Learning to Love (New Zealand Sailing #1)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Sam

The best ideas come to me when I'm on the water. Through the ocean expanse in front of me, the waves, or speeding through in a sailing boat, I can just be. The lingering stillness, the sun, the bird calls, the loud pounding of the surf have been my favourite music since I was a boy.

I lean against a doorway, fading evening sun on my face, drink in hand, and close my eyes, imagining I’m back on the water, my pulse slowing down…

“Stop hogging the doorway, Sam”. Gracie’s impatient words snap me out of my reverie, crash landing back into the jam-packed house party on Auckland’s North Shore. I’m suddenly reminded why I never go to parties. Too much noise. Too people-y. Gracie rushes past me with what looks like a small mountain of vegetables ready to topple over, and drops them on the counter.

“Come out of hiding and help Ellie here with the salads, and then we’ll see you both outside. Shout if you need anything”. With barely a glance over her shoulder, Gracie the hostess waves towards the door, and leaves me facing the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

Too perturbed by Gracie the whirlwind, I hadn’t noticed the girl trailing behind her struggling with two large bowls. I hastily put my drink down, pick up the bowls from her, and clear some space on the counter.

“Hey there, Gracie asked me to prepare some salads for the barbecue. She said you could help us out. Hope you don’t mind”. Every word felt a bit strained, like she was embarrassed. Or maybe afraid? I’m making her uncomfortable.

Ellie can’t be more than 5’2”, petite, curvy, maybe in her 20s. She’s breathtaking. She’s also spells T R O U B L E. I realise I’m staring, and snap out of it. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m not looking for anything casual either. I might as well be an eunuch these days.

As a matter of fact, maybe I can make my escape after dinner. Or even sooner, if I get these salads out of the way.

I curse mentally, and put on my usual camera smile.

“Sweet as. What are we making? How can I help?”

My smile, albeit forced, seems to have put her at ease. She beams back, making my heart beat slightly faster. This is soooo not good news. Maybe if I went out more, I wouldn’t have such a response to one pretty girl. Or maybe this is different.

“How about you wash the lettuce, then shred it into this bowl.” She points at one of the large bowls. “I’ll slice the rest of the veggies and make the vinaigrette. Then we’ll put it all together, toss in some grilled halloumi, and we’re ready to go.”

She can cook, eh? My skills in the kitchen are limited to eggs on toast, so all this talk of vinaigrettes and halloumi is making me even more nervous. I avoid looking at her, and make a start. As the silence stretches and we work side by side, I contemplate briefly what it would be like to have someone to cook with, to live with. The thought passes as quickly as it came. I can’t do it, it would be foolish to pretend otherwise. I’m never at home, I don’t have time for a relationship. I don’t know how Corey keeps things casual.

“I’m Ellie by the way. I don’t think I caught your name, but you look familiar. Have we met before?” She looks at me with her inquiring gaze. I’m suddenly fighting an unfamiliar urge to kiss her.

“I don’t think we’ve met before. I’d remember, trust me”. Just what the HELL am I doing? For a moment I feel reckless, like I’m back on the water, and a big surge is coming towards me. Her smile is everything. Seems like I can’t get enough of it. My flirting skills have always been subpar, but today I’m really feeling it.

“Then maybe I’ve seen you on TV. Reality TV shows? The News?” she ponders, as she puts the final touches to her masterpieces. They look more like works of art than salads, I feel loath to eat them. Eating her up like the masterpiece that she is, on the other hand… My resolve is going downhill fast. Man, it’s a long time since I’ve been on a date with anyone. I should really go out more. I’m drooling like a teenager over someone I met 10 minutes ago.

“Ehem?” she clears her throat. I’ve been lost in space yet again, and left her question hanging in the air between us. What time is it? If it’s after 7PM, maybe I can make an excuse and get away before I do something stupid.

“Sam. I’m a sailor. I have a couple of days off, then I’m back with the guys on the water”. Two days, but standing in this kitchen, in close proximity to Ellie, it feels like a lifetime away. Paddy told me time stood still when he met Gracie, but I laughed it off. Well played Paddy, well played.

“I think I recognise you now. You’re Sam Northcroft, from the sailing team.” I can’t tell if she’s genuinely excited or just polite.

