus. “Thank you so much. Owen, do you want a cookies and cream shake to go with it?” His eyes lit up at the suggestion. “I think that’s a yes,” I said with a smirk. “He’ll take that, and I’ll have a strawberry one. Can we please have extra whip cream on each?”

“Sure. Did you want anything besides water right now?”

We shook our heads, but neither spoke until she was far enough away that we wouldn’t be overheard. I suspected she realized the cavernous room carried our voices farther than we wanted because she switched on music that played from hidden speakers. Once certain we wouldn’t be overheard, we returned to our conversation.

“We agreed it would only be the one time.” Owen fisted his hands on the table and his shoulders were tight. “Bear, please don’t make me say this.”

I sat in silence. Once and for all, I needed to know why he refused to let me close to this part of him.

“I am not the one you need.”

“Isn’t that something I get to decide?”

I took his hands where they lay on the table and covered them with my own.

“Owen, you confuse the hell out of me.” He stubbornly refused to look at me. “Why do you think I need something different?”

“Barrett,” he rasped, “don’t you remember what I was like at the lodge?”

His voice was shaky, and I fucking hated that. Of course I remembered. It was one of the best fucking memories of my life. When he called me Da, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that was the title I’d want from him forever. He was so sweet and kind to Elizabeth, and he allowed me to care for him in the ways I’d dreamed of doing. Clearly, there was some context I was missing.

“Yes, and I want more of it. I’ll take it every damn time you want to offer it to me.”

“Bear, stop. I’m not the type of little you want.”

What the hell was he talking about?

“How do you know what kind of little I like?”

“Are you serious right now? Like, are you for real?” His volume was raised, but damned if I would tell him to keep it down. Yeah, he was close to yelling, but at least we were getting somewhere productive. “You only play with middles!”

“You seriously think I only play with middles because they’re the only type of little I’m interested in?”

Our plates of food were put in front of us before I could continue. We offered our thanks but didn’t speak again until we were alone.

“Why do you suppose that might be?” I tried to keep my voice as even keel as possible, but a picture had been created in my mind, and I didn’t like it one bit. “Can you not think of a single other reason?”

Owen being convinced I wasn’t interested in his type of little floored me. His well-being and comfort came first for me. Always. He refused to play in public or with anyone except the Daddies I never met because, apparently, the space-time continuum didn’t work the same in Canada. In ten-plus years, our schedules had somehow not synced up so I could meet any of them.

I’d never met a single guy he’d dated. Not. Even. Once. Playing with another little when I wanted Owen was too much, so I’d stuck to middles because it was easier on both of us.

“I have a proposal for you,” I blurted out before he answered my question. “I want a month.”

The words spilled from my mouth before I recognized what I was saying. But now they hung in the air between us. Owen’s confusion was evident, and if I was honest with myself, which I most certainly had no intention of being, I wasn’t sure what I meant either.

“What? What do you mean you want a month? What does that even mean?”

Since I had come this far, I might as well put everything on the table. The worst thing that could happen was that I would be in the exact same spot I was in now. Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly correct. The worst thing would be losing his friendship forever.

“Yeah, I want you to give me a month. I’m going to prove to you we can do this thing. We can be colleagues, friends, and lovers, and I can be your Da.”

My tone was mulish, and I knew it. But dammit, now that I’d said it, I sure as fuck wanted it. If I could figure out why he kept himself hidden, it could be fixed. Owen deserved to have everything he wanted, and if I read him right, then he hadn’t had that except for that stolen night courtesy of a bear.

“But why?”

Owen looked panicked, which I never wanted to see from him. Baring my soul in the middle of a diner hadn’t been on my Bingo card for today, but here I was anyway.

“Why? Babe, you’re my best friend. But I want more. I have for a long time.”

There. It was done and out in the open.

I hadn’t expected stunned silence. Not a word. Not a muscle twitch. Not a facial expression. It was a solid minute before he said anything.

“Bear, I wish I could give that to you. It’s…well…it’s complicated.”

“Uncomplicate it. Lay it out for me.”

