My husband's tight grip is going to leave a bruise on my arm, but that’s the least of my problems right now. He’s been getting mad a lot more often these days. I thought tonight would be different because we’re in public. Adam can’t risk anyone else seeing the monster he hides behind his carefully curated mask. His public image is too important to him.
I didn’t see the monster until it was too late, he kept it hidden while he lured me in and slowly pulled me away from my friends and family. No one would guess what was hiding under his perfect white smile and the guy next door wardrobe.
We got married a few years after high school and he gave me nothing but smiles as he gaslit me into thinking no one else cared about me. By the time he let the mask slip completely I was so isolated from everyone I had nowhere to turn, and that’s exactly how he likes it. Looking back now it’s so easy to see the pattern.
We only socialize with his friends, we only see his family, and I only go where he allows. I don’t know how my life got to this point, but now that I’m facing my demons in a dark parking lot something snaps into place for me.
It all becomes so clear.
He normally waits until we get home before he tells me everything I did wrong and punishes me for it, but not tonight. Tonight is different. We didn’t even make it to the car before he backhanded me, knocking me to the ground. When he jerked me up, he kept my arm in his grasp and now he’s squeezing so tight I know I’ll have a bruise the size of his hand tomorrow. My pale skin doesn’t help to hide any of his offensive marks, instead it highlights them, making them even more difficult to cover up.
Adam has been pushing me around and knocking me down for years now, but this is the most violent he’s been outside of our house and it’s terrifying. Maybe it’s just the atmosphere, but the fear that he might actually kill me creeps up my body and sinks its teeth into me. I’m not ready to die, especially not like this. Not by his hands. Not as this sad broken woman I’ve become.
I knew I shouldn’t have talked to the vendor; Adam gets mad when I talk to other men, but I wasn’t thinking. He makes the best cider every year so I asked what his secret is in hopes I could figure out how to recreate the recipe at home. The man just smiled and said it was magic, but Adam was on me as soon as we got away from the crowd on our way to his car. I know he split my lip but we’re at a Halloween festival and it’s costume night, half the people here are covered in fake blood. If we run into anyone they’ll probably think it’s part of my costume. That’s part of what’s different tonight, what’s given him the confidence to do as he pleases. Adam’s wearing a mask, no one knows who he is, and he’s clearly feeling invincible.
I just wish I felt the same.
“You little whore.” He’s sneering at me, but I’m used to his hateful words now. That started long before he raised his hand at me for the first time, but his words don’t cut as deep as they used to, I’m numb to them now. “Thought you would get dressed up in that tight little dress and come out here to get some attention, didn’t you?”
He’s conveniently forgetting that he picked out my Poison Ivy costume to go with his Batman, but there’s no way I’m bringing that up now.
“No, no I promise. I would never do that, Adam.”
He doesn’t believe me, the cruel twist of his lips tells me that much, but he never does. Whatever delusions he has in his head, he’s already convinced himself they’re true.
His hand tightens again as he slings me backwards into his car, jarring my shoulder in the process. The impact knocks me to the ground, but he doesn’t let that stop him, he just uses my new position to his advantage. Pushing me across the gravel he keeps me down while berating me. The tiny rocks dig into my skin, but I hardly notice the pain.
“Do you think I’m stupid? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you flirting with the fucking cider guy? Are you really that desperate?”
Grabbing my arm again he snatches me off the ground, reminding me again how much bigger he is than me. How much stronger he is. He loves reminding me that I don’t stand a chance against him. How could I? I’m already smaller than him, at just over six feet tall he has at least six or seven inches on me. On top of my small frame my anxiety is always through the roof, so I hardly ever have a real appetite which doesn’t help. Maybe if I ate well and worked out on a regular basis I wouldn’t be so easy to push around, but any time I’ve ever tried to go to a gym or do any at home programs Adam accused me of trying to impress other men. It just wasn’t worth the hassle. He made it so nothing I wanted was worth the hassle.
Gravel crunches nearby as a loud group of teenagers wind their way towards us through the parking lot. Adam turns his head towards the sound, distracted by the commotion, but that split second is all I need. As soon as his grip loosens, I seize my chance and pull my arm out of his grasp. Slipping away from the monster before me I take off running as fast as I can through the cars, like my life depends on it, because right now it just might.
I zig zag quickly, hiding behind the larger vehicles as I put as much distance between us as possible. I don’t know what I’m doing, I didn’t think this out, I just had to get away, so I keep pushing myself further. I might not know what awaits me wherever I end up, but I know exactly what will be waiting for me if I go back, and that’s all the motivation I need to keep running.
The crowd is full of zombies and vampires, the blood dripping from my lip onto my costume doesn’t get a second glance from anyone. You would think a terrified woman running through a crowd would get a little attention, but that’s what the Fright Nights Festival is famous for around here. People come for the pleasure of being scared. I’m not the only woman running around frantically, there are even a few men running past me in an effort to get out of here.
Scare actors pop up all over the place, causing mayhem wherever they go, leaving terror filled screams in their wake. The haunted house isn’t for the faint of heart, and the corn maze can easily become your worst nightmare if you take a few wrong turns into the dark. This festival has always been a favorite of mine, but for the first time I’m feeling genuine fear while running amongst the pumpkins and smoke machines.
I need a plan, but I can’t think straight long enough to come up with one while I’m running. The further I go the harder it gets to hold back my panic. If Adam catches up to me this will all have been for nothing, and who knows what will happen once he gets me back to the house.
No.
That’s not an option .
First part of the plan, find somewhere safe to hide so I can think. Everything else can be figured out later, I just need to get somewhere safe. The only problem is Adam has alienated me from everyone in my life, the only place I have is with him. Even if I had a phone, I don’t know who I would call, he’s made sure of that, but I can’t just run around aimlessly. He’ll find me eventually if I do that.
Slowing down I spin around to take in my surroundings. I look to the people nearby for help, but everyone ignores me or shakes me off. No one will listen. They all think I’m scared of the actors, or maybe part of the act myself. I have to find someone who knows I’m not.
Pushing through the crowd of people walking towards the parking lot, I go further into the fairground. The haunted house is to my right, but I pass it. It’s too loud in there, and that would probably be the first place Adam would look for me to be hiding. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing or who I’m looking for, but I know I can’t stay where Adam can find me, so I keep moving. The further into the crowd I get the better. As long as I don’t end up in the corn maze, I would never find my way out right now.