Love Harder

DIMPLES

Ishould have learned my lesson.

You’ve read my tragic love affair with love. I should have just accepted that love and I were destined to speak different languages without Google Translate on hand.

I realized early on that I was okay with sitting by myself in a restaurant or a cinema; I didn’t need someone to complete me because I was content on my own.

My divorce forced me to relearn how to be human again in a sense. When you’ve spent over a decade with someone, you lose a sense of who you are. Well, that’s how I felt anyway. But I didn’t mind. I did this because of…love.

That asshole.

So newly single, the world was my oyster and blah blah…but half the time, I felt as though I was thrown into the deep end and expected to know how to swim. I can’t, by the way. But as we know, love doesn’t care what we can or can’t do.

I tried my best and made a lot of mistakes. But I’m at the age where I like to see my mistakes as lessons learned, so when I met a younger man, I should have guessed he was a lesson that was about to grip me by the throat and choke the good sense right out of me.

We all know where this is going…

Dimples was a lot younger than me. Like a lot. I know they say age is only a number, but from the get-go, I knew I couldn’t keep him. And more importantly, he wouldn’t want to be kept.

He had that something, something that I go goo goo gaga over. I don’t know what it is. I get asked often how do I know.

I just do.

It was the same with the other men you’ve read about.

You just know.

And I knew with Dimples that he was going to break me, and I was going to fucking relish every second of it because I’m clearly a masochist.

I wasn’t looking for anything, not after Switzerland.

But I wasn’t looking for him either when I met him. And sometimes, that’s when the best stories unfold.

He was the one who saw me first, but the moment I took note of that twisted smirk and those incredible colored eyes, I couldn’t look away. He was confident and made the first move. I liked what he was throwing down.

He was witty and polite, but always, in the background, there were cheerleaders, waving their pom-poms, chanting…roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.

He knew I was older. He told me he liked older women. He told me I was so attractive to him. He asked questions and seemed genuinely interested.

So what’s the issue here?

Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.

I knew that regardless of how our beginning commenced, this would end in ugly tears. I predicted the plot twist from just reading the prologue.

I needed to run away…which is why I did the opposite.

Dimples was supposed to be a cookie, but I knew from the moment we kissed, the only cookie I would be having was in my gallon of vegan ice cream I would be crying into when things ended.

Dimples was my “type.”

I didn’t think I had a type, but alas, here we are.

He was tall, dark hair, and his eyes a golden hazel. He was big; I always felt shadowed in his arms. I really liked that. Perhaps because of our ages. Or maybe it’s because I am constantly looking for my Superman.

He smelled good.

He tasted good.

He was good.

Period.

He sent a lot of messages and voice notes early on. And yes, there is such a thing as being attracted to someone’s voice. His South African accent would occasionally come through, making me want to die small deaths and not helping the predicament at hand.

I tried to convince myself that he was just a cookie and not to get attached. But the more we spoke, the more I saw what a fucking liar, liar, pants on fire I was.

The main thing I liked about Dimples was that he didn’t seem to realize how gorgeous he was, which surprised me because, at first glance, I got *whispers* fuckboy vibes.

But the more we spoke, the more it became clear he was quite humble. However, fuckboy he may not be (jury was still out) but party boy he was. He acted the way any young man at his age was “expected” to act when with friends.

And that’s what always reminded me of his age.

It was the slap of reality I needed to exorcise myself of these demons and save myself the tears.

Oh, hindsight, how you can fuck right off on the shitty horse you rode in on.

We spoke for a few days, and I tried to remember why he was bad for my sanity. But with anything, things that want to kill me make me feel most alive, and when he dropped a few comments which showed me that he’s an alpha by nature, I waved goodbye to good sense. She was a party pooper anyway.

He suggested we meet.

It’s also suggested to read instructions. As it is not to touch something hot as it’ll burn. But here I was, stripping off clothes as I ran toward a raging inferno.

He messaged a lot, but they always do in the beginning, something I learned the hard way. So I was skeptical. I hated that I viewed any new human connection this way, but history scarred me, and those scars will never heal.

