Love Me Reckless (Love Me Dangerous #2)

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

SAWYER

We take the intermediate lift because of a mid-run lodge that, according to Kirilee, has the best food. I manage to make it onto the chair without crashing into anyone or falling on my ass.

“How’d you learn to ski?” I ask as the chair lifts us up and away.

“I started at the ranch when I was six. My brother and I had lessons right there above the lodge. Once we could get down the mountain on our own, our parents took us, and we skied together. There was only one lift back then. If you ever go into the main lodge, you should check out the pictures in the hallways.”

“Do you still ski as a family?” Below us, skiers dot the slopes, their bright clothing like confetti against the white snow.

“Not as much now.”

“Why is that?”

She swings her skis back and forth, reminding me of when we sat in the hot tub that first time. Like she’s daydreaming. “My dad’s too busy, and my mom says it’s too cold for her now.”

Our chair passes the first tower, bumping through the sheave wheels. I can’t help but glance up to watch. “That’s why they make insulated clothing, right? ”

If she and her mom spent more time together doing something fun, would it make it easier for Kirilee to talk to her? Explain why this fixed marriage plan sucks?

“She doesn’t eat enough.” Kirilee shrugs, but her tone has turned somber. “She’s always cold. They had to take in her mother-of-the-bride dress again.”

Our chair bumps past another tower.

“You think she doesn’t eat… on purpose?”

“I know she doesn’t.”

I wince. “That sounds rough.”

“I want to help her, you know? But she just waves me off, says she’s fine.”

A gust of wind cuts across the treetops, shaking pockets of snow from the branches. “For people who are sick, it’s hard for them to understand help when it’s offered. It just feels like a threat.”

“That’s exactly it.” She shakes her head. “It makes no sense though. I care about her.”

“Have your brother and dad noticed?”

“My brother has, he’s worried too. I mean, she’s always kind of been like this, but it’s gotten worse with the wedding. My dad… he just tries to get her to eat more, but she says she’s not hungry, and it’s morphed into this weird kind of cycle. Like she takes his nagging as a sign of him caring about her. She kind of lights up when he does it. Sofie told me that sometimes a person can fear that getting better means the people around them will stop caring.”

Sofie’s studying to become a child psychologist, so I’m sure she’s right. “So… she’s hurting herself in order to get, what… noticed? That sounds like a rough place to be.”

“I wish I could tell her that.”

“Maybe if all three of you confronted her, she would listen?”

“That would require all of us to be in the same place at the same time.”

“You’ve got one of those coming up, don’t you?” We bump through another set of tower sheaves, and the grade steepens .

She gives me a playful scoff. “You want me to use my wedding as ground zero for an intervention?”

My gut wriggles. I don’t want her to even show up at this wedding. “Aren’t there other events surrounding the actual ceremony where you, Grayson, and your dad could have a conversation about how to approach her?”

“A couple, actually. I could talk to Grayson about it first.” She slides the basket on the end of her pole up her ski to peel off the layer of snow accumulated there. “Why aren’t you close with your half-brother anymore?”

I try to hide my surprise by sitting back in the chair and pretending to gaze at the view. “Because of his choices.”

Her lips twitch, like she’s thinking. “Did you ever have to confront him?”

Answering this is complicated, and messy. “Yeah.”

“Is that what happened?”

“When we were little, he was this hyperactive little shrimp that the other kids liked to pick on. I protected him. Always. Somewhere along the way, he started to depend on me bailing him out. Doing riskier and riskier shit. Getting in trouble. Stealing. Gambling. Then I found out he was using those fights he pulled me into for money.”

“Sawyer, that’s awful. What did you do?”

“It took me a bit to untangle everything, to get out.” I clench my fists inside my gloves.

“And he didn’t want out, too?”

The shame is still raw inside me, like a piranha chewing me apart. “When Mom died, we both had to figure out how to survive. It created some patterns that are hard to break.”

“Sounds like you were in a really a tough place. You had to grow up fast.”

