King of Stars (The Next Generation #2)

50. Stella

Chapter 50

Stella

I had lied to him. I had lied and I’d hid a secret that belonged to both of us from him. A secret that had already started to change my life, along with my body.

Our baby.

I honestly didn’t want to think about the other stuff. It seemed dark and depressing, and what was happening in my womb—the development and growth of the child who was created out of our love—deserved nothing but light.

I was terrified at first when the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant, especially because the doctor said the cancer could come tomorrow or years from then. But I knew this child was going to be as strong as his or her father, and together, we were going to make it through this.

That was why I refused to think about the what ifs. If I could brighten my husband’s darkness, this child would be immersed in my light. And that light would see us both through.

When I told our families, Scarlett had squeezed my hand, setting her free one over my womb, and whispered, “This baby already loves you as much as his or her father. It’s all going to be okay.”

His or her —of course she knew if it was his or her father, but without me asking, she wasn’t going to tell me. And even though I knew sons were more common in this family, I thought about Mia and Graziana and kept an open mind, even though I’d be thrilled with either.

“Tell that to my baby’s daddy,” I’d said, smiling, but she saw right through what I was trying to hide.

She’d sighed. “Do you want to hear a story? A story about your father-in-law, Brando Piero Fausti, when he found out I was pregnant with Mia?”

Of course I did. Anything to help me navigate Matteo’s dark feelings and this family…was always much appreciated. Matteo was a copy of his father, but he wasn’t his father. I was married to a completely different man. A man who had thoughts and feelings of his own. A man who, all his life, had accepted this family and his position in it as his life. Having children as part of that obligation was necessary, even if he refused to accept that as a reason to have them.

It wasn’t the reason I wanted this baby, but it came to mind after mama had given me the news that would change the course of my life. Especially if, once Matteo settled down about it all, he really started thinking about it. Then Nonno might bring up how Rocco, Dario, and Romeo came into the world and…

I refused to think about that too.

Only positive thoughts.

I told mama this, about the positive thought train, and even though I could tell she agreed with Matteo more than me, she was still trying to keep a positive outlook for my sake. We’d been taking a walk one morning when she’d sighed, a cloud of smoke blowing from her mouth from the cold, and said to me, “Bestie boo, I’ve been thinking about things. Really thinking about things, you know? And…it came back to me, what you told me the day you convinced me that this life was right for you. You were right, baby. You were born for Matteo, and he was born for you. And since this baby is going to be a boy, I know it, our generational curse will be cured. Matteo will do that for you. He’ll do that for us.”

I hadn’t thought about it that way. That if this baby was a boy, he wouldn’t have to worry about what a girl would—inheriting the same thing mama had, the same thing I had lurking inside of my body.

It didn’t seem like anything in my husband’s eyes, lately, was positive though. That story Scarlett had told me, how Brando was there during the pregnancy but terrified of what it could do to her, was coming to life through my husband. These men were not used to not being in control, and when it came to the women they loved, it made them even more controlled on the outside, but on the inside…there was a wild sense of recklessness that could be felt through their touch.

Matteo was more withdrawn, more serious than ever. And for him, a little of that went a long way. He had always been serious. Focused on leading the family. Doing all the right things for it. But it seemed like all that intense focus and determination turned on me.

Magpie told me Nonno did the same thing when he found out about her diagnosis. She was doing well, and all the cancerous cells had been removed, but Nonno’s view of life had changed. He was giving up the family, setting the crown on Rocco’s head, to focus on her only.

But there was a difference. Luca and Magpie were much older. Matteo was in his prime, just starting to test out the shoes he’d one day wear every day. He had an entire life ahead of him to do what he was passionate about. I mean, I wasn’t sure where life was going to take us with this scary thing hovering, but I could also get in a car and die in an accident. I refused to live my life obsessing over tomorrow when I couldn’t even control today.

There was a lesson in what Matteo had taught me when I had run away from him that night in the underground club.

Seize the moment.

It was all we had.