There were many things I liked about Dimples. He never presumed. He never crossed the dick pic line. He never was crass. He was clear about what he wanted, and that was me. But he never resorted to dirty talk to elucidate that.

He was honest and expressed that he was attracted to me and wanted to meet to explore that attraction in person.

My head and my heart are on two entirely different realms. My head knew this is the worst idea I’ve had in a very long time, but my heart was donning a pair of red glitter pumps while pursing her red lips.

Needless to say, my head exited the room with her middle fingers raised.

We planned a day to see one another, but I was surprised as he was the one who canceled early on.

Note to reader: you have the advantage here, as I went into this blind. But please remember this as it’s pivotal to the story.

His excuse was he had to help his friend as he was getting his dog desexed.

Yes, I scratched my head too.

But I figured he was like most men; they talk up a big game, but none of them actually deliver. So I assumed Dimples was just like the rest. I was surprised, however, because he had said he liked older women, and most older women I know wouldn’t stand for this sort of shitty behavior.

I wasn’t disappointed. I was surprisingly numb. I hate that that’s how I am. I guess being burned one too many times has, in fact, taught me something.

I accepted that Dimples was just another man who could be added to the DNF list.

However, when he messaged and said he could now come over, I was surprised once again. Was he playing games with me? Testing me to see if I was someone who would accept sloppy seconds?

I told him I wasn’t available because I wasn’t. I may not have had plans with someone else, but I had plans with my self-respect. There was no way I was setting this precedence early on. This wasn’t okay, and I wanted him to know that.

He apologized and said that he wanted to see me, but he had also agreed to help out a friend. He seemed genuine. He also sent many voice messages reiterating that he wanted to see me.

In the end, I believed him.

His voice didn’t betray any deceit. So I agreed to see him two days later.

Oh, dear reader, your narrator clearly has amnesia when it comes to cute boys.

We both knew where this was headed, so I asked him to bring some protection. Safe sex is important. He made a comment that I liked; he hadn’t presumed sex was on the agenda.

I honestly wasn’t expecting much, and that’s when most of my troubles begin. The moment I opened my door, I got the same feelings I did with every other man who left me brokenhearted.

Oh boy…

It didn’t help that the opening line he fed me was, “I believe I owe you something.” In which he gripped my chin and kissed the ever-living fuck out of me.

We all know where this is headed…

We had amazing sex, the kind of sex where you just lose yourself and forget your own name kinda sex.

I was so screwed in every literal way that there was.

Once I got the feeling back in my legs, we spoke for a very long time. It surprised me. I thought this was just supposed to be a hookup. So why was he still here? And why was he making conversation?

He stayed for hours. We spoke about lots of things. He was so articulate. He was also very driven. I picked up on that early on. I could feel myself going down that fucking rabbit hole again.

We had sex again.

Better than the first time.

Yup, this was headed for heartache and tears.

Once he left, I wrestled with what to do. I knew this couldn’t lead anywhere. Regardless of his maturity, he was at the beginning.

While me? I felt like I was somewhere in-between.

The next day, he messaged, and of course it wasn’t a “hey, what’s up.”

Oh of course not.

It was an Ican’tstopthinkingaboutyouandneedtotasteyouagain kinda message. The type of message that makes you swoon and swoon hard because he felt it too.

He sent voice messages and pictures. He did everything at the beginning that made me believe that perhaps he was different. Perhaps he was the unicorn we’re all seeking to find.

I write that with a bittersweet smile because that’s what Dimples said I was: a unicorn. He said the hotter the girl, the crazier they are. I didn’t really understand this analogy until he sent me a video explaining this principle the next day.

Now I see that the reason a woman may seem “crazy” to a man is because most men push us to the point of insanity where we explode, frustrated by their mixed signals. Or radio silence. Or the fact they think it’s okay to love bomb us until they move on to the next thing without being honest.

It was New Year’s a couple of days after Dimples came over, and yes, I had a New Year’s kiss that rocked my world. He was tall, Irish, and kissed me until I forgot my own name.

I was surely cured from the Dimples curse.

Oh, how I wish that were true.

Dimples continued to chase hard, sending messages that cemented my fate.

