King of Stars (The Next Generation #2)

45. Stella

Chapter 45

Stella

W e were on a flight out as soon as we left the cemetery, our destination Italy. Matteo said he didn’t feel our castello in Tuscany was safe enough, so we were headed to Lucca, around Florence, to Magpie and Nonno’s property. I’d never been, but I’d heard about it from numerous family members. Ava had told me it was like Luca Fausti’s own kingdom. It was a walled city within a city.

Matteo wanted that much protection for me, and if he thought it was necessary, I trusted him. What was odd, though, was that, on the plane ride from New Orleans to Florence, we didn’t have an entourage like we usually did. All his family left on planes either before or after we did. And all of Matteo’s closest men flew out with all the family that had been in Louisiana with us. Not long after takeoff, Matteo kissed me on the head and went into the private bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him, giving Mom and I privacy.

It was the first time mom and I had been alone. I needed that time with her, but I also needed time with my husband. I knew most people couldn’t understand it, but our connection was so strong, and it was pulling me to climb in bed beside him, skin on skin, and just…breathe.

Mom took my hand in hers and squeezed. We barely let go since we reconnected earlier. “My baby,” she whispered. “You’re all grown up.”

“Do I look like you imagined?” I smiled.

“More beautiful than I ever could have imagined. In my head, you’re still my little girl.” She smiled. “How am I here with you? Is this real?”

“Yeah,” I breathed out, tears slipping from my eyes. “It is.”

She moved my hand back and forth. “Should we talk now or save it for later?”

I knew what she meant. Should we hash out all the shit that was behind us while we flew above the ground or wait until after we landed?

“Now,” I said. “I want to know what happened.”

She pointed at the scarf around her head. “This. This is what happened.”

“I know that now,” I said, and the plane shimmied. “I thought…I thought I was just going to spend the summer with Henri. Then…you never came back for me.”

Her eyes welled up. “I was determined to beat this fucking thing. I told myself it was only going to be for the summer, but then…it took longer than I thought. The thought of you is what kept me going, Stella. I would have never gotten better if I hadn’t been so determined to live for you. I wanted you all my life, you know? I brought you into this world, and I didn’t think it was fair to leave you all alone in it.”

I couldn’t help the next words that rushed out, because they were burning me on the inside. I had thought about them for so long, they had branded me deep inside. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She grabbed a tissue from a gold holder and used it to dab her eyes. “I didn’t want that hanging over your head, you know? I didn’t want you to obsess over it. I wanted you to have a fun summer in Paris with your dad.”

“That’s not what happened,” I said so quietly, I wondered if she’d heard me.

She had. She nodded. “I know that now. Henri told me he and his wife were getting a divorce. It wasn’t love between them. He said his wife had a child from someone else. That’s why he gave me you.”

That made sense. I often wondered about Henriette. She was Régine’s through and through, but as far as looks, she didn’t look like Régine or Henri. I never thought much about it; sometimes kids don’t look like either of their parents. But there were whispers among the men.

“Henri did it to get back at Régine?”

“The bitch, yeah. I didn’t really care either way. I wanted a baby. And men like Henri didn’t come into the The Bunny all that often.” She smiled at me through tears. “I knew we’d make a beautiful baby, and we did. He seemed interested, at first, about being a part of our lives. I didn’t care either way. I just wanted him to send money. I’d always dreamed of being the soccer mom, you know? I wanted you to have a nice house to live in and a car with AC to ride around in.

“I didn’t ask him to be father of the year, since I was going to be mom of the century, but the money would have been nice. He was never dependable though. He’d send some sometimes and other times…I’d go stretches without hearing from him. But he had told me he had a nice place in Paris, and one day, he wanted us both to visit. He described it for me, and the dumbass told me where it was. I guess because it was in a rich section, and he wanted me to be blinded by the flash. That was why I decided to bring you to him. I thought he’d keep you busy for the summer and then I could go back and get you.”

“She found out about you.”

“Yeah, the bitch had ears behind her head, it seemed. I don’t know. I just know she showed up at our trailer. We had a fight. I used Tootsie’s car to go for a ride, and…when I pulled up to the trailer, I found it burnt. Not all the way to the ground, but enough to make it not livable. I was so thankful that a week before, I’d taken the things that meant the most to me out of it and brought them to Big Joe. Tootsie was a great girl, but she was hooked on drugs and looking for anything to sell. She got my watch. The twin to yours.