Maybe I would have been free earlier from the Nemours and the Russians; then again, maybe one of us might have died that night.

Who was to say?

And that was the point my husband refused to see. I understood that not having the procedure right away might cause something to happen, but then again, what if I did the procedure and had to live with never knowing whether everything would have been fine after I had our baby?

It was possible, and that was all there was to it.

I was having Matteo Fausti’s baby.

The thought sent a feeling through me—a warm rush that lingered and made me excited and sleepy at the same time.

It felt like I could live on sleep lately, and it was so peaceful, it was like melting into a mattress made of clouds, with the cleanest sheets that smelled like a subtle hint of lavender and eucalyptus. And the excitement was the kind that makes the butterflies dance in the pit of the stomach, while the sensation rushed up the chest to the heart.

It was the way I’d felt when I’d first seen Matteo, except this time, it didn’t turn into fear, no matter how worried I should be that any day, something could go wrong.

“Ready?” I asked Matteo as he walked into our room, stopping by the bed to kiss my forehead.

The best way I could describe my husband after he found out about the baby, and that I lied to him… There was a meme Mia had shared with me. It showed a couple on a park bench, and they refused to face each other, their faces mad, but the husband still held an umbrella over the wife’s head as it rained.

He touched me, kissed me, made love to me, refused to let me do almost everything, especially picking anything up or reaching for anything, but…there was distance between us. Part of it was that I’d lied to him; the other part was that he wasn’t thrilled with the timing of the baby. And what I’d said about his family? About him having children to fulfill part of the obligation…it didn’t go over as well as I’d thought it would. I thought bringing into focus his family would lighten the situation a bit. But it almost seemed like he…resented me, somewhat, for it.

I’d never been afraid of Matteo Fausti since the moment I woke up and he was there sitting next to me. But when we were in that poor doctor’s office, and he kept repeating those five words, you fucking lied to me , a sense of terror appeared out of nowhere inside of me.

He wasn’t fucking around.

I knew he’d never hurt me, but that anger needed an outlet. That poor doctor’s office was destroyed. It was like the light had been turned off in my husband’s eyes, but I was still there.

He nodded in response to my question. “I’ll bring the bags to the car.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

He leaned over me, studying my face, our eyes connecting, but he left and grabbed the bags from our closet. It was time to start filming the movie in the abandoned town. Noemi wanted the background to be a crucial part of Valentina’s story of growth. Valentina arrives in the town in the winter, and by spring, her life would mimic the transformation of the town from desolate to fertile.

I thought maybe it would be good for us to get a way for a bit. I hadn’t been sure how Nonno was going to feel about Matteo accompanying me, though. The family was going through a lot. But he’d nodded and said for Matteo to go. He still ruled the family.

That was a point of contention, though. Rocco didn’t seem like he was of a sane mind to run it, not like before. After what his son had done in Natchitoches, it seemed like he became an island of man. Then there was Matteo, who I could tell was a step away from surrendering his position. I tried to talk to him about it, plead with him about it, but it only made him drink more. And he was drinking a lot more than he used to. I’d find him outside in the cold, sitting at the table, an entire bottle of whatever with a glass of it next to him, staring into the distance.

Scarlett told me to give him time, but she’d said, “Do not let anything, and I mean anything, get in the way of this time for you and the baby. Matteo knows life can’t be controlled, and he’s just feeling whatever he’s feeling about it, and that will get better. But you don’t want to look back on this time and regret a day of it. It all goes by so fast.”

So, that was what I was determined to do. Enjoy my time with the baby, in feeling every emotion that the next nine months would bring. And acting in this beautiful movie that would be filmed in Italy, Noemi directing it from behind the camera.

After Matteo loaded up the car, refusing to let the men do anything for me if he could help it, we got to the town and settled in. It reminded me of Nonno and Magpie’s walled city, and the soldiers who swarmed the area seemed right to be there. And my costars? They were warm and excited to be a part of this project, especially the women, but the men? They nodded at me out of respect and that was that.

My husband lurked in the shadows, those dangerous eyes always turned on.