Fuck, I want you so bad. This is never going to end. I want to fuck you every day, and I want you to miss how my cock feels in you.

Can we see a pattern here?

Sound a little reminiscent of what Ghost sent?

But I ignored the warning signs because I didn’t want to see them. I wanted to believe he was different.

He left for a different state early on in the year for work. He was only supposed to be gone for two weeks. He was gone for close to seven.

I was certain things would eventually fizzle, and we’d forget about one another.

How wrong I was.

He sent so many messages when away. I didn’t understand it. He didn’t owe me anything, yet he messaged me every single day. Some smut, but mostly, messages that expressed how much he missed me and that what he felt was solid.

Every day, he told me he wanted me so bad and that he missed me.

To keep the fire burning bright, he sent me the hottest videos. Ones which I am sure you can use your imagination for.

He said often that he never wanted anyone as badly as he did me. That he never wanted to stop what he had. He jerked himself off thinking of me, and that he didn’t want anyone other than me.

He often recalled memories of our night together, and I liked that he did that. I liked that he thought about what we did.

He said he never wanted to stop this and that he was all mine.

He was sad to be away for so long and often went off-grid. When I would question where he was, he would come back and explain that although not the best communicator, he was still here.

And I believed him.

He didn’t give me a reason not to.

He told me all he wanted was to come home to me.

We exchanged so many messages during his time away. I asked so many questions, all of which he answered without fail.

I asked what his three vices are, and his answer just killed me, smalls.

My first vice…is my lust for you.

He always sent me pictures of himself saying he wanted me, that he was thinking of me, or that he was away from me for too long. He would occasionally send drunken messages, professing how much he missed me. They do say the truth comes out when one is drunk.

Every morning, he sent a good morning message.

He interacted with my socials, giving me a nudge that he was there.

It was so much.

Not once did I ever doubt his “feelings” for me.

That is, until one day, he was back, as in back home, only an hour away from me home.

He didn’t tell me he was coming home, which I thought was odd. I mean, we had only been talking about his return for weeks, and now that he was back, there was radio silence.

He posted stories on his socials, and I anticipated that he would hit me up with a time when he was coming over.

But I waited…and waited…and nothing.

He was down for the weekend, and before I knew it, he was flying back out.

I was confused. Had I dreamed up the entire affair? I mean, he was home and didn’t even message that he was back.

We all know what this is. But for those viewers at home, let me spell it out for you.

RED FLAG…

He was waving that motherfucker early, but here we are…

When I asked why he didn’t let me know he was back, this was his reply:

Hey baby xx Sorry, been so much going on with house and stuff. I can maybe see you before I go to the airport.

Blink.

Blink. Blink.

This was the time I should have hit the road and thanked him for the memories. But he fed me such believable bullshit, I went against everything I stood for and stayed.

I wrote back.

If you’re not interested, please just tell me.

No, I am!!! I have been working for so long, and I’ve been really busy with this weekend with stuff back home. I just haven’t found the time yet (insert sad face)

He sent a voice message when I went quiet, apologizing if I got the wrong idea. He wanted to see me and he definitely would when he got back.

I gave Dimples so many outs, but he never took them.

He stayed away for many more weeks, and our “situationship” continued. But I noticed he was beginning to retreat.

Perhaps we should leave it here?

I feel so bad. I never thought I’d be gone so long. We don’t have to leave it there ?

It’s a little hard to keep the momentum going when I don’t know when you’re coming back. Or if you don’t talk anymore. This is why I keep asking where your head’s at because I don’t know what’s going on

I feel so bad now ? it’s been so crazy, I swear. Babe I’m still here, I just have so much going on with work and I’m exhausted mentally. Nothing has changed at all. I will try better to communicate more. That’s my fault. I dream about seeing you again. And it will happen again. I miss you so much x I think I will be back end of the week but when I land I will come see you for a bit. How does that sound? And we can catch up and talk.

These are examples of our text message ping-pong while he was away.

When he would withdraw, I would ask what’s wrong and he would come back with such heartfelt messages. Surely he was legit. No one puts that much effort into someone if they weren’t serious, right?

I like to believe at the time he meant every single word.

