Love Me Reckless (Love Me Dangerous #2)

Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

KIRILEE

A dull throbbing at the base of my skull wakes me. Sunlight is peeking through the blinds so it must be well into the morning. My toes are aching and my leg muscles feel sore, but the memories of last night are worth the pain.

I danced and sang like a crazy woman and asked strangers for random favors like I was born to be bold. Though it makes my headache throb, I laugh into my pillow. Who was I last night?

Ava pokes her head into my room, her dark hair damp from a shower. Her eyes light up when she sees me awake.

“Hey, girl.” She carries a cup of coffee and a glass of water. “How are you feeling?”

I scoot up in bed. My headache taps a little harder. “Not bad considering how late we stayed up.”

She sits on the edge of the bed and hands me the water first.

Grateful, I take a long sip. It’s cool and silky on my chalky tongue. “Did you sleep okay?” Since the break-in, she’s had nightmares.

Her expression brightens. “I slept great. That giant bed was amazing.” She whips out her phone and opens her pictures. “You were quite the spectacle last night.”

“It was so much fun!” I flip through the series of us. It starts at the bar with that shot of tequila, then we’re on the dance floor. Each picture makes my heart jiggle.

“That bald guy was hilarious,” Ava says with a grin.

“The way he got down on one knee for me so I could kiss the top of his head. So sweet.” I hum in appreciation.

“The drummer giving you a condom takes the cake, though,” she says as I flip to more shots of us dancing. Ava even took several of me dancing with Sawyer. That playful hint to his smile and my rosy cheeks make us look so relaxed together. Maybe it was the alcohol, or just how I felt last night. Like I could truly be myself.

Hot little prickles walk down my spine, but I banish them with a deep breath.

I flip to the next image of us, but a face in the background catches my eye. “Hey, is that Jeremy?” I zoom in, squinting.

Ava looks over my shoulder. “Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you.”

Jeremy and another close friend of ours from high school, Ryan Hutchins, went into the Air Force together, but they ended up on different paths. Jeremy ended up in base security at Travis Air Force Base north of the Bay Area while Hutch joined special forces.

“Did you talk to him?” I ask.

“A little. He’s home for a visit. Came down for the music.”

“Huh.” I glance up at her. “Are he and Hutch still close?”

Ava’s eyes cloud. “Hutch says they’ve kind of drifted apart, but according to Jeremy last night, he talked to Hutch a week ago.”

I sit back, unease stirring in my gut. “But Hutch hasn’t called you since September.”

“I know. Weird, right?”

“Maybe because Jeremy is military, they have a more secure communication link?”

“Maybe.” None of us like it when Hutch goes dark for so long, but it’s hardest on Ava. She’s not a worrier, but she worries about Hutch.

I flip through the next few pictures. The selfie of us five on the dance floor. Me, Ava, and Sofie cheers-ing our ice waters, our smiles so big.

The last shot is me drooling on Sofie’s shoulder in the backseat of the car.

Ava laughs. “You were snoring before we left downtown.”

“I can’t help it. You guys wore me out.”

The next shot is Sawyer carrying me to the elevator, my bare legs dangling into space and my head burrowed into his chest. I swallow the clot of emotion in my throat with the last of the water.

“Where did the two of you go after the pool?” she asks, arching her eyebrow.

“I told him I’d never skinny-dipped and he offered to, um, help.”

“Did he now?” she asks, handing me the mug of coffee.

My belly warms but I focus on blowing across the top of the coffee and taking a slow sip.

“I’m glad he’s here,” Ava says. “It was fun watching you enjoy yourself last night.”

“Everyone was so nice to me,” I say to move the conversation away from Sawyer because talking about him, even with Ava, who I trust with my life, feels dangerous. “I wish everyone could have a night like that at least once in their lives.”

“Why only once?” She grins.

“I wouldn’t have the stamina to do that regularly.” I eye her over another sip of coffee. “Speaking of stamina. Did you already go for a run this morning?” She’s probably been studying too. Ava gets more done in a day than the rest of us do in a week.

She shrugs, like her daily five-mile jog is no big deal. “The detective called me early, so I was already up.”

“From the break-in at your place? Did they catch the guy?”

“The prints they got didn’t match anything in the database.” She smooths the comforter, her face calm but I’m not fooled. The break-in rattled her. “Which only means the guy isn’t a seasoned criminal.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” I take another slow sip of my coffee.

She nods, but then her contemplative look melts away, and she smiles. “You want to jump in the shower? We’re due at the spa in thirty.”