The acting thing was an experience, at first, and some nights Noemi would come over and we would discuss things, but she made a comment to me one day that I was a natural. She knew I would be, and that was why she wasn’t surprised, but she wanted to tell me regardless.

Then…

Matteo was on set one day, reading an article about how the wife of Matteo Fausti was going to be the new Grazia Angeli of Italy, though I was not born there and didn’t speak the language natively. But I was a Fausti, the wife of Marzio’s great grandson, and the movie was going to be a throwback to the golden age of film.

Something completely changed in my husband’s face. I’d seen it with my own eyes, which, even when I was working, were on him. I was worried sick about him, because as the days pushed forward, I could tell he was struggling more and more. Like he expected the worse to happen any second. I didn’t know what to do, and after he’d read that article, I really didn’t know what to do.

His face was frozen in that same mask Scarlett wore when something, a feeling, ruled her. At night, he’d wrap me up in his arms, and I could feel the tremble beneath them. And his skin would run so hot, it was like he was trying to kill something inside of him like a fever.

A thought? A feeling?

I had no fucking clue if it was either, because he refused to talk to me about it!

Even Noemi watched him, worry etched on her features. She nudged me one day and asked, “Is Matteo okay?”

“Just worried,” I said. “He’s been treating me like…glass, ever since he found out about the baby.”

She nodded. “Fausti men can be like that, but…” She let whatever she was going to say after that go. “I’ll reassure him we’re going to wrap up before you’re too far along. Valentina isn’t pregnant in the script. And we’re ahead of schedule. You’re brilliant, Stella. I wouldn’t just say that.”

I squeezed her hand. “I know. Thank you.”

I texted Scarlett before Matteo could come out of the bathroom.

Might be nice if you and Brando visited.

She texted back right away.

On our way.

I sighed, feeling like maybe something would change once they arrived. Maybe there was a magic spell the two of them could cast to get Matteo to come around. Come back to himself. But even when he saw them, all he did was kiss his mom’s cheek and shake his dad’s hand.

Brando’s eyebrows drew in, and he looked at Scarlett. She stared at Matteo. And after the two men walked off to grab some drinks, she asked me where the article was. I’d saved it. I had no fucking clue if it had words in it that disappeared when I read it. It seemed harmless. A nod to the Fausti family. It painted them in a romantic light.

Scarlett’s eyes moved over the page, and when she looked up at me, she sighed. “Grazia passed from cancer, bebe .”

Okay…what did Grazia have to do with me?

Scarlett squeezed my hand, probably reading the confused look on my face. “Think about the similarities—besides what Grazia had. Matteo will run the family. Marzio ran the family. Grazia was an actress. You’re an actress. Matteo is…probably putting himself in Marzio’s shoes and you in Grazia’s. He even gave you her ring. He’s already…terrified.”

“Oh.” I looked down at the ring on my left finger and then rubbed my stomach. “He thinks we’ll follow in their footsteps.”

“He’s fighting it. Fighting you both stepping in their footprints, so it doesn’t lead you both down the same road. He’ll change something in the similarities to make the paths different.”

“Like what?” I asked.

She didn’t even have to answer. He answered for her when he came up from behind us with Brando. Father and son were both lurkers.

“I’m giving up my position in the family.”

“What?” I breathed.

“You heard me. The end.” He held up a hand and walked off.

Brando stared after him. Scarlett stared at me.

“What do I do?” I barely got out.

She took my hand and kept it in hers. “Nothing, bebe . There’s nothing you can do. Not about this.”

“What happens now?” My voice was so low, I doubted either of them heard me, but Brando did.

He cleared his throat. “Matteo will decide when to give up his right. My son is a man, and if this is the decision he makes, it’s on him.” He said something in gruff Italian and then started for our apartment.

I looked at Scarlett. “What did he say?” I’d learned my lines for the movie, but sometimes, the words were beyond me. Especially if it was in a different dialect.

