Lunar Crest University (Forbidden Fruit)

Chapter Thirty-Two

FINLEY

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 14TH, 2023

I stare up at the dark, exposed beam ceiling, blinking numbly as I focus on the tiny speck there. I can’t exactly pinpoint what it’s from.

My eyes are dry, and there’s a sting that penetrates them practically to the back of my skull. They’re swollen; I can tell by the way I feel puffy in my face. I’m in no condition to see anyone, but that just reminds me I’m stuck. I’m trapped here with Luca and his sweet, oblivious family while my entire world is thrown off its axis. I can’t run away unless I steal his keys and flee.

That’s an idea .

I should have this instinctive feeling to run as far as I can without looking back. I should call the police. I should be so scared that I can hardly breathe. But I don’t feel compelled to do any of those things, and that makes it so much worse.

Instead, I feel like I understand why Luca had to do the things he has done. What he continues to do. I hate myself for understanding his reasoning for it all. Who the hell would want to understand someone like that? Someone who kills people and is just…fine. He goes about every day normally, like the blood on his hands doesn’t exist.

How can he do that?

I’m not scared or sad. I was . But now, I’m just angry. I’m so mad that he lied to me this entire time. He’s been lying since the day I met him, and I’m mad I was naive to it all. I guess I knew the whole time, didn’t I? I knew. I chose to ignore it. I chose to pretend the red flags didn’t exist, to continue to fall deeper and deeper into my feelings for him.

My eyes water at the thought when I didn’t think there was any way I could cry anymore. Squeezing my eyes shut, the tears slide down my face and into my ears.

I’m such an idiot. A big, dumb idiot.

If anything, it makes me feel like I understand him even more now, which only makes the rage boil inside me. I want to speak to him, to get more answers, but I want space too. The distance my soul needs is impossible to get here, stuck in this house with him and everyone else, unable to flee. I have no other choice but to face this head-on.

How dare he?

How dare he bring me all the way here and give me no other choice? Why would he spring this on me here, of all places?

The anger pumping through me has me pushing myself up off the floor, wanting to march down the hallways of this huge house and bang on every door until I find him, but I can’t do that. The last thing I want is to make a spectacle. I look crazy this morning as it is; no need to add to it with my erratic behavior that begs to be set free.

I pace back and forth in front of the bed, wiping the tear streaks from my cheeks as I growl under my breath.

I’m spiraling. Everything is out of my control, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s like a living hell on Earth. If possible, I’d claw out of my own skin right now.

A knock sounds at the door, and I still.

“Finley?” Luca’s muffled voice calls out from the other side.

Twisting on my heel, I face the door and cross my arms over my chest. It’s quiet for a moment before he raps against the door again, softer this time. If my eyes could bore holes through the wood, he would be dead.

“Come in,” I grit out.

The door creaks open, and his dark eyes immediately scan over me as he comes into the room. He’s in the same clothes from last night, and from the looks of the dark bags underneath his eyes, he didn’t sleep either. As he steps closer to me hesitantly, I see the red blood vessels in the whites of his eyes. Has he been crying?

Good .

I don’t give him the chance to speak. I want to have the upper hand here, need it. If he speaks first, I’ll cave from exhaustion.

“Why am I not safe?” I question with a bite to my tone. “Tell me exactly what is going on. No lying. No beating around the bush. I want all of it.”

His throat bobs as he swallows.

“ Now , Luca.”

“Rosco told Javier about you before I—” He grinds his molars as he sucks in a deep breath. “Javier knows about you. He doesn’t like when people know about him. He makes people who know too much disappear. When I came to your apartment that night, when we had pizza, there was a man outside your window, watching you. I killed him, too.”

I try not to choke as I process his words. His honesty chills me down to the bone, but I asked for it. I asked for this.

“You killed someone before…” I lick my dry lips as my chin trembles, “before coming into my house?”

He nods once.

“Before you—” I rasp. “Before we ?—”

Luca takes a big step toward me, and I swallow my gasp. He must have noticed my change in demeanor, because he stills before he reaches me.

“I would do it again,” he says. “I told you, I’m keeping you safe too. And if that means killing every single person who even looks at you, then I will. I know that’s not what you want to hear, Finley, but I don’t care. I will not let them hurt you.”

I stare at his chest because I can’t seem to look him in the eyes. I know what I’ll see if I do, and I just can’t. Tears slip down my cheeks for the millionth time, and I sniffle as I try to blink them away. He has killed people for me . How can I live with that?

“I need time,” I croak, shaking my head aimlessly.

“I know.”

“This is a lot to process.” And I’m crying again.

Fuck.

Who am I kidding? No matter how strong I try to be, this is ripping me apart from the inside out. The anger only lasts so long before the hurt seeps back in.

“I know,” he repeats, and he sounds broken too.

Why does he sound like that?

Why would he be broken when he’s the one who did this? Aren’t murderers supposed to be soulless beings with no hearts? A villain. He really is a villain. He tried to tell me that once too, and I ignored it. The cards were all there, right in front of me the entire time.

“Does your family know?”

He looks to the floor now. “Just my mother.”

Uncrossing my arms, I wrap them around myself instead, searching for any amount of comfort I can find, because I’m dying here. I press my lips into a thin line as a wave of sobs ripple through my chest, but the whimpers come out anyway.

“And s-she’s okay with what you do?” I whine.

“I don’t do this. I’m not—” He stops as he huffs impatiently. There he is. Is that the psychopath I’ve been ignoring? Just masking with anger like he always does? “I wanted out. I was trying to get out, but here I am, being sucked back in because of you .”

