Kai Villalvazo’s Nemesis (The Kalon Tetralogy #1)

Chapter 1

I t hurt, until it didn't.

Haunted me, until it didn't.

Consumed me until I was numb. Nothing.

But that’s life, right? That's what everyone fucking says about men. That we're supposed to be tough and strong, that we don't cry or complain about our miseries. Society was inhumane to a point where I had to neglect my feelings altogether to qualify as a man—not that I was doing well with that aspect, anyway.

A slow, shaky breath escaped my lips as my thumb flexed over the thin, black lighter I was holding. A dim, rubescent flame popped out upon the action. I held the steady flame over the edge of my blunt, the clouds of relief hovering around me as I salvaged the last remains of my energy.

Exhaling once again, I pushed myself off the wall I had been leaning on and took calculated, inaudible strides. The faded streetlight casted a sinister shadow over my features, my brows furrowing the more I focused on the street ahead.

My void, cold eyes caught sight of my pretty target, her arms wrapped around her svelte body concealed in a coat. The same body that writhed underneath me on the days where she felt most insecure. On days when she needed closure which I, of course, had attempted to give her in the best ways possible.

A small, close to inexistent smile tugged at the corner of my lips. My large feet brought me closer and closer to the petite figure that I truly adored.

Adoration. Admiration. Love. No —love was not a safe way to put it. It was, in its purest form, the most dangerous feeling to ever foster. If possible, it is advisable to disregard that little nuisance of a voice in your head that lies, that exists in a delusional fantasy that such an aspect was…comforting.

Because it was far from that.

Love was disarming, dangerous, and utterly destructive. Once you fall victim to that euphoric sensation that pushes you off track, you become irredeemable. You get lost. You lose focus and sight of everything you consider important to you.

Regret shouldn't have existed in my diction—but it did. I fucking hated it all. I hated myself for everything. I hated them for what they did to me. I would never forgive them for their vile actions, words, everything. Everything that moulded me into who I was today.

A small vibration in my pocket caught my attention and I pulled the device out, tapping once to give the person on the other end the time of day. In most cases, I didn't, especially if I wanted peace of mind.

“How much longer?” The deep, gruff voice echoed in the deathly silence of the street.

I don’t respond, my gaze nonchalantly dropping to my leather shoes. The deep, impatient breathing told me I was running out of time and the longer this took, the more I drowned myself in perilous consequences.

“You have twenty-four hours. I'm not refunding anything, so get your head in the game.” If I assumed that was the end of it, then I was in for a surprise.

“I'm serious, Vazo, think about it. If you fail, don't ever show your face in this place again or else…" The edge to the statement was razor sharp. I could almost see the malicious, cerulean orbs that often added emphasis to the threat.

“Time—"

“Is what you don't have. This isn't about you, stop being so selfish. It has never been about you, you're not that special.” I almost flinched at the harsh reminder, but twenty-three years of being raised by heartless, narcissistic individuals taught me better.

They told me I wasn't good enough, that I was a burden, an undeniable mistake. The mind is a powerful place. The more I accepted the poison, the more I lost myself in it. Crying wouldn't redeem me, nor would running away, because I never could. They always find me no matter how isolated the place is.

I had to accept my fate and move on. There was nothing for me in this world and I would make sure that everyone I encountered would suffer the same destiny. It was a cruel world and I was its predator.

If I had a choice, I'd let go. But life doesn’t allow such a luxury. I had to be a man and face my problems head-on.

“Send the rest of it, or else you're not getting anything from me. I'm waiting.” My sober tone matched his and he knew I meant it. In those same twenty-three years, I'd learnt not to let anyone take advantage of me.

Soon, the message reflected on my phone and I smirked, shaking my head in amusement with a faint laugh. I knew he heard the vocal coordination of satisfaction because he hung up, leaving me to my tormenting thoughts once again.

Pulling the cigarette from between my lips, I pushed the addictive smoke out through my nostrils. I dropped the half-scorched blunt and crushed it under the firm sole of my boot.

I pulled my jacket more onto my broad, sharp shoulder blades as the freezing wind engulfed me, sweeping my long hair out of my face and giving me a clearer view of her.

She must’ve sensed the intensity of my introspective stare because she turned, a small grin morphing over her silky lips when she took note of me. She grew smaller the closer I come—timid. It was so easy to take note of her brittle emotions beneath the fake smile.

She fiddled nervously with her fingers, breathing deeply as her exhalations came out in the form of mist. She looked at anything but me and I had to bite back a dark chuckle at that.

Standing directly above her, I perched my arm against the streetlight she was leaning against and tilted my head downward to meet her coy stare. My measured movement tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear followed by a slow, treacherous caress of my lips against her jaw.

“Kai,” she whispered helplessly, her body debilitating slightly upon my touch. I bit my lip in fascination, my sharp gaze triggering a series of goosebumps against her pale skin.

“Missed me?”

“A lot. It's been a while since I've tasted you.” Her speech was rushed, evidence that she had scraped every bit of her confidence to say that.

She tried; she really did. Maybe I was an ungrateful prick, a spoilt bastard; but I knew what I wanted—and how I wanted it.

My gaze swept down her lithe figure, my arms involuntarily pulling her into a secure, warm embrace that she obliviously accepted.

I couldn’t deny that a part of me had fallen prey to her innocent facade, but I knew what that meant. I didn't trust anyone, the same way no one trusted me.

I was aware. I was aware that she had done her best to push all doubts about me away and love me as I was, but I was letting her down. Ruminating over the bittersweet memories brought me an inexplicable sense of raw melancholy, but I had to forget it all.

I wish I had been raised better. I wish I had morals instilled within me to guide and orientate me towards the good in the world. But they had all failed me. They had completely fucking failed me.

Kissing her pulsing temple, my massive, veiny hand caressed her petite body—a tacit gesture. Her comfortable sigh raised the stakes with each passing second.

Great, she trusts me. She trusts a failure like me and I felt truly sorry for her. They all did. None of them ever made it out of the merciless jaws of my affection.

My calloused hand gently moved up to her head, getting entangled in the velvet curls of her hair that smelt of sweet shampoo—something along the lines of strawberry and cinnamon with a volatile, artificial apparition of cherry.

I angled her head up and she eagerly met the tender, yet macabre caress of my lips, humming in pleasure upon the slow merge of our lips. Her tremulous hands tightened against my jacket, as though an attempt to keep me close to her for eternity.

Our tongues shamelessly interlaced amid a lifeless street illuminated by the individual lamp that hung low above us. As my hand cruised down to her hip, the other sunk deep into my pocket.

Dexterously, I retrieved a gimped, portable blade. Something that always saved me from any sort of emotional destruction. I sighed shakily into the osculation as I brought the serrated edge against the narrow canal of her back.

She gasped softly, pulling away and gripping tighter to me as her glassy eyes met my vicious ones. My stare was blank and empty as I sunk the knife deeper into her.

It was too late and she knew. She couldn't be saved and neither could I. This was the real me and I'd never change. Not if it kept me alive. " I love you ."

She shut her eyes at my intimate words, accepting the last embrace of my lips until she couldn’t.

Holding me tight until she couldn’t.

Breathing, until she couldn’t.