Keeping You (Destined Love #3)

25. Grayson

CHAPTER 25

Grayson

I know Hannah doesn’t deserve my distant mood during the long drive home, but I don’t know how to kick it. Every time I go and visit that spot, it puts me in a mood that takes time to kick. I had to go before we left. There’s no way I’d be able to live with myself if I didn’t. In the past, the only people who have had to deal with me after were Mom, Dad, and Chloe, and they understood it. I don’t even have the strength to explain to Hannah where I went and why it affects me the way it does.

She’s quiet, giving me space, and more and more it shows me I don’t deserve her. She’s giving me everything I need and asking for nothing in return. It’s selfish of me to continue taking from her the way I have been. Every time I visit that spot, it reminds me of the decision I made over ten years ago. It was one I didn’t make lightly. It was shaped by pain I don’t think I’d survive experiencing again.

Hannah is everything good. She deserves the world handed to her on a silver platter. I want to be the man who does that, and the thought that I can’t fucking sucks.

We make a quick stop for lunch in a little highway town before finishing our drive home. It’s almost 6 p.m. by the time we get there. When we get upstairs, we settle on the couch; me watching a baseball game and her reading a book. Both of us are silent the entire time. When I yawn, she closes her book, leaving it on the table, and gets up, offering me her hand. I stare at it.

“Let’s go to bed.”

My eyes dart to the couch where I’ve been sleeping for the last few weeks.

“Grayson, after this week, we can share the fucking bed. You’re tired. Now get up and let’s go to bed.”

I’m tired and was not looking forward to sleeping on the couch again. I take her hand and push myself off the couch to follow her into the bedroom. She strips and climbs into the bed naked. I follow her lead and do the same. I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her back to my front, kissing her temple, and whisper, “Good night.”

She snuggles in, getting comfortable, and whispers back, “Good night.”

I wake up in the morning with Hannah sprawled across my chest. She stirs and looks up at me with a soft smile.

“Morning,” she says in her sleepy voice.

“Good morning,” I say and tuck her hair behind her ear.

She moves and stretches her arms above her head, and I slide out of bed and make a pot of coffee. After a few minutes, Hannah comes out wearing nothing but one of my T-shirts, and it’s one of the hottest things I’ve seen. Seeing her in my sweatshirt the other day had my heart almost beating out of my chest. I knew then that seeing her in my clothing is something I want for the rest of my life, even if it’s something I can’t have.

I make her a cup of coffee and pass it to her before she settles in a chair at the table. I quickly whip up breakfast and join her.

“What are you doing today?” she asks.

“Not sure.”

She nods and continues eating.

I push through and try not to let my mood from yesterday bleed into today. “How about you?”

She smiles. “I’m going to head to Liv’s and spend some time with her and Cate.”

I force a smile and nod.

“I’ll be home for dinner, though,” she says.

When we finish eating, she cleans up the dishes, loads the dishwasher, and heads into the bedroom and changes. When she comes back out, she grabs her purse and keys and calls out goodbye before the door closes behind her. I settle back on the couch and put on the sports channel. I don’t even realize how much time has passed when my phone rings and I see Chloe’s face fill the screen. I slide my finger over and answer.

“Hey, Chlo.”

“Hey. How are you? I know you went and visited before you left yesterday.”

I sigh. I should have known she’d call and check in. Chloe’s a good sister that way, always making sure I’m okay even though I’m the older sibling.

“I’m fine. It was a normal visit.”

She’s the one to sigh this time. “So, you gave Hannah the cold shoulder your entire drive home then, and likely until this morning.”

I open my mouth then close it, because she’s right.

“Grayson, you know I love you, right?”

“Yeah.”

She takes a deep breath. “Good. Now I’m going to be brutally honest with you. You need to tell her. I know this is a big private thing for you, and that’s fine when it comes to your friends, but Hannah’s your wife. If you want her to stick around, if you want to stay married, you need to tear down that wall and tell her.”

“She deserves better,” I whisper.

“Oh, bullshit,” she spits. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I know that you gave Mom a list of ingredients for Hannah’s coffee, and when Hannah wouldn’t tell her what her favourite foods are, you told her. I saw the note you left beside the coffee maker with Hannah’s coffee order. I know you’ve been there for her when she’s needed you.”

“It’s not enough, Chloe,” I almost yell. Her words are tearing at me.

“Have you asked her what she wants and needs, or have you been sitting there making assumptions?”

A lump forms in my throat, because she’s right, I’ve assumed. But it’s all from things she’s said or things I’ve witnessed. I can’t be that far off.

She sighs again. I can hear her disappointment through the phone. “Gray. You’ve assumed, haven’t you?”

My lack of response is answer enough.

“You’re an adult, and I can’t force you to do anything, but I will tell you that from the time I’ve spent with Hannah, I think she’ll be more than understanding. She might even be able to help you move on from all of it.”

“I’ll think about it,” I say. I settle deeper into the couch, letting my head rest on the back.

“What did you guys do today?” she asks, and I’m thankful for the subject change.

“I’ve been at home all day. She went to her friend’s place.”

“Hmmmm. When do you go back to work?”

“We both work tomorrow,” I say.

“Okay. Well, I’ve got to go. Call me if you need to talk. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Chlo.”

I hang up and let her words sit with me as I debate whether telling Hannah is a good idea or not.

When Hannah gets home, her arms are full of grocery bags. I jump off the couch and help her carry them into the kitchen.

“Looks like a big haul,” I say.

She huffs, catching her breath. “Yeah. I got things for dinner and just to stock the fridge again after being gone.”

I start unloading the bags and note some of the things she grabbed. The protein bars I always keep stocked, the orange juice I always buy, she’s also grabbed the veggies I usually put in omelettes.

We work together to put everything away, and she grabs a cutting board and gets to work on cutting the chicken breasts.

“What can I help with?” I ask.

“It’s all good. I’ve got dinner tonight.”

I nod and take a seat at the kitchen island, deciding to keep her company. “How was your day?”

Her smile lights up her face. “It was great! Baby Cate has grown so much. She’s the most adorable little girl. Liv is adjusting to mom life, and Josh just dotes on both of them. I helped her prep a few meals while I was there, so they had some stuff in the fridge. I know Josh is super active with Cate, but with him still working, it can get a little overwhelming, so I helped out how I could. How about you? What’d you end up doing?”

“I just stayed home watched the sports channel. Chloe called to check in and make sure we made it home safe yesterday.”

Hannah looks at me. “That was nice. Can you send me her number so I can check in with her? I forgot to grab it from her while we were there.”

I try to wrap my head around her asking for Chloe’s number. Is she trying to build a relationship with my sister because they’re family, or because she wants to be friends with her even after the divorce?

“Yeah,” I say and text her Chloe’s contact card.

I watch as Hannah moves around the kitchen with grace, cooking. She pulls out plates and cutlery and sets the table, not allowing me to help her at all. When the food is done, she carries it to the table. She grabs us each a drink, and we settle in to eat. She’s made a chicken stir fry with rice. We each make a plate and when I take my first bite, I can’t help my groan.

“This is really good,” I say, also realizing I haven’t eaten since breakfast.

She smiles broadly. “I’m glad you like it.”

We eat in relative silence, and when we finish, I help her clean up and we settle back on the couch. It’s a repeat of last night; her with a book and me watching a game. She adjusts herself, stretching out her legs, and I pat the tops of my thighs, indicating for her to put her legs there. She does, and I begin massaging her feet. The moans that leave her are heavenly. When she starts to fall asleep on the couch, I help her up and we get ready for bed. I pull her into me again, falling asleep with her in my arms.