Knot Broken (Hiddenverse)

44. Lilah

CHAPTER 44

Lilah

Time was a combination of too fast and too slow after the last ceremony. Chad and I joined Hailey as the final three. After that night, we were each sent home to prepare for the family visits. So thankfully I haven’t had to restrain myself around Hailey. But on the flip side, I also haven’t had a single conversation with Chad in the three days since we left the villa.

Ashlyn watches me as I nibble at my food. She’s brought me to my favorite restaurant in New York to butter me up and get the details on the guys. Even the day is beautiful, sunny with only a slight chill in the air. It’s like the weather is on her side.

“Final three,” she says with a slight raise of her eyebrows.

I wave her away with a fry. “It’s all fake.”

Her forehead creases at my lie and false cheerfulness. “It doesn’t look fake.”

I laugh. “Rafe Carson’s an actor,” I say before dipping my fry in ketchup.

“The other two aren’t,” she says stubbornly. “And even actors aren’t that good. ”

While chewing on my fry, I pick another and dip it. Maybe keeping my mouth full will deter her questions.

“I’ve watched every episode, Lilah. I know what I’ve seen.”

“Then you’ve also seen that they are half in love with Hailey,” I say. Her name tastes like ash on my tongue, and I grimace. And I know it isn’t true, they’ve had to stop filming so many times that I couldn’t be more positive.

She gives me a bland look. “What I’ve seen is how fake Hailey has been the entire time. I don’t understand why they’ve kept her. She’s obviously a terrible choice. They had more chemistry with Tyler or even Tamika than her.”

Well, at least that is a small comfort. Focusing on my plate of food, I can’t find a single word to say. Just the idea of the pack spending time with Hailey and her family and then taking her to theirs is too much for my heart to take.

“And don’t get me started on Chad. Do you know the scheming that snake has been doing behind your back?”

I snort and shove another fry in my mouth. Chad’s going to love that at least part of his plan worked.

“He’s so much worse than Tabby.”

“He’s nothing like Tabby,” I say, my voice heated in his defense. Lifting my eyes to hers again, I pin her with a determined look. “It’s all fake, Ash. Believe me, I’ve lived it for the last few months. Chad came to me the first night and said we should play off each other because it was clear that the show wanted to paint me as a sweetheart with the way they dressed me to meet the guys. And Chad just wanted to make it to the end. He has something to prove to someone, and he basically did it in my opinion. He knew drama would keep him around. Can he be abrasive and mean? Yes. Absolutely. But at least he’s honest about it.”

She presses her lips together in a tight line, clearly not believing me. We eat in silence for a few minutes, or at least I do. Ashlyn just watches me, not touching her food.

“You’re different,” she finally says.

I blink. “What do you mean?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Something has changed. Even your perfume’s slightly different.”

I lean back in my seat and glance around the restaurant. The paparazzi are outside the window, probably catching tons of pictures. Their size has doubled since I’ve been home. And the questions they shout aren’t only for my sister now. But that’s her world, not mine. I don’t want it.

“I’ve healed. That’s what you wanted right? The time away puts things into perspective.”

“No. I mean, yes. But no, that isn’t what I mean.” She fingers the fork next to her plate before lifting her gaze back to mine. She moistens her lips and says, “Are they your scent matches?”

If scent matches feel like they belong to you, yes. But that’s just a fairy tale we are told when we are kids. That just like soulmates, people have scent matches. It’s not any realer than the show.

I scoff. “Scent matches? What did you do with my sensible sister while I was gone? First, you’ve watched Omega in Paradise , and now you believe in scent matches? Next, you’re going to tell me that you believe in Santa Claus.”

“Lilah…” She draws out my name. “Stop. You can talk to me.”

“What do you want to hear, Ash?” I push my plate away. “That although every single aspect of the show is fake, what I feel for them is so real I think I might shatter once it’s all over? Or that I probably didn’t even know what broken was when Jared and Tabby betrayed me? Or maybe even that, I did something stupid…I let them mark me.” I drag the collar of my shirt low enough for her to see Miles’ claim on my soul. “An d I would do it all over again. Every single second, if I could be close to them.”

Tears for me shine in her eyes, and she blinks them away, reaching for my hands. She clasps my fingers between hers. “The show isn’t over yet.”

I smile sadly and tug my fingers from hers. “No, but I made a deal to only go to second place with Rafe.”

“Well, there’s no way an alpha who has claimed an omega will keep up that sort of deal,” she says.

She couldn’t know how painful those words were. Because I know the truth. That isn’t what the sex was about for him.

My lips quiver slightly, and I sigh, my chest too tight. “That’s probably why he didn’t mark me.”

“That won’t matter. Miles and Elliott won’t let him pick anyone else.” She sounds so sure. And she’s probably right. They aren’t the type to claim an omega and let her suffer when it isn’t complete.

But my head’s clear, and I know what I need to do. “I’m going to quit the show.”

“What?” she explodes. I know she heard me, so I don’t repeat myself. The words were like razors in my throat the first time. “No, you can’t walk away from this, Lilah.”

“You’ve walked away from a pack before, Ash,” I remind her.

She had been head over heels in love with them. But they told her to choose between them and acting when she landed her first movie deal. The boys we grew up with just turned their backs and walked away. And she didn’t look back either.

Her face goes blank, and pain flashes in the depths of her eyes as she crosses her arms. “I have Owen now, that isn’t the same.”

