Keepsakes from the Cottage by the Loch (Loch Cameron #6)

Chapter 27

TWENTY-SEVEN

‘What?’ Tara gaped at Ramsay. ‘I don’t understand. I saw you with your daughter at the park a couple of weeks ago, and a woman. I assumed you were married, or at least together with the mother.’

‘No. Sarah and I are in touch, but we’re not together. She lives in the next village. I have joint custody of Kelly.’ He frowned.

‘Who were you waving to at the park, then? With the blonde hair?’ Tara was so confused. She’d already worked out for herself that Ramsay was a dad, and she didn’t know why he hadn’t told her. This was why.

‘When?’ He looked confused.

‘The day you asked to meet me to talk, up on Gyle Head. I went to meet you, and I saw you with Kelly and a woman then. You were playing with your daughter on the slide, and you waved at her. She was watching you from a bench.’

Ramsay looked blank for a moment.

‘When you didn’t turn up? That day? You said you’d had to work at the Inn.’

‘I made an excuse. I saw you there, part of this happy family… you hadn’t mentioned either one of them. What was I supposed to do?’ Tara shot back. ‘It was an ambush.’

‘No, it wasn’t.’ Ramsay shook his head. ‘Yes, I was going to tell you about Kelly. And all of this. But a woman…’ He looked blank for another moment. ‘Wait, with a blonde bob? That’s Brianna. Her daughter and Kelly are friends. We must have just been waving hello.’

‘So, that isn’t your wife? You’re not with anyone at all?’ Tara was trying to take it all in.

‘Brianna? No. She’s an acquaintance. I’m on good terms with Sarah, but we’re not together. We tried it for a couple of months after Kelly was born but it soon became clear we were very different people. I’ve never loved anyone, apart from you.’ He reached for her hands across the table.

‘Ramsay. This is a lot to take in.’ Tara withdrew her hands and put them in her lap. She wasn’t ready for connection yet.

‘I know. I’m sorry.’ He looked downcast.

‘So, you disappeared from Loch Cameron when you found out that Sarah was pregnant?’ Tara was trying to make sense of it all.

‘When I found out Sarah was pregnant, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell you. Just the thought of it… I knew it would break your heart. And I didn’t know what was going to happen with the baby. I felt that I should be there for Sarah, despite the fact that it was obvious after a certain period of time that we weren’t going to be a couple.’

‘You broke my heart by disappearing from my life, Ramsay.’ Tara was trying not to cry: she held her hand up to her mouth to hide the cry face that she knew her face wanted to pull.

‘I know. I know! It’s something I’ve turned over in my head a million times. I’m sorry. Tara, I’m so sorry.’ Ramsay started to cry, and it broke her heart even more. ‘I never wanted to hurt you. But I didn’t know how to tell you about the baby. And I knew that I wanted to raise her, and that I would have to sacrifice my life with you to do that. But I guess I felt…’ He trailed off and wiped his eyes. ‘My home life was so terrible, Tara. And here was this new life being given to me to look after. She was like a little angel just appearing in my life. I just felt like, this is my chance. This is my chance to have a family, to break that cycle. I wanted to be a good dad. I wanted to be there for her, not run away and leave her.’

‘You could have told me,’ Tara said, quietly. ‘You didn’t have to disappear. I know you sent that note, so we knew you were alive, I guess. But… our relationship could have survived you having Kelly,’ she said.

‘Maybe it would. I don’t know. I’d like to think so, now, yes. But at the time… we were young. I was young, and I panicked. It took me a long time to know that I should have told you.’

‘So why did you come back to Loch Cameron?’ Tara asked.

‘Sarah moved to a village nearby. Aberculty. Coincidence, really – we met at uni, and then we both stayed around Edinburgh until about a couple of months ago when Sarah moved out here with her new partner. I didn’t want to be that far from Kelly – Sarah and I have always co-parented and stayed local to each other so that Kelly could see us both all the time. So I moved back to the village.’

‘Not your dad’s old place?’

‘Goodness, no. That was rented anyway, and he’s long gone. No, I rent one of the new places on Gyle Head.’

‘Oh. So that playground’s right by your house.’

‘Yup. Kelly loves it. Though she’s getting a bit old for swings and slides now. She’s nine.’

‘Right.’

There was a silence. Tara didn’t quite know what to say next.

‘I know you’re going home. I… I just wanted to explain. Finally,’ he said.