Owen huffed a sigh and his own stubborn expression matched my own.

“Fine. What do I have to lose anyway, right? Fine. Here’s the thing…I’m a little.”

“Yes, I’m aware. I’ve been aware of that since college.”

This wasn’t new ground for us.

“Like really little and not just when I’m scared witless from animal encounters. I’m not like Rory and Jakob, who get to be all cute and cuddly and play games with their Daddies. I’m little. I like bottles and pacis, and I can barely string two words together when I get into a little headspace. Daddies don’t really want my kind of little. We’re a lot of work but not enough play.”

Oh, so that’s what this was about.

“I sure as hell enjoyed myself at the lodge. There is no damn way you could think I faked that,” I protested.

It felt like he wanted to taint my memories of the best fucking night of my life. I’d replayed those hours over and over. They were still a distraction weeks later, and no one, not even Owen, was allowed to diminish them.

“Yeah, the one time. Except I’m like that all the time. There aren’t cute trips to the zoo or out for hot chocolate with me. When I go to a little headspace, I am little .”

“And you think that’s too much for Daddies in general or me in particular?” Our untouched food was rapidly cooling on the plates. “Hey, don’t forget your dinner. Patty melts and good onion rings should never be wasted.”

I was gratified to see him take a few bites. I was getting a clearer picture of where he was coming from, but the why of it didn’t make sense yet. I searched my memories and couldn’t think of a time when we’d discussed it, let alone when I’d said something against his type of little.

“In general. Look, it is what it is, but it’s fine.”

What he said finally clicked in my brain. “Wait a minute. You date! You’ve told me about them. Why isn’t it too much for them?”

More than a blush rose up Owen’s neck. It was like an inferno from the inside out. He squirmed in his seat across from me and looked anywhere but at me. He looked guilty. Horribly, abjectly guilty.

“Owen, have you lied to me about who you’ve dated?”

“Lied is a strong word. ”

“How about fibbed? Stretched the truth? Fudged on the details?”

“I may have given an impression that was not wholly accurate.”

Christ on a cracker, this man should have been a lawyer with how he tiptoed around the subject. Maybe he was getting lessons from Levi on answering without giving anything away. My food was getting cold, but that was unimportant at the moment. I was finally getting somewhere. The flaming red blush had faded, but faint pink splotches remained on his cheeks.

“If I understand correctly, your concern is that you think you’re too much work as a little. Something may or may not have happened to give you that impression. You enjoyed our time at the lodge but think it was a one-off because of the circumstances. And your Canadian dates may have been…aspirational?” I desperately tried to hide the gleam in my eye because I recognized the glint in his.

“That is an unfortunate description of the situation.” Ha! Whenever Owen was uncomfortable, he reverted to weird formality. It was fucking adorable. “Aspirational is…” His voice trailed off, and the fire-engine red blush returned.

“Aspirational is…aspirational?”

A horrifying realization popped into my mind once the truth of what he was trying hard not to tell me sunk in. He’d been lying, and that was the correct word for it, about dating. It was on those dates that hooking up occurred. Oh shit.

“Owen, how much experience did you have before our night at the lodge?”

Owen looked everywhere but at me before raising his patty melt and taking a giant bite. He held up his finger to tell me to wait. So I did. When he finished chewing, I repeated myself. He took another bite. Yeah, totally not suspicious at all .

Owen knew it was a lost cause. He could delay it if he wanted, but I could be patient. Our dance continued until every scrap of food and the last drop of his milkshake were gone. I repeated my question once again.

“You are ridiculously stubborn,” Owen replied through narrowed eyes.

He wasn’t wrong. And he had no room to talk.

“That’s probably true, but I’d still like an answer.”

“It’s not like I was a complete virgin.”

What the fuck does that mean?

“I’m not asking for a body count. What I’m really asking is if you felt comfortable and supported. I don’t need a number because it’s none of my damn business. But making sure you are okay with what we did is my business, and you’re still avoiding the question. ”

“My experience with humans may not have been wholly accurate.”

“What? Like you’ve been with aliens? If you have, I need to know about any tentacle situations in nitty-gritty detail. Diagrams would be helpful.”

