Lost in Me (Lost Duet #1)

Chapter Fifteen

Shawn

One Month Later

Things have been on edge since the club. My men took Jesse to the airport, trying to give him an out one last time, and of course he got away and disappeared. He hasn’t left any gifts. He hasn’t tried to contact Em. He has stayed completely fucking silent, which has Em and I both on edge.

Seeing his hands on her, him slapping her, I wanted to fucking kill him right there, but again, I know I must be careful. There are some people that have been trying to get me for years, and so far, they don’t have shit on me. They know what I do but can’t fucking prove it, and if I just kill Jesse with how much noise he is making around town, I know they would pin it on me, and I will not take that fucking chance. So I have done the only thing I can: put more guards on watching the house. We have shut down the center for the time being, and Em refuses to even step outside. The mark on her face that Jesse left took about a week to heal, and every time I saw her, she looked guilty and ashamed.

In the past month, she has only given herself to me a few times, and the rest of the time, she has been distant. I have tried to give her space to process and heal from what Jesse had done, but this space is fucking killing me. All of this is fucking killing me.

I don’t want sex from her. I just fucking want her.

I slowly make my way into our bedroom. All her stuff is still in boxes. She planned on coming back and unpacking, and then Jesse happened, and since then, she hasn’t touched her stuff. She has barely spoken to me or anyone else.

I take a deep breath as I hear the shower is on. She spends most of her time in this bedroom or in the bathroom. I think, in a way, she has been trying to wash away his touch, but she hasn’t been able to. I have tried to replace his touch with mine, but I can see in her eyes that it hasn’t worked, which fucking kills me. We never should have used her as bait, and I never should have let her go to the club, but I promised I wouldn’t ever tell her what to do or try to control her.

I am trying too hard to keep my promises to her. I don’t want her to think I am anything like Jesse.

My guys have spent the last month trying to find him, and still, the trail is cold. It is like he vanished into thin air. I can hire as many fuckers as I want to protect this house, but I know deep down inside she still doesn’t feel safe. She doesn’t feel like she can breathe. She is jumpy and on guard with everyone and everything. She’s had nightmares every night since the incident at the club, and all I want to do is fucking take it away from her, but I can’t. Because honestly, I have no idea what to do except to just be here for her and show her I am not going anywhere.

She didn’t agree with us closing the center. She tried to convince me to go to work, but there was no fucking way I was going to leave her here. I don’t care how many men I have hired, I don’t trust them with her when I’m not here. I don’t fucking trust anyone but Ethan, and he has made it his mission to find Jesse.

I slowly walk into the bathroom and stop when I see Em sitting on the chair in the corner.

“Angel,” I state softly.

She slowly looks up at me, holding something in her hands. I slowly make my way over and kneel in front of her. I look down at her hands and see the pregnancy test. My heart begins to race. I look up at Em. She is staring at me. Her eyes are distant, but she is in there. I can see her.

“What does this mean?” I ask, but I already know. I already know this means things are about to change again.

“We are going to have a baby,” she whispers, allowing the tears to fall from her eyes and roll down her face.

I lift my hands and cup her face, pull her into me. My lips are almost touching hers as I keep my eyes on her. “Angel,” I whisper her nickname. That is the only thing I can say.

“Do you want this?” she asks me in a concerned voice, which makes my heart break. The fact that she needs to ask me this breaks my heart.

“I want you,” I reassure her softly.

“Do you want to be a father?” she asks, searching my eyes.

I slowly nod. “Yes.”

Before she can say anything else, I lean in and kiss her, tasting her tears. She leans into me and opens her mouth, which she hasn’t done in a while.

She doesn’t allow the kiss to deepen before she pulls back a little, taking her lips from mine. I keep her face cupped in my hands as I look down in her lap and see the positive test.

“Please take it away,” she begs me. I can hear the pain in her voice. I can see the suffering in her eyes, and it fucking tears me up inside.

I look back into her eyes, confused by her words. She is sad and distant and hurting, and I would do anything to make those things go away.

“Please replace his breath on my skin, his voice in my ear, his touch on my skin, please take it away,” she pleads, allowing more tears to roll down her face. I feel my heart sink with her words.

I slowly nod and stand up. She sets the test on the counter and slowly stands up, her naked chest now against mine. She reaches out and unbuttons my pants as I pull off my shirt. I reach out and pull off my boots, then my pants along with my boxers, and throw them off to the side of the room. She slowly turns and walks into the open shower, under the hot water. I take a deep breath as I follow behind her, watching her place her hands on the shower wall in front of her.

