Knot Broken (Hiddenverse)

46. Lilah

CHAPTER 46

Lilah

Energy vibrates through me, and I won’t be surprised if the cameras can pick it up. Still, I face them. The two that tried to break me. Miles, Elliott, and Rafe stand at my back. Ashlyn stands slightly off to the side, and if looks could kill, they would both be lying on the ground dying from their wounds.

“Lilah,” Tabby says, and I swallow, some of my determination to face them evaporating like rain on the hot pavement. “Jared and I, we’ve been talking a lot over the last few months. We miss you.”

We miss you. The words should shred me to pieces. They should remind me of what they did to me. But they do neither. Sure, the proof of her growing belly stings a little. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that to myself. Maybe I’m in shock.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Lilah, we want to form a pack—” she trails off.

I flick my attention to Jared, who stands ramrod straight behind her. He smiles at me, but still looks incredibly uncomfortable. I focus on Tabby, and she wets her lips in nervousness.

“A pack with you,” she adds.

Slowly blinking at her, I let the words sink in. Tension fills the air, and I can feel Miles and Elliott through the bond. A sort of pain and anger mixing into a lethal combination. It swirls around with my emotions and steals my words.

But it’s Rafe who steps forward and says, “She has a pack.”

He pulls me into his side, and I absorb his warmth and musk as I sink into his embrace. The words may not be accurate, but they soothe me.

“Lil,” Jared says, stepping forward, a slight growl of possession in the single syllable. He holds out his hand like I’m going to take it and go to him. “Come home.”

The damn breaks. A torrent of emotions washes over me. Anger, fear, heartbreak, longing, sadness, all of them grapple for my full attention. I swallow as tears blur my vision. A purr rumbles from beneath my palm on Rafe’s chest.

“You were never home, Jared. You proved that when you showed up to our bonding ceremony with my best friend on your arm. Both of you betrayed me. And now that I’ve moved on, you’ve decided it’s the best time to come and ask me to join you?” I scoff. Tears stream down my face unchecked as rage burns through my chest. “Are you fucking insane? If you two were the last two people on the planet, I would choose to be alone. You’ve tried to break me once, you’ll never have the opportunity to try again.”

“You don’t mean that—” Tabby says. “You’re my best friend.”

A laugh bubbles up through the tears at her words. A sarcastic smile pulls at my lips. “Yeah? How long were you sleeping with Jared before I knew about it? Was he the one that helped you through your heat? Was that his business trip?” My gaze drops pointedly at her belly. There’s no way that happened after we broke up. “I don’t think you know what it means to be a best friend. Because a best friend builds you up and has your back. They tell you the hard truths because they care about you. They don’t sleep with your alpha. They don’t do anything that you’ve done.”

She rubs her belly and glances at Jared. “I would do it differently if I could go back.”

“Right.” I nod. “But would your alpha do it differently?”

Jared shifts on his feet, and I’m not even sure he is here because he wants to be here. It fills me with a tiredness that seeps into my bones. Even now, he doesn’t truly want me, if he ever did.

“Go home to your perfect white picket fence life. Have the life I thought I wanted. But I won’t be going with you.”

“You think this pack wants to keep you anymore than I did?” Jared says. “You were so desperate you went on a show, Lil. This is the only time I’ll offer you a spot with us. For Tabby.”

My tears dry at the realization that the Jared I thought I knew was nothing more than what I built him up in my mind to be. The alpha standing in front of me is petty and cruel. He wore the mask I made him until he could no longer do it. He saved me from a life of misery by arriving with Tabby on his arm. And now, with his words, he’s finally set me fully free.

The whole relationship with him was pure fantasy. It was what I built it up to be in my head, into something large enough to break me once it was over. But my idealized view of that whole situation is shattered now because the emotion I felt just now? It wasn’t for him…it was at the loss of someone I thought of as my best friend.

I can feel the guys move to protect me. As if his words are bullets meant to shred me to pieces. But I’m bulletproof.

“Since you obviously have issues with listening, I’ll say it one more time, just for you,” I say slowly. “I’d rather be alone than to ever be with you, Jared.”

“I’m pretty sure that means you can leave now,” Rafe says, speaking up for the first time.

Warmth seeps into me. They let me take the lead. Let me choose. They trusted me to handle it.

Ashlyn moves between us, her hands on her hips. “Go. You aren’t welcome in my home.”

Tabby gives me one last pleading look that looks a lot like regret for her choices. While Jared shrugs and turns to go as if it doesn’t matter one way or another.

As soon as the door closes between us, I exhale the remaining bitterness I’ve carried. It’s closure I didn’t know I needed. Nothing will change the past, but looking at it without the sugarcoated vision gives a new perspective.

Elliott threads his fingers with mine behind Rafe’s back. And I lean up to press a kiss to Rafe’s cheek before turning in his arms and reaching for Miles' hand to pull him closer.

