Lucky 33 (Love in the District #2)

27. Amy Has a Human Experience

CHAPTER 27

AMY HAS A HUMAN EXPERIENCE

T he visit with Laura and Jake was the kick in the pants that Amy needed to finally let go of any remaining upset over Drew having withheld information about his arrest. She had come around to the idea that he hadn’t lied but had just held on to a secret he wasn’t ready to tell.

Amy had two options: descend into guilt over how she had treated Drew or get her apology together and start on the path to making things right. The choice was obvious. Now, the question was how to word an apology in a way that came close to what he deserved.

I can’t believe I hurt him so badly. I would have been devastated if our roles were reversed. I ruined everything.

Amy thought about her apology, but nothing she came up with was quite right. The cursor was still blinking on the blank page, taunting her. She needed a distraction. Maybe some time away from writing this apology will be good for me.

She opened a browser window and searched for “33 numerology meaning.” She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t done this before. I guess I wasn’t ready to believe,

Amy clicked on a few sites and opened them in separate tabs. She cl icked on the first one and read: “In numerology, 33 means anything is possible. This number is connected to themes around creative thinking, deep compassion, spiritual-level connections, discipline, and bravery.”

I could use all of those right now— especially creative thinking to get this apology written.

She considered the themes the site had listed. Amy had felt a spiritual-level connection with Drew from the moment she met him. That was part of why he seemed so impossibly perfect. She had been overwhelmed with deep compassion since talking to Laura and Jake. She had assumed she was the victim, but it was becoming clear that she had turned Drew into the victim of a drive-by verbal assault and breakup.

Amy clicked on the next site. This one repeated much of the same information as the first site but had more insight. She couldn’t help but notice that this site also started with the phrase “anything is possible.” Natasha had said that in their first session. It gave Amy confidence that there was a chance she and Drew could fix things and be together. But it also meant there were infinite possibilities other than that, including never seeing him again, him ruining her reputation, him forgiving her while also taking out a restraining order. Stop. Not helpful. Amy shook her head to dispel her negative thoughts.

She read the site carefully, noting the new information about the number 33.

“This number resonates with the energies of compassion, blessings, inspiration, and honesty. Thirty-three also symbolizes guidance.”

What kind of guidance? How?

This led to more rumination. What if this suggests I should listen to others this time and not my destructive thinking? Amy thought about what Laura and Jake had said about this apology being a step toward reconciliation. Their breakup had been bad. Jake had caught Laura in her months-long snooping spree that she had been o n to make herself into his ideal woman. You’d think that no one could come back from that, but they did. Maybe Drew and I can, too.

Amy felt empowered and satisfied. She clicked on the final site just for fun.

“Any time this number comes up in your life, it is a powerful reminder you are a spiritual being having a human experience.”

She felt a sense of peace come over her. Mistakes are part of the human experience. I messed up, but I was being human— imperfect and capable of bad decisions. Reading that she was more than her human experience wiped away the remnants of her guilt. She was going to fix this.

Drew,

I can’t believe I messed up so badly. I was out of my mind the day I came to your apartment. I threw around wild accusations that I had no business making in the first place. I’m sorry that I did that. I’m also sorry that I shared your business with others. I would have been just as upset if you’d done that to me.

It was horrible that I built things up in my mind without talking to you first. It was also terrible of me to make assumptions about you and to assume the worst. I’m a horrible person.

I can get in my own head. Katie pointed out that I was reverting to old behaviors that were unhealthy and purposely sabotaging my happiness with you. I don’t know why I do that. I wish you hadn’t been collateral damage because of that behavior .

I don’t have much experience with serious relationships, and because we clicked so well, it all seemed too good to be true. I got scared and started looking for the catch. I should have known that there wasn’t one. I was blessed with you, and I couldn’t accept that gift.

Love,

Amy

Amy opened her group text with Laura and Jake and pasted her apology. Getting their approval was almost as scary as giving Drewthe note. Those two were tough, but Amy figured that if they said it was a go, she was delivering her best effort.

Jake Tanner: You don’t need to fall on your sword quite as much. He’ll get the idea with less self-loathing.

Laura: Also, stop giving him so many reasons why you’re awful and he shouldn’t forgive you!

Amy: But they’re true. I was so awful.

Laura: He’s aware. Stop pointing it out. Jake?

Jake: I agree. You’re trying to show him that you’re sorry, not give him all of the reasons he shouldn’t forgive you.

Drew,

I did you so wrong.

Nope, that’s not it. She tried to channel Jake and write the letter in a way that got her apology across but didn’t remind him that she me ssed up badly. This is harder than I thought it would be. I wish I were a writer like Laura.

Drew,

I want to apologize for coming to your apartment and accusing you of things I didn’t have the whole story about and were none of my business. It was creepy and wrong of me to?—

Why am I so determined to sound pathetic or make what happened come across worse? Okay, try again.

Drew,

I want to apologize for coming to your apartment and accusing you of things I didn’t have the full story on, which were none of my business. I shouldn’t have built your private dealings up in my mind without talking to you first. You’re entitled to your secrets. I’m also sorry that I shared your business with others. I would have been just as upset if you’d done that to me.

I can get in my own head. Katie pointed out that I was reverting to old behaviors that were unhealthy and that I was purposely sabotaging my happiness with you. I don’t know why I do that. I wish you hadn’t been collateral damage because of that behavior.

I don’t have much experience with serious relationships, and because we clicked so well, it all seemed too good to be true. I got scared and started looking for the catch. I should have known that there wasn’t one. I was blessed with you, and I couldn’t accept that gift.

Love,

Amy

Amy felt satisfied with her revised apology. She texted it to Laura and Jake, crossing her fingers that they liked it better.

Laura: That’s way better. Handwrite it for more impact.

Jake: That’s manipulative. You don’t need to do that.

Laura: Yes, you do.

Who do I believe?

Jake: I guess it’s weird if you print out a typed letter.

Amy: There’s also the part where I don’t own a printer.

Jake: Then we have our answer. Good luck. We’re rooting for you!

Laura: You better update us.

Amy: I wouldn’t risk the consequences of not doing so.

Do I use notebook paper? Is that too casual? Do I use my stationery? No, that’s left over from when I had a pen pal in fifth grade. I don’t think Lisa Frank’s art will set the right tone.

Amy chose notebook paper, the lesser of the two paper evils in her ap artment. She could go out and get a card, but that was just an excuse to put off apologizing. I hope my handwriting looks pretty. No, focus. That’s not important.

She had to start over a few times, but eventually wrote an apology she was completely satisfied with. She looked up Drew’s department so she could be prepared to deliver it. Okay, Kerwin Hall. Room 33. Thirty-three! This has to be a sign.