She wiped her eyes, though she wasn’t crying. “‘You did nothing wrong, daughter of my heart. Do not allow a decision you have no control over to hurt you. In our world, it is not the end of it.’”

In our world, it is not the end of it.

That was because Brando had never really wanted to be a part of his birthright. Scarlett had stumbled into it years ago, and they both got sucked into it. Over the years, Scarlett said Brando had accepted it, but he gave up his right to rule to Rocco. Brando didn’t want bad blood with his brother over something that had never been important to him.

Brando’s wife was the most important to him.

The end.

Matteo was doing the same for me.

Except, even though Brando and Scarlett had given their children lives outside of the family’s walls, created something entirely separate for them in Natchitoches, Matteo had always chosen the Faustis. If one day he resented me for this choice, I couldn’t live with it. I was barely skirting around the fact that he harbored a bit of that when I’d lied to him about not getting my test results back.

That night, after we slipped into bed, I took his hand and kissed it, setting it on my stomach after. “If you do this,” I whispered, “for the wrong reasons, like a path two other people had to walk in life, it will make me very unhappy down to my soul, Matteo Fausti. You’re not your grandfather, and I’m not Grazia Angeli. I don’t even have that much Italian in me.” I’d found out I had Italian ancestors on both sides of my family, but like, only four. “There are differences. And…what about this? What if our story will complete theirs? Give it a second chance? What if things work out differently for us? I believe they will. I do. Down to the marrow of my bones. I have options she didn’t.”

Like getting the procedure done after the baby was born, but I refused to think about that until I absolutely had to. I loved being pregnant. And I already loved being a mom. When I found out I was pregnant, it was like I slipped into a role I was meant for my entire life.

So easy. So natural. So right.

What if I got to keep it all? The husband. The children. And the acting career?

That would be…like divine intervention after the hell I’d been in. That was how good it felt in my soul.

“No more children,” Matteo said.

“You don’t get to make that choice for me, Matteo.”

“I don’t,” he said. “But I get to make it for me, Estella.”

“So, what, no more sex?”

“If that’s the fucking case.” He shrugged.

My mind wasn’t even playing around when the first thought that came to it was… just steal his sperm from him then. Maybe we wouldn’t have sex, but he had needs…we’d have to do something sometime, right?

Damn. What the hell was I even thinking? Stealing my husband’s sperm?! (Was it even considered stealing since he’d vowed to me that whatever was his was mine? A thought for another day, though.) It had to be the stress. Scarlett told me she cracked up laughing when she was overly stressed. Maybe I just had insane thoughts that would make people laugh if they were ever aired.

I hadn’t planned on telling anyone that, except...what he’d said made me mad, so I said the thought aloud.

His eyes turned to mine slowly. “You will steal my sperm.”

“Yeah.” I shrugged, just like he had. “If that’s what it takes. And is it really considered stealing if what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours?”

The thought seemed to perplex him. His entire face shut down, except for his eyes and thick eyebrows. His eyes were alert, his brows drawn down, and it was like he was trying to figure out a mathematical problem that had no answer, but he was determined to find one. I exploded with laughter, laughing until I had to run to the bathroom to keep from having an accident, and when I started to run back to the bed, he was waiting for me at the bathroom door.

He stared at my face. “You are so beautiful, my wife.” And he leaned down and kissed me between the eyebrows.

I smiled. “So does that mean no cops will be involved if I steal your sperm?”

He grinned at me and did things to me that night that almost made me late for work the next day, but I wanted to keep ahead of schedule like we had been. And even though that night was nice, lighter than it had been between us in what felt like a long time, the days seemed to be growing heavier for Matteo. He started drinking more. Became quieter and more reflective. His thoughts more dangerous. More toxic to his well-being.

If the entire situation had him in its iron grasp, that article had stuck poisonous claws in him.

He woke up much earlier than me to go for runs or lift weights or anything that would cause him physical exertion, and he would exercise for hours and hours. He would come to bed much later than me, drunk on whatever his drink of choice was for the night. So I was relieved when we took the week of Mama and Niccolo’s wedding to take a trip to Lucca. It wouldn’t put Noemi behind schedule because we were so ahead of schedule.

