Lost the Handle (Nashville Assassins: Next Generation #8)

Chapter 3

Chapter

Three

Quinn

Is it pathetic that I want to call my mom to ask what to do?

Knowing her, she’ll laugh at me and say, “You made this bed. Now, lie in it.” My mom is the greatest woman I know. She is strong, confident, and the most loving person on earth. She loves me the most because I’m her baby and I’m better than my other siblings, but she also loves everyone she meets.

That being said, I don’t think she loves my soon-to-be wife. Which is surprising since I thought my mom would love anyone I brought home. That’s not the case, and I think she sees right through the ruse. No, I know she does, but I’ve done my best to deflect all her questioning. Hell, I don’t even know how I would explain it. Everything is so out of my control.

And it’s not going to get easier with Emery here.

Three years. Emery’s been gone for three years, and I’m still head over heels in love with her. I lean my hand into the doorjamb, my head falling forward as I draw in a deep breath. I can feel her on the other side, which I know is silly, but it’s true. I know she’s there. I think I had that dream because she was coming for me.

Damn it, why can’t I let go of these feelings? Nothing I do can stop how I feel. I’ve slept around, I’ve been in relationships, but every time I tried to fall in love with someone else, I couldn’t. I never let anyone get close to me. I never let anyone know me. I’ve worked and furthered my education. That’s it.

Now, I’m getting married.

And the girl I love is at my front door.

The knock at the door sounds again, and I close my eyes, praying that God has mercy on me. Why did I cross that line? Why did I let her kiss me all those years ago? We had a great friendship, and I let my desire for her take over. I should have said no, but it’s hard to say no to someone whom I just want to see smiling at every turn. Fuck me, why can’t I fucking shake this unyielding love for her? I can never be her friend again because I want everything. I want her heart, her soul, her body, and most of all, I want her love.

I want to hear her say she loves me.

No. I don’t.

If she says it, I’ll leave Ava in a heartbeat, and that can’t happen.

My heart is like a kick drum in my chest as I close the distance to the door. I throw the latch to the lock open, and instantly, my eyes meet a pair of gray ones. Emery leans on a suitcase, her lips curved up in a sneaky little grin while her curly hair is falling from her messy bun. Her pupils dilate as they meet mine, her lips parting ever so slightly. Neither of us says a word. My heart is trying to pound its way out of my chest, and all I can think is how much I’ve missed her.

I’ve missed her thick lips.

Her round face.

Her little nose.

Her rosy cheeks.

But most of all, those eyes.

Expressive eyes that say everything her lips don’t dare utter.

Her. I’ve missed Emery Brooks.

I just saw her a couple months ago for my grandparents’ funerals, but it wasn’t enough. Especially when we got into a little fight, and she didn’t speak to me the rest of the trip. She never left my side, but no words were spoken. She held my hand, she was supportive, and that’s all. It was everything I needed at that moment, though. I wish I had reached out after to check in and to thank her for what she did for me. Instead, I allowed her “We’ll see” when I told her I was getting married to haunt me.

And now, she’s on my doorstep.

With a suitcase.

Fuck me.

I swallow past the lump in my throat as I gaze down at her. She has on a ratty, old-school Assassins shirt that I know has her daddy’s number on the back. She paired it with cutoff denim shorts and some purple Chuck Taylors. She is looking every bit the hockey princess.

One I want to be my queen.

You’re getting married, dumbass. I scold myself.

Her lips curve more as she says, “Hey, Quinny.”

Just my name on her lips brings such a wave of emotion.

And you’re not getting married to her , I remind myself.

Apparently, it’s a needed reminder.

God, I’m so fucked.

“E, what are you doing here?”

She just beams, moving past me with her suitcase in tow. “Did you know my parents sold our house?” I shut the door, not wanting to look dumb as I turn to her. “They’re staying with your parents while they build another.”

I nod cautiously. “I heard.”

“Well, I had no clue, and now I have nowhere to stay. I called Benny, and he said you lost him as a roommate. So, hey ya, roommate!” She adds jazz hands, and I blink.

“You want to stay here? What about Stella or Asher or even Aiden?”

She shakes her head, still giving me jazz hands. “Newlyweds, babies, and more babies. I can’t go stay with your mom because I think she’s still mad at me, so I’m going to have to buy her some new heels or something.”

I wrinkle my face. “Mom isn’t mad at you.”

“Eh…” she says slowly. “I beg to differ. No one hurts her precious Quinny and gets away with it unscathed.”

I want to laugh since it’s true, but what she doesn’t know is that my mom loves her almost as much as she loves me. I guess I could ease her concerns about hurting me, but we both know that she did. That I’m still hurting. Needing to know, I ask, “What are you doing here?”

“Here at your apartment? Or here in Tennessee?”

I watch as she wheels her suitcase into the now-guest room. It has a bed in it—that’s it—so yeah, guest room. Wait, Emery isn’t my guest. “I’m here because I have nowhere to go, and I’m in Tennessee because it’s time to come home.”

I follow her, stunned by her answer. “Time to come home? I thought California was your home?” She scoffs, tossing her bag onto the bed like she belongs here. “Emery, you can’t stay here.”

She throws me a look, her brows slamming together. “Why not? Is someone using this room?”

“No, but?—”

“So why can’t I stay in it until I find a place?”

