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Life on the Naughty List, or What the Elf! Prologue 3%
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Life on the Naughty List, or What the Elf!

Life on the Naughty List, or What the Elf!

By Jason Wrench
© lokepub

Prologue

S tanding in the wings, I watched as the musical wound down. The last song was a quiet, almost funeral dirge with haunting orchestrations. The song ended as the cast said the last lines of the new musical based on William Vaughn Moody’s play, The Faith Healer .

“By faith, which makes all things possible, which brings all things to pass,” Michaelis said.

“Serafina,” I said, leaning down into the stage manager’s ear, “Isn’t Bobby supposed to be on stage left right now?”

“Thanks, Erika,” Serafina whispered back to me. She flipped through the giant binder containing every call for the entire show. The stage manager’s prompt book was as sacred to a Broadway show as the NIV Bible to evangelicals. She found the sheet she was looking for before switching audio channels on her console and saying, “What the hell is Bobby Kenner doing on stage right? He’s supposed to enter from left center stage. He has less than twenty seconds to get his ass over here.”

“Come here—My baby!” said the young mother on stage.

Serafina switched channels and said in a calm, cool, and collected voice, “792…go.” Serafina threw switches on the audio deck in the jump booth.

“I believe—I believe—“ as the lighting on the young girl and mother dimmed.

A single spotlight shone on Rhoda, the last character on the stage, “I believe. I do believe!”

“Lights 793…go,” Serafina said. The spotlight on Rhoda dimmed out completely. “Warning, lights 794 to 801 standby.” I looked at the stage and waited for my personal favorite lighting moment of the show. “And…go.” Several lights turned all at once causing an eerie shadowing effect that was both beautiful and haunting.

Bobby Kenner somehow made it stage left as the final light dimmed. He bent over, panting after his fast run to this side of the stage.

“Where’s your head, boy?” Serafina hissed at Bobby.

“Sorry, Ms. Porcher. Won’t happen again, Ms. Porcher.”

“And Erika.” My head swung toward Seraphina. “Never interrupt someone in the jump booth.” She turned and said, “Lights 802…go.” She turned back to look at me, “I can multitask because I’ve done this forever, but never interrupt someone calling the show.”

I knew better. What a rookie mistake. I nodded and mouthed, “ I’m sorry ,“ but I doubt she saw it.

“Lights 803…go.”

The music swelled as the final lights dimmed on stage. One last spotlight from beneath the stage illuminated Michaelis.

“Rail, stand by to bring in the Main Curtain.”

Michaelis lifted his hands toward the heavens as he was lowered under the stage.

“Rail…go.” How Seraphina called cues and kept the show running was a marvel. “Places for curtain. Places for curtain.”

The backstage area was almost pitch black except for the handful of blue running lights and glow-in-the-dark tape that marked the stage to keep people out of the path of others entering and exiting. Someone squeezed in behind me before wrapping his arms around me. There was a gentle kiss at the bottom of my neck.

“You were amazing,” Asher said in a low whisper.

“I may have been amazing, but you became a star tonight.”

My boyfriend, Asher Fraser Alexander, played Michaelis, a conman faith healer. We’d been working actors for years, trying to get parts in Off-Broadway and Broadway productions. We’d even gone on separate touring casts. I did my time in Wicked belting “Defying Gravity” while he raised the house as a Mormon missionary belting “I Believe.” After a few years of pounding the pavement as Broadway babies, we finally found ourselves cast in a brand-new Broadway musical…together.

“Lights 813…go. Fly curtain…go” There was a pause as we watched the curtain rise. “Standby Chorus…go”

The chorus ran onto the stage from either side, clasped hands and took their well-earned bows. Over the next 45 seconds, the cast entered the stage and bowed as the audience roared their applause.

“Standby Mary and Matthew.” Immediately an assistant stage manager tapped me on the shoulder letting me know it was time to walk on stage. “Go.”

I walked onto the stage and stared at my onstage husband. I could only imagine how large my smile was. I had opened a show on Broadway. My mind raced with thousands of thoughts. I couldn’t believe this was finally happening. I walked to the middle of the stage and grabbed my “husband’s” hand, and we walked downstage center and bowed together. Then I applauded as he bowed, then he applauded while I bowed.

After our bows, there was a swelling of the music as the entire cast turned and extended our hands toward the backstage where Asher stood. He was radiant. I’d never seen him happier or more in his element than at that moment. He walked to the front of the stage and took a giant, dramatic bow. The place erupted. He bowed again.

Asher reached out to me and clasped my hand before clasping my “husband’s” hand and led the entire company in a bow. Then he gestured to the orchestra, and we all applauded. We then took five steps backward as the creative team walked on stage. We all continued clapping.

“Take it in, Erika. Take it all in,” Asher said into my ear over the audience’s roar. “We’re never going to have an experience like this one again. You only get one first Broadway opening of a new musical.”

