Love Me Till Wednesday (Sapphire Stars #1)

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‘Lise!’ Pete sounded like he was on the front doorstep. ‘You need to come and see this.’

Lisa looked up from her spreadsheet. She could’ve done without the interruption. She was trying to get her training budget to balance and she’d thought she’d found the problem before Pete had broken her chain of thought. ‘Does it have to be now?’

‘Yeah, it does really.’

She went out into the hallway. The front door was open and Pete was standing outside in his pyjamas on the pavement, looking intently at a black car parked outside on the road. The hedge in front of the house stopped her from seeing any more.

She slipped on a pair of Crocs, grabbed her keys and headed outside, pulling the door shut after her to stop next door’s cat who was watching her from the top of bin from wandering in. As she got to the end of the path, she could see what Pete was staring at. A large black hearse with Ed leaning proudly against the bonnet.

‘What the hell is that?’

‘A 1969 vintage hearse.’

‘So it is. I thought you were an electrician. Have you branched out into undertaking? ’

‘You have no imagination, Lisa Jones. This is the Sapphire Stars’ new mode of transport.’

Lisa looked at Pete. He shrugged. ‘It’s the right size. Neil Young used to have one.’

Ed looked pleased with himself. ‘Imagine how stylish we’ll look turning up at gigs in this.’

Lisa was imagining exactly what they’d look like, and stylish wasn’t the adjective that immediately sprang to mind. ‘We are not arriving anywhere in that. I thought we were going to hire a van like normal musicians?’

‘Oh come on. Paying van hire fees is like throwing money down the drain. This is much better than a boring old van. The coffin rollers will make it easy to get our gear in and out. And we can use the brass fittings to tie it down properly so it won’t move around while we’re on the road.’

He’d obviously put some thought into this. ‘How much did it cost?’ she asked.

‘It was a bargain. My mate Paul sold it to me. The alternative was an old ambulance, but he said that wasn’t as reliable as this beauty.’

‘It’s going to take us hours to get anywhere,’ Lisa said.

‘No, it won’t. Just because it’s spent most of its life travelling at ten miles an hour around the streets of Worthing doesn’t mean we have to drive it slowly. It’s got a souped-up engine. This thing’s top speed is 120 mile per hour.’

‘And how come your mate Paul just happens to have a spare hearse lying around? Is he expecting fewer deaths this year?’

‘He’s not an undertaker. He races hearses as a hobby.’

‘Hearse racing?’ Pete and Lisa said in unison.

‘It’s a thing. Google it. He bought this one to replace his current car, but he found a better one the following week, so he was about to advertise it on eBay. Very fortuitous as far as we’re concerned.’ Ed opened the door. ‘Sit inside on the leather seats. You’ll see how comfortable it is.’

Lisa reluctantly sat in the passenger seat. She had to admit it felt comfortable, but that didn’t make up for the fact that it was a bloody hearse.

Ed shut the passenger door and walked round to the driver’s side. ‘Come on, Pete, jump in the back.’

‘You’re kidding. There’s no way I’m getting in one of those until I’ve kicked the bucket.’

‘No, not lying down. Though if I were twenty years younger, I might have kitted it out with some soft furnishings to lure the ladies in. I meant here.’ Ed opened a door to allow Pete to sit in the small seat behind the driver. Pete had to bend his knees sharply to fit in the cosy space.

Lisa looked across at him. ‘Perhaps I should sit there.’

Pete shook his head. ‘It’s fine for now. It’s not like I’m going to be in here for long.’

‘Actually, it might be a while. We’re going to pick up Tez from Euston.’ Ed announced as he got behind the steering wheel.

‘We’re what?’ Lisa asked.

‘Tez went home to Birmingham yesterday for his mom’s birthday. We’re picking him up from the station.’ Ed started the engine and pulled away from the kerb before Lisa had an opportunity to object.

‘I’m feeling very conspicuous,’ Lisa said as Ed turned onto Camden High Street. So far, they’d travelled a few hundred yards and been gawped at by several dozen people. One man even waved. Lisa waved back.

‘It’s a bit more of a head turner than the van,’ Pete commented. ‘How secure is it? All our gear’s going to be on show.’

‘That’s where the curtains come in. We draw those across so no one will be able to see it stashed in the back. And there’s space under the deck if we want to put the guitar and keyboard cases completely out of sight.’

Lisa looked behind her at the one remaining empty seat.

‘There’s one major problem,’ she said. ‘We’ll be a five-piece band when we recruit Jonny’s replacement.’

‘Ok. So at least one of us will have to follow behind in a car or go on the tube. It still tops a Ford Transit.’ He went to accelerate away from the traffic lights, but he let the clutch up too fast and stalled the engine.

‘I haven’t quite the feel of the biting point yet,’ he said, turning the ignition key again. The engine refused to start. He tried again. Still no joy. ‘Paul did mention she could be a bit temperamental.’

‘She?’

‘Yes, he called her Lilith.’

‘Lilith?’

‘Some people think she was Adam’s first wife. A hot and fiery demon.’

‘She’s not very hot and fiery now,’ Pete muttered.

Ed glared at him. ‘We’ll have to do a push start.’

‘And who’s doing that?’ Lisa asked.

‘You and Pete,’ Ed said. ‘I’m the only one who’s insured to drive her.’

The driver in the car behind started sounding his horn.

‘We’ve not got much choice, Lise,’ Pete said as he got out of the car.

‘You’ve gone viral again, Mother,’ Elise announced as she walked into Lisa’s study later that afternoon.

