Lost the Handle (Nashville Assassins: Next Generation #8)

Chapter 9

Chapter

Nine

Quinn

When my alarm goes off, I groan loudly.

I continue to slam my palm to my phone until it finally shuts off.

I run my hands down my face, another groan escaping since I wish I could go back to sleep.

Because sleep eluded me until about three in the morning.

All my thoughts were around a certain pain in my ass.

I left Posey’s before Emery did, needing to get away. I couldn’t handle the looks from my sister and brother-in-law. The way Emery tried not to look at me, but every time I glanced at her, she was watching me from beneath her dark lashes. But what really did me in?

Her confession.

“I don’t know if you’ve caught on or not, so let me be clear. You are mine. I am yours. The blood that courses through my body is yours. My heart pounds for you and only you, Quinn Phillips.”

I mean, fuck me sideways. What in the hell am I supposed to do with that? I have been waiting years to hear those words, to hear her admit that she wants me, to fucking be hers completely. But of course, in true Emery fashion, she waits until I’m engaged to someone else. She frustrates the ever-loving fuck out of me.

And drives me just as wild.

I heard when she got home, listened as she moved through the apartment. I didn’t dare leave my room, though, and thankfully, she didn’t come in. When I was sure she was in her room—fuck me, I’m already thinking of it as hers—I forced myself to lie in my bed. Though, when the light in the connecting bathroom turned on, I sat up and listened as she washed her face and brushed her teeth. It’s a sickness, really, needing to listen to or see what she is doing at all times. It’s been so long since she was in my space, and as I expected, I like knowing she’s here. I don’t have to worry what is going on or think of her with anyone else. Or scroll through her social media for just a glimpse.

She’s here.

While I know that’s not a good thing, I can’t help but feel whole.

Man, this is so fucked up.

I force myself out of bed to get dressed. I’m glad we only have consults today. No way could I make it through any surgeries. I walk into the bathroom, cautious since I have a female roommate now. Once I see the coast is clear, I head to the sink and wash my face, brush my teeth, and style my hair.

The sad part is, I keep glancing at Emery’s door.

I wonder if she still sleeps in only her underwear. If she is wrapped up in the sheets, her hair wild and tangled around her. She sleeps harder than a rock, so when I used to wake before her, I would detangle her hair so it wouldn’t be so hard for her once it was time to get ready. I loved how the brown curls wrapped around my fingers. How soft and good it smelled as I twirled it. She wouldn’t even stir as I pulled her hair free from tangles. If anything, she cuddled deeper into my side, her warm, curvy body molding against mine.

I press my hips into the sink and groan loudly from how hard I’ve gotten myself from a mere memory. Not that I’m surprised. That’s what happens when I think of Emery. It’s been entirely too long since I’ve been inside her. Felt her hot cunt around me. Tasted her. I glare at myself as I brush my hair to the side. I can’t do this to myself. Especially when there is only a single door that I could easily push through to get to her.

No. I can’t give her what she wants.

No matter how much I want it too.

I swallow another moan before adjusting my hard cock and going back to my room. I grab my work bag—my dad’s old Assassins backpack—and head into the living room. I breathe a sigh of relief when I don’t see Emery. That’s the last thing I need right now, especially when my body is burning for her. She’s only been in my space for a full twenty-four hours, and I’m already salivating for her.

Okay, let me be honest. I’m always salivating when it comes to Emery Elaine Brooks.

Yeah, this is going to go great for me.

You’re engaged.

She left you.

Maybe if I keep repeating that, I’ll believe my words.

Before I can reach the kitchen, my phone rings. I pull it out of the thigh pocket of my scrubs to see it’s Benny. I miss the fucker. Even if he’s the reason I’m in this position. Though, knowing Emery, she’d sleep in my bed or even on the couch if there weren’t an extra room.

I can’t help but smile at how she does what she wants. I love that about her.

Except when she’s directing it all on me when I’m engaged.

“Hey, bro. What’s up?”

“Hey,” Benson says, his voice light. I remember when he had such a roughness to his tone. He was miserable and always waiting for that second chance with the love of his life, Cameron. Now, the two of them are living the dream. Both social media stars, while Benson also plays for the Blackhawks. I’m thankful for how it all worked out for them. How destiny made sure to put them together again. “Did you survive?”

I scoff. “Barely. She went to dinner at Posey’s house.”

“What? Posey let her in?”

“She invited her,” I say with a roll of my eyes. I throw my bag on the couch before leaning my hip into it. “Of course, we got into it. She claimed in front of everyone that I’m hers.” I fully expect him to laugh, but he doesn’t. “Benson?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Just digesting all this. What did you say?”

“Told her I wasn’t.”

“But…”

“But nothing. I’m marrying Ava.”

Benson blows out an annoyed breath. “Why, dude? You love Emery.”

I don’t deny it, nor do I confirm it before I say, “I’m marrying Ava.”