He was right. Sure, we’d both opened a ton of shows over the years, but this one was special. Over the next few minutes, we listened to polite speeches from the creative team, who talked about the work, how important the source material was, and how it was still relevant, given our society’s political climate.

After each speech, we applauded politely. After the producer finished his speech, we took one final bow as a cast, and the orchestra began playing again as the curtain descended. When the last tassel of the curtain hit the stage, everyone started screaming, shouting, hugging, and clapping each other on the back. The backstage excitement was amazing. I couldn’t believe my luck.

After a few minutes, we all made our way back to our dressing rooms. I had a small dressing room all to myself. The first time I had seen my name on the door, I had squealed in excitement. Sure, my dressing room was four floors up from the stage, but that’s Broadway. People often have no idea how things work backstage. And if we do our jobs right on stage, the audience will never worry about how many steps I must climb during each show. My calves were getting a workout.

I showered quickly. I pulled out my garment bag, revealing the floor-length satin dress with empire waist and A-line silhouette. It was minimalist in design but with some light beading around the chest, just enough to make it sparkle without being intrusive.

There was a knock on my door.

“Getting dressed,” I said.

“I’ll meet you out front,” Asher said through the door.

“Give me five…make that ten minutes.”

There was another knock, and Marilyn, my dresser, and Katie, my makeup slash hair artist, came into the dressing room. Katie had me sit down as she quickly did my makeup, then put my hair in knotted faux mohawk updo. Katie transformed me from average-looking to centerfold in minutes.

When my hair and makeup were ready to go, Marilyn helped me into the dress and zipped up the back. She then held out the jewels I would wear that evening. I had a diamond necklace and teardrop diamond earrings for the occasion. A jeweler had loaned me the jewels. I grabbed my black fake-mink shawl and wrapped it over my naked shoulders when I was fully dressed. I looked like a Hollywood actress from yesteryear.

“You two are amazing,” I said. “See you at the party?”

“Not me,” Marilyn said. “I’ve been here too long today. My feet are killing me. Going to go home, have tea, and go to sleep.”

“You’ll see me there,” Katie said excitedly. “This is my first big opening, so I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Trust me, girly,” Marilyn said. “Once you’ve done this a few dozen times, the parties aren’t nearly as exciting. I hope the reviews are good, so we stay open for a decent run.”

“From your lips to God’s ears,” I said with a wink.

“Go,” Marilyn said with a slight smile. “Have fun tonight. You’ve both earned it.” Marilyn looked around the cluttered dressing room. It looked like a tornado had come through since the show ended. I had been in such a hurry to get out of costume, showered, and redressed I hadn’t taken the time to put anything away. “Don’t worry, Erika. I’ll clean up after you’re gone.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. I hated the idea of leaving Marilyn alone in my mess. I never wanted to be one of those stars that expected the world to clean up after her.

“This one time,” Marilyn said, the corner of her mouth curved up. “Just don’t do it again.”

I reached out and hugged the woman, who then opened the door and waved her hand in a shooing motion. I stepped out into the hall before carefully going back downstairs. The shoes I wore during the show had a heel, but it was a sturdy, wide heel that made it pretty easy to go up and down the stairs. The six-inch heels I was wearing right now made climbing down the stairs a safety hazard. I gripped the rail and took each step one at a time.

When I finally got down to the stage level, I heard voices from the stage. I was going to ignore them until I recognized Asher’s voice. I wormed my way in between the backstage cables to the edge of the set. The crew had already reset the stage to Act One for tomorrow’s matinee. Smart move , I thought to myself.

Only the faint glow of the ghost light on stage shone, casting most of the house and stage in darkness. I followed the glow-in-the-dark tape on the floor to the door entrance I used at the top of Act One. I opened the door. In the dim shine of the ghost light, Asher was kissing our castmate, Zachary Magnus. I gasped. My hand flew to my mouth.

Asher and Zachary’s heads whipped in my direction. In the low lighting, Zachary looked like a deer caught in headlights. Asher’s face was calm and collected. “Erika…let me—“

I didn’t wait for him to finish. I turned around, closing the fake door behind me. Fake! Everything in my life is fake! I had to get out of there. I started moving across the stage, the glowing floor tape passed by wholly ignored. And I fell right through the trapdoor where Michaelis was lowered at the show’s end.

I screamed and it echoed around the stage. Jamie Lee would be impressed with my vocal cords , I thought as I plummeted into darkness.

I landed and heard a large snapping sound, almost like a tree limb falling off a tree during a winter storm. The pain hit me in waves as I let out another sound that was more caged animal than human.

“Erika!” Asher yelled. A bright shined down on me from a cell phone above. In the phone’s glow, Asher and Zachary’s faces filled the opening above me.

“I’m calling 911,” Zachary said, panic seeping through his voice.

“Asher Fraser Alexander!” I yelled and proceeded to let out a string of obscenities that would make the most hardened sailor blush…before I passed out.

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