Lark Lake Lodge

Chapter Five

Dinner and a Safe Word

Sitting at Harlan’s table, I gobbled up a delicious bowl of hearty chili with lots of oyster crackers and cheese on top. The conversation was pretty stop and start, mostly stop. I was unaccustomed to comfortable silences, but he seemed unbothered. Though I was desperate to fill all the gaps with rambling , I didn’t want to bring up what I’d overheard. So, I went a different route.

“I met your biggest fan today.”

“Oh really? Who?”

“Melanie at the library.”

He rolled his eyes and fell back in his chair. “I forgot about her when I sent you there.”

Oof. She would’ve been devastated to hear him say that.

“So, what’s the story there?” I asked. “Are you interested? She’s cute. And she’s definitely into you.”

He looked horrified. “The girl is nineteen! Are you joking? I could literally be her father! What kind of creep do you think I am?”

I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t love his answer. “Sorry. She just talked about you a lot.”

“She’s got a crush. She’ll get over it,” he said as he folded his arms.

“She tried to pump me for information. She said you’re basically a recluse and that nobody knows anything about you.”

His eyes flashed with worry for a millisecond. “What did you say?”

I held up a hand. “Don’t fret. I didn’t blab. If what she said is true, it was easy to presume you wouldn’t want me sharing your business.”

“You presumed correctly.”

“It did make me wonder, though.” I took a sip of beer. “Why me?”

“What?”

“Melanie went on and on about how solitary you are. She made it sound like no one’s ever been in your place. And yet, you invited me over right away…and often.”

He pursed his lips. Was he annoyed? Or maybe I’d gone a step too far in prying and he was ready to shut our little embryonic friendship down. I really hoped that wasn’t the case. I liked talking to him. Even if I was the one that did most of the talking.

“I couldn’t exactly let you stay in the lodge, what with it being infested and having no heat and all. I just did what anyone would do.”

“What about breakfast? And the shower? And the phone? I’d say you’re the most hospitable hermit I’ve ever met.”

“Look, when a city chick arrives out of nowhere with no food, no shelter, and no means of communication, I’m likely to take pity on her and her terrible lack of preparation and survival skills.”

I swear it was the longest sentence I’d heard him speak, and regardless of the fact that it was a sarcastic jab at me, it was a major turn-on. We were playing. Dare I say, flirting ? He gave a sly little smile along with his comment that made me drop my eyes to my chili bowl. If I stared at his smile, I was a goner. Heat bloomed in my cheeks. When I looked back up at him, his smile had broadened.

“Fine! I didn’t have a plan!” I admitted. “I knew the place would be bad, but I didn’t think it was uninhabitable .”

“Probably shoulda checked that out first, huh?”

It was the first time I’d seen his “dad face.” I felt like I’d crashed his truck ten minutes after getting my permit.

“Yes. I should have. This is delicious, by the way. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. And thanks for bringing these,” he said, tilting his head toward the library books. My mouth was too full of chili, so I just smiled. “You must have been pretty happy to have Wi-Fi and phone service again.”

My maddening exchange with Rob came flying to the forefront, making me clench my jaw and give a sharp exhale.

“Yeah,” I said. My frustration was so poorly hidden, Harlan raised an eyebrow.

“Everything okay?”

“It’s dumb. You don’t want to hear it.”

He perked up and sat forward, leaning on the table. Intriguing ink covered each forearm and continued on under his rolled up sleeves. On his right arm was some kind of Venn diagram and on the left, a dragon. Was it the tattoos or the arms I was fascinated with? Probably both.

“I’m all ears,” he said.

In all the years I’d been married to Rob, he never voluntarily listened to me rant. If I was upset about something, he either half-listened while playing a sniper game on his phone, or redirected by telling me he was too tired, or that I was overreacting. But this beautiful, capable man, regardless of his loner reputation, was fully focused on me and my complaints.

“I got a text from Rob, my ex, and it really pissed me off.”

“You two still talk?”

“No. That’s the point.” I threw my hands in the air. “I told him never to contact me and he did.”

“Of course he did! He’s such an asshole!”

While it felt good to get such a spirited response to my story, he seemed a little more irked than the moment called for. I was curious about his past with his ex, but instead of asking about their beef, I continued on. It wasn’t a long story and I already felt silly telling it. Might as well get over it quickly.

“He couldn’t find his stupid golf shoes, and I’m supposed to magically know where they are in his new condo. What am I? Psychic? I’m sick of being his maid, his personal assistant, and his mother !“ Once I’d gotten started, it all came flooding back.

Harlan suddenly shoved his chair out and stood. He paced back and forth a few times, snorting like an angry bull. Pulling a pack of gum from his pocket, he slipped a stick in his mouth, dropping the pack on the table. He chomped his gum fiercely as he paced. Finally, he stopped dead in his tracks and shot me an intense look.

