Madness (Madness #1)

Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

“Red, Red, Red!” Hare shouts as he bounces along the hallway to Red’s room. Harry, Desmond, and Dusty trail behind us, their footsteps echoing softly against the polished floor, their faces etched with concern.

The excitement in Hare’s voice is contagious, but I can’t help but feel worried that Red missed therapy again today.

The light flickers above us, and I turn to check for the others to make sure the shadows haven’t swallowed them whole.

“How fortunate it would be for you if they had. Then you could play hero to the Queen.”

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Off, off, off with her head!”

“Mad… I’m utterly mad.”

“Mad, mad, mad!” Hare sings songs.

I sigh, but we continue to navigate the twists and turns of the corridors that seem to loop into an endless maze.

The shadows in the corner twist into arms, reaching for me but passing through the others – another sign that I’m getting worse.

I can feel my mind fracturing with each day that passes in this place, and the eerie silence that has fallen over the other patients in the ward only seems to amplify the voices that live in my head.

“We need to find her,” Desmond breaks the silence.

I sigh, frustration creeping into my voice. “Yes, but how? This place is a maze, and she could be anywhere.”

“Hide and seek?” Hare looks at us all, tilting his head, “Red hiding?”

Harry shakes his head, his voice tinged with more worry than I expected, considering how he usually treats her. “This isnae a game, Hare. Red is lost.”

“Lost, lost, lost!” Hare shouts, his voice echoing eerily down the hallway, growing louder instead of fading.

“Is there a chance she’s hiding from everyone? She hasn’t been the same since the mural got washed away,” Desmond says thoughtfully .

“What about Bander’s room?” Dusty voices, a hint of hope in his voice.

“Surely not. Therapy is mandatory; she won’t miss it.” I want to shout her name, to lure her out from wherever she is, but I don’t.

The warden's warning from my first day about monsters that wouldn’t hesitate to kill me lingers in the back of my mind.

We search everywhere we can think of, not daring to step foot into the rabbit hole’s ward.

The closer we got, the more Desmond and Dusty seemed to pale, their faces losing colour in a way that made them look almost ghostly.

The rabbit hole’s ward has a reputation that has patients whisper stories of their time down there, but the fear that laces their voices is what makes it truly terrifying.

With a deep breath, I turn to them and try to keep my voice steady even when I can hear the unease in it. “Are you able to go to solitary?” I ask.

They both nod in unison, but it does nothing to hide the anxious glances they exchange from the corner of their eyes.

“And you?” I ask Harry.

“I’m fine. A go doon regularly to retrieve Hare from Bander or Yasmine’s room.” He says.

Doris climbs out from his pocket, her nose twitching furiously as we all walk to solitary.

“Spy! Kill it.”

“It is not a spy. It is a mouse.” I say aloud .

“Twitch, twitch, twitch goes her nose, nose, nose.”

Harry comes up next to me, eyeing me suspiciously, “Why must yi always speak ti yourself?”

“Why does your rabbit wear a waistcoat?” I retort.

Harry laughs a loud, mocking sound that seems to bounce off the walls. “Yi really are mad, aren’t yi?”

“He’s not mad, he’s eccentric.” Dusty grins.

“Oh, an outstanding imagination, too.” Desmond laughs.

“Aren’t we all mad?” I counter because I thought that’s why we all ended up here in Wonderland.

“I’m not,” Dusty says.

“I’m not either.” Desmond also says.

“Then who is?”

The twins point to both me and Harry.

“I amnae mad!” Harry exclaims.

“You are so. You talk to animals that do not talk back, and you wear a ridiculous hat.”

“Mad hat!” Hare jumps in, pointing at Harry’s hat that he never seems to take off.

“Yi wheesht Hare. It’s just a hat,” Harry sternly says to Hare, whose shoulders slump.

“Mad Hatter, isn’t he?” the masculine voice retorts in my head, and I snicker in response.

“Wit’s so funny?” Harry narrows his eyes at me, “Wi need tae find Red, no have debates aboot who is mad or no.”

“You’re a mad hatter,” I snicker .

“Oh, he is,” Dusty says, laughing along.

“He is, he is.” Desmond also laughs, clutching his waist.

The hallway seems to twist as their laughter echoes off the walls, blending with the flickering light above us.

Harry’s face flushes a deep crimson that matches the guard’s uniform, “Call me what yi wantae, but at least I’m no the one talking to thin air,” he retorts, glaring at me.

Doris, the mouse, scurries back into his pocket with a huff, unsettled by our raised voices.

I ignore his cutting remark because he isn’t wrong and focus back on what we need to do, “Focus.” I say, my voice steady even when I want to leave them all behind and go after her myself, “We need to figure out where Red is.”

The twins seem to sober, exchanging a serious glance so different to the jokers they both can be, and Harry even looks sheepish as he nods along.

Hare entwines his hand into mine, and I glance down in surprise.

“Hi!” he smiles at me, his missing teeth a lot more noticeable now he’s closer, and I wonder how he lost them since the others seem to be perfectly fine.

“Hi,” I reply, allowing the comfort of touch from another human to soak in.

