Keeping You (Destined Love #3)

8. Grayson

CHAPTER 8

Grayson

B efore today, I never would have called myself a masochist, but spending the evening at the beach with Hannah has me rethinking that. When she came out in that ridiculous outfit, I did a double take, but it wasn’t going to stop me from taking my wife on a date. Our game of truth or dare went better than I thought it would. I needed to find some way to get her to engage with me. I’m not going to lie, having her move out of my hold when she was cold hurt, but I wasn’t going to push the matter. I need to show Hannah that the idea she has of me isn’t the real me. At least not anymore. I know she’s not going to believe anything I say, so I have to show her. That means patience, no matter how much it kills me.

I change into gym shorts and get settled on the couch. I scroll through my phone until I’m bored. When I look up, I see one of Hannah’s books sitting on the coffee table. I pick it up and run a finger over the colourful tabs she has on the pages. I open it and start reading. I’ve never been much for reading, but these tabs have me interested.

It’s a romance novel, which doesn’t surprise me one bit, but this one seems dark. It starts out with a guy texting the wrong number and becoming obsessed with the woman on the other end. I make it about thirty percent in before I decide to go to sleep. I make note of the chapter so I can pick up another day.

I’m woken by the sound of crashing cupboards. I rub my eyes groggily as light streams in through the windows of the living room. I continue to listen to Hannah very loudly moving around the kitchen when I hear her huff. I sit up, and she has her hands on her hips staring up at the top shelf where I keep my water bottles. I take her in before she places her hands flat on the counter and tries to haul herself up. She’s unsuccessful. That area of counter is too small, with the stove right next to it on the right and the fridge to the left. She continues to stare, and before she can decide to find another way, I stand and make my way to her, reaching around her and grabbing a bottle down for her and placing it on the counter.

Her body is stiff as I hover behind and over her. She may be five-foot-seven, but she’s still short compared to my six-foot-four frame.

I move so my lips brush against the shell of her ear and whisper, “All you had to do was ask.”

Goosebumps erupt down her arm as she shutters.

“Thanks,” she whispers, and I take a step back before turning and heading to the washroom.

When I come back, she’s nowhere to be seen. I grab a water bottle fill it and put my runners on before locking the door behind me.

I run my usual path, and around twenty minutes into my run, I see familiar blonde hair in a high ponytail, black running shorts that hug an ass I’ll never be able to forget. After our encounter in the kitchen, I don’t want to scare her, so I follow behind her at a safe distance. She moves gracefully as she winds around people moving at a slower pace. She nods to people walking in the opposite direction.

Hannah has always been a little fiery on the outside, giving sass and snarky remarks, but if you just stop and watch her, you can see how it’s all a facade. I know it’s to protect herself, and I know a lot of that has to do with her childhood and dealing with her parents’ divorce. She never told me a lot about it, just that she was seven when they first split. I know she has a much better relationship with her dad than she does her mom, but I want to know why she feels the need to pretend she’s not as soft as she really is.

She slows as she approaches the same bench I ran into her at a few days ago. I slow my pace, too, stopping about fifteen feet behind her, and take a seat on the grass under a tree as she sits. I watch her as all she does is stare out over the water. I take in the view, trying to see what she does. The downtown core is directly on the other side of the water. A cruise ship sits docked at Canada Place. Water planes fly over before they land and make their way to the nearby dock. People move in groups as they walk near the water, kids laugh nearby, and the sound of the water lapping against the seawall fills the air. It smells like the ocean. I don’t see what has her so enthralled.

I grew up in a small town about six hours east of here. Every day I got to experience the view of the unmarred landscape of trees and mountains. I got to listen to the sounds of the horses as they moved around the fields. I could go to my special place and be almost completely alone as I listened to the sound of running water and birds above.

I want to know what about this view has Hannah so taken with it.

