Lost in Me (Lost Duet #1)

Chapter Eleven

Shawn

Emory is waiting for me by the counter as I check all the doors and turn off the lights. We reopened for a few more hours after the thing with Jesse happened. We were able to help more clients before it was time to call it a day. I am ready to get out of here, and I am ready to take Em home, to our home. My life is now her life, just like her life is now my life.

Today has been a shit show full of surprises, but some of the surprises were good. I gave in to my desire and finally told Em I loved her. I didn’t plan it, and honestly, part of me had to do it after seeing Jesse stand up to me. I needed to claim her in a way he couldn’t. That is the only thing I knew she stopped giving him, but after standing face to face with him and her comforting me, my emotions took over, and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

I haven’t said I love someone since my mother, and to this day, I still don’t say it often. It isn’t that I don’t love my mother, I do, but when I look at her, all I can see is the abuse and the stuff she and I went through together with my birth father. Since she married my stepfather, she has changed in the best way, and I am proud of her for being able to move on, but part of me can’t move on.

The things I went through as a kid are a big part of who I am today and why I wanted to open this center. I couldn’t protect my mom, so I thought maybe I could try and protect others who were going through what she did. Then I met Emory, and, man, my life has not been the same since I hired her.

And now that we have crossed over the line we created, there really is no turning back, and I don’t want to. I don’t want the door to shut between her and me, but I need to deal with her ex before he does something that can’t be undone. If anything happens to her because of him, I will lose it. I would fucking shatter.

It was fucking terrifying to tell her I love her, but I was more terrified that she didn’t feel the same way about me. Then she said the words and my entire fucking world changed. My heart changed. This changes everything on so many different levels.

I make my way down the hallway toward Em. She is leaning against the counter, reading one of her books. She is calm and stable. We both gave in to each other in my office and now we are both able to breathe and stay calm. She is truly my Fallen Angel in every sense of the word.

She is kind, gentle, and I want to fucking corrupt her. I want to bring out the darker side of her. The side of her I see when I am inside her when she lets go and allows herself to give in to her darkest desires for me.

I love who she is, but I also love the other side of her—the side that feeds the monster in me. The monster that wants to hear her scream my name and beg me for more. The monster that wants to see the lust and love in her eyes as I take her in every way I can.

I walk up beside her, placing my hand on her lower back, a gesture I will never get tired of. Before, she might have moved away or flinched at my touch, but so far today she hasn’t. Instead, she closes her book and turns and looks up at me with her gorgeous, gentle eyes. “Everything good?” she asks me in a calm voice.

I can’t help but smile and nod. “Yes. Everything is locked up. Ready to go home?” I ask her, nervous about the words I used. Normally, people don’t make me nervous, but she does. She does a lot of things to me.

She is making me start to question everything. I watch what I say, how I say it, how I behave, and how I react to people and situations. She has made me very aware of everything I do, including the words I say to her.

She smiles and nods. “Yes, I am ready to go home.”

I take a deep breath as my heart races for a whole new reason. The L word was used today, and the word “home.” Let’s see what other words come out of my mouth today that I promised I would never say to a woman.

I slowly begin to guide her toward the front doors. It doesn’t take us long to make our way down the hallway. I push open the doors, and she walks through them and stops a few steps out as I walk out, turn around, and lock the door. Tomorrow, I am putting up more cameras and security around the center just to make sure Em, my staff, and the clients are safe.

This place needs to stay safe, and I will make damn sure it does. Jesse might be trying to destroy me and what I have, but he will not destroy the center. This community needs it, Em needs it, and so do I.

I turn back around and see Em standing in front of my car. I make my way over to her, resting my hand on her lower back again. I look down at the hood of my car and see the dead roses, the letter, and the ring box in a perfect line down the middle of the hood of my car.

Emory’s body starts to shake as she leans against me, looking down at the three things I threw away this morning. This motherfucker is getting on my last fucking nerve. I feel my heart racing and my blood starting to boil.

He is good, I will give him that. This fucker is patient to no fucking end. I have to find a way to fucking break him. Fucking shatter him in such a way he will never be able to put himself back together again.