Lisa groaned. ‘You’d think people would be fed up of watching me trip over by now. ’

‘No, not that one. This is a whole new level of embarrassment.’ Elise tapped a few buttons and showed Lisa her phone screen.

Lisa watched in horror as the fuzzy image morphed into a video of the rear view of Pete and Lisa pushing the hearse. Did her backside really look that big? Fortunately, her Union Jack Crocs drew the attention away from it, as did Pete’s Christmas bear pyjamas. At least you couldn’t see their faces.

Then the viewing angle changed as whoever had filmed them ran along the pavement to get a side view. You could see the hearse in all its glory now and more of Pete and Lisa when Ed engaged the clutch, and the engine coughed into life. As Pete and Lisa celebrated with a high-five, their faces were clearly visible. Bugger!

Lisa scrolled through the comments. People were mostly being rude about their dress sense and the hearse being handy for when they shuffled off this mortal coil in the not too distant future. ‘Charming! At least no one recognised us,’ Lisa said.

Elise looked uncomfortable.

‘Did they?’

Elise took her phone back, pressed a few more buttons and presented Lisa with another web page, showing a short article from an entertainment gossip blog. The headline read “Fallen stars reunion?” above a screen grab from the video. Lisa read the article.

60% of one-hit wonders, The Sapphire Stars, were seen in Camden this morning with a broken down hearse. Surely this has to be a publicity stunt. Could the Stars be about to make a comeback? Or is this the final death knell for the “trippy” Lisa Jones and her fellow rockers who failed to deliver their second album and disappeared into obscurity?

Very clever, getting the trip reference in the heading and the text while turning the knife about their sad demise in 1993. ‘Ha, bloody ha.’

‘Don’t read any more,’ Elise said, taking her phone back. ‘Do you want some tea?’

‘If I wasn’t working, I’d suggest something stronger,’ Lisa said, turning back to her laptop to finish her to-do list for the day in a bid to forget about her latest embarrassing performance.

About an hour later, her phone buzzed with a text from Mel.

Cute crocs!

Lisa tapped out a reply.

Just when I thought I couldn’t embarrass myself any more

She added a laughing emoji.

Her phone buzzed again, this time with a text from Greg.

I thought you said you couldn’t find my crocs?? I need them back. And any news on the house sale? Is it still completing next week?

Miserable git. She wasn’t going to reply to that one.

Then Sam texted her.

WTF?? Cool hearse.

Had it reached Australia already? At least when she tripped up in 1991, it had taken months for it to spread around the world. Now, it had been less than four hours .

Pete wandered into her study.

‘Have you seen the video?’ Lisa asked.

‘Oh yes,’ he grinned.

‘I didn’t think you’d be that pleased to have your dodgy taste in bedroom attire shared across the Internet.’

‘Normally I wouldn’t, but listen to this.’ He looked at his phone. ‘Hi, mate. Long time no see. Sexy pyjamas, though I prefer you naked.’

Lisa grimaced. ‘Did you really need to share that with me?’

‘Sorry, but I think you will like the rest of it.’ He carried on reading. ‘Are you really getting the Stars back together? Text me if you are, as I’ve got a gap on my chat show next Thursday.’

‘Who’s that from?’

‘Andy King.’

‘As in the journalist I caught you in bed with?’

‘The very same. Mr Friday Night.’

‘It was a Thursday, as I recall.’

‘It’s the name of his show.’

‘I’ve never watched it.’

‘It’s very good. You should give it a try.’

Was he really being that dense? ‘For some reason, he’s not my favourite person.’

Pete looked uncomfortable.

‘I thought you said you hadn’t seen him for ages.’

Pete was smiling again. ‘I haven’t. But obviously, he’s not forgotten about the old Armstrong charm.’

‘Well, I’m not keen on the idea. We’re not ready to go public yet.’

‘Ed and Tez think we are.’

How could he possibly know that? ‘You’ve asked them already, haven’t you?’

‘I guessed you might not be 100% on board.’

‘So you thought you’d get them to outvote me. ’

Pete had the decency to look sheepish. ‘Possibly.’

‘But we haven’t got a good quality recording to mime to. Unless we do one of our old tracks.’

‘That’s not a problem. They only have bands who sing live.’

‘What?!’ Was Pete mad? That could be disastrous. ‘I’m nowhere near ready for that! And what about our lack of a bass player?’

‘That’s easily fixed. We can audition for a new one. We said we were going to do that anyway.’

‘How are we going to get someone in and ready before next Thursday? And we’re supposed to be moving out of here on Friday morning.’

‘Can’t you reschedule that? And any decent session musician should manage to master one song before then. We’ll play Love Me Till Wednesday. It’s easy enough for anyone to learn.’

‘Is it?’ Lisa remembered reviews complimenting Jonny on his innovative techniques on that one.

Pete must’ve read her mind. ‘They may not play it exactly like Jonny, but who’s going to notice after all this time? Think of the publicity. It’ll put us back in the spotlight, which means more record sales.’

‘If we don’t cock it up.’

‘We won’t. You’re better than you think you are. I wouldn’t even consider it if I didn’t think we could do it. Just make sure you don’t wear high heels.’

Lisa glared at him.

‘I’m joking. Come on, Lise, you can absolutely do this. I’ve got complete faith in you.’

Lisa could feel her heart rate increasing at the mere thought of it, but she had to admit it was an excellent opportunity. They were unlikely to get another chance to go on a prime-time show for a long time, if at all. ‘You better tell Andy yes.’

Pete grinned, but there was something shifty about his expression.

‘You’ve already said yes, haven’t you?’

‘I didn’t want to risk him offering it to someone else.’