“Oh, right!” I peel back the covers. “Is Sofie awake yet?”

Ava scoops up my empty water glass. “She and Zach went to breakfast downstairs. Or at least that’s what they told me.”

“Maybe they found a broom closet.” I laugh. “They had enough chemistry to light the bar on fire last night.”

She fans her face. “No doubt.”

Sure enough, when Sofie breezes in just as Ava and I arrive at the spa, her cheeks are flushed and she’s smiling like she just won the lottery. In a way, she has. Zach is as hunky as he is sweet, and the way he dotes on her melts my heart.

Two hours of pampering later, we emerge from the spa to find Zach and Sawyer waiting for us. My eyes meet Sawyer’s and his smile brightens. Ava and Sofie hurry ahead with Zach, chattering about the cooking class we’re heading to next.

“You look awfully glowy for someone who danced her feet off till two in the morning,” Sawyer says, shoving his hands in his pockets. His chiseled jaw is freshly shaved and he smells like fresh cedar and something spicy, like cracked pepper.

I flip my hair and plump up my lips for show. “You look pretty good yourself.”

We walk together, following the others. “Why didn’t you let me pay last night?” I ask him.

He gives me a curious look. “It’s bad enough you paid for the hotel.”

“I like buying things for my friends,” I protest.

“Noted,” he says as we pass through the lobby.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not listening? ”

The heat in his gaze turns my legs to jelly. “I’m listening, princess. But that doesn’t mean you always get what you want.”

I cover the flicker of desire sparking to life inside me with a look of mock disdain. “You would deny me?”

He throws his head back and laughs, drawing the attention of the guests milling in the lobby. But when he opens the door for me, and I slip past, he whispers in my ear, “No, but I sure like making you work for it.”

A wave of heat washes through me. “That sounds like torture.”

He arches an eyebrow. “The best kind.”

My pulse throbs lower.

Zach has pulled the car up, and Sofie opens the back door. “Let’s go! We’re hungry!”

“So first off, we want to chop all of our ingredients for the paella,” our cooking coach Ben says after we’ve donned our aprons and split into teams. We’ve turned it into a little bit of a contest—girls vs. guys.

The kitchen is a cozy, modern space with a view out the back door to the garden Ben uses in his farm-to-table restaurant next door, Kiss My Basque.

Ava and Sofie and I get busy chopping. I sneak a glance at Sawyer. His shirt sleeves are rolled up and his tattoo flashes in the lighting as he chops, making his muscles flex.

He must feel me looking because he gives me a sideways glance, grinning.

I laugh and force my attention back to peeling my onion. His not-so-subtle teasing on our way out of the hotel rings through my mind.

That sounds like torture .

The best kind.

My pulse throbs between my thighs, making little tingles dance over my skin. That little sparring has unleashed some very inappropriate thoughts, and I’m having a hard time shutting them down.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t do much cooking, and it’s clear I’m the minority in this group because my friends seem completely at ease with the instructions. Ava even knows how to filet our squid and clean the mussels. By the time we get to the simmering part, Ben has mojitos ready with an olive tapenade appetizer, turning this experience into yet another party.

Sawyer comes up next to me, making my pulse thump a little harder. “Did you happen to notice that cute little sex toy shop on our way in?”

“Why do you think I picked Darby?” I raise an eyebrow.

His cool guy demeanor cracks with a twitch of his lips.

“All right, time to unveil your creations,” Ben says with a flourish.

“The bride gets to judge,” Zach calls out from his side of the kitchen.

“Let’s blindfold her!” Sofie says, snatching up a clean kitchen towel and folding it up.

I meant what I said to Ava earlier—everyone should get the chance to be in the spotlight like this at least once, because it’s wonderful to feel this special.

Sofie fits the towel over my eyes and ties it behind my head.

“Okay,” Ava says. “Here’s the first one.”

I open my mouth. A spoon slides in with a bite. Flavors explode on my tongue. Saffron and tomato and the bright brine of the seafood stock combine so perfectly. I groan, chewing slowly. “That is so yummy.”

“Okay, next,” Ava says.

I swallow and open my mouth again. The spoon slides in, and with it, a faint scent I know belongs to Sawyer. Fresh cedar, mixed with pepper and the spices from our cooking adventure. I lean in, wanting more .

“Mmm.” The flavors in this bite are just as tasty, but the bit of crunch from the bottom layer of rice adds a perfect texture.

“This one,” I say with certainty. “More please.”

Zach whoops in victory, and our friends get busy moving our feast to the little table and setting everything up.

Sawyer scoops another bite. “Open up.”

