Married By Twelfth Night (Regency Christmas Brides)

19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Richard made his way to his study after breakfast, ready to review his correspondence again. He had stayed up to the wee hours looking over an investment opportunity his solicitor had sent him. It held great risk. He would have to mortgage the house, but the outcome would have the potential to pay off his debts and more so. He would never have considered anything so drastic before, but never had things been so complicated.

The week before Christmas, he had tried hard to take every opportunity to speak with Ruth, to be near her. Many of those moments had been provided to him by Grace as they went to town for more supplies, trekked through the woods for holly berries, and added finishing touches to the kissing boughs. He had made progress in getting to know his quiet neighbor, but his feelings had progressed in a completely different direction.

Grace.

They teased each other and made each other laugh. She challenged him and listened too. She was beginning to be the first person he thought of when he woke and the last before he fell asleep. He had only studied the investment opportunity so he could be free to court her. Hoping beyond measure that he could forget Aunt’s inheritance and court Grace in earnest .

He didn’t know if she would even welcome his attention, should such a miracle change his circumstances, but he couldn’t help letting his mind linger on it. She still goaded him and urged him to be better, and he still teased her in return, but had he imagined the shift between them? He wished he could have a single glimpse into her mind to examine her innermost thoughts. Would he find himself there? Was it worth risking all of Belside and his family’s happiness on such a question?

Just after entering his study, his butler presented him a letter.

He glanced at it and immediately recognized the handwriting.

It was from Mother.

Her last letter had been posted shortly after she had arrived in Bath and had not been a positive one. He dreaded hearing that she had somehow worsened because of the trip. He broke the seal and unfolded the paper.

Dearest Richard,

I am writing this letter to set you at ease and tell you how much I am enjoying myself. You might not believe me, but it is true. Bath has been full of pleasant surprises! We have been invited to dine with friends three times this week. As you know, I resented you and Bridget for being so eager for me to leave your side, but I am grateful to you now. The company tires me, but not because my spirits are poor. Indeed, it is because I have little to converse about. Over a year of mourning has turned me into a dull companion. I am rallying though, day by day, and I feel stronger than ever. Now all I can think about is my desire to return to Belside. Being here makes me long for it. I cannot truly enjoy anything without wanting to share it with my children.

Thinking of you always,

Mothe r

A sigh of relief sang from his lips. She was doing better. Guilt quickly followed his sigh. Mother longed for Belside.

He shoved the letter into his waistcoat pocket to remind him to send a reply. He was not in the mindset to do so now. Just the mention of the house and estate drained his energy. He pulled the calendar to him, not needing to count to know how much time he had left—not enough. The lines between the dates were unbendable prison bars, holding him captive to the rules of time. If he was going to marry Ruth, he needed to propose. Tonight. But how could he do so? It was Grace who consumed his thoughts when they were apart. Grace who challenged him to be better. And Grace who made his pulse race at the mere sight of her.

He’d hardly heard a word at church, though he had tried. She was all he could think about.

A second sigh slipped through his lips. They’d created a mess between them, confusing the family and confusing each other. And it was all her fault. A half smile slid over his mouth with the mere thought of her meeting his gaze in church yesterday. She had already woven herself into his family’s hearts, and through goading him, she had secured herself in his too.

She’d ruin everything.

And he wanted her to.

He sat back in his chair and let his gaze wander to the window. In losing Belside, it would save him. Save him from sacrificing his future for his family. She would give him back a chance to have love in his life. But if he chose Grace, he would lose everything else, and so would his family.

He needed advice. Grace would know what to do.

Grace?

How was he supposed to ask her ?

He stood, massaging his tired eyes. He needed a nap before dinner. Surely, a little more sleep would help him see reason. Too tired to climb the stairs for dinner, he made his way to the dining room and sprawled out across the sofa.