I flinch at the growl in his voice.

“What do you want me to do?” he practically barks at me, throwing his hands in the air as he laughs breathlessly. “Huh? Just leave you alone to figure it out yourself? Do you think I could really do that?”

“I wanted you to be honest with me.”

“Would you have wanted anything to do with me if you’d known?”

“I deserved that option , Luca!” I cry out, my vision blurred once more. “I deserved to know the truth and make that decision for myself. Instead, you made it for me.”

The fury in his eyes softens. “I know.”

“Stop saying that!”

“What do you want me to say?” His voice is pleading as he steps toward me again. “Tell me what to say, Finley, and I’ll say it.”

I bury my face in my hands, my shoulders slumping. “There’s nothing you can say. Not right now.”

“Please, don’t be angry with me,” he begs in a whisper, and his hand encircles my wrist before I can protest. I try to pull away, but he’s got a vice grip on me. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I kept this from you. Just, please . Don’t leave.”

Frowning up at him, I shrug as I try to find words. Any words. Of course, he’s saying all the things I’ve been yearning to hear this entire time, but is any of it real? Can he even feel ?

“You drove us here,” I breathe. “How can I leave?”

His head lowers until he’s at eye level with me, and he puts my hand against his chest. All this time, I thought that was just for me, my secret to know how he was really feeling. Did he know all along? Was I that obvious? I freeze under his touch, and my breath halts in my throat as I feel his heart going insane under my palm.

“I don’t mean leave here.” He presses my hand harder against him. “I mean, don’t leave me .”

My heart swells as my mind screams at it to stop. No . Do not give in to him. He doesn’t get to touch me and think that makes everything better. No matter how much my shattered heart yearns for this. No matter how badly I needed to hear him say it.

“You need to give me time,” I manage to say through tears.

“And you’ll stay?”

“I don’t know, Luca.” Licking my lips, all I taste is salt. “Okay? I don’t know anything right now. My brain is in overdrive, and I just need it all to stop.”

He releases my wrist, and for a moment, I relax, but then, he drops to his knees at my feet. I can’t move. I’m gawking down at him, my mouth opening and closing a few times as I try to make sense of what he’s doing. He puts his hands on my thighs, looking up at me through dark, wet lashes and…

“Please stay,” he breathes. “I’ll give you all the time you need, Princesa . But please, just stay.”

I’m shaking like a leaf as I frown down at him, and maybe it’s because my heart is pumping so hard. He’s looking up at me with those dark teddy bear eyes, and it’s like he knows I have no willpower. He’s kicking me while I’m down. While I’m weak. But he’s doing it in the gentlest way possible. I’ve never seen him like this.

He’s a murderer…but he’s Luca.

He’s a murderer…but he’s the man who saved my life more than once.

Luca grips my calf, squeezing gently, digging his fingers into the muscle. “I’m sorry, amor .”

I bite my lip as more tears fall down my cheeks.

“What can I do?” he asks. “Tell me what to do, Finley.”

My heart and my mind are at war as he slides his hands up to my waist, pressing his face into my stomach. His nose tickles the spot just above the button of my jeans, and I want to scream at the way my thighs clench. It’s humiliating how wet he makes me, how I have literally no control over my own body in his presence.

I want to hate him.

I want to push him away.

“Tell me,” he mumbles into my sweater. “Because I need you. I need you to stay. You can’t leave. I know I’m a bad person, but you can’t leave. I feel good around you. You make me feel good.”

As he brings his gaze back up to me, I find myself threading my fingers through his hair before I can think twice about it. The tears spill from my eyes as I look down at him. I’m sad—for myself, for him, for all of it.

“Luca,” I say softly, but it’s more like a plea.

Don’t make me choose. Stop doing this to me.

“Punish me,” he says quickly, like he knows I’m on the brink, right on the edge, teetering there like a fool.

“What?”

“Punish me,” he repeats. “Do whatever you want to me. Just… Princesa , please. Punish me.”

My body shakes with panic, fear, arousal. It’s not what I expected him to say, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to speak properly when he’s pulling up my sweater to kiss below my navel. My fingers are still knotted in his hair, and the warmth of his mouth against my skin makes my core flutter.

“Why?” I rasp.

“Because I’ve been bad,” he murmurs lowly. “Because I want to show you I won’t lie to you again. I’ll be good.”

His lips pepper kisses along the waistband of my jeans, and as his fingers flick the button open to pull them down slightly, I jolt. My grip on his hair tightens as he kisses lower, and then, his eyes flash up to mine.

Think, Finley .

“Use me,” he continues, his tongue darting out to taste my skin as he presses tiny kisses all over my stomach. “Whatever your heart desires, amor .”

The fog is clouding my brain, as it usually does, and my weakened state begs me to succumb to it. I’m already broken. Could this really make it any worse? I won’t feel better or worse. I’ll still just feel…like this . But I’d be giving in, and he’d be winning.

He doesn’t deserve it.

“Baby, please.”

Fuck. Fuck him. Fuck it all.

Fuck it.

I don’t have anything else to lose. I never had anything to lose in the first place. He was never mine. This all was never mine to lose. He’s a murderer down on his knees, begging for me, and I’m soaked because of it. He killed people to protect me, and I’m dripping from it.

The anger in me is enthralled at the thought of punishing him. I could get everything my core is begging for and give him nothing at all. That’s a punishment, right? I could get off as many times as I want but not let him come once. The thought of seeing him squirm and beg for me lights a fire deep within my belly.

I yank his head back, breaking his assault of kisses on my tummy.

“Take off my pants.”