Love At Peace (Hometown Heartstrings #3)

Chapter 1

Heather

R oarke didn’t react. He didn’t firm his face into an expression of anger. Nor did he smirk and laugh like David used to when I would inform him about a decision I made.

As if it would always be a joke that I could have control over anything in my life.

The rugged ranch hand standing to the side from my front door didn’t play any games like that. He wasn’t amused by my declaration. He wasn’t arguing.

Simply staring, still and immobile as though I’d stunned him with my words, he released a long exhale.

I was tense, waiting with bated breath for his reaction, for any reaction. I needed to know if I had to dig in harder and convince him of my decision. David had shown me how much I should fight and make a case to get my way—only to never grant me what I wanted.

I wanted to see if Roarke was at all like my ex, quick to fury with being told something that didn’t align with his wishes.

“I’m leaving,” I repeated when I couldn’t take the silence anymore.

Since the moment we met, we were argumentative and combative. That push-and-pull contributed to a lot of sexual tension, but right now, it felt like a void.

Say something, dammit.

It ate at me that his reaction would matter so much. His opinions had sunken in too far into my psyche.

Because I care. I swallowed hard, forcing my throat to work past the emotions clogging it.

I had come to care about Roarke, but I had to choose to protect myself.

His niece was with my ex. And that connection couldn’t bode well for me.

“I’m taking a new job that Janelle heard about.” It was early days yet. She’d only mentioned it to me this week, but I had to consider it as a viable option forward.

“That’s it?” he finally snapped, moving. His hands came out of his pockets and he flung his arms into the air only to drop them back down. “That’s it? You just got here, and you’re leaving ?”

The frustration in his tone peeved me.

I didn’t answer to him. If I wanted to come and go, then I damn well would. The freedom to move where I wanted to was just one thing among many that I fought to reclaim after I left David in Chicago. I’d be damned if another man ever tried to tell me where I could be, where I could go.

“Yeah. You heard me.” I tipped my chin up, defiant. I let the anger and shock at the news about Nevaeh and David fuel me to stay strong.

“You can’t stay, huh?” he said with too much snark.

Now, he was mad. His anger was rising to the surface, but it wasn’t taking over him. He was still standing apart, not trying to get in my face and tower over me to intimidate me. He kept his body relaxed yet braced, not trying to raise his fist to me or make a grab for my arm.

Because he’s not David.

Roarke is not David.

That mantra hadn’t changed. I knew they weren’t alike, but the fear embedded my mind wasn’t easy to dismiss.

Even if the men were opposites, even if I could convince myself that Roarke wouldn’t behave like David had, there was no possible means to erase the connection between Roarke and his niece. They were all connected. A layered web of association had been formed around me, and I didn’t want to stick around and see how soon a noose would tighten around me.

I shook my head. I couldn’t. I truly didn’t want to stay and be subjected to whatever the hell they were conspiring against me.

“You can’t stay and see where things go with us?”

“Us?” I scoffed, pointing my finger between us, marking the several yards that acted as a buffer. “There is no us , Roarke.”

I got another reaction out of him with that comment. He stiffened, almost as if he’d been struck. If he was counting on an argument to persuade me not to want to go, he should’ve been prepared for me to lash back out. I didn’t know why he would perceive me as a weak thing to push around. Unlike my behavior around David, I’d been firm from the get-go with Roarke, insisting on my space and protecting my privacy.

He furrowed his brow as though he searched for the words to understand.

“We had a couple of nights together. That’s it,” I told him.

My mouth felt funny with that lie. I hated the taste of being untruthful as I bent the reality that I had been learning to accept.

Just days ago, I was amazed by how much I was letting him in. I recognized my own growth when I considered how much Roarke was coaxing me to lower my guard with him and embrace his support.

It seemed like a sign of healing. That I was overcoming the trauma of David’s abuse.

And now I was claiming the opposite, that we didn’t have anything deeper and more meaningful between us.

I was a hypocrite, but I had to stick with keeping myself safest. I had to prioritize my comfort and security.

“That’s it, huh?” He rubbed his jaw, looking at the ground. “That’s all we had. A couple of nights. Just sex.”

I frowned, hating that he wasn’t leaving already. It made me feel worse, like he wasn’t all right with my rejection. I couldn’t matter that much. We hadn’t been together—or close to something like a commitment—for long.

