Lark Lake Lodge

Chapter Ten

Advice and Good Weirdness

I couldn’t wipe the smile from my bug-bitten face. I’d completely forgotten what it was like to start something new. It had been nine years since the start of my ill-fated relationship with Rob and I’d forgotten about the fun of this gooey, flip-floppy stomach, light-as-air, exciting feeling. I walked on clouds for the rest of the morning. Even the three-thousand-dollar quote the exterminator gave me over the phone couldn’t pop my bubble.

Whistling and grinning, I headed into town. When I breezed into the library, Melanie greeted me with a smile. As I got closer, her eyes popped as she saw the bites on my cheek.

“Oh wow! What happened?”

“Had a run in with some bedbugs.”

“That looks painful. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just itchy,” I said with a shrug.

“I was just going to call you! What perfect timing.” She reached under the desk and pulled out a thick manila envelope. “ Here are the copies of the archival materials on the lodge. Mr. Symanski said he really enjoyed putting the packet together. He loves any excuse to go into the document storage and poke around. He said he found some great stuff for you.”

“Fantastic. Thanks so much, Melanie. I really appreciate it.”

My glow must have been obvious. She eyed me briefly and said, “You’re awfully bubbly today. Might it have anything to do with Harlan the Hunk?”

The giggle that escaped me was a sound I was sure I’d never made before. “I never kiss and tell,” I said, arching an eyebrow.

“You kissed him? Half of me hates your guts and the other half of me wants to be you.”

I don’t know why I shared. Maybe I was too excited to keep it contained. A pang of regret knocked in my chest. Harlan was a really private guy, so I walked it back.

“It was nothing. Really. We’re just friends.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

“I’ve got to do some work,” I said, taking a couple of steps away.

“Fine. But we’re not done here. I want to hear all about it before you leave.”

Though I nodded, I didn’t intend to go all girl talk with her. She was far too young to be an appropriate bestie for me. And I was pretty sure she’d blab everything I told her to anyone who’d listen.

After sitting down at a table and opening my laptop, I winced as I double-clicked on my budget spreadsheet. I had to enter several large expenses that were going to hurt. I worked at it for about twenty minutes before scrolling down to check the bottom line. Nausea swept through my gut like a rogue wave. This couldn’t be real. With the addition of the extermination costs, the numbers I saw nearly made me faint.

Holy shit. I’m fucked .

After paying to get rid of the evil bedbugs and whatever other insect life was in the lodge, I was down to four thousand dollars. A pittance, considering I hadn’t bought a single piece of furniture, paint, window treatments, linens, or décor of any kind. And I still hadn’t investigated the cost of the satellite internet I wanted to have installed. My happy bubble burst.

As more and more expenses racked up, I’d convinced myself that I could make it through: have a lean first couple of years, and then slowly start to make the place look the way I dreamed I could. But staring at these bleak numbers, and knowing there was nowhere for guests to sit, let alone sleep, my dream fizzled and died right before my eyes.

Stunned and immobilized, I sat and stared at the screen. This financial disaster was the only thing that could have dislodged beautiful Harlan and his amazing kisses from my head. The time for walking on sunshine was already over. I was already branding myself a failure and imagining how much shit I was going to get from Brian and everyone back home.

But if I sold the place and packed up, would I go home? My thing with Harlan was all of about two hours old. Would he want me to stay? He’d practically been begging me to live with him since I arrived, and that was before we made out in his kitchen. But what would happen if I sold the lodge and shacked up with Harlan? Staying with him had always had an expiration date, right? And what kind of work would I get in the middle of nowhere? I couldn’t live off of him.

My mind was racing and my stomach was queasy. There was too much to consider, and I couldn’t do it in the library, feeling Melanie’s eyes on my back and the intense vibes of her need to interrogate me. I had to bolt.

After a quick goodbye I hopped in my truck, throwing my traitorous laptop and the manila envelope on the front seat. On the way home, the damn burst and I blubbered like a baby. I’d been so sure I could make a go of it. But fate, and the dilapidated state of the lodge, had intervened.

I failed.

I pulled up in front of Harlan’s place and dropped my truck into park. The last place I wanted to be was in the itchy, empty lodge. Harlan and Miguel were very likely in the kennel, so I made my way there. Once inside the gate, only Roger and Ralph greeted me. The rest of the dogs were inside. I took a minute to squat down and give the brothers a bit of love. There was something so healing about communing with the dogs when I was sad. They didn’t care about things like budgets and business. They just wanted a good scratch behind the ears.

After a healing snuggle, I made my way to the kennel. The temperature had been rising all day, thanks to the beaming sun and cloudless sky. It was warm enough that the interior door was open wide and the screen door let in some much-needed fresh spring air. Voices rumbled through the screen as I approached. When Miguel said my name, I stopped myself from entering and, not proud to admit, did a bit of eavesdropping.

“So, you and Maisie, huh?”

Why had the subject taken that long to come up? Seemed like it would have been the first thing they talked about considering the state he caught us in when he arrived.

“Miguel…” Harlan warned.

“Oh, come on! I sat here clipping every nail on every dog for two hours, waiting for you to say something! You can’t get caught nearly doing it on the kitchen counter and act like nothing happened.”

“That’s exactly what I intend to do. My private life is not up for discussion.”

“Shit. You never had a private life before now. All bets are off when I walk in on you banging in your kitchen,” Miguel said with a laugh .

I’d never seen this side of Miguel and I really liked it. I loved how he prodded Harlan in an attempt to get a rise out of him. It was a pastime I enjoyed as well, so we were kindred spirits in that.

“We weren’t banging! For God’s sake—look, Maisie and I…we like each other. And I only just found that out right before you walked in. It’s all really new and I don’t want to screw it up by talking about it. So lay off. There’s nothing to tell,” Harlan said.

