Married in Vengeance (Dynasty Rebels #4)

Chapter 31

Thirty-One

RAM

Anant Madhavan lost. The news came to him in a trickle that soon became a flood. Relief, exultation, and a deep, abiding sorrow for justice that came a little too late swept through him. They’d won the case in court but they’d lost so much along the way. Raashi should never have had to go through what she had. He’d failed his baby sister. And Raashi wasn’t the only one he’d failed.

His gaze went to Aadhya who was sleeping beside him, the exhaustion from the viral still making it hard for her to regain her normal energy levels. After the tumultuous day at her office, she’d come home and crashed, inevitably postponing the conversation he knew the two of them had to have. A conversation that would end everything.

His phone buzzed, messages and calls pouring in as the news spread. Until they had the orders in hand, he wouldn’t be celebrating. It wouldn’t sink in until he saw it in black and white.

His phone rang again and he glanced down. Raashi. He smiled, the first ray of happiness in the gloom that seemed to have descended all around him.

“We won!” Raashi’s exclamation was a lot more subdued than he’d expected but then his sister wasn’t one for huge displays of emotion.

“We did, Chinna. Congratulations.”

“And to you too,” Raashi murmured. “What happens now?”

“Orders with sentencing will pass in a few weeks. Then it will be truly done.”

Raashi fell silent on the other end of the line.

“Harsh and you should leave town for a few days. Get away from here, spend some time together, and come back with a cleansed plate.” He looked over as Aadhya started to stir in the bed. He wished he could whisk her away too on a holiday, but they still had their own storm to weather.

“Harsh is shooting in Switzerland for ten days. He leaves in a week. Maybe I’ll tag along.” Raashi sounded like she was scheduling a root canal rather than talking about an international holiday with her superstar husband.

“Are you okay, Chinna?”

Raashi made a noncommittal sound.

“What’s wrong?” Ram asked, his voice gentling instinctively.

“I don’t know.”

“Is everything okay with Harsh?” Across the room, Aadhya sat up in bed, her curls tumbling wildly around her sleepy face, one sleeve slipping off her shoulder as she stretched.

“Yeah.” Raashi’s voice pulled him back into the conversation. “He’s great. Everything’s great. I just-“

When Raashi trailed off, Ram prodded, “You just?”

“Why do I feel sad?” Raashi blurted out.

Ram sat down on the side of the bed, his back to Aadhya. He felt her shift on the bed and a second later, her warmth enveloped him as she wrapped her arms around him from behind. Her cheek came to rest against his shoulder blades, her curls spilling over his shoulder and down his chest. He brought one hand up to twine his fingers through hers and left their joined hands to rest over his beating heart.

“Because you loved him,” he answered his sister, the words resonating through every cell of his being. “What Anant did to you was wrong, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that when you did love him, your love was real.”

He felt the kiss Aadhya pressed between his shoulder blades and his fingers tightened around hers.

“Everything you feel, Raash, is real. The love, the anger, the hurt, the betrayal. It’s tainted by what he did but it still existed. And so, it’s okay to feel the grief which comes with it. It’s okay to mourn.”

“I don’t know how to talk to Harsh about this,” Raashi whispered. “And it feels wrong to keep it from him.”

“If there is a single truly non-judgmental person in this world, it’s Harsh Kodela,” Ram said wryly. “That boy doesn’t have a leg to stand on while judging anyone else.”

Raashi laughed. “He’s reformed now.”

“He better be,” Ram muttered.

“Thanks Anna,” Raashi said now. “I’ve got to go get my visa for Switzerland sorted. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Have fun.” He hung up and dropped the phone on the bed beside him, his free hand still twined with Aadhya’s. They sat in silence, their bodies offering and taking comfort in a way that words never could.

“Is Raashi okay?” Aadhya asked, her voice still soft with sleep.

“She will be,” he answered. “She just needs to process.”

“Don’t we all?” Aadhya murmured.

“We need to talk,” he told her, his conscience prodding him to have the hard conversation.

Aadhya sighed. “I don’t want to. Whenever we start talking, nothing makes sense.”

Ram laughed, a harsh, bark of sound in the quiet of their bedroom. “How are you feeling?”

Aadhya thought about it a bit before replying, “Better. Not sick, just a little weak.”

“Good. Would you like to go out for breakfast?”

She traced something on his back with one finger. “I have to go to work.”

“So do I. But we also need to eat. So, breakfast first?”

“Do we have to talk while we eat?” She leaned forward to face him and did the air quotes thing around the word talk.

Ram twisted to the side, one arm braced on the bed as he pushed a lock of curly hair out of her face.

“I need to tell you something,” he said, guilt gnawing at his insides.

“You’re having an affair?” She scowled, her hair falling forward again as she sat up.

“Jeez no! Where would I have the time for one?” Ram scowled back.

“Is that the only thing stopping you? The lack of time?”

Ram gaped at her. What in the world was happening right now?

“Are you insane?” he asked her.

“Yes.” Aadhya got off the bed, tying her hair into a messy bun with the scrunchy she’d had hanging off her wrist. “I had to have been to have married you!”

“I am not having an affair!” Ram roared.

“Yes, I heard you the first time. Apparently, because you don’t have the time for it!” Aadhya snapped back.

“No, you stupid woman. Because the only woman I want is a deranged witch who thinks fucking with my mind is a part time hobby.”

Aadhya stared at him, her stormy eyes eviscerating him. “Maybe it’s time for it to stop being part time.”

“I want you,” he told her. “Even when I don’t want to.” Fuck! He was making a mess of this!

“Well, that’s flattering!” Aadhya drawled.

“What I mean is-“ Ram began only for Aadhya to cut him off.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, waving a hand in the air and turning away from him. “I should have known better than to expect more from you.”

“But I want to give you more, Aadhya,” he grabbed her hand, stopping her from storming off.

“And what does that ‘more’ mean to you?” she asked, her eyes daring him to say it, to finally say the words.

But the words wouldn’t come, stuck somewhere between his brain and heart. Ram didn’t come from a family that openly expressed affection or had deep chats about their feelings. He loved people but he preferred to show them with his actions, the words were always difficult to come by.

“I want us to be better,” he said finally, knowing it was a cop out. But until they put all their cards on the table, he couldn’t say more.

“Define better.” Aadhya’s lips trembled as she waited for his answer. “More and better mean different things to different people. What does it mean to you?”

But Ram had no answer. He had no benchmark for a healthy, happy, well-adjusted relationship. What was better? He didn’t know.

What did he want? He was fast realizing the only answer to that was ‘Aadhya.’ He wanted Aadhya.

“Right,” Aadhya said finally, her voice defeated. “We’ll have this talk when you know what ‘better’ means to you.”

She went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a definitive click. Ram stared at the shut door.

Did they have a hope of a ‘better’ in their future? As he stood there, precariously balanced on the debris of their past and the thin ice floe of their present, he didn’t see any sign of it.