‘Well, thank you. Finally,’ she sighed. ‘I wish I’ d known all of this a long time ago. And I know that mum and dad will want to know, too.’

‘I know. I’ll tell them.’

‘What happened with you and your mum, though?’ Tara asked. ‘Did you ever reconnect with her? I gave her your number and then I never heard anything more. It always worried me, that it had been the reason why you left. I didn’t know what had happened. But I really did care… I thought I was helping.’

‘You did. She called me, and we went for coffee a few times. We were able to put some things in the past to rest, and I’m really grateful for that. We stay in touch, I see her about once a month or so. She’s got another family now. She remarried – a really great guy, nothing like my dad. They’ve got two kids. She loves Kelly.’

‘That’s great. I’m so relieved.’ Tara let out a long breath, and felt a tension leave her shoulders and her heart. She’d been holding on to that worry for such a long time and it felt strange and wonderful to let it go.

‘Well, you know, it’s kind of all down to you that Kelly even knows her grandma. So, thank you. Truly.’ He looked shy. ‘And, I also wanted to say that I’m so proud of you for becoming a teacher.’

‘Oh. Thanks. Well, I’m proud of you for being a dad,’ she said, because she was. ‘You always wanted a family. And now you do.’

‘I always wanted a family with you,’ he said, taking her hands in his. This time, she let him hold them. ‘I’m sorry that didn’t quite go to plan. You were always my family. I still…’

‘Now then, what’s all this?’ Dotty appeared in the doorway to the bar, before Ramsay could finish what he was about to say. ‘Tara. Are you all right?’

Tara wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

‘It’s okay, Mum. I’m all right,’ she said, but Dotty flounced into the bar – as best as she could flounce now, with her mobility impaired – and put her arm protectively around Tara’s shoulders.

‘Hey, now,’ she said, handing Tara a hanky from her pocket. ‘Blow yer nose, darlin’. It’s all right.’ She moved her gaze to Ramsay, who had stood to attention as soon as Dotty walked in. ‘An’ I hope yer not upsettin’ my Tara, Ramsay Fraser. I think ye’ve done quite enough o’ that fer now.’

Tara was taken aback to see the change in her mother. Dotty had always been a loving parent, but she had always tended towards a brisk approach with Tara. Yet, she was taking Ramsay in with a gimlet stare and her hands on her hips. If she had a tail, it would have been swishing, Tara thought.

‘I tried not to,’ Ramsay replied.

‘Hm. Tryin’s no’ good enough for my girl.’ Dotty wagged her finger in his face. ‘Now, you listen, my lad. Don’t think I’m no’ delighted tae see ye back in Loch Cameron, because I am. We missed ye fer all these years. Ye know yer like a son tae us.’ Dotty’s voice cracked a little. ‘But I willnae have ye comin’ here an’ upsettin’ Tara. Ye’ve got nae idea what it was like fer that poor lassie when ye up sticks an’ fair disappeared. No idea at all,’ Dotty continued. ‘She was absolutely heartbroken. Never been the same since. Her dad and me, we’ve always worried about her since then.’

‘Have you?’ Tara asked, genuinely surprised.

‘Aye, o’ course. Ye retreated intae yerself after Ramsay left. Ye used tae be such a fun-lovin soul – aye, ye were bookish, but ye were a happy girl. After he disappeared, ye hardly came home anymore. Ye just focused on yer work, never much of a social life. Never danced again.’ Dotty tutted. ‘That’s why I’m so happy tae see ye get involved in the fundraiser, dance, make some friends. Ye’ve got happier since bein’ here, I can see it.’

Dotty turned to Ramsay and stabbed him in the chest with her forefinger .

‘So. I dinnae what ye’ve been tellin’ her, but don’t you dare try an’ undo all the good things that’ve happened since she’s been home,’ she finished.

‘Dotty, I would never knowingly hurt Tara,’ Ramsay said, quietly. ‘I’ve been explaining something that I should have explained a long time ago. And I owe you the explanation too,’ he said, and waited while Dotty sat down in one of the floral upholstered easy chairs.

‘Eric needs tae hear this, then.’ Dotty tapped Tara on the hand gently. ‘Darlin’, could ye pop out an’ get yer dad tae come in? He’s just outside.’

‘Sure.’ Tara went out into the reception area and opened the heavy Inn door, going outside to find her dad smoking an illicit cigarette in the car park.