I was gun-shy. I was damned nervous and scarred and uneasy about the idea of a relationship again. That was nothing to be ashamed of, but I didn’t care for this idea that I would be hurting him by doing what I thought was best for myself.

“Now isn’t the time to sit down and define what we were doing or what we wanted.”

“I know what I want,” he bit out, narrowing his eyes. “I told you that I was interested in seeing where things could go between us.”

I was, too. I opened up to the chance that we could start something.

“And we did,” I lied. We’d only just begun getting together, and I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted him too, but I didn’t think I could risk it.

“We did?” he asked, raising his brows. “That was it for you?”

Please, please don’t fight me on this.

“That was all you wanted? A good time. A quick fuck. And that’s it.”

No. When he said it like that, dismissive and cold, that was far from what I dreamed of exploring with him.

“Is this how it goes with you? You always run when things get tough?” He crossed his arms, glaring at me and giving me no easy out from answering.

I pressed my lips together to keep from scowling. “You’ve got no right to say such a thing.”

“I don’t?”

“You don’t know me.”

“And it looks like you’re just putting walls right back up so I never will.”

Tough shit. I needed these walls to be safe and strong.

“You can’t even try? You don’t want to try to see what we can figure out—together?”

I tried every day just to survive. To beat down the fears and paranoia. The bad dreams and ugly nightmares. I wouldn’t ever claim to be a poster child of great mental health, but I tried every single day.

Prioritizing a relationship with him just couldn’t make the cut. Too many burdens and worries weighed me down. Until I didn’t feel threatened by this news that his niece and my ex were getting together, by this development of his niece getting onto my work laptop, the answer had to be a hard no . I couldn’t try to fit him in. I couldn’t trust myself to see the distinction between lust and safety.

“Just like that, you want to throw away what we’ve shared?” he asked.

“It’s not ‘just like that,’” I retorted hotly. “This isn’t some wishy-washy idea to go.”

“Then tell me. For fuck’s sake, don’t I at least deserve a reason why you want to run again?”

I growled, gritting my teeth. “Don’t act like you know me, Roarke.” I pointed my finger at him, wishing I could jab it into his chest so he could feel a smidgen of the anger and panic charging through me.

“Don’t stand there and act like you know that I always run—”

“I don’t know you!” he shouted back, only raising his voice to match how loudly I had. “I don’t know you. You won’t let me in. You won’t tell me fucking anything.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. He was right. But I didn’t have any incentive to lower my guard any further. Not when he would forever be connected to his niece, the troublemaker who was hooking up with my ex. Letting him in or telling him anything about myself or my past would only end up being ammunition he could let her have. Maybe not intentionally, but I didn’t want to air my business at all.

All I’d intended to do with my return to Burton was keep to myself and manage life day to day.

“You won’t tell me . You won’t open up—at all.” He shook his head and looked to the side for a moment. “I won’t push. I won’t expect anything from you, but if you’re going to let me think we’ve got a chance of something then just as quickly change your mind, that’s nothing but cruelty.”

I stepped back, hating that accusation.

“Be honest, Heather. For fuck’s sake, be honest with me.”

“I am. I am telling you, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, that this is done. That whatever you wanted to happen between us is over. We never started anything to be over, and I’m telling you that nothing ever will last between us.”

My heart raced faster as I let that ugly nonsense reach him. Lies. They were all lies, but I couldn’t retreat to explain why I had to be so defensive.

He held up one finger. “All right. Then I deserve one reason why.”

Dammit. Why couldn’t he just get pissed and sulk off already? He swore he was done with drama from the women in his life, and I was doling it out in hefty dumps here.

“I want one reason why you have to run. One reason why you can’t try to stay with me, however you see it on your terms.”

“One reason?” I ground my teeth. “Fine. I can’t stay and try to have you in my life because your niece is scheming with my ex.”

He narrowed his eyes, stunned and looking completely lost. “What?”

“Nevaeh and David.” I nodded, letting my anger boil hotter. “I heard that they’re together. That they’ve been hanging around each other.”

“You—” He shook his head, holding out a hand as if he needed to pause me from explaining. “What are—”

“Nevaeh. Your niece,” I snapped. “The only person who could’ve gotten onto my work laptop and messed that data up. I heard that she’s been hanging around my ex-boyfriend who stalked me all the way here from Chicago.”

I licked my lips, letting that bombshell rocket through him.

“That’s a situation I do not trust. At all.”

And I’ll be damned if you try to insist I should stay and let anyone take advantage of me again.