“I’m not really into sailing, but you guys won the Olympics. That’s an amazing achievement, huge thing for our country”. She picks up one of the bowls, gestures for me to get the other one, and we make our way out towards the barbecue area. I watch mesmerised as she’s walking in front of me, thinking I’m under some sort of spell.

“Sam, bro, come here”. As soon as I’m out into the sunshine, Paddy’s words shake me from the spell. I put the bowl down on the table, and join Paddy at the barbecue. That’s exactly what I need right now to get my mind off Ellie, a good chat with a friend. And some perspective. And a lot of resolve.

I’ve been friends with Paddy since we were 5. We went to the same school in O'Neills Bay, then our paths separated when I took up sailing, and he became a rugby pro. We met again recently, and it felt like we’d never been apart.

He’s more than met his match in Gracie, who always managed to handle him through his ups and downs. I’m very happy to see him settled, it suits him.

“Yo. What’s up?”. I give him a pat on the back, just like in the old days.

“How’s it going, bro? We never see you these days, always on the water. You need a woman to keep you on land, so we can see you more.” He jokingly tries to poke me with the meat tongs.

That old nugget. These days it feels like everyone takes an interest in my love life, from my mum, to my brother, to my nana who’s got dementia and half the time doesn’t remember who I am, to the newspapers.

I take a deep sigh. “Maybe I like mermaids”.

“You’re a meme now, bro. Saw it the other day, Sam’s new girl. Picture of a seagull” He laughs so hard, I think he’s going to choke. Wishful thinking. I scowl at him, then I spot Ellie in a corner talking with some girls. She's a bit shorter than the others, but she looks stunning, and just can't look away. I look at her a bit longer than I should, and Paddy, the devil, notices.

“Ah, so that’s how the wind blows, bro. Alright, alright. Good one.” He picks up the cooked meat, expertly lays it on a platter, and pushes it towards me. “Time for kai”.

Ellie

“Hey there, Gracie asked me to prepare some salads for the barbecue.”

Even before the words left my mouth I knew it was a mistake. Sweet as she is, but VERY misguided, Gracie was trying AGAIN to set me up with a guy. Feels like it’s only been a week since her last attempt at matchmaking, or as she calls it, “took an active interest in my life”, but it must have been longer than that. Struggling to remember what that guy’s name was. Mark? Marcus? Michael? Methuselah?

Now I’m sitting next to THE Sam Northcroft at the table, and he’s not saying a single word. I wonder if I did or said something to annoy him, but I don’t know what. He’s so serious looking, I could probably count on one hand the number of times he smiled this afternoon.

Earlier in the kitchen, when he looked at me with those smouldering eyes, and said he’d have remembered me if we met beforehand, I felt like we were THIS close to kissing. Now it's more like we’re oceans apart.

I grilled Gracie with some pointed questions about him, after chastising her for meddling. He’s in his early 30s, VERY single. Not sure what she meant by that one, I’m also single. Are there degrees of singleness? Or levels like in a video game? Level one, when you’re just out of a relationship. Level two, ready to date. Level three, casually dating?...

He’s also a sailor, which means he’s not often on land. The no-commitment type. He probably doesn’t have a pet. Or a plant. Or socks. Maybe he does have socks, he does appear on TV occasionally. How would he get on with Daisy, my rescue Staffordshire Terrier girl?

What he does have is the ability to make me weak at the knees whenever I think of him. He’s not my usual type, if I do have one. I scan his profile. Too rugged, too tall, too windswept. Just too much. And too little commitment. Why did Gracie think we would make a good fit, apart from the fact we’re both single, I’ll never know, but the attraction is definitely there. Time to test the waters.

“Hey stranger, we meet again”. I’m not good at flirting like Tayla. She would have had him lusting after her by now.

“Hey yourself”. He fixes his blue-gray gaze on me, then turns away quickly. I wonder why he’s so skittish, whether I make him as nervous as I’m feeling.

“How do you know Paddy and Gracie? I haven’t seen you around at theirs before”.

He puts down his drink, and seems to relax a fraction, and I get a glimpse of that crooked smile again.