From talking to friends who have experienced the same thing, we all agree that yes, boys do mean and believe the things they say at the time. But it’s their actions afterward that matter.

Things were back to being good. It was a common theme for Dimples and me.

We were good for a week or so, then there was radio silence and I questioned every single thing.

Another common occurrence was Dimples coming home for the weekend without telling me.

This happened four or five times. I honestly lost count.

Yet I stayed.

I made excuses for his shitty behavior because I…I honestly don’t know why.

There were so many times I should have seen Dimples for who he really was. A people pleaser. A coward. A confused young man. A fuckboy.

I still don’t know why he entertained “us” for as long as he did. He was more away than he was home. He wasn’t getting sex, yet he stayed. He continued to insist he was interested and that nothing had changed and that he was coming home to me.

When he flew back out for work, and I didn’t see him—again, I decided to lay it all out on the table. I couldn’t take it. Not again. It was Ghost all over again.

The thing which confuses me is when you come home, you’re MIA. But when away, you’re attentive. Perhaps you’re coming home and someone else is kissing your face; and I get it, it’s been ages since we last saw one another, but for me, when I want someone, I don’t forget to message them, I would let them know about my day, and I would let them know if I’m coming home. (I’m sure you said you were coming home over the weekend?) Lack of communication is a massive ick. I need it in every aspect—not just in the bedroom. I don’t know if you’re a dog or cat person, or if you can use chopsticks. I don’t know all the random, fun stuff about you which is also important to me to balance out the physical. You may not be a big communicator, and that’s okay. But just tell me that. Long story short, I still want you, it’s just hard when you go quiet. Please just kiss me soon. Promise? x

I’m a dog person and I can’t use chopsticks but you can teach me. I fully understand everything. When I come home I’m exhausted and just want to sleep but I promise I’m coming home to see you in an intimate way sexually and personally. I’m sorry I suck at communicating. I want you. It’s been so much for me with work. It’s all over soon. I promise xx

Again, I wanted to include snippets of what my situationship was like with Dimples because this wasn’t a casual thing for either of us. Well, I didn’t think it was, not when he was sending me messages such as that.

I thought we were good and then once again, he magically appeared home for the weekend without telling me. This was the last time, however.

He was back for good—well, semi-good.

He was back for a week this time and he promised he would see me.

He sent so many voice messages and I could hear he was genuine. It’s one thing to read something, but to hear the emotion in one’s voice—there’s no faking that. In case I was wrong, however, M?tley and Sparkles would hear and read every single thing he sent.

They also had a crush on him and believed him to be sincere.

So with him back, we were all set for a reunion which was months in the making. I was so happy to see him. He sent me a voice message mid-afternoon saying things were hectic at a course he was doing and he hoped he could make it.

My stomach dropped.

Then when my phone rung, I knew what was happening.

He wasn’t coming.

Months of talking.

Months of flirting.

Months of him telling me he’s coming home to me were all fucking lies.

I was sad.

But most of all, I was angry with myself for being so fucking stupid.

I was triggered as this was Mr. J and Ghost all over again.

He begged I be understanding of his situation. That he was under a lot of pressure and that he wanted to see me. He really did, but in the end, he never did.

He flew out—again for work a few days later.

I backed off because honestly, what was the point? And that’s when he sent a message which again, friends, RED FLAG because now, we’re venturing into fuckboy territory.

Hey b x

I’m coming back Wednesday night.

I’m coming to your house.

I want you that bad.

I miss you x

He was giving me the boyfriend experience and I wanted to believe this was real which, rookie move on my behalf. However, I ignored him because fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…and I am done.

But he just chased harder until one day, I cracked. I honestly didn’t understand what he wanted from me.

I asked if he had chemistry with other girls and his reply should have been the slap in the face I needed.

I have chemistry with you.

Warning bells because he answered my question in an indirect way. I didn’t see it at the time, but now, I see that Dimples was just feeding me bullshit I wanted to hear. Did he mean it at the time?

I like to believe that he did. But the odds are not in his favor.

Can you guess the rest?

Wednesday came, but he didn’t. I didn’t even know he was back until I saw his socials.

By this stage, this was just humorous.