After ten minutes, she gets up and starts to run towards home. I follow, giving her the same distance as before. One day, I hope she’ll invite me to go on a run with her. That she’ll want to spend time doing something so trivial with me.

I stop at a coffee shop a few blocks away from the apartment to allow her time to herself and grab us each a cup of coffee and something small for breakfast. When I get home, I walk to the bedroom and listen. I don’t hear her and pop my head inside and the sound of the shower filters in from the en-suite. I leave her coffee and breakfast on the dresser before closing the door behind me and heading for a shower of my own.

Hannah manages to be out of the house again by the time I finish. I know she’s avoiding me, and it doesn’t surprise me. I call my mom and check-in. I haven’t told her about getting married, because I know how much it’s going to crush her that she wasn’t there. My parents and younger sister have always been my biggest supporters. When shit hit the fan at the end of my senior year, they were there for every step of it.

Mom updates me on the small town gossip and about the new fire chief who’s supposed to be arriving later this summer with the current one retiring. My sister is still teaching first grade and working summer shifts at the local coffee shop, and dad is keeping himself busy running his mechanic shop. He’s passed off a lot of the manual labour to his staff, but he still enjoys getting under a car and getting dirty. Mom is still volunteering at the local community centre and managing a local bakery with her best friend Lyla.

Hannah walks in the door as I say, “Bye, I love you, Mom,” and hang up the phone.

I watch as she pauses before placing her keys on the counter. She faces me, her hands clasped in front of her as she fidgets.

“Ummm, thank you for the coffee and breakfast this morning,” she says.

I nod. She’s like a frightened dog. One wrong move, and she’ll be running away from me.

“How’s your mom?”

I smile. Like I said, softy.

“She’s good. She’s busy preparing for the big Canada Day celebration. They go all out every year, and she’s always been on the committee. She’s asked me to go and spend a week there, arrive a few days before and help finish getting things set up.”

Her eyes widen slightly. It’s my turn to fidget as I shuffle from foot to foot and clear my throat.

“I’d like for you to go with me, if you’re up to it.”

Her hands stop fidgeting.

“I don’t need to know right now. We still have a few weeks. Just let me know closer to.”

She stares at me before she nods almost imperceptibly. Good, I haven’t completely scared her, but from the look on her face, I can tell she needs time to process and to do that she needs to be alone.

I grab my keys and move to the door. “I’m going to head out for a bit. If you need anything, just text me.”

I sneak past her and leave. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I need to talk so I text Caleb, and he tells me he’s with Charlie at her favourite park.

I drive to the park and make my way to the playground. Eight months ago, Caleb met his now fiancée, Bailey, and her daughter, Charlie, while responding to a 911 call at their place. Her five-year-old made the call when her father was hurting her mom. I don’t know how those two did it, but they wore him down until he had them moved into his place and was sharing things about his life that he still hasn’t told anyone else. He dotes on both those girls. Seeing how soft he’s become is kind of gross, but I can’t help but be happy that my best friend is happy and sharing his life with a woman he loves.

When I walk up to the playground, Caleb is pushing Charlie on the swing. She spots me and waves with a grin, and I wave back. She’s become a big part of all our lives, coming to a majority of our hockey games and our group hangouts.

Caleb tips his chin and says, “Hey, man. What’s up?”

“Not much.”

His brows furrow. “You didn’t meet me at the park for, ‘not much.’”

I look down at Charlie, and she smiles up at me and asks, “Where’s Hannah?”

I grip the back of my neck and give it a squeeze as I say, “Um, she’s at home.”

Charlie nods and jumps off the swing, making her way to the slide and running up it before sliding back down. I follow Caleb over to a nearby bench and sit.

“How is your wife?”

Wife. That both fills me with pride and has me cringing. I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do with Hannah. She tries her best to avoid me and has no desire to work on this. She’ll follow through on the agreement, but she won’t do anything beyond that. She’s biding her time until I sign the paperwork and she can be free of me.