I have to keep saying those words, so I don’t worry that Emery will fuck it up somehow and I’ll lose everything. Maybe I should be honest. Tell her what is going on and how this has to happen. While she’s a possessive pain in my ass, she would support me. She’d let me— No, she wouldn’t. Who the fuck am I kidding? That girl isn’t going to let me marry Ava without a fight.

And I don’t know if my armor is thick enough to survive the battle.

It never is. Not where Emery is concerned.

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. “It is what it is.”

Benson makes a noncommittal noise. “I think you should blow Ava off. I don’t know what she has on you, but you know all of us would help you get out of it.”

I know that, but I refuse to put my bad choices on my family. “There is nothing to get out of,” I lie once more. Since I agreed to this, I’m realizing how easy it is to lie to my family. That’s not a very healthy thought. Alas, that’s where I am in life. “How’s Cam?”

He doesn’t like the subject change, but I don’t miss the excitement in his voice. “She’s good. Adjusting to Blackhawks life out here. It’s weird wearing black and red when I’m used to purple and black.”

I chuckle. “Especially when they’re our rivals.”

“For sure, but everyone has been kind. I like it here.”

“Good. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. Cam’s thinking of coaching at the top gymnastics gym here.”

“That’s badass.”

“Yeah. They’re offering her a pretty good amount of money. I don’t know, we’ll see.”

“Great,” I say enthusiastically. “I’m excited for the wedding.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m glad we’re doing it back home,” he admits, and I couldn’t agree more. My parents are his, which is why he and Cam are getting married on my parents’ land out in the country. It’ll be a super-small wedding, just our family and Cam’s. It surprises me since the two of them have such a big social media presence, that they wouldn’t want something grand and over the top. I don’t think Cameron is even wearing a real wedding dress. It’s going to be low-key, and I have to admit, I like it that way. “I’m really jazzed for what’s to come here.”

“For sure.” I push off the couch, and I realize I didn’t tell him something I know he’d want to know. “Oh, Emery drives my dream car.”

Benson hisses a breath. “No shit? She drives a Bugatti?”

“Yup, fucking sexy-ass car. All sleek black with silver chrome. I about came in my pants when I saw it.”

He laughs. “Did you drive it?”

I scoff. “No. She said I can’t because I’m very engaged.”

Benson’s laughter gets louder. “Not surprised. I’d break off the engagement to drive that car.”

If only I could.

“I didn’t know she had started another company.”

“Really? Doing what?”

“Building systems to protect companies from hackers.”

Benson laughs. “Isn’t she the hacker?”

“Yup, she’s using it to make money. Doing Emery things.”

“That’s Em.”

He’s not wrong. “I’m not going to make it with her.”

“I think that’s her plan.”

“It is,” I agree. “But whatever. I’ll kick her out in a week.”

He scoffs. “No, you won’t. You’re more likely to fuck her against her Bugatti than kick her out.”

Man, what a fantasy. I could make it happen too.

No, I cannot.

“Does no one have faith in my resistance?”

“No, it’s Emery.”

Like that explains it all. Which, in a way, I guess it does. I wasn’t shy with how in love with her I was. When I saw her with other guys, I’d lose it and do everything to get her attention on me. I’ve sung to her in public more times than I can count, and not even the secondhand embarrassment my family has suffered brings me any guilt. I needed her to know how I felt. I needed her to know I wasn’t going anywhere.

But then, she left me.

I have to remember that. She left me. She didn’t want me. And the only reason she is here is because she doesn’t want me to marry Ava. It isn’t because she wants me.

Wow. What a thought to further ruin my morning.

Before I can get to the fridge, though, I notice my lunch box is out and a note is on top of it. I walk toward it as Benson says, “Okay, I’ll let you go. I’m taking Cameron to breakfast.”

“Cool, talk to you later,” I say, distracted, as I hang up and reach for the note.

Q,

I’m working from home today, so I don’t need my car.

Take it.

Even if you’re engaged, whatever is mine is yours.

Hope you enjoy the lunch. It’s leftovers from dinner last night, so don’t get too excited. We both know I can’t cook for shit.

I hope you have a great day at work.

Love,

E

I feel a certain kind of heat rush through my body. It’s not only excitement. It’s pure, unadulterated desire for her. For her words. Her promises. I don’t know how I am going to resist her, and fuck me, it’s only day two. I need her out of my place. I need her away from me. Maybe if I ask, maybe if I beg for a year with the promise to come back to her, she’ll accept. I reread the letter three times while my eyes ping-pong from the lunch to the Bugatti keys and back to the note. My heart jumps into my throat as I swallow, my stomach flip-flopping.

No, she won’t.

I knew it before, and I know it now.

Whatever is mine is yours.

Damn it, this girl.

Even though I know I’m falling right into her plans, I grab the key fob and the lunch.

Because, like the Bugatti, Emery is wild and hard to contain, but fuck, if I don’t crave the ride.