M?tley and Sparkles were as confused as me. M?tley was my forever angel when I felt defeated in every way saying he had fooled her too. That she was along for the ride this entire time and that he had her believing the shit he said. She too didn’t understand what reason he had to lie.

So I asked what he wanted with me when once again, he wouldn’t leave me alone.

He sent me a video of him blowing me a kiss.

Again, enough to keep me engaged without answering the question at hand. And we all know what this is—breadcrumbing.

I ignored him for a little while and as always, he came back.

Hey we will catch up soon!!! Like super soon. Much later tonight or next week? X I need to kiss that face xx

Again, that never happened.

Hey you, I’m still kinda sleeping off last night. I feel shit, but we can do next week during the week. I will come over and we can do whatever you want.

And did he? No, of course he didn’t.

I had checked out weeks ago, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He would pester me and honestly, in the end, curiosity won because finally, the day arrived where he PROMISED, like really promised he would see me.

It was a Sunday.

I wasn’t convinced because I knew he would be drinking Saturday night with friends, so he would be hungover come Sunday.

But he promised he would come.

Our birthdays were coming up. Two days apart. He looked up our star signs. What guy does that? No fuckboy puts in that much effort.

Sunday came and the inevitable happened.

I’ve had a big night. So I need to nap a little before I come see you if that’s okay.

Of course, take your time.

I knew where this was headed.

I will probably be late tonight. I hope that’s okay ? like 8:30ish, is that okay?

Take your time. Kisses at the door please.

First thing I’m going to do. Trust me.

Two hours later:

I haven’t slept I FEEL like a train wreck atm fuck me. I’ll probably be late tonight. I hope that’s okay.

Late is fine, but I kinda knew this would happen. I don’t want you doing something you don’t wanna do because you’d be here if you wanted to be. What am I supposed to say? You tell me ’cause this is your call.

No I’m just really hungover trust me. I want it so bad. Trying to give myself enough rest xx

An hour later…

Can we do tomorrow night? I should have known I’d be too hungover today. I can come after work??

I had run out of words because I was humoring us both at this stage.

Okay x

Thank you. Please don’t get confused. I fucking want to come. I should have known I was going to have a big night.

Honestly, I am very confused with what exactly you want from me. I can do about 8?

That will be fine. I’ll come late tomorrow. I don’t want to confuse you. I genuinely thought I’d be alright but feel like death and I want to make sure I am not half dead when I see you.

Did I believe him?

Yes.

Was I stupid for doing so?

Yes and no.

The reason is because when I say something, I stick to my word. My error here is trusting someone to do the same thing.

Sparkles and M?tley were as much involved in this situationship as I was. When I relayed the latest Dimples drama, they often referred to my situationship as “we.”

“We need to remember he does this when away for work.”

“When he does this, we need to say something.”

They were a part of this as much as me because I needed them to validate that I wasn’t reading into things. Or that I wasn’t crazy. That he was genuine and not a lying asshole who was taking me for a ride.

M?tley once again said he fooled us all.

I felt a little better after that.

Without my friends, I hate to think where I would be because Dimples really emotionally and mentally screwed me. The reason being, I thought he was the real deal.

He put so much effort into “us.”

What I’ve shared is merely a fraction of what he sent me on a daily basis. He promised so many times that he was mine. But he never was.

Cut to Monday, make that day ten billion and one.

My phone rung an hour before he was meant to arrive. He started the call with, “Promise me you won’t get mad.”

Goes without saying, I got mad.

He called knowing this would end in a fight and that’s why I had respect for him for doing that. He could had texted. He could have ghosted. But the moment he called, he listened to everything I had to say and begged I forgive him.

At the time, I thought that showed he cared. But now, I just think Dimples just lived in Dimples’s world and on Dimples’s time.

I very bluntly told him on the phone why would I want to see him when he couldn’t make the effort to see me. He said he understood that. It was evident in his voice that he didn’t like confrontation. To be fair, he listened and reasoned with me until I hung up, frustrated with how he thought this was okay.

I could hear his friends in the background and I liked that he didn’t shy away from speaking to me in front of them. I wasn’t a secret and I know I wasn’t when I saw one of his friends had viewed my socials. He had spoken about me to at least one of them.