I snort, digging into this topic to distract her from focusing on me and my train-wreck. “Owen. Right. He’s so perfect.” Not. I barely hold in my eye roll.

“No one’s perfect.”

Humming, I tug my plate back in front of me, and I pick up a fry and drown it in ketchup. “That’s an understatement.”

“We are not talking about my love life right now,” she says stubbornly, locking back on her previous train of thought. “Lilah, I might not know your pack well, but I run in the same circles as them. And Rafe—he helped me out of a bad situation before. They are a good pack. And I’ve watched the way your eyes light up when you interact with them. Or the longing painted on your face when you don’t think they are looking at you. And I wanted to climb through the TV and strangle Hailey when she kissed Rafe a second before you walked into the room.”

I drop the saturated fry and swallow. “She kissed him?” My voice sounds unsure to my own ears. I shake myself, clearing my throat. “It doesn’t matter.”

She pokes her tongue into her cheek and sits forward. “I know what you need.”

Almost afraid to ask what she thinks I need, I lift my eyes to hers.

She opens her purse and pulls out a hundred and drops it on the table. “Come on.”

I follow her quick steps out of the restaurant and through the waiting crowd. The chaos of the shouting and the flashing lights only fades once we are inside the back of a taxi.

“What are we doing?”

“Opening your eyes to the truth. The show’s two weeks behind, but you can watch every episode to see what I do.”

I’m shaking my head before the denial even forms on my tongue. “No. I don’t want to watch it.”

“You don’t want to watch them fall in love with you? ”

“Ashlyn, I can’t.” My heart pounds inside my chest, and I’m positive it’s going to bust out and run away screaming.

“You can, Lilah. You can’t lose what you have with them. Trust me, you’ll never recover.”

Her words thrum inside of me as silence falls between us.

As much as Ashlyn attempted to get me to watch Omega in Paradise , I had dodged that bullet. When the camera crews descend on her apartment, everything comes back in clear focus. Shelly breezes in, greeting my sister and I with hugs.

“The pack will be arriving soon. We will film some family time. Then we have a big date planned with a stay in the penthouse suite of the Four Seasons.” She presses her lips together in an excited smile as if she hasn’t mentioned the best part yet. “What you do in the suite is between you and the pack, no cameras will follow you.”

My stomach sours with nerves as my perfume shouts to the whole room how I’m feeling. It’s probably soaking into my sister's drapes and the couch. I’ll owe her a whole new couch after this meet and greet is finished.

I watch her clock tick the seconds by, then minutes as the crew prepares around me and Ash and Shelly make small talk. Then she answers her phone and has a short conversation before she moves off to the side and filming starts.

A knock on the door announces the arrival of the guys. I wipe my palms down my jeans and cross the space to let them in. The smile that pulls at my lips comes as naturally as breathing as I tug the door open, although the latter stutters to a stop, catching in my throat at the sight. Elliott stands in front of the other two, but each of them holds a bouquet of roses.

Blood red. The color of passion .

Words escape me as they step forward. Searching my memory of the show, I can’t remember any season where the pack brought flowers for the omegas. And the happiness that hits me square in the chest from not only me but Miles and Elliott’s bond is enough to have me accepting the flowers long enough to pass them off to my sister. Then I’m throwing myself into their arms. They haven’t even made it inside, and I can’t help myself.

I'm surrounded by their warmth on all sides, soaking it in while I can. They hold me until I pull away. A blush climbs the sides of my neck, over my ears, and across my cheeks as I turn to face my sister. Her eyes shine with what look like unshed tears before she’s welcoming them into her apartment.

As far as family visits go, this one’s small. It’s just the two of us. Well, besides extended family; they are scattered all over the midwest. And I’m sure none of them want to be on a show.

We settle on the couch, and Ashlyn sinks into an armchair. Owen thankfully opted out of this meet and greet. We fall into easy conversation. Introductions weren’t even needed because she knew each of them in some capacity. And it’s easy to imagine my life with them. Of having weekend dinners with my sister, and it being this simple and comfortable.

After a bit, Ashlyn clears her throat and says, “Can I have a moment to talk to Rafe?”

I glance at him, and he’s nodding already, getting up. They head to the other room, a cameraman following to get their conversation, I’m sure. But I’m almost positive I know what she wants to talk to him about. Me and his intentions with me.

She knows he didn’t claim me, and I really hope she doesn’t mention that on TV .

Running my palms over my knees, I watch the hallway. Elliott covers my hand, his thumb stroking my skin, sending tingles of awareness skittering over up my arm.

“We missed you,” he says as he lowers his voice, ensuring his words are only for me. Not for the show. For me .

He holds me in his gaze. His other hand cups my cheek, and I can’t help nuzzling into his palm. My eyes drop shut, and I let myself soak up the feel of him through the bond. He’s bright and pure. And everything I could ever want in an alpha. Then there’s Miles, with a kindness and protectiveness that makes my heart sing. Do they feel my heart as clearly as I feel theirs?

“I missed you too,” I whisper back, my soul talking to him.

Miles rubs my back, leaning forward. His nose tickles the crook of my neck as he brushes against me, inhaling deeply. “Once this is done, we are locking ourselves away from the world for a few months. I’m looking forward to enjoying having you all to ourselves.” He drops a kiss to my throat, and I shiver as goosebumps spread over my whole body.

I don’t bother denying his words. There will be time to explain it tonight, in the privacy of the penthouse. Away from the cameras. For now, I’m going to absorb every moment I can.