“She’s good.”

Caleb’s gaze burns into the side of my head as I lean forward, resting my arms on my legs with my head ducked. If anyone would have advice as to how to get someone to open up and accept something, it would be Caleb, but I’m not sure I can spit it all out. He remains silent, and it feels like it’s sucking all the oxygen out of my lungs. I’ve kept this secret for so long.

I let out a heavy sigh before I lean back against the bench.

“Two years ago, I asked Hannah out. She said yes, and we went on a few dates. Things were going well. I enjoyed her company. I was ready to give up all other women and try something serious for the first time since I was eighteen. The night I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend, to give me a real shot, she walked into a storage closet in the hospital as I was being cornered by one of the other nurses, Samantha. It’s still a blur. The second I heard the handle begin to move, Samantha was on me. She had her fingers in my hair as she kissed me. It wasn’t until I had pushed her off that I saw the back of Hannah’s head as she left the room. I chased her down, trying to explain, but she wouldn’t hear me out. I decided she was better off. I knew there were some things I couldn’t offer her in a long-term relationship. Wanting to try one was selfish. Ever since, I’ve allowed her to hold on to this image of me as a cheater, because I needed her to realize she’s better off.” I run a hand through my hair as I say, “I haven’t touched a single woman in two years. Not since before I took Hannah on that first date.”

Caleb lets out a laugh, and my head whips to him. He laughs harder. “Man, if the roles were reversed, in fact, when I was in a very similar situation, you made a bet that I was going to marry Bailey. I’m not sure what sympathy you’re looking for, but I will tell you this. You need to tell her. She needs all the information if she’s going to make an informed decision about your marriage. Based on her reaction the other day to you outing your marriage, I’m assuming she’s wanting out.”

I nod.

“Then she needs to know she doesn’t have all the information about the situation.”

“There’s no way she’s going to believe me if I say something to her. My best bet is to show her. Believe me, Hannah is very much a believer in actions speak louder than words.”

He watches me for a second before nodding. “Okay, and how do you plan to do that? How do you show her after two years that you aren’t the asshole who was hooking up with a nurse in a closet while dating her?”

“I show her I care about her, that I respect her.”

“That sounds easier said than done. I don’t envy your position.”

Charlie comes running up to us. “Daddy, can we go home? I’m hungry.”

I feel a knife in my stomach as I watch Caleb reach out and run a hand over the top of her head. Soul crushing memories wash over me, but I push them aside.

“Yeah, Little Bear, we can go home. Say your goodbyes.”

She waves at me. “Bye, Grayson.”

Caleb pushes off the bench and turns to me. “Good luck, man.”

“Thanks.”

I watch as he and Charlie walk to his truck.

I need a drink after that heavy conversation, so I hit up a bar near the apartment and then walk home.

When I walk in the front door, Hannah is sitting on the couch with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream while she watches Lucifer . She’s dressed in a sexy satin pyjama shorts and tank set. She looks at me, and her brows furrow. I grab a glass and fill it with water before chugging the entire glass and repeating the process. My head is dizzy.

I stumble my way to the couch before plopping down beside Hannah. Her scent fills my lungs, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever smelt. I wish I could bottle it up and carry it with me everywhere. My eyelids feel heavy, and as I drift to sleep, I feel a blanket draped over me just before I’m completely out.

Another late-night shift at the hospital has Hannah and I riding in together. We eat dinner together in the cafeteria, and she does her best to engage as little as possible. When our shift is over, I convince her to have breakfast with me at a diner down the street.

As we’re leaving through the front entrance of the hospital, a woman in her early fifties walks straight towards us and says, “Oh, just the girl I was looking for. Hannah, honey, how are you?”

Hannah stiffens, and the most fake and painful-looking smile spreads across her face. I watch as brick by brick a wall is constructed around her. Any softness to her is completely gone in the presence of this woman.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

That explains it. Seeing Hannah’s reaction to seeing her mom has horns blaring in my mind. I know she is somehow behind the facade Hannah feels she’s forced to put on to portray strength.

