Life on the Naughty List, or What the Elf!

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I walked into Actors’ Equity looking like a disheveled, soaked rat dragged up from the subway. I had stared at myself in the glass outside the building, so I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking I looked great anymore. Guess this is one way to get out of getting the part . After going in, I searched for the ground-floor bathroom and did my best to make myself look at least somewhat presentable. My perfectly coiffed hair now hung limply next to my face, like the main character out of the Grudge movie franchise. My makeup, which had been perfect, now looked like rivers of red and black streaming down my face.

I grabbed a paper towel and wiped off any trace of makeup. Thankfully, I had lip gloss and a comb in my bag, which I pulled out. I let out an exasperated breath. I’d never re-zipped my bag after pulling out my umbrella. Everything inside was soaked. My shoes, my sheet music…I stood there in stunned silence. I didn’t hear the bag as it dropped from my arms and hit the ground with a clatter as all the soggy contents scattered over the floor.

In the middle of the bathroom, I slid down right in front of the bathroom sink and cried. And I’m not talking about the single, controlled tear during an emotional scene type of crying. No, I’m talking about the full-on, uncontrolled waterworks of a madwoman. I reached into my coat pocket where my phone was and pulled it out. Thankfully, the coat had saved the phone because I sure wasn’t in the position right now to buy another one…after I’d bought my new pair of expensive shoes last week. I called the only person I could think of. When a chipper voice sounded, I got out, “Mom,” before I burst into another round of hysterics.

My mom let me get the latest round of crying out before she said, “Okay, dear, tell me everything.” So, I did. I spent the next twenty minutes describing my mortification in every detail. “You’re telling me you’re sitting on a bathroom floor right now?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And you have an audition you’re supposed to be at?”

I glanced down at my watch. “I’m supposed to be there in like two minutes.”

“Then pull yourself together and go to that audition.”

“But, Mom…” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I sounded like a petulant, whiny teenager. I might as well have thrown a stamping of my foot in for good measure.

“Erika Lynsay Saunders, your father and I did not raise a quitter. You pull yourself together and march right upstairs—“

“They have elevators—“

“Don’t sass me, young woman.”

“Yes, Mom,” I said, feeling thoroughly chastised.

“Go!” The forcefulness in my mom’s voice was exactly what I needed.

“Yes, Mom. Thanks, Mom.”

“Any time, dear.” She hung up the phone.

With the reinvigoration I needed from my mother, I grabbed my comb and drew it through my wet hair to at least make it look less like a bad Halloween wig right out of the bag and more Wednesday Addams-ish, albeit blonde.

I pushed myself off the floor and didn’t bother looking in the mirror. If the casting team didn’t like my new look, oh well. It’s not like I wanted this job. I left the bathroom, walked over to the elevator bank and hit the button for the sixteenth floor. I rode in silence, putting my thoughts together. By the time I exited, I laughed and shook my head at its absurdity.

“Erika?” I heard a voice say.

One of my longest-running friends slash rivals in the business, Kathrine Kloeten, walked toward me. Great, I so don’t need this.

“It is you,” Katherine said with her genuine fake smile. “I wasn’t sure at first. No one’s seen you at auditions in ages.”

“Was working on my cabaret act for a while, so I wasn’t really auditioning very much.”

“That’s right, I saw the ‘death to men’ show a few weeks back.”

“I don’t remember seeing you there,” I said, racking my brain to remember if I’d seen her in the audience.

“Oh, I didn’t see it live.” She smiled sweetly. “I saw it on YouTube.”

“It’s funny you should mention that. I didn’t know people were trying to get the show canceled until this morning. I guess their little campaign didn’t work very well. Did it?”

“Well, I’m glad to see you’re here for the audition. I hope you didn’t choose one of your ‘I hate men’ songs. I don’t think that’s the mood of the room today. You know…this being a holiday show audition and all.”

I smiled a thin, tight smile and nodded.

“Erika Saunders?” a voice said, poking its head out of a door down the hall. Saved by the bell !

“Well, it was so good seeing you, Katy,” I drew out the word good to emphasize how much I hated her and used an old nickname I knew she hated.

“Katherine,” she said. “I haven’t gone by Katy in almost a decade.”

“Oh, that’s right…” I said as if I’d genuinely forgotten. “It’s hard for me to forget the good old days when you were my understudy on the national tour of Wicked .”

That’s when Katherine first started being my number one frenemy. I kept waiting for her to push me down the stairs so she could go on in my place. I only called out once during the entire tour, and that was when we were in Katherine’s hometown so she could play the role in front of her parents. She never thanked me for the opportunity. She kept begrudging me that I hadn’t let her play the role more often. She sat in the audience every night and gave me notes on what I could do better. At first, I guessed she was trying to be helpful. Intrusive, but helpful. Clearly, she thought she was better than me, and it galled her to no end to know that I was the one the casting agents wanted for the role and not her.