“Okay. I shouldn’t say this, but I have to. I hate that guy. Always have.“ Once again, he seemed to be trying to curtail his anger at Rob out of respect for me. What a waste of precious self-control.

“Harlan, let me be clear about something. You’re absolutely preaching to the choir right now. You could call Rob every awful name in the book and I’d not only agree with you, I’d probably add a few choice words. He’s the ultimate worst. So, don’t ever hold back.”

His breathing slowed as he stared at me and chewed his gum. His expression was hard to read .

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a soft smile.

“Speaking of exes, from the sound of that call, you’ve got it worse than I have,” I said, crafting the worst segue of all time.

The smile quickly fell from my face as I saw him blanch and march away to the counter. He leaned against it and folded his arms. His message was crystal clear.

“I’d rather not talk about that.”

Why did I have to be such a nosy jerk? Everything was so laid-back and I had to go and wreck it with my accursed need to know. I wished I could scoop my words up and shove them back in my mouth.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really hear anything specific.” Lie. “It was just…the shouting…”

“It’s fine. I’m sure you got an earful. I’m just too riled about that to share.”

For somebody of so few words, he did a good job letting me know his perspective. I thought he’d get mad at me for prying and go all quiet and mysterious. Instead, he set his line and calmly pointed it out to me.

It was good to know a person’s line. Made it a lot easier not to accidentally step over it, as I often did with my inquisitive nature. His honest boundary setting gave me an idea.

“I think we need a safe word,” I said.

“For what, exactly?”

Everything about his devilish smile and the way his voice dipped into a sexy lower register made it abundantly clear that he was imagining all sorts of wonderfully dirty stuff. While I was nearly incapacitated by arousal at the half-lidded bedroom eyes he briefly flashed, my intent was completely innocent. So, I shook off my hormones and explained.

“A safe word for talking . If I ask you about something you don’t want to talk about, you just say the word and I’ll back off. Same goes for anything I don’t want to talk about. I say the word and you back off. ”

“I find it hard to imagine there’s anything you wouldn’t talk about,” he said, smiling.

“Oh, you’d be surprised.”

A thousand images flashed through my mind—all baby-related. I envisioned my calendar that tracked my ovulation down to the minute, the designs I’d drawn to turn the office into a nursery, and the bin of my baby clothes that my mom had given me in hopes of sparking a miraculous conception. All that shit was too deep to share. Harlan wasn’t the only one with painful secrets.

I got so lost in thought, his next words caught me off guard. Well, I should say, his next word caught me off guard.

“Possum.”

“What?”

“That’s the word. I saw the way that you recoiled when Annie brought that possum out onto the porch. I figure it’s a word that’ll be sure to stop you in your tracks.”

His logic was sound. The mention of a possum made my skin crawl.

“Deal. Wanna test it out?”

“Not really. But I have a feeling you’re going to anyway.”

“How many women have you slept with in the last three years?” I fired off the first thing I could think of. I knew he’d refuse me regarding his personal life. But if I was being honest, I just plain wanted to know.

“None.”

“No, you’re supposed to say possum—wait! None ? Are you serious? I said three years , not months.”

“I know.”

“Holy shit! Why? Why haven’t you—“

“Possum.”

“Oh, come on! You can’t do that!”

“You set the rules. I’d just feel much more comfortable, much safer , if we stop there. ”

He took on a mocking air of fragility. The guy was fucking with me. Though my frustrated need to know had me huffing an annoyed sigh, flirtatious excitement bubbled inside me like electrically-charged Alka Seltzer.

Fine. If he didn’t want to share why he lived like a monk, that was his business. And it was an answer I could certainly live with. No local hotties waiting in the wings to claw my eyes out if anything happened between us. Not that it should or even would. But oh God, it would be so great if it did.

Nope. Stop it. Stop it, Maisie.

“My turn,” he said. I felt a flutter of fear. “Why did you marry that guy? I can’t wrap my brain around it.”

He wasn’t anywhere near off-limits territory. “Honestly, it’s hard to remember. Especially now that I hate him with the heat of a thousand suns,” I said and he laughed. “But for all his faults, and there are some really unforgivable ones, he loved me a lot. He was successful and good-looking. At first he spoiled me rotten and could be really thoughtful, when it suited him. Beyond that, I think I was on the old suburbanite conveyer belt. Go to college, get a job, date someone, and when all your friends start to get married, you join in. It’s expected of you. You buy a house, you…” I reached the kids part and froze up for a second. “You do all the shit that everyone else does because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do, and because hopping off the conveyer belt is terrifying.”

“But you hopped off.”

“I did.”

My chest puffed up with pride. Even though the lodge was a shithole, I’d escaped the neighborhood association meetings, yoga classes, and dinner parties. I didn’t have to run with the lemmings anymore, doing everything in my power to look the right way and have the right things. I was free. I could be me and do what I wanted to do. Even if that meant spending twenty grand on windows .