But that didn’t excuse his behavior.

The next day, I sent a message:

Why do you continue to make plans only to cancel?

He replied within seconds:

I’m not canceling deliberately. I couldn’t make it Sunday so I tried my best to make it work Monday. Argh please just understand. I will have time this weekend. I’m sorry okay x

He sounded genuine…again.

So I said okay. And tried one last time…

That night, he sent so many voice notes saying he didn’t mean to be frustrating, and he’s just trying to be honest, and it’s backfiring. He didn’t want to make me angry and just ended up making me angry with him anyway.

He said I was to trust him. That he wanted to come over, and that he couldn’t emphasize how badly he wanted to see me. He couldn’t wait to see me when it happened, and it would. He promised.

Blah, blah…

Again, I retreated, ignoring him when he continued to chase, but when it was my birthday a few days later, he sent me a message that made me want to throw my phone out the window because I was slightly impressed that he had remembered my birthday.

Happy birthday, babyyyy. I hope you have the best birthday today, and I’ll have a surprise for you this weekend

He checked in throughout the day, asking what I was up to.

I gave him the bare minimum, but he just wouldn’t quit.

It was his birthday two days later. So I sent a birthday message.

He insisted he wanted to see me Saturday, which was his actual birthday. I knew this wasn’t going to happen, but he swore it would.

I asked what he wanted to do for his birthday, and he said he wanted to do me.

All the things a fuckboy would say.

Saturday came, and he did what I knew—he asked if we could catch up Sunday instead.

By this stage, I was so used to disappointment, I agreed. It’s incredible the things we just accept after a while. He wore me down to the point of not expecting anything to stop myself from being disappointed.

But Sunday came, and, my friends, guess what happened? So did he—finally!

Surprised?

That makes us both.

It had been over three months since I saw him, and when he messaged me late that night, promising me he was coming, I believed him. I don’t know why I did. You’ve read our history. But I think he knew if he canceled one more time, then we were done; like for real this time.

He messaged when he was on the way.

This was really happening, and there was no way I could prepare my heart for what was about to come.

The moment I saw him standing at my front door, I knew he was worth the wait because, my god, our chemistry was rampant.

We kissed how I thought we would.

Everything was so much more intense this time.

Something incredible and unexplained is shared between two people who connect in such a way. This is part of the reason I gave him so many chances. To share this connection with someone is rare for me. So when I do, I’m all in.

He touched me with tenderness and hunger.

He spoke dirty words, which only amplified our passion.

He always seemed so much older than his years. His experience in and out of the bedroom cemented this.

The craving didn’t dissipate. It just continued to grow with each kiss, each touch. And I knew he felt it too.

Which is why I didn’t understand why it took him so long to see me.

The sex was something else. He set the bar high, and that’s not because he was an unbelievable lover. No, it’s because he let me in.

He stopped with what he thought I wanted to hear and just was himself, someone I liked a lot. We spoke for hours and hours. Being with him felt natural, just how it did with the other boys I let in.

He promised he would see me before I left to go overseas.

He texted me when he got home. It was all very reminiscent of Ghost. But I chose to believe he was different.

He messaged the next day.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was good. The connection was still there.

But then, day by day, I felt him pull back. I don’t know how I knew; I just felt he was taking one step, then two, away.

I said I felt as though things have changed since the night we saw one another.

He asked why I thought that as he thought it was really good.

Okay, so maybe I was reading into things. I told him he was less vocal and that we’ve not made any plans to see one another again.

This is a trigger of mine, I know. This is on me. But he knew I wasn’t interested in being pen pals.

I’m not trying to be less vocal at all. It can be very hard to see one another sometimes! ?

And this was the beginning of the end…

As the day I was leaving approached, I asked if I would see him before I left.

Hey, I have work in the morning and a super full on weekend ?

I didn’t hear from him all weekend. He texted me the morning I left.

Hey, so sorry been a crazy weekend. When are you leaving? Is it today? x I hope you have the best flight and trip.