“I wish things hadn’t ended like they did.”

“Do you think someday you two could find a way to reconnect?”

“Maybe,” I say, but it’s clear in my voice I don’t believe so, and Kirilee seems to hear it too .

She puts her mittened hand on my leg. “You have Zach and William, right? They seem like family to you.”

I could kiss her, because even though she’s dealing with so much—a wedding she doesn’t want, a mother caught up in her own struggles—she has enough kindness to remind me of the good things.

“They are.”

“You can add me to your list too,” she says with a smile. “We’ve played hot tub wish list twice now. We’ve dug holes together, danced together, and shopped for sex toys together. We’re bonded for life.”

The sarcasm cuts me like a switchblade, because this isn’t possibly true. Very soon, she’ll belong to someone else.

“Got your tattoo figured out yet?” I ask to move us away from this soul-crushing reality.

“I have pages of sketches, but… nothing feels right yet.” She gives me a sideways glance. “Does it hurt?”

“Depends on where you get it.” We rise up the final stretch to the lift terminal. “Where are you thinking?”

She chews her bottom lip. “I want it… close to me. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” Her yearning for this to mean something to her stirs me up inside.

“I made an appointment. So I guess I better figure it out by then.”

Our skis slide onto the ramp, and we push off the chair.

I manage to not fall or run over Kirilee, though I do have a close encounter with the giant map at the end of the ramp.

“This way!” Kirilee sings.

At the lodge, we leave our skis outside and trudge through the snow to the entrance. Inside, I’m hit with scents of French fries and damp wool and peppermint schnapps, plus a wall of warmth that makes my cheeks sting.

Long rectangular tables line the windows on both sides, all packed with people in various stages of undress. Soggy coats and helmets hang from hooks on the posts, with hats and mittens piled up in the center of the tables.

“Oh look, they’re leaving,” Kirilee says over the hum of conversation, and hurries toward a table where a family of five is donning layers and clearing their table of lunch trash. I follow, and we unload our extra clothes.

“I’ll grab lunch,” I say. “Do you know what you want?”

“I don’t mind paying,” she says, her face so earnest.

Yeah, I know she likes being generous, but this isn’t negotiable. “You’ve kept me from breaking a leg. It qualifies as a free lunch.”

She laughs, which makes her green eyes shine. “All right then. A baked potato with chili, and a brownie if they have them, please.”

“You got it,” I say, and I shuffle to the cafeteria entrance. I load up a tray with the brownie, then fill two fountain cups with ice water. When I slide the tray to the hot food bar and place my order for two fully loaded baked potatoes, the pair of women standing next to me waiting for their order keep looking behind them at the dining room.

“It’s totally her,” one of them says.

I glance in the direction they’re staring. Kirilee sits next to the window, looking out, her fist tucked under her chin.

“Gracing us commoners with her presence, huh?”

“Probably a publicity stunt. Maybe she and Daddy are planning to buy Bear Mountain. Turn it into another off-limits playground for their rich friends.”

“Why does she go along with it?”

“Money,” the other one says with a scoff. “Obviously.”

“At least she’s doing the right thing marrying Birch Cahill. Otherwise, we’d have another Gold Coast on our hands. I just wish I had invested in wind turbines.”

“Right?”

Their order is called, and they drift toward the cashier.

What the women said about Kirilee and her family is a bunch of garbage… but it’s how they seemed totally at ease doing so that really ge ts me. What gives them the right to put her down when they know absolutely nothing about her? Kirilee doesn’t have a snobby bone in her body.

And while her dad may have purchased a very choice chunk of mountain for his private playground… in doing so, it’s benefitted a lot of people. Other guests looking for privacy and security, yeah, but also people like me. The St. Claires have pumped a lot of money into this valley, and maybe Kirilee’s dad is a shrewd businessman, but that doesn’t mean he’s evil.

The bit about Birch saving Finn River Ranch, though… what was that all about?