“Big Joe was there when I pulled up. He told me to go to the club and hide in his office. When he met me there, he said that woman was out to get me, and we shouldn’t correct the police when they think it’s me in there. Let them think I was Tootsie, he’d said. The police weren’t going to care about a stripper that much to dig too deep. He was right. Big Joe got me a new ID in Tootsie’s name. He knows people, you know? That was that. Except I knew that bitch was deranged the moment I saw her eyes. She has those eyes that don’t hide her cuckoo. I borrowed the money from Big Joe to fly back to Paris. I went to the apartment and banged on the door. Henri got all panicked when he saw me.

“He took me by the arm and drug me way down the street, then we got into a cab. ‘Why did you bring her here?’ he shouted at me as we drove. He went off on me in French, and I couldn’t understand a word of it. I shouted back, though, in English, that if he didn’t bring me my daughter, I was going to cut his balls off and then find her and cut her tits off. He turned away from me, covering his mouth, and said in a voice I’d never heard him use before, ‘You should have got in touch with me first. You have no idea who she is. What she is capable of.’

“I told him I didn’t give a fuck who she was. I wanted my girl. NOW. He shook his head and said, ‘I am sorry, Nola. She is dead.’” She looked away from me for a second, steadying her breathing, it seemed. “I don’t remember the ride to the airport or even getting on the plane, or the connecting flight from Paris to New York, or how I got home after. It was raining in Louisiana when we landed. That’s all I remember. I kept thinking that any day, I’d wake up from the nightmare and you’d be watching cartoons while I made breakfast. That got me along for a while, and then I…soured.” She pointed to her head. “It’s back.”

I squeezed her hand. “You’ll get better. I’m here.”

She smiled, but it was sad. “If that’s not enough to make me get better, nothing is.” She shook my hand. “Why did Henri lie to me about you being dead?”

I cleared my throat. “I can’t know for sure, because Régine killed Henri, but I think he told you that because, in a way, I was dead. She…used me.”

Mom stiffened, and her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean,” she said slowly, “used you?”

I started from the beginning, able to tell my story after what Scarlett had done for me in her dance studio—helped me help myself. She gave me a start to free myself from the debilitating fear.

“Oh, my baby,” Mom said, pulling me close, kissing my head. “She fucking caged you like a circus animal.” It took her a few minutes, after we both acknowledged that was exactly what Régine had done, and she asked, “She made you dance like me?”

“I think…it saved my life, until Matteo came along and saved me.”

“Matteo,” she repeated. “Matteo Fausti.”

I looked up at her, and she moved my hair away from my face.

“So much like mine,” she whispered. Then she kissed me on the forehead.

“My husband, mom.” I sat up, looking her in the eye. “I love him—” The word love was a simple term for what existed between us, but I knew it would take a better explanation than I could come up with after such a day, and time with us, for her to understand how powerful what existed between us was. “And I know you’re going to love him too.”

“We’ll see,” she said, and then we fell asleep holding onto each other.

Nonno and Magpie were the first to welcome us back to Italy when we arrived at their castello in their own city behind a stone wall that circled the perimeter. Magpie was so excited that mom was with us. She took my hand and squeezed, and said in a breathy whisper, “I am so happy for you, Stella Stellar! Now I know where you get it from…your mamma!”

Mom gave her a suspicious look at first, but after Magpie started chirping in her ear, I knew it wasn’t going to be long before they became friends. From the beginning, even Scarlett had sensed that I’d feel at ease with Magpie because she had a wild spirit like my mom.

Nonno had planned an excellent lunch for us, but first he wanted to take my mom for a walk around the property. She took his offered arm and looked at me over her shoulder. “You’re not taking me away from my girl, are you?” She turned her narrowed eyes on him.

Nonno kissed her hand and said, “Not for long, Magnolia. I would just like to speak with you privately.”

“Yeah, sure,” she said. She gave me another look. “I’ll be right back, Stella.”