I flew overseas and got to work, keeping busy. Dimples kept in touch from time to time, but he was still distant. The shift was present. The tables were turned this time. I was the one away, but my feelings for him hadn’t changed.

However, I was getting more than annoyed. So I asked why he was being so distant.

He said he’s no good on his phone. He sent me love on socials. He was watching. But he was retreating. He was leaving me in slow motion. He told me he was flying back out for work and that seeing one another would be difficult because he has so much travel.

My heart sank.

How could I have wasted months on another guy?

Again…

I sent a voice message, asking he call this because I couldn’t walk away. He needed to do it. I said I felt he was too nice to tell me things had changed.

Now, dear reader, I want you to pay attention to this because I need you to tell me if I missed something. Was I seeing something that wasn’t there?

Nothing has changed!!! When we both have finished traveling, I’m sure we will make time to see each other. It’s just bad. I’m horseshit on my phone. I want you to enjoy your trip. I also have travel coming up, and when we both come back, we will definitely catch up again.

You chase when I give you an out. Why?

He told me his schedule. It was clear I wasn’t going to see him before he left. He would be gone for two months.

So what do you want to do? Do we put this on ice until you’re back?

I will be 100 percent when I get back xx I fkn hate travel

So what do we do in the meantime? The time apart is a long time. A lot can happen. I’ve made clear what I want. Do you want to continue with how things are? X

Things are fine how they are xx

And that’s how our story ends…

I wish there was more, but there isn’t. As anticlimactic as those words are, they were the last spoken after months of building something I don’t even know was real.

Things were clearly not fine.

He had time to see me. I asked…again if we could see one another before he left. We had a five-day holiday. He sent a picture with the caption,

Things are really busy at the moment, and I’m really sick.

I didn’t have any reason not to believe him, right? I mean, he was the one who reiterated endlessly that nothing had changed, and he was all in. But Dimples was a liar, which is ironic as I remember he once told me that he is extremely loyal and gets upset when those he cares about aren’t loyal in return.

M?tley was over, and we were drinking and laughing just as we always do. We were talking about Dimples because remember, my friends are just as invested in my affairs as I am. That’s what all good friends do.

I remember reading a quote saying your best friend will hate your ex more than you do, and that’s nothing but the truth with my besties.

I replied and was left delivered for hours which sadly wasn’t an uncommon occurrence of late, hence the confusion and many questions of, what the fuck?

He did say he was sick, so I figured he was resting. But social media is a blessing and a curse.

He posted a story.

It was a bottle of tequila.

And…it was a girl.

My heart sank.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but when he posted another video of them in the car, singing and dancing, I knew my feelings were warranted.

I knew things weren’t okay, but he promised me they were.

But he also promised me so many times that he would see me.

Dimples was a liar.

And I soon came to learn he was a coward as well.

I tried not to speculate, but it’s not hard to see where this is going. It took me less than five minutes to piece together what was going on.

The girl was someone new. My besties did the research and found her on his socials. He dropped the fuckboy go-to fire emoji on her post.

The next day, they both posted the same thing—early morning smoothies.

I don’t need to draw a Venn diagram. We know where this is headed.

I think it’s safe to assume they spent the night together if their early morning drinks were anything to go by. He wasn’t being secretive about it, so I guess he didn’t see an issue with what he was doing.

It cheapened everything we shared.

It felt as though I fabricated this entire thing between us.

If I had any doubts about his intentions with his new squeeze, he wrote publicly on her posts that she was so beautiful. Drooling and love eyes emojis in case she missed the memo. Funny, he said the same thing to me, emojis included.

He followed her best friend, and if I needed any more proof, he FINALLY opened my messages a day later and left me on read.

Yup, that’s all I was worth to him.

After patiently waiting for someone who I thought was waiting for me, Dimples ended whatever we were with silence.

That hurt.

It hurts because today is the day that this happened. I’m sitting here writing as I always do to help deal with these feelings I don’t understand. I don’t understand when the shift happened. Or why, especially when he promised me that nothing had changed.

The day he told his new squeeze she was so beautiful was the same day he sent me those messages you just read.

How does one think it’s okay to send something like that to one woman and say something to another?

It’s not okay.

What Dimples did is not okay at all.