“Toodles,” Katherine said with a wave of her fingers. “Break a leg in there… Oh, I don’t mean literally break a leg. I hope you know that.” She paused for a second to cock her head sideways and smile. “Too soon?”

“I’m over that whole incident. Have been for years,” I lied. “Anyway, the audition calls.” I didn’t wait for a response as I strode down the hallway.

I took a deep breath, passed the woman holding the door to the audition room, and strode in as if I owned the place. The faces behind the casting table were stunned, so I figured I needed to address the situation directly.

“Sorry about this,” I said, gesturing to my outfit. “I thought I was auditioning for a Christmas musical about the North Pole post-global warming.” I got a chuckle from one guy at the table. “In all seriousness, I left the apartment looking like a million bucks. Now I look like a soggy MetroCard.” A few more chuckles. I spent the next few minutes telling the casting table everything that had happened to me since I left my apartment. By the time I finished, I had them laughing like I was a standup comic.

Finally, when the guy who looked to be in charge caught his breath, he asked, “What did you bring to sing for us today?”

“‘Fable’ from Light in the Piazza . I thought about singing ‘I Hate Men,’ but I figured you’d already caught my video on YouTube.“ Another round of chuckles. Well, I at least read the room right. I walked over to the rehearsal pianist and handed him the soggy papers. “Sorry about this,” I said.

“No worries. Sounds like you’ve had a day. Thankfully, I was the musical director for the first national tour back in the day. I could still play this score by heart.”

“My personal miracle in a day of chaotic crazy.”

I turned to the casting table and listened as the pianist started. And he wasn’t joking. He was perfect. I might as well have been listening to the cast album. His fingers were so nimble as he played the intricate score on the piano. I was so enthralled with his technique that I almost missed my entrance cue. Thankfully, right before I needed to sing, he nodded in my direction.

I opened my mouth, and I sang. I sang my ever-loving songbird heart out. It was as if I willed myself to match the accompanist’s skill. I pushed myself harder than I’d ever pushed myself singing “Fable.” I was so lost in the moment I forgot about the casting table completely. When the song ended, there was immediate applause. Not the usual applause I get in auditions where the table is polite, but I received genuine, appreciative applause. I took a slight bow.

“Thank you,” the man in charge said.

I nodded, gathered my things and left. As soon as I was out of the room, I leaned against the wall and another round of tears came. I made it through. I don’t know how I’d pulled myself together, but I had. After a few seconds, I pushed myself away from the wall and walked to the elevator bank.

“Ms. Saunders?” a voice called after me.

I turned and looked at the young redheaded guy running after me. “Yes?”

“First, let me start by saying what an honor it is to meet you.”

“Thank you,” I said and plastered on a genuine smile.

“Second, your audition back there was amazing.”

“Again, thank you.” We stood there for a few awkward moments of silence, so I cut through the tension. “And you are?”

“Sorry,” the man said with a sheepish quality that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “I’m Eugenius Moses, but everyone calls me Eugene or just Gene.”

“Well, Eugene, how can I help you?”

“We’d like to invite you for a callback tomorrow afternoon.”

“What time?” I asked.

“2:00 p.m.?”

“I’ll have to double-check my schedule, but that should work for me.” As if I had a schedule, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Amazing,” he said. His cheeks flushed red, which only made him seem more boyish.

“What’s your role in the show?”

“I’m the composer. Mabel W?gner is writing the book and Tyreek MacQueen is the lyricist. We were hired after a contest to work on the show for the producer.”

“Well, congratulations. Welcome to the big leagues. I can’t wait to hear what the three of you come up with.” I have always loved working with new talent. There’s something about a new team of writers that helps bring out my level of interest and excitement in a project.

“And I have to say, I saw you on the opening night of The Faith Healer . I was horrified when I heard what happened to you.“ I stiffened a bit, but thankfully the kid didn’t seem to notice the change in my posture. “And I don’t believe anything Asher says. What he did to you sickened me. Asher was always a jerk, but that was a new low for him.”

“Ahh…Asher…I take it you dated him, too?”

“Oh, no…I’m not…I didn’t. No. Oh geez, no. He was my roommate in college. I never dated him. I’m not gay. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, but I’m completely straight.”

Great, my straightdar is way off today . “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insinuate that you and Asher had a fling. It’s just, well, you know…”

“Trust me, I know all too well. And I think most people in the industry know, too. Despite what you may hear on social media, most people have taken your side. I wanted you to know that.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You do not know how much I needed to hear that. Sometimes, I’ve felt like I was yelling against the wind these past few years.”

“Well, I need to get back in there,” Eugene said. “We need to make a few phone calls and let the other people we want to see tomorrow know about the callbacks. Have a great evening.”

“You too.” Eugene walked back to the audition room. For the first time in a few years, I found an extra spring in my step.