He LIKES me.

I forgot my money woes briefly, reveling in our mutual like.

“Fine. If you won’t talk about your personal life, we can talk about mine. I need some advice,” Miguel said.

“Oh, here we go. No way.”

“Come on, Harlan. My dad and brothers are in Mexico and I’m not about to talk to the guys my age around here. Let’s just say they didn’t really soak up all the lessons in our diversity and inclusion assembly back in high school. You’re the only guy I can talk to about this shit.”

“There must be someone else. I’m sick of being your relationship coach,” Harlan grumbled.

From his voice and what I knew of him, it was obvious that Harlan wasn’t really irked. He was embarrassed. I also knew from watching them work side by side that he really liked Miguel and, in the end, would refuse him nothing.

“Harlan, don’t be a shit. I need your help.”

“Fine. But put your damn phone away and quit shooting videos. I don’t know why you want my advice. I don’t really have any recent relevant experience.” His comment made me smile at my hiding place outside the door.

“Okay, so have you ever done it up against a wall? Like, standing up?”

“For fuck’s sake, Miguel.”

“Well? Have you? ”

“The shit you make me talk about. I swear. Okay, yes. I have. So?”

“So, Heather said she really wants to feel how much I want her and that I’m too gentle. We were watching this movie the other night and the couple was banging against the wall. Heather said that she wanted to do it like they were. Except every time since, when we start making out at her place, we’re already lying on the couch or a bed. I can’t exactly be like, ‘get up and stand against that wall.’ I just haven’t been able to find a way to make it happen.”

Harlan laughed. “You’re overthinking.”

After a long pause where Miguel waited for more, he said, “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“It’s not about the position. She just wants you to take control. Some women like that,” Harlan said.

I suddenly felt like I was one of those women. Hearing Harlan talk about sex was making my skin hot and my mouth dry.

“I don’t get it,” Miguel said. “I thought I was supposed to be respectful and treat her like an equal, but she said she wants me to pull her hair and boss her around. It feels weird.”

“Welcome to the world of women, kid. They’re complex creatures. But the good thing is, you have someone who’s willing to communicate what she wants. You just have to decide if you feel comfortable giving that to her.”

“You know, for someone who fights me on giving advice, you’re damn good at it, Harlan,” Miguel said.

It was as good a time as any to break up their guy talk. I opened the screen and walked in. Harlan looked up, cheeks pink as he gave me a wide grin that made my insides squishy. I could really get used to that.

“Hey guys,” I said.

“Hi you,” Harlan replied. His steely blue eyes were soft and adoring .

“Pretty sure that’s my cue to leave,” Miguel said as he placed the chubby puppy in his hands on one of the big fluffy dog beds and stood. “You two probably want to be alone.” He smiled and waggled his eyebrows.

“That’ll do,” Harlan growled. I couldn’t help but laugh.

We said our goodbyes to Miguel and I sat down on the stool he’d occupied, picking up a roly-poly brown and white puppy that was sniffing at my ankle. Within a split second, the little guy was sprawled out on his back in my lap, offering me his soft, white belly to rub. I was happy to oblige.

Harlan sat, bottle-feeding a tri-colored puppy, his gaze fixed on me. For the first time since I’d met him, his stare didn’t unnerve me. Mesmerized, I stared right back.

“His name is Tracker.” He motioned to the pup in my lap. “He’s got quite a nose on him.”

“Hello Tracker,” I said brightly, as though talking to a baby.

Lifting him up, I held his nose to mine. The little guy licked my face and I giggled before cradling him in my arms and peppering his head and ears with kisses.

“Lucky pup,” Harlan said, his eyes locked on me with a heated stare. My cheeks were on fire as a lovestruck smile took over my face. “Is it weird if I say I missed you while you were gone?”

“Why would that be weird?”

He set the bottle on a table beside him and gingerly placed the sated puppy on the dog bed with Delia and the other puppies. Standing, he brushed off his jeans and took a few steps until he stood in front of me. I leaned back and craned my neck to look up at him.

“I guess everything feels weird right now,” he said, staring down at me.

“Um, thanks?”

He reached down and plucked Tracker from my arms, depositing him gently on the bed. Softly pulling me up by my hands, he eyed me with such tenderness I thought I might pass out. No one had ever looked at me like that before.

“Good weird,” he said, weaving his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I slid my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his firm chest. “It’s just been so long.” I adored the warm vibration of his voice against my cheek. “And you’re so…God.”

He pressed a kiss to my hair and I wondered if he’d ever finish a compliment. You’d think a guy that well-read could come up with the exact words he wanted to use. We stood holding one another. I tempered my impatience and longing to get down to horny business. Harlan’s world was slow and deliberate, full of meaning and silent understanding. Hugging him was a communing I’d never experienced before.

Unfortunately, it also stirred in me a harsh reminder that this could all be over before it began. I’d successfully hidden away the sad reality that my lodge renovation had hit the end of the road financially. A flurry of images flashed through my mind as I kept my eyes tightly closed and clung to my beautiful crush. I saw myself putting out a for sale sign on the side of the state road, followed by me packing up my truck and driving away while Harlan scowled, flanked by Roger and Ralph who howled their dismay. It was all coming to an end thanks to my shit accounting skills and woefully limited budget.

Though I tried my best not to let on that I was crying, a fresh wave of crushing disappointment hit me hard. I’d been in such an intense place emotionally with what I’d begun feeling for Harlan, that when I shifted gears to dread over the lodge, that sadness rolled in at a ten. He probably heard me try to swallow past the watermelon-sized lump in my throat or felt my shaky breathing. Whatever it was, he pulled back and bent down to look me in the eye, holding me by the shoulders.

“Whoa, hold on. What’s wrong?”