My belly swirls with warmth and a needy little sting. Maybe it’s the lack of being able to see his face that makes his voice sound so sexy. Or it’s the way his “open up” sends my thoughts racing.

What would it be like to hear that command in a different context?

I comply and Sawyer slips the spoon into my mouth. Flavors dance across my tastebuds, and I sigh in bliss. “God, that’s good.”

Sawyer utters a little sound, like a curse. Before I have a chance to figure out what it means, Ava calls out, “Let’s eat!” and the kitchen fills with the sound of scraping chairs and clattering silverware.

“Are you sure you guys are up for this?” I ask my friends outside of Luxe & Lush.

Ava grins. “This is your weekend. We’re in all the way, remember?”

“Ooh, they have pink handcuffs,” Sofie says while gazing at the display in the window, then blushes. “Not that I’m…”

Zach nuzzles her from behind and whispers something we can’t hear that makes her blush even more.

Ava opens the door for me, and I slip inside. The tidy shop looks like a high-end clothing boutique, except for the items on display.

“Is that a harness?” Ava asks in a low tone, eyeing a mannequin in an intricate-looking leather strap outfit.

“Welcome to Luxe and Lush,” a young woman with dark, wavy hair and dramatic makeup says while walking our way. She smiles, and it’s so full of confidence that the flutters in my tummy soften a little. She’s wearing a black silk top, dark purple slacks, and a long drapey cardigan that reminds me of a stylish cape.

“I’m Lisette. Would you like a quick tour, I can answer any questions for you?”

“Ooh, please,” Ava says.

Lisette leads us first to the lingerie and clothing section, which is smart because it’s by far the tamest area of the store. They have my favorite brand of loungewear, so I know I have at least one spot to come back to after the tour.

“Next is our external stim section,” Lisette says, breezing into the area with at least twenty different options. She points at a shelf with a vibrator in the shape of a makeup blender, available in about ten colors. “Our most popular is the teardrop handheld, but we have a new silicone partner ring that’s been a hot seller lately.”

My face heats. Partner ring?

Lisette points to the shelves. “Tester models are available for each so feel free to hold whatever you’re curious about, play with the settings.”

I stare at the little teardrop number a moment longer. The idea that it could ride along in my makeup bag like it’s an essential part of my routine makes me giggle.

“See something you like?” Sawyer says in a low tone.

Heat crawls up my neck.

“You could take a few of them home, experiment.”

Talking about vibrators with a boy should not get me hot. And yet my face is in flames. Is it because I’m imagining things I shouldn’t? “What makes you think I don’t already know what I like?”

His soft brown eyes tense. Is he imagining things he shouldn’t also?

Eep .

Lisette leads the group to the next section, and I hurry to catch up.

“Next we have the internal stim section.” I scan the shelves of the many, many items.

Ava leans in. “Look at the size of that thing, holy hell.”

I cover my mouth so my laughter doesn’t interrupt Lisette, who is describing the various material options for the wide variety of anal toys.

“The remote-control version is great for long-distance couples,” Lisette finishes before leading us past the small romance book section, complete with a cozy reading nook, to the “enhancements” area on the other side of the store.

“Try the salted caramel lubricant,” she says, picking up a bottle with a tiny pump at the top.

Sawyer goes first. His face lights up in surprise. “That’s actually really good.”

Zach and Sofie go next. Sofie licks the drop off her index finger. “Wow. It tastes like a Glory Holes Caramel Vanilla, the kind they make at Christmastime.”

Zach grabs Sofie from behind and rocks her. “Maybe we can have Christmas a little early this year,” he says in a low tone, making her eyes sparkle.

Ava gives her bead of lube a skeptical glance. “Isn’t lube for people who don’t understand foreplay?”

“It can be,” Lisette says with a cheeky grin. “But experts like it too. Really anyone looking to enhance their intimacy.”

When it’s my turn, I’m so shy that the second I taste it, I start laughing. It tastes a little bit like butterscotch. A bit too sweet if I’m being honest when I imagine its actual purpose. Not that Birch would ever let me try it on him.

After our tour, Sofie and Zach disappear, but we hear giggling from one of the dressing rooms. I drift back to the row of cute vibrators.

Be brave !

I slip the one that looks like a makeup wedge into my palm and press the button. “Oooh!” I squeal as it zings my palm, then clap my other hand over my mouth.

Ava peers over my shoulder. “It’s so quiet. How is that possible?”

She plucks something called an Over the Moon from the shelf and cradles it in her hand. I lean in while she activates it.