‘Don’t tell yer mum. As far as she knows, I gave up in 1998,’ he said, with a wry smile.

‘Dad. I think she would have worked it out by now,’ Tara chuckled.

‘Nah. I just pop in a breath mint every time. Works a treat.’ Eric looked past Tara at the Inn door. ‘What’s up?’

‘Mum says can you go in please. Ramsay wants to talk to you both.’

‘Oh. Right.’ Eric frowned and looked up at the Inn. ‘I was thinkin’ I might get the ladder out an’ do the windows,’ he said, but Tara shook her head.

‘No chance. She’s got her “I mean business” look on.’

‘Oh. Fine, fine. Right ye are,’ Eric sighed, and stubbed out his cigarette on a corner of the wall. ‘How is the lad?’ he asked Tara quietly as he followed her inside.

‘He’s all right.’

‘Bein’ grilled by yer mother, nae doubt.’

‘Err. Yeah.’

‘Ah. Well, she’s fierce over ye.’ Her dad nodded. ‘As am I. I dinnae get fierce aboot many things, but you’re one o’ them.’

Tara reached for Eric’s hand.

‘I love you, Dad,’ she said. ‘And I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you and Mum this summer. It’s made me see you both in a new way, honestly.’

‘Aww. I love you too, Tara,’ he said, stopping and enveloping her in a hug. ‘Always have. And it’s been lovely havin’ ye home. Ye’ve been such a huge help wi’ yer mum laid up. I really couldnae have done it without ye.’

When Tara walked back into the bar with Eric, Dotty and Ramsay were also hugging. When she saw them, Dotty stood back and wiped her eyes.

‘We’ve had a good blether,’ she said. ‘Ramsay’s told me everythin’. Eric, I’ll fill ye in.’

‘All right.’ Eric frowned. ‘I willnae ask ye tae repeat yourself, Ramsay. If Dotty’s happy, I’m happy. Is everythin’ okay, hen?’ he asked his wife. Tara remembered what her mum had said about Eric getting a group of the local men together and running Jack Fraser out of town. He had always been a gentle man. Always the quieter one, letting Dotty do the talking.

‘Aye. Everythin’s okay.’ Dotty nodded. ‘I’ve reminded him what we always said. We’re his mum and dad, always have been, always will be. An’ he should bring little Kelly round tae visit.’

‘Aye.’ Eric broke into a warm smile. ‘That’s yer little one, is it? We’d love tae meet her. Ye know that regardless of whether ye were with Tara or not, yer family, Ramsay,’ he continued. ‘And as long as Tara’s happy, and Dotty’s happy, then I’m happy. Okay?’

‘Okay,’ Ramsay agreed. ‘And, yes, I’d love to introduce you to Kelly. She’d love to meet you, I’m sure.’

‘Well, that’s that then.’ Dotty planted a kiss on Ramsay’s cheek and gave Eric a meaningful look. ‘Now. We’ll leave ye young un’s tae it. Come on, love.’ She gestured for her husband to follow her out into the kitchen; Tara watched them go, then heard the kitchen door open and close.

‘They’re giving us space,’ she observed.

‘Yeah.’ He stuck his hands in his pockets.

‘Did Mum give you the third degree?’

‘Not really. She just listened, and let me explain. She’s always been great. So has your dad.’

‘They really do think of you as the son they never had,’ Tara reminded him.

‘I know. I’m so grateful to them. And I love them.’ He looked down at his shoes. ‘Tara, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, one day, I would be so grateful. I know it’ll take time, and that’s okay. But… I want things to be okay between us. I know that you’re going back to Glasgow, and you’ve got a whole other life there. But it would be great to be friends again, at least. If you can forgive me. I’m so very sorry.’

‘I forgive you now,’ Tara said, quietly, taking his hand in hers. ‘And I’ll never not be your friend.’

They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, and Tara felt the heat build between them. It was intoxicating, being this close to him: familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. And there was that same sense of groundedness, wholeness, that she was perfectly where she needed to be. There was no sense of being lost anymore.

‘Friends is good,’ he said, his gaze unwavering.

‘Yeah,’ she murmured.

Gently, he pulled her towards him, and she gazed up into his eyes. Those eyes , she thought. I’ve always been powerless when he looks at me like this.

‘Tara. I missed you so much,’ he breathed.

‘I missed you too,’ she murmured, and couldn’t help her sigh when his lips finally met hers.