Life with Alice wasn’t very comforting, and she rarely offered me human contact, even as a baby .

“You cried entirely far too much for her to like you, let alone love you, Alice.”

“Cry baby, cry baby, cry baby!” Queenie shrieks.

I don’t reply. Instead, I continue to walk through the shadows that seem to dissipate as we walk closer now Hare is by my side.

Solitary looms just ahead, and I hope that we find Red inside, though it seems she is nowhere that we seem to look.

“What room is Bander’s?” I ask as we sneak through the door.

Patients in Wonderland aren’t allowed to go between wards, especially not solitary, where they keep the patients they don’t want to socialise. Hare is the exception since everyone in Wonderland seems to have a soft spot for him.

“Bander!” Hare takes off down the hallway to a door at the end and flings it open, revealing a terrifying-looking man who seems only to have one eye.

I expect my delusions to warp him, too, the way the corridors warp into twisted mazes that seem to rotate clockwise in a spiral illusion, but he’s untouched, and my brow furrows as I wonder why.

“Because of the legacy.”

“There is no legacy,” I hiss back, “No legacy at all. It’s a curse, and I wish to be rid of it and you forever.”

“Don’t be like that, Alice. You need me. ”

“Why are you here?” the man, who I’m assuming is Bander, asks.

“Red is missing,” Harry steps forward from behind us and glances through the door to Hare, who is playing on the floor with some toy cars.

Bander’s single eye narrows as he scrutinises us, “Red is not lost. She is here in solitary.”

Hare, oblivious to the tension, continues to push his toy cars around, making soft engine noises.

Harry shifts uncomfortably beside me, “Can yi tell us wit room? A want ti make sure she’s ok.”

“She’s fine, and I’m not sure right now is the best time to interrupt her,” he smirks knowingly, but Desmond shakes his head.

“She missed therapy, and we’re all worried. Can you go check on her for us?”

Bander hesitates, glancing between us all, and then sighs, “Fine, but you have to hide in my room while I do. The guards down here are ruthless and have no mercy for people breaking the rules unless you are Hare.”

Hare’s head lifts at the mention of his name and smiles widely at Bander, “Red?”

“I’m going to get her, buddy. You going to look after our friends here while I go check on her?” he smiles back at Hare, and his face softens in response.

Hare nods his head vigorously, “Friends! Cars, play cars! ”

“You heard him,” Bander chuckles, “Go play cards, I’ll be back in a moment… or not.”

Harry rolls his eyes, but we all do as we are told and shuffle into his room as he exits, the large, heavy door closing behind him.

It seems like the deeper we get into Wonderland and the longer I’m here, the darker and more twisted it becomes.

Why on earth would Red be placed in solitary, and why would the guards be so horrible when the whole point of Wonderland is to get better?

“Nobody gets better in Wonderland, Alice. It’s for those to tumble further down the rabbit hole until they don’t know what way is up or what way is down.”

A shiver runs down my spine at his words.

The voice is wrong – so wrong.

“Mad… I’m utterly mad.” I say louder this time, sinking onto the thin mattress that I think is supposed to be a bed.

I need to get better – I want to, and if Wonderland won’t be able to help me, then what is the point?

“You should die, die, die!”

“Queenie’s right, Alice. It’s what Alice wanted, after all.”

“No! I don’t want to die! I want to be normal. I want to get better!”

My mind swirls, and I clench my fists in an attempt to bring myself back, but it’s no use .

I only seem to be getting worse, and I don’t see any way out of the insanity that is breaking my mind apart.

“Do it, Alice, or embrace your legacy like Alice did.”

“No,” I whisper, “I will not succumb to the madness.”

I repeat the mantra Alice taught me out loud and in my mind in a desperate attempt to anchor myself, and as the voices taunt me, I know I need to hold onto whatever thread of sanity I have left – no matter how much the temptation to finally let go is.

“To be free.”

“Free, free, free.”

“You don’t deserve to live after what you did,” Alice’s voice floats towards me, her face appearing behind my closed lids, but I ignore her just as she ignored me growing up.

I did what I did to survive.

“You did it because you are mad. The madness is a legacy, Alice. Listen to it – embrace it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Should we do something?” Dusty’s voice filters through the haze, tinged with worry and fear.

“Wi need tae knock him out. He’s lost it,” Harry suggests.

“He’s mad.”

“Should we get someone?” Desmond asks .

“And have him end up in solitary, or worse, the rabbit hole? No. he’s just lost and needs help.” Dusty remarks. The voices in my head quiet, and a warm blanket is wrapped around my shoulders.

Someone grasps my arms and lays me down, but I don’t open my eyes, too scared to see their faces after they’ve watched me finally lose myself completely.

“You’ll be ok. We’re a family now, a bit messed up, but we won’t let you be lost in Wonderland,” Desmond says, and the others mutter words of agreement.

“I’m already lost,” I mutter sluggishly as exhaustion takes over my body.

“No one is ever fully lost, and we’ll help you find your way back no matter what,” Dusty says, and the weight of his head resting on my shoulder is the last thing I feel as the exhaustion finally wins and pulls me under.