Her eyes go wild, and she whoops in surprise. She flips it off and turns it over to examine it like the scientist she is. “I’ve never…” She glances both ways to make sure we’re alone. “Do you use it alone or like… with the other person?”

I lean in and whisper, “I think it’s good for both.”

Ava laughs, her normally serious eyes flashing with mischief. “Okay, maybe I’ll try it. Talk about a study break…”

I grab one of the wedge-shaped toys in mauve while Ava grabs her pale pink Over the Moon, and we both nearly collapse in giggles.

“I got us tattoos,” she sings, flashing me three matching temporary rose tattoos as we make our way back to the lingerie section.

“Pretty,” I say, “we can put them on for our final dip in the pool.”

Ava and I have fun in the lingerie area sorting through all the lovely things. But once I’m in my room, when I undress, maybe it’s the mirrors and the lighting, but I feel strangely self-conscious.

I know I’m not the curviest woman, but I’ve never felt weird about it. I check my reflection, trying to channel the fearless girl I was last night. The girl who would never second-guess her worth based on her cup size. But I can’t shake the memory of that dress Birch had altered, and his confusion when I didn’t look excited to wear it.

The more I think about it, the tighter my chest feels.

I try on several lingerie sets, but none of them feel right, look right.

“Can I help either of you with sizes?” Lisette asks after a gentle knock on my dressing room door.

If my body was different, would Birch be more attracted to me?

I did like Sawyer encouraged and asked Birch to kiss me as if he wanted me. His face twisted in worry. “You’re my fiancée, of course I want you.”

He did kiss me, but I didn’t feel a difference.

Ava asks for help with a different color, and Lisette hurries off.

Resting my forehead against the door, I take several slow breaths. I stroke my grandmother’s opal pendant and replay one of her famous pep talks. You’d be surprised how many problems can be solved by not giving a fuck.

I don’t care what Birch thinks, because I’m enough—just the way I am. That he sees it differently doesn’t make it true.

I don’t need anyone’s approval to feel good about myself.

Next to me, Ava steps out of her dressing room. “I’m going to check out the romance books and maybe browse a bit. Do you need sizes or anything?”

“No, I’m good,” I manage, and sink to the fluffy chair. I huff another sigh and gaze up at the ceiling tiles. There’s a crack running through two of them that looks like a cartoon lightning strike. It makes no sense why my nose feels hot and my eyes prick. I’m so happy to be here with my friends, goofing off like this, being curious and daring.

So why do I feel like crying?

“Kirilee?” Sawyer asks in a soft voice.

I jolt. How long have I been gazing at the ceiling, wallowing in what I can’t change? “Yeah?”

“You okay?” He sounds alarmed, like he’s picked up on the edge in my voice.

“Of course.” I hurry to change out of the lingerie set and hang it back up.

“Ava says there’s a homemade ice cream place around the corner. I guess it’s part of the bookstore. Do you want to head there next?”

“That sounds amazing.” I use the mirror to clean up my eyeliner.

When I open the door, Sawyer is standing with his back to the wall, one foot propped up behind him. With his shirt sleeves still rolled up to reveal those corded arm muscles and that tattoo and his hair swept across his brow, he looks like the bad boy biker ready to be my escape. And right now, a part of me is longing for it.

Even though I shouldn’t.

He pushes off the wall. I expect him to tease me about the lingerie or say something suggestive, but he focuses on my eyes. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m enough, right?”

He gives the colorful selections in my hand a glance and arches an eyebrow. “You are one thousand percent enough.”

I try to smile, but my cheeks feel like they’re going to crack.

“You want to give me a private fashion show, so I can prove it to you?”

I laugh. “That’s very, um, kind of you to offer.”

“I’m helpful that way.” He smirks.

I carry my rejects to the rack next to the dressing room, and I’m about to give them all back when I remember the set I liked because of the soft, stretchy fabric and the pale pink polka dots on the cream satin. I reason that nobody has to see me in them. Nice undies are something I buy for me and nobody else.

After Lisette wraps up my purchases, she slips a bottle of the salted caramel lube into my bag. “Little treat as a thank you for coming in.” She eyes Sawyer waiting for me by the front window and gives me a sly grin. “And congratulations.”

“Oh, he’s not…” I gulp a breath in surprise. “My fiancé isn’t here.”

Lisette sets my pink shopping bag on the counter and gives me a bright smile. “Oh. My mistake.”

I fight my sense of confusion. Sawyer is just a friend, but if Lisette is picking up on something, I need to shut it down.

Immediately.