Ashlynn hugs herself as she watches us. “If they told me that was going to happen…it never would have happened.”

I meet her steady stare and nod. I know that she would have done everything in the world to protect me from something she thought would hurt me. Turning my attention back to the guys, I say, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Rafe asks.

A small smile pulls at my lips. “For letting me face my past.”

The whole night has been everything I could ever want. From the visit with my sister to the magical ride over the city in a helicopter and the rooftop five star meal, all the way down to the limo ride to the hotel .

It allowed me to pretend for a minute that all three of them want me as part of their pack. But as the doors open in the penthouse and we leave the camera crew behind, I know it’s time for the hard conversation. Time to remove those rose-colored glasses and be honest with them and myself.

Crossing to the floor-to-ceiling windows, I suck in a breath. Steadying myself, I turn to face them. Miles has sunk into an armchair, his crutches propped next to him. While Elliott’s perched on the arm of the sofa watching me. Rafe has shrugged out of his suit jacket and pauses untying his tie when our eyes meet.

They go still like the predators they are. Sensing the change in my perfume or the tension building in the room as it comes off of me in waves.

It also probably has to do with me locking down that bond between Miles and Elliott. The silence it creates in my head is almost too much. I enjoy feeling the buzz of them so close that now that I’ve blocked it, I feel the loss. How did I go my whole life without it? Will I ever forget that feeling?

“Are you okay?” Elliott stands straight, his brows dipping low.

Miles leans forward, his elbows on his knees as he watches me silently.

But it’s Rafe that has a knowing look in his eyes. He crosses the space, his tie hanging loose on his neck. “I love you. Lilah, I love you. Okay? Don’t do this. You don’t need to do this.”

I shake my head, an automatic denial of his words. I’ve convinced myself that I’m saving him from a future he doesn’t want. That’s how I’m even able to do this. Tears flood my eyes unbidden. My heart wants to soak up his words and hold them close, but I can’t.

“Rafe, there are no cameras here. You don’t have to say that to me. ”

He cups my face, dipping his face to mine and capturing my eyes with his golden-flecked irises. “I know.” He brushes my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.”

Still, I can’t shake the need to deny the words he’s saying. “You want me. That’s all.”

He smiles. “That’s all?” He releases a dry chuckle that sends a shiver down my spine. “That’s true, I’ve wanted you since I saw you in that club. You watched me with an innocence I hadn’t seen in years. I forgot it existed. But now…it’s so much more than lust. It has been for a while. I love your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes crinkle at the sides when you’re happy. Even the way you snort when you don’t agree with what I say. Everything, Lilah. I love all of you like I’ve never loved anyone else before. And it scared the shit out of me. But I won’t lose you because I’m afraid of being hurt. I can’t because losing you will destroy me.”

The breath catches in my lungs as my heart lodges itself in my throat. I feel lightheaded. His thumb brushes over my cheekbone. As I look into his eyes, I feel a magnetic pull, as if his gaze is reaching into my very soul. His stare’s unwavering, intense, and filled with a depth that makes my heart race. I can see tiny flecks of color I hadn’t noticed before, and it feels like time slows down.

“Rafe—” My gaze darts from one of his eyes to the other, unable to settle in one place. The intensity of his stare makes me feel exposed, and I can't help but shift my focus, trying to grasp the full scope of what he just said. “You don’t have to say things like that.”

His face transforms, pain ghosting over it, then he’s dropping to his knees in front of me. The palms of his hands mold to my sides as he stares up at me. “What will make you believe me?” his voice breaks with the question.

I brush a curl away from his forehead, and he leans forward into my touch, resting against my stomach. His fingers tighten against my skin, and his breath’s ragged with emotion.

“Lilah, we can’t lose you. I need you. My pack needs you. Please—” he begs.

“I believe you?—”

“It’s more than that, you are—” his words cut off, and he lifts his head to look up at me. “What did you just say?”

“I believe you,” I repeat.

A smile like sunlight coming out after a storm breaks across his handsome face, then it falls a little. “You don’t feel the same?”

My tongue darts out to wet my lips. “I feel the same.”

He explodes to his feet with a mix between a cheer and a growl and swings me into his arms, showering kisses over my face. “Tell me. Say the words,” he demands.

I suck in a breath. “I love you. All of you.” The torrent of emotions that floods me at my words, not just from myself but from the unblocked link as the walls I erected crumble between our bonds.

Elliott and Miles are grinning over at us when I look their way. As if remembering his pack mates, he spins around with me still in his arms and closes the space between us. “She’s staying,” he tells them, even though they just witnessed the whole thing. “She loves us.”

“Well, then maybe it’s time to make it official,” Miles suggests.

“Official? We still have a few days left of the show,” I say.

“The show’s fake, sweetheart. What we have right here—that’s what’s real.”