I narrow my eyes at her. “When are you going to find a place?” Something flashes in her eyes, and she doesn’t need to say anything. She has no intention of looking for a place. “Exactly. You think you’re gonna break up my engagement and stay here.”

I’ve got to give her credit; she actually looks shocked as she presses her hand to her chest. She even gasps a bit as she gawks at me. “Quinn, I would never. I couldn’t break up a true and loving soon-to-be marriage, could I?”

“E, go. Go stay with your family.”

Her eyes darken as she glares. “I don’t want to stay with them, and you always said your door is open for me.”

I hold her gaze. “That was before I got engaged.”

She challenges my gaze, and I know she’s not used to me telling her no. “Is…” She pauses, pure disgust on her face. “What is her name?”

I swallow, my mouth tasting like ash. “You know her name. Ava.”

She wrinkles her nose at that. “Yes, Ava. Sorry. Is she living here?”

My heart hasn’t stopped pounding, and again, it feels like it’s going to come out of my chest. “Not yet.”

Not ever. I don’t make it a habit to lie to Emery, but I know I can’t be truthful about that.

A little gleam shines in her gray thunderstorm eyes before she asks, “And she knows about me? Your best friend for your whole entire life?”

“Em—”

“Since you have all those pictures of me in the living room, I assume she does.”

Fuck my life, why don’t I replace those damn pictures? I don’t have one picture of my nephews, but you best believe I have tons of Emery and me over the years. “Yes,” I say curtly, and she grins as she starts to unpack her things.

Without looking at me, she asks, “So, do you need to call and let her know I’m staying with you a bit until I get on my feet? I’m sure she’ll be so understanding that your best friend needs a place.”

Unable to control myself, I bite out, “If you say best friend one more fucking time…”

She looks over her shoulder, her eyes dancing with mischief. Her voice drops an octave, all full of naughty promises and everything I’ve been craving for three goddamn years. “You’ll what?”

I clench my fists, but my damn traitorous cock thickens at her unspoken promises. He’s a total fucking whore for Emery. He lives for her. He’s been so lonely without her.

Down, boy. She is only fucking with us.

“None of that,” I grit out, setting her with an impassive look. “I’m getting married.”

She feigns innocent, but those gray eyes tell me what she’s up to. “What? You’re the one threatening me and apparently forgetting I’m your best friend .”

My jaw goes taut, and I swear I’m about to lose my fucking mind. “This isn’t going to work. You have enough money to get something if you wanted. A hotel, an Airbnb, anything.”

She shrugs. “Sure, but you don’t have a roommate, and I’ve missed you. My bestie.”

I swallow hard. “Em.”

She takes a step toward me, extending her hands to grab mine. She laces her fingers through mine, but I don’t link mine with hers. I can’t. If I do, I won’t let go. “Haven’t you missed me?”

Missed her? I haven’t felt whole until this moment. With her scent invading all my senses. My heart sings for this girl. I want desperately to tangle my fingers in her hair and slam my mouth to hers. I want to hold her in my arms, and once I get my fill, I want to devour her. Instead, I just stare down at her, my heart doing the merengue in my chest while the butterflies in my gut do the cha-cha. Her eyes burn into mine, her bottom lip jutting out as she squeezes my hands, making it real hard for me to remember I’m technically engaged to someone else.

It’s not fair that Em and I have a constant spark between us that can’t be extinguished.

She knows it. I know it.

But I’m engaged.

I remove my hands from hers. “Emery, I’m engaged.”

Her eyes narrow once more, and she brings her arms up to cross over her chest. “So, because you’re engaged, that means we can’t be best friends? That’s ridiculous. I came before your sweet little Ava.” She’s goading me. She’s trying to make me lose my temper, and fuck if it isn’t working. “As you’ve said, you’re engaged, and I have no problem respecting this engagement.”

“You know I can tell when you’re lying.”

She just grins. “Obviously, you can’t. Because I’m not.”

She is, but I’m not going to argue with her. “Emery, this is a bad idea.”

Her grin grows, looking exactly like the little villain she is. “Not at all. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Unable to answer her, I just glare down at her. But her grin doesn’t falter. “Plus, you know I need your bandwidth and Wi-Fi for work. A hotel won’t support my computer.” With that, she turns back to her bag to unpack as if I haven’t asked her to leave three times. “I had a really nice guy help me with my stuff, but I left it with the concierge since I didn’t want him knowing where you live. Crazy people.”

I ignore the jealousy that rears in my heart knowing some nice guy helped her, and I set her with a look. “Like you.”

She just grins. “Can you go get it for me, roomie?”

I let my head fall back. “Em, are you serious right now?”

She looks over at me. “As a heart attack,” she says with a wink. “If you want me to talk to Ava , I can.” That’s the last thing I want, but because this girl loves getting under my skin, she adds, “I can explain how you’re just helping out your bestie, and since y’all’s love is so pure, nothing would be able to come between it.” Her eyes dance with mine. I’m unsure if I want to strangle her or kiss her senseless.

This is Emery.

Not taking no for an answer and goading me in all the right ways. In ways only she knows how to do because we were so close. She was my best friend, the love of my life, but that can’t be the case anymore.

There is a reason I’m marrying someone else.

And I can’t forget that.