“Oh. Em. Gee. It’s not like I’ve never had something in my ass before.”

“Congrats on that. I hope that means you’re into it because I‘m definitely a fan. Ten out of ten would recommend.”

Owen’s snorted laugh brought me nowhere closer to an answer to my question.

“I was fine with what we did. I enjoyed it once I got used to it.”

“Used to it is an odd phrase to use.” I was a big guy, and my dick was a cut seven and a half inches and girthy. Perfectly respectable, but also not monster-cock porn-star level. “I can’t imagine it was that much different from anyone else’s.”

Owen looked out the window, then looked down and smoothed his hands over his thighs. The blazing blush crept back up his neck and heated his cheeks. “Indeed.”

“Indeed? Babe, what are you trying not to say?”

“I might have”—he took a breath—“exaggerated my experience with actual intercourse.”

“Owen, are you saying you’ve never had sex?”

“First of all, sex is widely defined and shouldn’t be reduced to simple penetration.”

“You’re right, and you’re trying to deflect.”

He rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling, “If you are referring to penetrative sex, not with another person.” His mouth was twisted into a scowl. “My entire life is a lie.”

I was reeling, but that was the last thing he needed to know. “Stop. It’s not a lie. Maybe not completely truthful, and I’m still unclear on why you felt the need to lie to me, but that doesn’t make your entire life a lie.”

I pulled his hands across the table and clasped them in mine. He was a bigger guy, but compared to me, he was small, and I liked it. Initially, he resisted holding my hands, but he relaxed after I rubbed my thumb across the back of his. “Had I known, I would have been more careful.”

“My social construct virginity doesn’t mean I’m made of glass.” He paused to dramatically roll his eyes. “I may have done some solo experimenting,” he admittedly grudgingly.

This entire conversation was killing me. My cock hardened behind my zipper, and I swallowed the groan that swelled in my throat. As a person who wasn’t living in the 1900s, I recognized the importance of sexual freedom, and I wasn’t any kind of virgin. Between men, women, and nonbinary partners, I’d had plenty of experiences of my own. But goddamn, the caveman part of me that knew I’d had a part of him no one else had experienced made me want to pound my chest and crow. It was dumb. It was foolish. It was stupid. And I liked it anyway .

“Thank you for telling me. If I had known, I would have done more checking in. I’m sorry that I didn’t.”

“Bear, stop. I wanted everything we did, and it was fine.” His earnest expression went a long way in reassuring me.

“Fine? I kinda sorta hoped it was better than fine . Let me try again, and we can go for fucking fantastic.”

“Commendable copulation? Admirable amalgamation?” Owen laughed with abandon.

The dam had broken between us. Goddamn , I had missed him.

“Not sure that last one means what you think it means, babe.”

“It’s a euphemism. Close enough,” he said with a cheeky grin.

“I’ll allow it then,” I said with mock solemnity before ruining it with a wink.

After a beat, I couldn’t leave well enough alone. It was too important to let pass by because without an agreement, I worried we’d slip back to where we’d been.

“Owen, I meant what I said. Give me a month. Let me do more than show you for a couple of hours. I can prove it to you. Let me be the Da you need and the one I want to be.”

Owen chewed on his lip. He raised his eyes to the ceiling and let loose a weary sigh. “I’m just trying to protect you, Bear. You’ll get so tired of me when I’m in little mode. And what about the rest of it? You wanna, what? Date me? What would our friends think?”

“They’d think we finally got our heads out of our asses and saw what was right in front of us. Let me prove it to you, Owen.”

His hands were still in mine, and I forced myself to keep still.

“You’ll never last a month. ”

“Bet. If I don’t, you’ll have the rest of our lives to remind me how wrong I was. Feel free to bring it up at any and all functions, appropriate or not. I mention a restaurant, and you have free rein to say, Remember that time you thought we should date, and it was a disaster? You shouldn’t pick the restaurant . Consider your power. You could rule the group chat.”

“Bear, you are going to regret this.”

“Babe, I won’t regret a damned thing.”