Matteo slid his hand over my shoulder, and his warmth instantly put me at ease. I’d missed him the night before, and I was starting to crave more than just his touch. Even past the night, when the sun shone so bright in the sky, the blinds had to be drawn; if we missed each other, we acted on it. I refused to starve the connection between us for anything or anyone. He felt the same. And my body felt starved for his mouth, his touch, for him to be buried deep inside of me, more than my stomach needed food.

“Me too,” he breathed against the pulse in my wrist.

True to his word, Nonno had mom back a minute before the food was served, and we mostly had a nice lunch. Mostly because mom was quiet unless spoken to, and her eyes seemed to be everywhere, like she was plotting an escape route.

Time, I told myself. She just needed time to get used to this world. I came from a different situation, but someone who was as free as my mom would have a hard time with the way the Fausti world worked. It was too structured, too guarded; maybe, to a certain extent, it was too controlled for her. And when she wasn’t thinking about escape routes, she was studying Magpie, probably wondering how a woman like her could stand being trapped in this castello .

I grinned at my plate, thinking that, even this walled city couldn’t keep Magpie in if she wasn’t for it. The man next to her, kissing her hand all throughout lunch, he was plenty wild enough for her. Lion wild. And that was a draw. Around these men, it never seemed like a dull moment, and “trapped” was what a woman wanted to be with them. In their arms, the world was hers.

I looked at Matteo.

No doubt.

It was what I wanted.

During lunch, since mom was talking little, I told her how Matteo had taught me how to ride a Vespa in Tuscany, how to ride a bike in an orchard grove, how to swim in the Mediterranean in Sicily, and how to drive a car.

She wiped her mouth with a napkin. “That’s really nice,” she said.

The excitement in my voice compared to the dullness in hers was so apparent, the table went quiet, and we said our goodbyes not long after. Magpie squeezed my shoulder before we left, a supportive touch, and Matteo drove us to our villa in the walled city.

It even had streets and everything.

No one said anything as we ventured deeper into the city. My thoughts were everywhere in the quiet. I wasn’t sure why mom was being as quiet as she was. I was craving my husband. Interested in Luca’s private city. And…a nap wouldn’t hurt.

All in all, emotional whiplash.

When we stopped in front of an Italian cottage that could have made the front page of an architect’s digest, I sighed.

“Am I staying with you?” Mom pulled on the headrest of my seat from behind, her fingers getting stuck in my hair.

“My grandfather has extended an invitation for you to use one of the guest’s properties, but if you’d rather stay with us, you’re welcome to,” Matteo said.

“I’d rather stay with my daughter,” Mom said, and it was curt.

Matteo nodded, and after he got out of the car, mom said to me, “What are we waiting for?”

“This,” I said when he opened my door and gave me his hand, helping me out of the SUV. Then he opened the door for mom, and she hopped out before he could offer her his hand.

If he noticed how she was acting, he hadn’t said anything to me, or even looked at me, communicating his confusion with his eyes. He set his hand on my neck and steered me toward the side of the cottage, where a vintage-looking convertible car was parked in the drive, a big red bow around it.

“Whoa!” I smiled. “What’s this about?”

“For you,” Matteo said.

“No way!” I ran to it, running my hand along the silver hood. It was a pure silver, more matte, with black tires. The top was down. “I love it, Teo! It’s the same kind of car we saw in San Diego—the one I told you I loved. Oh!” I started laughing. “You were paying attention.” When it passed us in San Diego, I’d asked him what kind of car it was. A 1968 Porsche 365.

“When it comes to you, I miss nothing.” He tapped his temple, then the spot over his heart.

“I know,” I breathed, meeting his eyes. “Thank you, Teo. I love it and can’t wait to drive it.”

The connection between us started to move like a warm tide of stars, and I felt myself being pulled into his orbit. When I went to him, wrapping my arms around him, he wrapped me in an embrace that brought me home.

I peeked at mom. “What do you think?” I smiled.

She smiled at me, but then tapped the hood. “Are you going to be allowed to take it out of this private city?”

“I-ah,” I stammered, looking for the right words. “Are you tired?” I asked her.

“I am,” she said. “Can you show me to my room?”

The Italian cottage was even more perfect on the inside than it was on the outside. It was more quaint than our castello in Tuscany, but I fell in love with how close we all would be as soon as my feet touched the floor. There wasn’t a thing I would change. It even had a private garden outside with numerous blooming flowers and a small vegetable and herb garden.