Harlan said, “I just figured he was great in the sack or something. That’s the only thing I could think of.”

Before I could stop myself, the word flew from my lips. “ Possum !”

The very last thing I wanted to talk about with my new, gorgeous neighbor was the lackluster sex I’d had for the entirety of my marriage. Rob was pretty selfish in bed. I supplemented our less than stellar sex life with spicy novels and frequent use of a kickass vibrator. But Harlan definitely didn’t need to know that. Unfortunately, my outburst told him everything he needed to know. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“So, he was a shitty lover, too? God, you sure know how to pick ’em.” He grinned.

“Please don’t rub it in,” I grumbled and he laughed.

Suddenly in need of a stronger drink, I picked up my purse from the chair next to me and pulled out Uncle Randy’s flask. I spun off the top and threw back a shot.

“Hang on. Lemme see that,” Harlan said. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and handed him the flask. “This is Randy’s. God, I haven’t seen this thing in a while.”

His face was awash with the glow of happy memories of good old Uncle Randy. I felt good for bringing the thing back home. I gestured to him to help himself and he took a belt. His eyes closed and he let out a sexy little hum.

“That’s good.”

“I know.”

We spent the next hour polishing off the fairly full flask and talking. We stayed away from the really deep shit, so no possum was invoked. Much to my surprise, Harlan ended up doing most of the talking. He told me story after story of fascinating history about Saugatuck. As the warmth of the scotch spread through me, I was entranced by his deep voice and the way he talked about his home. Being the insatiable reader that he was, he’d read pretty much everything ever published about the region. He shared it all with me, along with a sprinkling of his own experiences.

He told me that some of the historic buildings in town were moved from a neighboring logging town, Singapore—put on skids and slid along the ice of the Kalamazoo River. He explained how the town’s long history of being an arts and culture hub were a key part of Saugatuck becoming a popular vacation spot for the LGBT community starting in the 1970s and how proud he was of the town for embracing that community.

The man was smart, inclusive, and a hell of a storyteller. In the course of two short days, I was enchanted by him—could have stared at him across his kitchen table for a lifetime. But by the end of his little history lesson, his eyelids drooped and a yawn escaped him.

“I gotta hit the sack. You staying?” he asked as he stood up. There was a presumption in his voice that made it seem like a foregone conclusion. When I made a reluctant face, his jaw muscle ticked. “Come on. I’m not a killer. Just use the damn bed.”

I was a little buzzed and still feeling defiant about accepting accommodations. It was stupid, but I shook my head. “I can’t.”

As much as I dreaded the chill and inevitable joint pain of sleeping in my truck, I just wasn’t ready to capitulate. Somehow, I was convinced that staying at his place was admitting defeat.

And then there was the unpredictability of my growing attraction to him. I was in such a massively vulnerable place, I didn’t trust myself to be alone in his cozy house with his deep voice, his tall, mouth-watering muscular body, and his intense stares. Given the chance, I was sure to take a flying leap at him and anything that might happen between us was sure to end up a disaster. That is, if he was even up for it. I’d only gotten tiny flashes of interest from him here and there. So, I could easily see myself making a play and being rebuffed.

I had to leave. For the sake of my pride and his safety, it was a must .

Harlan’s cheeks reddened with frustration. “Don’t be stupid, Maisie,” he said.

Ouch .

His shitty comment stung. But my indignance was interrupted by the distraction of hearing him say my name for the first time. It was like being slapped and then kissed.

Standing, I grabbed the flask, threw it in my bag, and pushed my chair back. “Wow. I think that’s my cue to leave.”

“Okay, that was harsh. I’m sorry. But, are you trying to get hurt? Or maybe you want to freeze to death? Is that it? Why are you so hell bent on refusing a warm bed indoors ?”

“I have my reasons.”

“What? Give me one good one. Why won’t you stay here?”

“Possum.”

I don’t know why I couldn’t tell him. I’d already talked to him about it when I first refused him. If I relied on Harlan’s house on top of already accepting his phone, his shower, and his food, I might as well have never started a new chapter. It would just be the old one in a new setting without the sex, bad as it was.

“Fine. I’m going to bed,” he said.

He turned and marched to his bedroom. I slid on my coat and gave Roger and Ralph a goodbye scratch on my way to the door. Before I could open it, Harlan appeared in the foyer and scared the hell out of me.

“Will you at least stay parked in front of my place? Then I’ll be close by in case…in case you need anything,” he said softly.

My chest felt warm and my throat thickened. His concern was sweet and dangerously attractive.

“Sure.”

The screen door swung shut behind me as I trotted down the porch stairs. When I pulled my truck door open, I turned to take a last look. Harlan stood with the glow of the foyer light behind him. Roger and Ralph sat on either side. Even in the midst of his frustration, Harlan and his loyal pooches sat and watched over me like stalwart sentries.

Shit. I’m gonna fall in love with this guy.