Lost the Handle (Nashville Assassins: Next Generation #8)

Chapter 31

Chapter

Thirty-One

Quinn

When I come out of my bedroom, where my sheets are tangled and smell of Emery, I find her at the counter packing me a lunch. I smile as I set my backpack on the couch and watch her pack some almonds in a baggie. She’s only wearing one of my gray button-up shirts, looking like a tumbled mess of sex with a mischievous grin on her face. When she looks up at me through her thick, dark lashes, my cock throbs for her.

Fuck, I don’t want to leave her.

“Even though I’m not a fan of your job choice, I have to say, you look really hot in scrubs, Dr. Adler.”

My lips twitch as I move behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pressing my front to her back. I kiss the top of her head. “If this is your uniform for work, I may have to change fields.”

I smile against her hair, but she doesn’t answer right away. Then she turns in my arms, looking up at me, a knowing gleam in those gray eyes. “Do you like being a doctor?”

I raise a brow in confusion. “I enjoy helping people.”

“Of course,” she says, threading her fingers through mine and lifting our hands to our sides. “But it seems like you’re super stressed when you come home. You don’t talk or even seem to settle for over three hours.”

“I am stressed, but it was mostly due to trying to be a good fiancé and not take you on the nearest surface.” She doesn’t believe me, but my words are also true. I am stressed from the job, but resisting her stressed me out to the max. “Do I love it the way I thought I would? No. It’s a lot of pressure that I wasn’t prepared for.”

She nods, swinging our arms as she gazes up at me. “If you don’t love it, why do it?”

I swallow hard, looking down. “Em.”

“Quinn,” she stresses. “He’ll love you, no matter what.”

I bite into my cheek and inhale through my nose. “I’ve worked so hard for it. I don’t want to quit just because I don’t like it.”

“You’ll never be happy.”

I look up to meet her gaze, wrapping our joined hands behind her to bring her up against me. “If I have you, I’m happy.”

Her lips curve, her eyes glazing over. “You don’t know how much that means to me, but I want you all-around happy.”

I lean down, pressing my forehead into hers. “Let me figure out this mess with Ava, and then I’ll worry about the rest.”

In all honesty, when I talk to Ava, I may lose everything anyway. That scares me, though, and I don’t know if that’s what I want. I’ve worked so hard. My dad loves saying that I’m the first doctor in the family, and I don’t know if I can take that away from him. But I’ve learned over the years that doing what I think is best isn’t necessarily what’s best for me. I’m always worried about everyone else, how everyone else feels, but never myself.

I knew there was more to what Emery was feeling, but I didn’t push because I was scared I wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to upset our moms, who had started fighting over us. Instead, I backed up. I let her go with the hopes that one day she’d be mine again.

And here we are.

As I stare down into her gray gaze that’s full of tenderness and esteem, I know I’d give up everything for her. I just hate that I’ve put myself in a position where I have to be with Ava. Emery tips her head back, but before I can meet her lips with mine, she asks, “What does she have on you?”

I should have known she would suspect that. It’s true, but still, how do I explain what I’ve gotten myself into? I look up to the ceiling, unable to look at her, as I groan, “Em. Just let me take care of it.”

“Is she with Yvette?”

Shocked, I look down at her. “What?”

“Her roommate. She’s a lesbian, and I’m pretty sure they’re together.”

I shouldn’t be surprised by what she says, but I am. I hadn’t expected her to figure it out so quickly. But that’s where I underestimated Emery Brooks. She isn’t a millionaire for no reason. She’s a genius.

“They lived together in Boston, too, before coming here. They went to the same high school too. Am I right?” She phrases it like a question, but we both know she knows.

“Em—”

“You can tell me, or I can find out.”

I set her with a look. “Can you not? Can you let me take care of it?”

“No,” she says, her eyes searching mine. “Because you’re scared. You think she’ll ruin everything, but say the word, and I can ruin her.”

Why is her crazy so fucking hot? I fight back a grin while shaking my head. “Em, relax,” I try, but she’s not listening.

“I’m serious. Let me help you. Tell me what she has on you.”

“I can’t!” I roar, moving away from her as I spear my fingers through my hair.

She stands up straight, striking her hips with her hands. “What happened to us being honest with each other? Communicating?!” she yells back, her eyes narrowing, those gray depths on fire. “Communicate with me. Tell me what has to be done to get rid of her.”

God, she drives me crazy. “Em, please leave it be.”

“No. Talk to me!”

“Emery!” I snap, and then I pinch the bridge of my nose. I take a deep breath before I drop my hands and look at her. She stands proudly, her cheeks rosy and her eyes wild as she stares me down. I close the distance between us, and I sigh deeply when she allows me to take her in my arms. I wrap her up tightly as her arms get locked between us. I nuzzle my nose into her neck and inhale deeply, letting my eyes close. We stay like that for a moment, both of us breathing hard as our hearts beat in cadence with each other.

Against her heated skin, I whisper, “I don’t want you to discover how pathetic I am. How I grasped for something to force me to get over you. How I agreed to things because I was too overwhelmed to get through it all. I’m embarrassed, baby.” She tenses at my words. “Just let me do this on my own.”

She brings her hands up between us, grabbing my jaw in her fingers before pulling my head back from her neck. Her eyes meet mine, protectiveness and wrath swirling in them. Her lips are pressed tightly together as she searches my eyes. “I would never think you pathetic, Quinn. You’re a good guy, a sweet guy, and I know you were only trying to help. She took advantage of you?—”

I shake my head, cutting off her words. “We both used each other.”

She narrows her eyes. “Tell me what is going on. Help me understand so I can help you.”

I lean my head to hers, kissing her nose. “Please, Em, let me do this on my own.”

“But you don’t have to anymore,” she pleads, stroking my jaw with her thumb. “I’m here.”

“But you weren’t there before, when I did this.” I’m not trying to hurt her or even to be an asshole, but I can see the hurt flash in her eyes. She tries to move away, but I don’t allow her to. I shake my head, bringing her in so I can brush my lips against hers. “I didn’t say that to hurt you. I said it to remind you that this is my doing. I have to find a way out. No one can help me. I made this bed. I have to figure out how to lie in it.” When a tear spills over her bottom lashes, I knit my brows even tighter. “Em, why are you crying? Don’t.”

I catch the tear as her bottom lip trembles. “Because if I hadn’t have been so scared, you wouldn’t be in this position.”

Fuck. I cuddle her in closer, tangling my fingers into the back of her hair as I hold her face to my chest. I kiss her temple, the top of her head, before nuzzling my nose in her wet curls. Her smell intoxicates me, but I still can’t correct her. I did use the situation Ava offered me to get over Emery. I thought being tied to someone for a year would force me to forget her. Would give me something to distract myself. Music wasn’t doing it. My family wasn’t. Nothing. By the time I realized that Ava wasn’t going to be the one to distract me, I was in too deep.

I’m still in too deep.

I don’t know what I am going to do or how I’m going to convince Ava to call this off, but the woman in my arms is reason enough to say fuck it all.

I wasn’t blowing smoke up her ass when I told her she is the reason I am happy.

She is, and I can’t lose her a second time.