The kitchen…a chef’s dream. It was all updated, with a massive stovetop and a long, wide island with copper pots hanging over it. An expensive looking ceramic rooster was on the counter for decoration. Tiles that looked hand-painted depicted some type of religious scene.

I couldn’t wait to learn how to cook!

I hadn’t had a chance to learn yet. We’d left Tuscany before Scarlett and Apollonia had gotten their hands on me and showed me more than a thing or two in the kitchen. I wanted to learn all of Matteo’s favorite dishes. Scarlett promised to teach me. Oh! Tuscany. My chickens. I made a mental note to call Apollonia and find out how all the ladies were doing.

A smile was stuck on my face when I looked up and noticed Matteo on one side of the kitchen and my mom on the other, both with such warm looks in their eyes that I wondered if the stove had been left on and I was feeling secondhand fire. But it was the love I was feeling coming off them both for me.

It would just take time for them to bond over…me. My happiness. I had all I ever wanted in my husband and more, and I had my mom back, and I’d made my mind up on the plane to get mom better. Do what Uncle Tito had said and heal her spirit, and then she would heal. I felt it in the marrow of my bones. Nonno was going to find the best doctors for her. It would be a fight, but we’d come this far. We were going to go the distance.

Both of my loves in the same room, it was…more than I could have ever dreamed possible.

And I was convinced everything was going to be fine.

But as the days passed, I was starting to feel split in half. Mom loved all the women, was herself around them, but when the men were around, it was like a wall went up, and she was guarded. No man was as locked out as Matteo. He didn’t even try to win her over with his charm. He barely spoke when she was in the same room.

After a dinner I cooked, Scarlett was helping me with the dishes while mom was enjoying dessert with Magpie outside on the veranda. Nonno and his younger brother, Niccolo, were smoking cigars and keeping them company. Scarlett set her hand over mine and waited for me to look at her before she whispered, “Life has a way of working out, one way or another, bebe . Good times don’t last, but that only means neither does the bad times.”

“The sun always finds a way to shine, one way or another, right?”

“Or the stars always find a way to shine, even against the darkness.” She winked at me.

“I feel so torn,” I whispered, so relieved to set the truth free. “I don’t know what to do.”

She flipped the dishtowel over her shoulder. “Your mom is a free spirit, I can feel it, and she doesn’t fully understand how powerful these men love yet.”

“She doesn’t trust them.”

“To a certain extent, but not fully, no. To her, their…protective natures might feel more like a cage.”

“What do I do?”

As she got back to work on the dishes, she sighed. “Have you tried talking to her?”

That…I hadn’t done. I thought after being around Matteo and his family she would understand, but it only felt like she was trying to yank me in the opposite direction of them. Like maybe she was plotting to steal me away in the night, especially when Matteo and I would gaze at each other. I’d catch her watching us and then she’d walk off, her mood changed. It felt like she was determined, probably, to get me to leave. Every once in a while, she’d make comments to me, like, Remember when you were little, and I told you how fun it would be to take off for California and then just travel the open roads together?

I didn’t remember her saying that to me, but ever since we reunited, I was relishing the mom I remembered, and getting to know who she was as more than just a mom. I never remembered her having the sense of humor of a ten-year-old boy when it came to dirty jokes, or knowing that she could play the violin and was the star of music class because of it.

Scarlett was right, though. I needed to talk to her.

I waited until Matteo had a family meeting at Nonno’s castello . Mom was sitting outside, reading a book, sipping on cucumber and lemon water I’d made and had sitting in the fridge overnight. We were already into September, but summer still lingered in the air.

Thinking that we only had a few months until our wedding in December made me antsy. I’d told mom about it, but she didn’t say anything but, that’s nice.

Nice to get married at Palais Garnier?

Nice that the man of my dreams loved me so much, he couldn’t wait to marry me twice?

I wanted her to walk me down the aisle, and truthfully, I wasn’t sure if she would. She might just want to sit with the other guests because she didn’t fully approve. I had an idea of why, but I wasn’t positive, and that was breaking my heart. I thought for sure she’d love Matteo, not only because of how much I loved him, but because of how much he loved me.

“Do you want another glass?” I asked her.

She didn’t answer, and I called her name.

“Huh?”