“I wanted to see my only daughter. I wanted to confirm you’ll be at my birthday celebration on Saturday, all my friends will be there. Agnes’s son will be there, too. You should meet him, he’d be a good man to settle down with.”

My instinct is to wrap my arm around Hannah’s waist and drag her behind me as I growl mine , but I do with gripping my left hand into a tight fist as I push my right hand forward to shake hands and say, “Hi, we haven’t been introduced yet, my name’s Grayson Maxwell, Hannah’s husband. You must be her mother, Mrs. Rivers.”

Her jaw drops, and Hannah moves slightly closer to me. The small movement has my heart beating erratically in my chest.

Hannah’s mom gathers herself and holds out her hand to shake mine. “Please, call me Lauren. It’s nice to meet you.” Her eyes dart to Hannah as she glares at her quickly before they return to mine, all softness. “I had no idea Hannah was married. My daughter never told me. I wasn’t invited to the wedding.”

I wrap an arm around Hannah’s waist, and she leans into me. “Oh, we eloped. One of those when you know, you know things. You understand right?” She goes to open her mouth, but before she can say anything, I finish with, “My mother was just happy that I’m happy. She can’t wait to meet Hannah.”

Her expression completely changes. I knew hearing my mother was happy for us would make her want to put on a good face. The smile she gives me is forced. “Of course. As long as my Hannah is happy, I’m happy.”

“Oh, we’re extremely happy. And we wouldn’t miss your birthday. We’ll be there.”

Hannah remains silent during the entire interaction.

Lauren gives her a look that says they’ll talk about this later. “Well, I’m glad. We’ll see you then.”

I nod and watch as Lauren walks away. The second she’s out of sight, Hannah steps out of my hold, and I want nothing more than to pull her back in and hold her forever. She fits into my side perfectly, like she was made for me.

The bricks are still in place as I watch Hannah, but it’s like they’re crushing her. Her arms are wrapped around her middle, and I’ve never seen her look so small. The last thing she needs right now is for me to take her somewhere public to eat. I grab her hand, and she doesn’t resist as I lead her through a side door of the hospital that leads to the stairs down to the parkade. Hannah’s mom really did a deal on her if she’s letting me hold her hand and drag her along. I need to get to the bottom of what is making her feel so small.

I help her into the car and drive us home. She’s silent the entire drive and as still as a statue. She doesn’t fidget or lean against the door as she stares out the passenger window. She’s facing forward, feet flat on the floor, hands folded in her lap. A trauma response. Anger fills me, but I know bursting will do nothing to help Hannah, so I push it down and focus on taking care of her.

When we get back to the apartment, I lead her the couch and prepare her a cup of hot camomile tea with honey and a splash of milk, her favourite. I quickly make a couple omelettes and bring her one. I watch as she slowly picks at it. I’m just happy she’s eating.

When she finishes, she places her plate on the table and turns to me. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” she says.

I place my plate next to hers and position myself so I’m looking directly at her. “Of course, I’m going to go. I’m not going to make you go on your own.”

She relaxes slightly, but the air still vibrates with tension.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

She nods, but her eyes don’t meet mine.

I grip her chin and force her to look at me. “Hannah, are you okay?”

Her eyes are glossy, but she blinks it away. “Yeah, or at least I will be.” She inhales deeply before slowly releasing it.

I let go of her chin and stand. I offer her my hand, and she takes it. I lead her into the bedroom and into the en-suite. I open the bottom drawer of the sink where I keep my bath items and start the water for her. I pull out some candles I keep in here, light them, and move to leave the washroom.

Hannah’s hand reaches out and very lightly grips my wrist as she whispers, “Thank you.”

Just as quickly, her hand lets go, and I leave her there to relax, my wrist still burning from her slight touch.