After picking up our order and paying, I carry the tray to the table. It’s a little tricky in the clunky ski boots to keep the waters from spilling, so I’m not fully paying attention to what’s going on around me until I get to our table. Next to us, two guys are sneaking looks at Kirilee and talking in low tones. What’s worse is the group behind them seem to have overheard because they’re checking Kirilee out too.

Don’t these people have anything more interesting to talk about?

Kirilee moves our mittens and gear to the opposite edge of the table. “Yum,” she says, thankfully oblivious to being the focus of our neighbors’ attention. “I’ll grab napkins.” Before I can stop her, she darts off to the back of the dining area.

The two dudes have gone quiet. One of them gives me a slow once-over, like he’s sizing me up.

“Is there a problem?” I ask, staring him down.

The guy refocuses on his food.

I force my frustration down, even though I’d like to tell this pair to mind their own business. I don’t want to put Kirilee in that kind of spotlight. And I don’t exactly want extra attention on me, either.

Kirilee returns and we settle in across from each other at the table, near the window. Even though our gear is piled up on the other edge of the table, it’s not the privacy wall I wish it was, but coupled with the steady noise in here, it at least gives us a little bit of separation.

We dig in. The conversation I overheard from the two women rattles through my mind. Is this dreaded Gold Coast the reason why Kirilee’s so hell-bent on marrying Birch? He’s not only their pick for her, he’s saving the company from some sort of doom?

The tight knot behind my breastbone gives a little twist. I rub it with my fist, but it doesn’t help.

I wish I had more time with her.

“Your tip about asking the hardware store to precut the wood for me was genius,” Kirilee says. “I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

The thought of her working late into the night on her little libraries makes me smile. “How many are you up to now?”

“Four, including the one outside your house.”

“That’s great.”

“I have time for one more.” She gives me a tight smile, and the moment turns awkward.

I hold in my argument that she could have all the time in the world. Instead, I focus on carving out some of the potato flesh. “I finished that book. Why didn’t you warn me that there are four more in the series?”

Her grin lights up her face. “Does that mean you’re hooked?”

“My roommates too. Brody got it in audio.”

She claps her hands in excitement. “I might be able to get you guys an advanced copy of book three before it comes out.”

“How?”

She shrugs. “I have some connections at the publishing house. Last year, they donated a thousand books for a Get Lit project.”

“How’d you get them to do that?”

“Wrote a grant.”

I raise my cup of ice water. Here she is, downplaying her part in something brilliant. Doesn’t she see how incredible she is?

“That’s really amazing,” I say as we tap rims.

“Thank you. ”

By the end of our afternoon, my toes are screaming for mercy. Just walking from the base area to the parking lot has me huffing and wincing. My long underwear feels damp with sweat, so there’s no way I don’t stink like a wet skunk.

“Next time, we’ll get you to the backside,” Kirilee says as we clomp across the bridge. The rush of the water below us drowns out the ka-thunk of our boots and my wheezing breaths.

“What’s so great about the backside?” I love that she’s already planning our next lesson. Maybe by then, I’ll be able to walk without pain.

Though is another lesson even possible given that she’s getting married next month?

“Less crowded, better terrain,” she says.

“It’s harder though, yeah?” We pause at the crossing for a car to pass.

She gives me a grin. “You’re ready.”

At her car, I make sure she’s tucked her ski gear away and is safely behind the wheel before I say goodbye.

“Thanks for today. You’re quite the teacher.”

Her pretty eyes sparkle in the low afternoon light. “You’re welcome.”

Once she’s pulled out of the parking spot and heading for the exit, I limp the rest of the way to my truck.

I open the back hatch and slide my skis and poles inside, then settle on the tailgate with my shoes. Peeling off my ski boots feels so good I could cry.

Inside my truck, it takes me a few tries to get her started. I caress the dash. “Come on, sweetheart.”

Finally, the engine purrs to life. On my way out of the lot, I glance back up at the ski area. The lifts are empty and still, the slopes looking almost eerie in their barrenness compared to only an hour ago.