I smiled and nodded to her almost empty glass. “Do you want another?”

She picked it up and handed it to me. “Sure, Bestie Boo. It’s nice and refreshing. Even if it is fancy pancy. Thank you!”

I took her glass inside and refilled it, setting it in front of her while I thought about which vegetables and herbs to use in dinner.

“Mom,” I said, laughing a little late at her remark while I looked over the garden. “Water with cucumber and lemon isn’t fancy pancy.”

“So says the girl in a big garden hat with a rock the size of Venus on her left finger.”

I squinted at her. “It’s a star.”

She almost spat her water out after she just took a drink. “I know that!” she said, laughing. “I meant a rock, as in a huge diamond.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t heard it called that before. I turned back to the garden.

She moved beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in. “I’m so sorry, my bestie boo.” She sighed. “I’m so sorry for so much.”

She’d said that to me so much since we reconnected. She was sorry for so much, including times like these, when she referred to something I knew was called one thing as something else. It was because Régine had me locked away from civilization, and a dictionary didn’t give examples of metaphors. It gave the definition of it, an example of how to use it in a sentence, but that was it. Marciano was a wordsmith. I was going to ask him to give me some examples of sayings and things like that to get me up to speed.

Mom sighed again, hugging my shoulder harder and rubbing my arm. “That’s what I mean,” she whispered, shaking her head, like it was a damn shame. “You haven’t even experienced life yet.”

She wasn’t talking about Régine and what she’d done to me. I knew she was referring to Matteo and me getting married, me being accepted into the Fausti family. You haven’t even experienced life yet. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. I knew she felt I’d gotten married too fast. I was trapped behind the walls the Fausti family controlled, and if I wanted to take a leisurely drive to the farmer’s market, or what was equivalent to it in Italy, the trip would be a big deal. To her, my marriage was an entrapment.

As if Matteo had clipped my wings, and his family had stuck me in a gilded cage.

I wasn’t sure if she was thinking clearly or not, but not being able to take a leisurely drive to the farmer’s market was because I was still in danger. Régine and her daughters were dead, but the long arm her family had was still very much alive, and so was Boris and his association. And if Lev and his men, Russian assassins , couldn’t take them out easily, what did she think I could do to protect myself from them? They blew up her car!

Most importantly, though, was the intense connection Matteo and I shared. The love. She didn’t understand it, therefore she was ready for me to be free of it.

Turning to her, I took her hands in mine. “Mom. We need to talk.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“The thing is…I might have been locked away, but when Matteo saved me, I knew before he did that he was it for me. He’d been in the underground club before, and as soon as my eyes met his…it was like nothing I’d ever felt before. There was like this click in my heart, and it was like a key I’d searched for all my life opened me up to loving him. And love is a lame term for what’s between us. It’s like…there’s something that pulls us together, and there’s no fighting it. It’s frightening, yeah, but so…delicious. Warm.”

“Cunning,” she said.

“What?” I whispered.

“Cunning. That’s what it is. Trickery.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Nothing like that. Matteo even gave me a year to think about us. He said we would spend time together and then I could decide.”

She laughed, but it was so sarcastic. “He saved you, baby. Of course you’re going to feel indebted to him, even if you didn’t realize it. You’d been locked away so long, thinking I was gone, and these men, the money, the places they own…What? This family counts for like forty percent of Italy’s riches or something? That’s a lot for a young girl who was manipulated and controlled to deny. Maybe right now it feels safe and like home, but trust me, years from now, you’re going to feel trapped by it. And then what? Look what happened to what’s her name? They won’t leave the poor girl alone. That guy is obsessed.”

She was referring to Massimo and Chloe.

“He’s so in love with her, mom, and it’s not his fault. It’s his mom’s fault.”

She shook her head. “That’s not love, sweetie. That’s obsession.”

“Do you think that’s what’s going on between me and Matteo? Obsession? To a certain degree, yeah, we are obsessed with each other. But it goes so much deeper than that. Can you feel it around Scarlett and Brando?”

“Scarlett is different.”

“Why?”

“Because she came from money.”