We were surrounded by family, and all the things Scarlett and Mia had helped me plan for mama were so nice. We threw her a bridal shower and even had a girl’s night, while the men celebrated with Niccolo. That night didn’t end well, though, because Matteo had gotten into it with a cousin. Vincenzo’s son. Vincenzo was a high ranking…I wasn’t sure what he did, but I knew he wasn’t a soldier.

The wedding was beautiful, though, and held at the church on the property. It was surrounded by white and pink magnolias in bloom. I cried the entire time. Hormones and the deep sense of happiness that my mama was happy and going to be taken care of made me emotional.

So was my worry for my husband, but I tried to separate the happiness I felt from the worry I felt. I wanted to keep the baby in the light, even if my heart was overshadowed by dark shadows.

While we were in Lucca, Matteo spoke to Nonno about what he planned to do—relinquish his right. I wasn’t there for the conversation, but I knew Nonno’s face became tighter after, and he was more reflective and withdrawn from conversations. Like he was always deep in thought. Matteo reminded me of Luca when he did that. But I wasn’t sure if it was official yet. A lot was going on with Rocco, and I had a feeling that the family, our branch of it, was in danger of losing the kingdom to another branch if any of those sniffing lions got wind of the weakened leg.

And by the end of the spring, it didn’t seem like it was healing.

I, however, was in full bloom. We had two months until the baby was born. And after filming wrapped, the ladies in the family threw me a fabulous baby shower. Mama was looking so much better, her sickness in remission, again, and her hair was growing back! The doctor couldn’t make any promises about whether it would ever return, but he had high hopes for her. Especially since her diet was much better—Niccolo made sure of it—and I thought her spirit was better too.

Though, when she’d look at me sometimes, I found in her eyes the same sense of worry my husband had. It was in those times that I felt a stare, and when I found it, it was hers, and she wasn’t hiding her feelings. She seemed more understanding of Matteo, and his love for me had finally made her fall in love with him. Every so often, she would squeeze his hand or touch his shoulder, like they were both going through the same thing when it came to me. It was like they both were suffering in silence, even though Matteo couldn’t hide it from me, and were waiting for the day when I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore.

I didn’t have that much longer to go, but the baby still needed to cook.

Except.

As Matteo and I were finishing up his room (I was convinced our baby was a boy), I started to have bad pains in my lower back. Bad enough that I had to stop and sit down. Take a few breaths. Try again after the pain resided. But it would come back even stronger, like I’d been kicked in the back by a horse or something.

“Baby,” Matteo said, his wild eyes on my face.

I closed my eyes for a second, lifting my hand, breathing through it. “I don’t think this is normal, Teo.”

“Me fucking either.” He picked me up right as the pain hit, and I screamed out. His eyes grew even wilder and he set me down. As the contraction passed, and I gave him a nod of approval, he picked me up again, hauling ass to get to the car. After a phone call, he sped so fast to the hospital, I couldn’t have remembered it if I tried. The entire world was a blur of speed, sweat, tears, and pain.

By the time we made it to the hospital, it seemed like a team was waiting for us. No doubt hired by the Fausti family to welcome one of their own into the world with nothing but the best. Not long after we arrived, so did our family. The waiting room was packed.

I was in labor.

Full-on labor.

And almost ready to push.

Except, baby boy’s heart rate wasn’t cooperating.

The doctor looked at Matteo and said, “She will need to have emergency surgery.”

Everything happened so quickly after that, it reminded me of the drive to the hospital. So much rushing, it was making life a blur around me. But my husband’s hand in mine was keeping me rooted, keeping me settled and calm, and he kept saying beautiful things to me, some in Italian and some in English, and when the doctors took me to the room where I’d have the surgery, they had to put me fully under because I wasn’t responding to the epidural quickly enough.

The baby’s heartrate was declining rapidly.

The last thing I remembered seeing was my husband’s eyes staring into mine before the world went dark.