In a sense, I feel relief that I wasn’t going crazy. That my gut feelings were, in fact, real. When I questioned Dimples, he would assure me things were okay. But they weren’t. And that’s why I kept asking him if he had lost interest because he had.

What I don’t understand is why he never took the outs?

I gave him so many. Yet he stayed. He promised nothing had changed, and I believed him. I mean, why would he lie?

What did he have to gain by stringing me along?

I still don’t know. And I don’t think I ever will.

Telling a girl that she’s beautiful and promising me on the same day we were Kosher is a deal-breaker for me. I do not intend to find out what went wrong because I wouldn’t believe a word.

History proved time and time again that Dimples is nothing but a liar, but I chose to ignore the signs because I didn’t understand why he would humor me for months if he didn’t mean a word of what he said. What did he gain from it?

We saw one another twice.

That’s all.

But our situationship lasted for months.

During that time, we got to know one another, and the distance apart didn’t divide us. We both stuck through it, only for it to end like this.

I don’t understand why he would put such an effort into “us.” Because when he could have me, he didn’t want me. But when he was away, he gave me the boyfriend experience.

Perhaps one day, I will get the answer I seek. But for now, Dimples doesn’t deserve a second thought.

My cheerleaders have given me a reprieve, but the inevitable “I told you so” lingers. I always knew we came with an expiration date, but I honestly never foretold that it would end this way.

Perhaps, I pushed him away with my insecurities. But it seems they were warranted because he did exactly what I thought he would.

That first month, he was solid and legit. I honestly believe that. But the rest of the time, I don’t know. I like to believe he meant everything he said, but once a liar, always a liar.

Maybe with age, Dimples will grow, but I honestly think he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s done. To post it publicly shows he has nothing to hide. That’s a slap to the face, not going to lie. But you can’t force someone to want to be with you.

Dimples didn’t choose me. Neither did Ghost. Or Switzerland.

But I don’t want to be a second thought. So if what they gave me was their best, I’d rather nothing.

And this is where I leave my story…for now, anyway.

So since the last line, there’s been an update.

Dimples has reappeared.

Are we surprised?

No…

When I stopped caring is the moment he started. It seems to be this way for most things. I pulled my energy away, only for him to feel the shift and return tenfold.

But I was done.

My besties should work for the FBI because they did their digging in case I ever had a lapse in good sense again.

I haven’t, thankfully.

But Dimples was quite the fuckboy, it appears, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind. But there was something which M?tley said and that was, he always comes back to you.

Why?

I have always been curious by nature, hence the shit I’ve found myself in.

He really tried to be genuine and sincere, confessing he has a hard time letting people in, and he didn’t know why.

I listened, and I would be lying if I didn’t admit I had a soft spot for Dimpleses. I don’t know why because if this were happening to anyone else, I would have told them to delete his number months ago.

And that’s why I wanted to include his chapter.

The more people I spoke to, the more I realized how many Dimples existed out there. Online dating honestly can be fucking insane and put you off dating forever, like forever forever.

You finally gather the courage to download the apps to see what the fuss is about, only to realize that they’re full of fuckboys, grown men who still don’t know what they want, or creeps. But when you finally find someone, you have hope that perhaps you found your unicorn, only to realize you’ve been catfished or you don’t vibe in person.

Or better still, go on a few fantastic dates, only for you to be ghosted with no idea what went wrong.

But being the optimist, you continue with your search and settle, only to be ghosted for the ten billionth time. You’ve accepted you’re never going to find your person there and uninstall the app, wanting to meet someone in the real world.

But to meet people in real life, you have to leave the house. And we all know what a horrible idea that is.

So you reinstall the apps a month later, hoping something has changed.

Nothing has…

It’s tough, and when speaking to others, they can relate.

And this is why I wanted to write about Dimples.

Yes, I should have known better. And I know some will read this and say the same thing.

But this is such a common thing; a situationship gives you so much, and then gives you nothing but breadcrumbs to keep you hooked.

IYKYK.

I’ve been ghosted.

Been fooled into thinking that someone was the real deal.

And now, I was in a situationship with a fuckboy.

What could possibly happen next?