“So?” I felt my face scrunch up. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Money goes to money.” She lifted her hands. “Money understands money. We don’t come from that kind of background, Stella. My mom was a housewife, and my dad is a fisherman. And both of my parents sucked at being parents. When I left, I left with nothing but the clothes I could carry and a few dollars I’d saved up from a summer job. What I did to support us is not exactly at the top of the food chain, as far as respectable careers go.”

I stuck my chin up. “There’s nothing wrong with what you did to make a living, if you wanted to do it. It’s an honest day’s, or night’s, work.”

She smiled at me. “Thank you, baby, but we’re getting off track here.”

“We’re not.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

Her smile widened, and I wasn’t sure why. “I don’t mean to smile right now, but I never thought I’d see the day when we would fight over a boy, and how puppy love can make you blind to so many red flags.”

Her words hurt me so much, it felt like they sucker punched me, and I choked on air. “Is that how you see Matteo? As a…” I couldn’t even say the word, because it was that absurd. “And is that how you see my truth? What I’m telling you? What you refuse to see? Puppy love?”

She lifted her hands. “Okay, maybe my wording was wrong. He’s a man, but can’t you see how much worse this is? He’s a man who’s used to controlling everything around him, including people.” She sighed. “Haven’t you had enough of that?”

“He doesn’t control me,” I said. “Our love, to a certain degree, does. Our marriage doesn’t have percentages. Sometimes he gives more and sometimes I do. I want to be a good wife to him because he’s the best husband to me. He loves me. Respects me. And.” I fisted the top to my dress, right over my heart, wishing I could pull my heart out and show her what existed deep inside of it. She’d see Matteo’s face and feel his touch. “I shouldn’t have to explain this to you, but I really want you to understand. I want you to love us together. But I can’t live without him, mom. If something ever happened to him, there would be no me. You gave birth to me so we could find each other and love each other. Na muri scrivutu ne stiddi .” I cleared my throat. “ Un amore scritto nelle stelle .”

“What does that mean?” she whispered.

“A love that is written in the stars in Sicilian and in Italian.”

“That’s beautiful, baby, it really is.” She swallowed hard. “Is that what Matteo told you?”

“He taught me the translations, yeah.”

“Baby. Men lie. I know that. Seen it with my own two eyes too many times to count. How many times did I see heartbroken women storming into the club, watching their men lust after other women. Yeah, they were angry, but anger stems from hurt.”

“Not all of them lie! Not him and his family!”

“ Shhh, ” she shushed me. “We’re only talking.”

“I know.” My eyes felt tight, and a second later, warm tears rolled down my cheeks, turning cold with the breeze. “But this is the most important thing in my life. Will ever be in my life.”

“A baby will be the most important?—”

“I know, but a baby is part of it for us. A part of him. A part of me.” It brought back the plaque in Scarlett’s garden that Brando had gotten done for her when they lost their first Matteo. “Our baby will be created from our l ove. This is it for me, mom. It. The end . My always. I can’t live without him, whether you accept that or not. That’s why he hasn’t been trying to put on extra charm. He knows you’ll see past the bullshit. He’s just himself with me. Because his truth is everything. It’s his honor. You see it, but you’re refusing to believe it. That’s killing me.”

She studied my eyes, then took a seat on the veranda, where she’d left her book and water. She lifted her hands. “I’m just trying to protect you, baby. Protect you like I swore to do since the day I found out you were inside of me. I just want…what’s best for you. Healthy and happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for my baby.”

I wiped my eyes and went to her, squatting down in front of her, taking her hands. “I might have been a prisoner all my life, but I know how to listen to my heart, mom. It’s all I had left in that place.”

“Baby,” she whispered, lifting me up by the arms, pulling me against her chest, crying into my hair. “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. I do like him. I do. I like the family I’ve met. The walls might seem like a cage, but I get why they’re there. To protect you. Protect you like I couldn’t. It might take time, but…”

I looked up at her and she wiped my eyes, then kissed them.

“Vow to me,” I breathed. “Vow to me you’ll give us that. Time.” She knew I didn’t mean just to fall in love with Matteo, but to stick around.

“We’ve come this far, right?”

“Can I tell you something?” I whispered.

“Anything, bestie boo.”

“Besides Matteo’s arms, yours are the only other ones I need around me.”

She pulled me in even harder, laughing and crying into my hair, breathing me in, and in that moment, that felt like the strongest vow she could have ever made to me.