I come up behind her and position my legs between hers, forcing her to open them for me. She does it without saying a word.

I lean into her placing one of my hands on top of hers, pinning her between me and the wall as I grab my dick and position it at her heat. My heart is racing as I slowly and gently push into her, filling her. I release my dick and lift my hand, placing it on top of her other hand as she leans forward. I start to push in and out of her being gentle but showing her my desire and need for her.

I lean in, placing my lips against her ear as a moan escapes me, followed by her own. She starts to push back against me, pushing me more into her. “I love you,” I whisper into her ear. I start to pick up my pace, trying to focus on her and the fact that I am going to be a father.

“I love you too,” she moans. I need to get lost in her as much as she needs to get lost in me. My heart races as her body melts against mine, reminding me just how much I need her.

“Will you marry me, Emory Sparks?” I whisper into her ear, making her moan.

She tries to catch her breath as I continue to push in and out of her, needing her to come, needing to see her allow the release. “If you promise me one thing,” she states softly.

My heart continues to race. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for her. “Anything, Angel. Ask, and it is yours, “ I say calmly into her ear.

“Please kill him,” she whispers.

I have waited to hear those words come out of her mouth. I wouldn’t do it without her blessing. I will never do anything that will cause her harm. I fucking refuse. “Done,” I state softly.

“Ask me again.” She moans as I pin her harder against the wall.

“Emory Sparks, will you marry me?” I whisper, trying to catch my own breath, which is becoming harder and harder to do.

“Yes, Shawn Cross, I will marry you,” she states, moving with my motion. My heart flutters and races with her answer. Everything is about to change.

I tighten my grip on her hands as I continue to push in and out of her, hitting the right spot for both of us. She will be screaming my name, moaning my name, and it is a sound I want to hear for the rest of my life.

She wants me to kill Jesse. It will be done. Anything she wants is hers. There are no more games. No second-guessing. No questions needed. She has asked, and I will deliver. The man who thinks she belongs to him will die, and she will be my wife and have my child. The life I never thought I deserved. The life I never thought I would want is now the only life I crave and the only one I see as my future. She has changed everything. She has changed me. My Fallen Angel has saved me, and she will continue to save me every second for the rest of our lives.

****

I hold tightly to Emory’s hand as the nurse leads us into the room. She wanted to wait a few days before coming to see the doctor. We still don’t know where Jesse is, and if I know him, he is watching us right now, which means soon he will learn the secret we were able to keep from him for two days.

“The doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse states softly before she walks out of the room.

We just got done with the ultrasound, and we both got to see the little one that is growing in my future wife. I have no words to explain how I am feeling right now, but being scared is one of them for sure.

Emory and I both take a seat on the chairs. She squeezes my hand, a gesture to try and calm me down, which is funny because I am pretty sure right now, I should be doing that for her. The news about the baby has helped us come out of ourselves. Emory is talking again, and she seems to be trying to move on from what happened at the club. Knowing now that she is pregnant, I should have never taken her there. We don’t know how far along she is, but I know her drinking was not good.

The doctor slowly walks in with a paper in her hand. She stops in front of Emory and passes over the picture of the little one growing inside her.

“It looks like you are about six weeks along. Congratulations,” the doctor states in a calm voice.

I feel my heart sink and my blood boil. Six weeks along … that means when Jesse slapped her, she was pregnant. When he held her against him, she was pregnant. It just got a whole lot easier killing this fucker. I don’t think I would have had a problem before, but this just means I need to be out there searching for him. I want to be the one that fucking finds this guy and ends his life. My face will be the last thing he sees.

“No more alcohol, and take it easy. I am not concerned at this point, but just be careful,” the doctor states.

“We will, thank you,” I answer for Em as she is still looking at the picture the doctor gave her.

“Let’s go home, Angel. We have a lot of preparing to do,” I state softly, pulling her attention away from the picture. She looks at me, smiles, and slowly nods.

Preparing for our soon-to-be-born child might be the best thing for us right now. It might be the best thing for Emory. It will get her mind off Jesse and onto something positive. It will give her something to look forward to.

And it is time I go out and hunt. Hunt for the man who wants to take what is now mine. Hunt for the man that wants to take my only reason for being alive.