“I’ve known Paddy since we were kids. We went to the same school. Life got in the way, but recently our paths crossed again. He’s a good one.”

The chatter around us seems to get louder, and instinctively we move closer to each other on the bench. Don’t know what it is, his scent, the nearness of him is maddening. I want more.

“How do you know them?”. He’s quite close now. I wonder if he’ll make a move, but he seems so calm and collected, like nothing can ruffle him.

“Friends of friends. Gracie is mates with my flatmate Tayla. She couldn’t come here today, she’s away at a retreat”. I can’t stop babbling to keep the conversation going, yet his gaze never falls from mine. He watches me with quiet intensity, like every word coming from my mouth is a gem to treasure. We’re surrounded by lots of people, but it feels like we’re in a world of our own. In a strange but brief moment of clarity, I can see he’s going to break my heart into pieces, and I’m going to go down this path willingly.

“What sort of retreat? Yoga, herbal teas, essential oils?” He smiles and makes a wide gesture encompassing all that stuff that’s dear to Tayla, but he obviously finds airy-fairy. “Corey’s into that sort of stuff, they’re probably bound to meet at some point”.

Through a haze I realise he’s talking about his friend and sailing partner Corey Fine. From what I’d heard, Sam’s like the Yin to Corey’s Yang. One’s quiet, broody, and awkward. The other one is cheerful, always puts a smile on the faces of everyone he meets.

Sam intrigues me, from his deep silences, to his eyes that look like they carry a thousand secrets.

“Maybe we should set them up, they could put those essential oils to good use”. I realise what I’ve just said and I let out a mortified laugh. I hope my sense of humour isn’t putting him off.

He just smiles wistfully and looks down at his drink. “It’s time for me to head off. I’ll see if Paddy needs me for anything, otherwise I guess I’ll see you around”.

He gets up to go, and panic rushes through me. What if I never see him again? Asking Gracie for his number would be so embarrassing. At that point in time, serendipity has it that Paddy comes by.

“Leaving already, bro? That was fast. Plus you’re leaving ALONE ”, he says with a wink at me. Not sure how to interpret that one. Has Gracie told him something?

Sam chuckles softly, and gives Paddy a bear hug. “I’ll leave my car at yours, and Uber home. Only had a couple of drinks, but I don’t want to risk it”. Strange that for someone who takes so many risks on the water, he could be so risk averse in his personal life. What is this man’s secret?

“Ellie here needs a ride home, she lives about 5 minutes away here on the Shore.” Paddy is like a dog with a bone. I’m certain Gracie’s sent him around to do her dirty work. I practically can hear her cackling all the way from the kitchen. “How about she drives your car to her place?”

One of Sam’s eyebrows shoots up. “And where do I go?”

“You come with me in the car to my place, have a coffee, sober up a bit, hang around, then take yourself home”, I chip in, marveling at the mental gymnastics I had to perform with that logic. After all, why couldn’t he just crash at Paddy and Gracie’s place, and head over in the morning. Or just Uber home, wherever that is. Does he live really far?

“Perfection”, Paddy blows a chef’s kiss. “See you next time, have fun and stay safe”. He winks to us as he tries to usher us towards the door, with Gracie and others a flurry of activity in the background.

We find ourselves outside on the driveway.

“What was that? I didn’t understand any of it. Maybe I did have more to drink than usual.” Sam’s brows are furrowed. “Ok, we’ll go to your place, have a coffee to sober up, then I’ll drive home when I’m ready”. He looks at me apologetically, and hands me the car keys.

He hasn’t made any move towards me. I’m starting to think I've just imagined the whole thing, the desire, the closeness. I’ll have to put this to the test. I perk up and press the car unlock button to see which one it is. We get in, and I try to familiarise myself with the car controls.

“Firstly no car key holder. Interesting. Secondly, no handbrake. Even more interesting.”

He watches me intently, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Is this the eject button? Every spaceship should have one.”

Now he's outright laughing.

“Press this button, then this button, then we should be ready to go. There's a footbrake”. When he leans over to show me how to make this ridiculous spaceship work, he puts a hand on my leg. The lightest touch, but it makes me weak at the knees, again.

Sam's car roars into life, and I start my brief journey homeward with an all-consuming knot in my gut.