Madness (Madness #1)

Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

“Wocky wants to see you,” Red says, leaning against my doorframe.

Her red hair cascades over her shoulders, and I forget my words for a moment as I watch her watch me.

Her eyes somehow seem lighter today… happier, and jealousy flares in my gut, wanting to know who put that there.

I shake off the feeling and nod, trying to mask the curiosity and envy with a forced smile. “A will be right there,” I reply, my voice steady despite the turmoil I’m feeling inside.

Every day is a battle when all I want to do is pull her into my arms, hold her against me, and never let go.

Red watches me for a moment as I shuffle Doris from my pocket into the cage I managed to get set up for her and feed her some of her favourite snacks.

“A won’t be long, Doris. Behave.”

“Aren’t you worried about leaving her?” Red asks, her eyes glinting with curiosity.

I glance at her, then back to Doris, who is happily nibbling away on a sunflower seed, “Of course, a am, but whit can a do? Wonderland isna safe for anyone, but she hates Jameson’s office.”

Red nods, understanding, and I sigh, closing the door to my room gently.

As we walk away, Red looks at me as we walk, “Why do you not set her free with Thatcher?”

I stumble over my feet, pausing, and stare at her.

How often have I wanted her to ask me questions about why I speak to animals so I could open up to her?

And how often have I told myself I can’t have her because of my past because I refuse to be hurt again?

The scars on her wrists are a glaring reminder that she might only be temporary… but do I want to miss out on my chance with her, even as fleeting as it may be ?

“She’s all a have left of ma life before,” I tell her, deciding that I need to try to open up to her or I could lose her forever.

As we wander through the hallways towards the warden’s office, the echoes of my footsteps accompanied by hers seem to mock me as we walk in perfect symphony.

“But why do you talk to them?” she asks.

I hesitate, feeling the weight of what happened pressing down on me like an iron shackle. “Because,” I begin, my voice trembling with memories of the past, “They’re the only ones who understand. They dinae judge me for the things that happened to me, and they dinae hurt ya like people dae.”

She nods, her eyes dropping to the scars and new cuts on her wrists, “I get it,” she says, “We all have our ways of coping.”

I take a deep breath, feeling a surge of courage and finally feeling able to discuss how I ended up here in Wonderland with her, “My brother died… hung himself from the wooden beams in our old house. I found him just hanging there; his face was purple, and I knew we had nae chance of saving him.”

“Did he leave a note? A reason as to why?”

I shake my head, “He had cancer, terminal if a remember correctly, and he didnae want my parents to force him to get treatment. He wanted tae go oot on his terms.”

Red stops, her arms wrapping around my midsection, and I let her hold me for a moment. Her smell surrounds me, and I breathe deeply, loving how she feels against me even as every part of me is screaming to push her away so she can’t hurt me… leave me as my brother did.

“I’ve been telling myself a canna have you, that mi past makes it impossible because a canna lose someone like that again,” I say, hating how her eyes turn guarded. She tries to pull away from me, “But talking about him, how he took his life because he refused ti let his illness take him from us, makes me realise how short life is… that life is temporary, and a dinna want to miss out on my chance with you, that is if a still do?”

Her eyes bounce between mine, and I wonder what she could be searching for until she reaches up on her toes, pressing her lips to mine, “I’ve waited long enough, haven’t I?”

I laugh and wipe away a tear from her cheek that managed to escape, “Am sorry for making yi wait.”

“Well, now I’m going to make you wait for a little while longer. Jameson really does need to see you,” she laughs, kissing my cheek, and skips away from me, leaving me behind in the empty hallway.

I find Jameson’s office easily, knocking on the door and waiting for him to call out for me.

The door swings open, and Hare’s bright, wonky smile greets me, “Har! Har! Har!”

“Hey buddy, yi good? ”

“Yup! Wocky gave me paper, and I drew Red a picture. Look!” Hare skips over to Jameson’s desk, picking up multiple pieces of paper and showing me the doodles on the pages.

None of it really makes sense, but Red’s name is in bold letters with hearts and smiley faces around it.

“That’s great, Hare,” I say, trying to match his enthusiasm, but none of us ever quite manage to.

Hare’s happiness in this place is the one bright spot for a lot of us, and his enthusiasm is enough to keep us going most days. Still, it always dims when I realise he doesn’t fully understand where he is… why he’s here, and what he’s been through since he was pushed through those doors by his parents because they no longer wanted him.

Jameson and Al sit at his desk, both of them holding multiple pieces of paper with Hare’s drawings on them, “Yi really need to learn how to limit his paper intake,” I laugh at Jameson as I take a seat next to Al.

Jameson stares at Hare, “Why would I when it makes him so happy? It’s the least I can do after everything.”

“Fair. So why did yi want tae see me?”

“Al?” Jameson prods.

“I was never allowed to get an education, and I don’t know how to read or write. I need a tutor, and Jameson suggested you,” he rushes out, twisting his fingers in his lap.

“Are yi sure? It’s no like I can speak English all that well.” I laugh at my joke, but Al and Jameson both stare at me. “It was a joke… because am Scottish.”

Jameson huffs out a laugh to humour me, then offers me a small smile. “I know, but you are the best person for the job. You’re patient and kind, and if you love our girl as much as you act like you do, you’ll tutor her newest boyfriend.”

My head swivels to look at Al, who is staring wide-eyed between me and Jameson, “I dunno about that. We haven’t actually spoken about it,” he says, but I see the hopeful look in his eyes, a look I’m all too familiar with when it comes to Red.

I rub the back of my neck, “I’ll dae it, but we’ll start with the basics, Al. It’ll take a lot of time and effort.”

Al’s face lights up, “Thank you! I really want to try to learn. I want to be able to read a book.”

“Good, we’ll get yi there.” I take a piece of paper from Hare’s pile, who shouts out in outrage, “Jameson will give yi another bit. Now, we’ll start with the alphabet, and we’ll take it one step at a time, and before yi know it, yi’ll be reading and writing just like Hare draws.”

Jameson smiles, handing an extra bit of paper to Hare, who continues to doodle happily.

“Thank you, Harry. If you both need anything for it, just let me know,” Jameson smiles at us both happily.

“I will do,” I say, “Now, when do you want to get started?”

“No time like now,” Al shrugs, staring at the paper in his hands.