What Kirilee shared about her mom tickles the back of my thoughts. Kirilee obviously cares about her. It’s humbling, and another reminder of Kirilee’s exceptional kindness. It pisses me off that the people who supposedly love her are the opposite of supportive.

Like that preschool building selling to someone else because Birchnuts turned her down. What the fuck is his problem?

I call Zach as I’m merging onto the road.

“You a skier now?” he asks.

“I didn’t die. Does that qualify me?”

He laughs. “Did you have fun? I think that’s more important than skill level.”

“Then yes.”

“Kirilee survived?”

“Shocking but yes.” I wind down a long curve in the road. The lake comes into view, framed by the snow-covered foothills to the west. “Do you know anything about a place called Gold Coast?”

“As in Australia?”

“Maybe?”

I give him a quick summary of the conversation I overheard in the ski lodge.

“Huh,” he says. “Finn River law enforcement has pretty limited interactions with the ranch, but I do know they had problems with the EPA last year. Wastewater or something.”

“Could Birch be rescuing the ranch from some kind of eco-disaster waiting to happen?”

“It’s possible. Maybe the investors got twitchy after the EPA started sniffing around, and Birch is swooping in for the rescue?”

He could be on to something. “And in exchange, he gets to marry their daughter.”

“If Kirilee feels like she’s saving Finn River Ranch by marrying Birch, that would make a lot of sense.”

I’ve been wondering that too.

“You want me to ask Rowdy?” Zach asks. Rowdy is Sofie’s dad and the local conservation officer. “He might know more about the issue.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Behind me, a car honks, snapping me back to the stop sign I’ve been idling at for too long. I turn left.

From Zach’s end of the line, a car door shuts. He must be in his sheriff’s vehicle. “I got some news for you,” he says. “I was going to call you after my shift.”

News can only be one thing. I brace myself. “Okay.”

“Sheldon got released from Goose Point a month ago.”

I try to shake my unease with a full breath. “What was he in for this time?”

“Boosting cars.”

“Huh.”

“Apparently, he got involved in a gambling help group inside.”

Compulsive gambling has wrecked Shel’s life. I tried so hard to get him to stop, but it’s an addiction, and one he’ll only quit if and when he wants to. “I hope it sticks.”

“Me too,” he says.

We end the call as I turn down Water Street, my thoughts unspooling faster than I can reel them in.

It hits me that the timing of Shel’s release matches up with my truck being broken into… but if it was Shel, why rifle around in the glove box? I don’t keep anything valuable in there, and he knows it. The Sheldon I remember would have shown up at the front door, all smiles.

Unease tickles my gut.

Unless Shel broke in to make sure it was my Dodge. Make sure he’d really found me.

It’s not like I don’t want Shel in Finn River. There are good jobs here. Good people.

But he’s a wild card. He’s never stayed on the straight and narrow for long. I’m convinced his addiction started as a coping mechanism for what we endured as kids, and it’s what keeps him stuck. And it’s also why I can’t just cut him out of my life. I played a part in what happened to us. Something I’m not proud of. Sheldon has used it against me before, and a part of me is bracing for when he’ll do it again.

As I near my driveway, two boys I recognize from their daily stops at Kirilee’s library are browsing the collection. They have identical backpacks, and though of different ages, they have the same brown hair and round faces. Brothers, likely.

I cruise slowly into my driveway so I don’t spook them.

The older brother takes a book and the two hurry down the sidewalk, chattering nonstop. I sit for another moment inside the warm cab as memories flicker to life inside my mind. Of me and Shel walking home from the bus. Of the kids I fought to protect him. Of our exhausted mom sitting with Shel on the couch, determined to help him read.

While I don’t relish the idea of Sheldon in jail, at least when he’s inside, I know he’s safe. That I’m safe.

Now that he’s out, there’s no telling what he’ll do.

Or the choices he’ll make when he gets in trouble.