Even though I don’t want to, using Em and me as bait might be the only thing that fucking breaks this dude. Making him see us together might give us the advantage we need for me to take him down for good, but that means I have to use Emory as bait, and I honestly don’t know if I can do that.

I don’t know if I can put her through that or even fucking ask her to do something so dangerous, but we must trap Jesse. We have to make him suffer in order to save ourselves. It sounds selfish as fuck, but it is the truth. A truth I don’t know if Em is ready to hear, and honestly, I don’t know if I am either.

I take my free hand and swipe it across my hood, making the dead roses, ring box, and letter fall to the ground. I begin to lead Em to the passenger door. Both of us walk over to the items her ex left for her to find. I open the door, and she slides inside without saying a word.

I close the door and slightly turn around, looking at the empty parking lot. Wherever he is, he is making sure he stays out of view. Fucking pussy.

I quickly make my way around the front of my car, get in, and turn it on. I push down on the gas and head out of the parking lot. I pull onto the main road, heading toward the freeway. I release my hold on the steering wheel and reach over, resting my hand on Em’s leg. She grabs my hand and sinks back into the seat.

I want to say something to her, anything to make her feel better, but nothing I say will take away her fear. Jesse is not giving up, but neither am I. If he really wants to play the whose-dick-is-bigger game, then I will fucking play and win. He thinks he can come back into her life and take her away. He doesn’t fucking deserve her. He doesn’t fucking deserve to look at her, touch her, talk to her, or be anywhere near her. He doesn’t deserve to breathe, and if he isn’t fucking careful, I will make sure he never breathes again.

A man can only take so much before he throws up his hands and loses his shit, and that is what Jesse is banking on. That he will drive me to that point, but he thinks I will walk away from Emory. That is not what would happen if I lose my fucking shit. That will be the day I will fucking kill him and get rid of his body so no one ever finds it.

I have been trying to be good. Trying to change. Trying to not let the monster inside me out, but I am starting to see that the only way this is going to end is by giving in to that side of me and making Jesse fucking scream in the worst possible way.

I see how this can end. Either he dies, or Emory dies, and I will not let that fucking happen. Now that I have found her, I won’t survive losing her.

“Are you okay?” I ask softly, staring at the freeway we just turned onto. The silence between us is fucking killing me.

“Yes, I am okay,” she states softly, very softly, which lets me know that she is, in fact, not okay.

“You’re still shaking, Angel,” I point out, trying to show her that I know she is not okay. I want to help her be okay. I want to take all of this from her and replace it with the desire and longing she felt when we were together in my office. I want to replace the fear and doubt with the confidence I saw in her when she let herself go.

“It will pass. It always does,” she whispers. She is trying to convince herself of that fact more than she is trying to convince me.

“What can I do to help you?” I ask, but I don’t know if she will answer me. I don’t know what I can do to help her except remind her that I am here, that I am right fucking here.

“Don’t leave me,” she states in a shaky voice. The voice she used with me before she gave herself to me. The voice that makes my heart sink.

I look from the freeway to her. She is still staring forward. Her leg is starting to shake under my hand. “That is never going to happen,” I state in a stern but gentle voice. I need her to hear and believe my words.

“He will try, though,” she says, still not looking at me. I don’t like this distance. This whole situation makes me nervous.

“Try what?” I ask, needing her to speak.

“He will try to get you to leave me because if you do, he knows he will be able to have me,” she states in a low, distant voice. There is no emotion, no sadness in her voice, which makes my heart sink even more.

“Angel, I promise that will never happen,” I say calmly.

My heart continues to race with the tension building between her and me. Tension I never want to be there in the first place.

“And you keep your promises,” she states and asks at the same time, pulling my attention from the road back to her again.

I take a deep breath as I think about her words. “Of course I do.”

“I believe you. I just hope that—” She stops talking and takes a deep breath. I turn back and look at the freeway.

“You just hope what?” I ask, needing to hear what she is thinking. She has been guarded for too fucking long. I don’t want her to go backward, I don’t want her to put up a wall between us, not after what we have done, not after what we both have said to each other.

“That I am worth all this trouble,” she states in a low, distant voice. I feel my heart shatter.