Master of Death (Hollow #2)

CHAPTER 4

I wake up to the sound of laughter. I tie my hair up in a bun and recognize Henrik’s voice joking around with Harvey.

Not many people can make Harvey laugh like that—not even Claire.

I suspect Harv’s been in a better mood since his physical advances and my agreeing to work things out between us. I hope he’s not faking it, because I love hearing him laugh.

I put on a bra and leggings underneath my long shirt and head to the washroom to clean up. My phone vibrates on my drawer when I walk back to my room, so I pick up my sister’s call.

“Why’re you avoiding me?” Gia goes straight to the point. I can almost taste her anger from a distance for leaving many of her texts unanswered.

“It’s been a busy week.”

“Okay. I’m sorry for what I said, Gem, about growing up. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“It’s okay, Gia. I’m more annoyed that you told Layla about Damon.”

Silence.

She tells my dad everything. I know that and I’ve accepted that. But sharing it with our best friend, when I’m not ready for anyone else to know, bothered me.

“You’re right. I should’ve asked first. I’m sorry, I ...”

She can’t help it. I know her, and she means well. “It’s fine, it’s done.”

I also know she must be dying to ask me what’s going on—if I’m back with Harvey or pursuing things with Damon. I don’t blame her for being confused, since I stayed at her place sporadically while Harv and I were fighting.

“Well, Athena misses you. We’re bringing her tubing tomorrow. Wilmot Mountain has a kiddie hill. You should come—drink hot chocolate. Dad’s coming too.”

She drives a hard bargain by bringing up Athena. I miss spending time with my niece. If she would’ve asked me to join them months ago, I would’ve said no, for Harvey.

Today, I choose for myself, not based on what would make him happy.

“I’ll come.”

“Great.” I hear the smile in her voice. “I miss you, Gem. I love you, always.”

“Me too.”

She tells me they’ll pick me up since we’re going in one car, and we end our call.

When I finally join the guys in the kitchen, my stomach rumbles at the smell of the breakfast Henrik made—bacon, eggs, and pancakes.

“Hey.” I greet Harv with a smile.

“Mornin’,” he says.

“What’s up, Gem Gem?” Hen elbows me playfully and hands me a plate. A part of me is glad he’s here to ease some of the tension of this past week.

After breakfast, we head to Harvey’s PT appointment.

“I can feel your stress from over here, Gem,” Hen says in the seat next to mine, while his eyes are glued to his cell phone. Denying it would be useless, so I say nothing, even though I’m dying to ask him if he told Harvey that I slept with someone else.

Although I’m certain Harvey would confront me about it if he knew, it doesn’t stop the lingering fear from growing in the pit of my stomach. The thought that Henrik might’ve told him is enough to make me bite my nails.

I know that I need to tell Harvey at some point if we’re to seriously work through our issues, but we need time before I break the betrayal to him.

I can’t even imagine how much this would hurt him and ruin everything we’ve ever had.

I hear Henrik chuckle when he shows me his phone, and I read the dirty messages sent from a girl. I shake my head and he laughs.

“Don’t hate. There’s a reason I’m always happy.”

You just wait, Henrik.

I look back to see Harv with Stefan in the far corner on the other side of the room.

He makes eye contact with me. Each of his legs are attached to robotic braces that assist with basic walking. He’s using the Lokomat, which is essentially a robotic treadmill training system. I knew Harv attended a high-end PT center when I saw that machine, because it’s not cheap.

I can almost see the blow to his pride from here. Though I wish he’d let me witness more of his developments, what truly matters to me is that he advances at his own pace.

I turn back around to give him the privacy he seeks.

I need to muster the courage to ask Hen. I should just ask him, right now .

I clear my throat. “Did you tell him?”

Henrik glances at me and seems to put two and two together before he shakes his head. “Nope, and he doesn’t need to know.”

“Maybe he does. I can’t—”

“Not now. Let him improve before you crush the man.”

I’m silent as I ponder his words. I’ll always be the villain in Harvey’s story no matter what I do.

Henrik squeezes my hand, then goes back to texting. “He crushed you first—I know.”

Maybe. Maybe not.

It’s not about who crushed who first in love, now is it? We both hurt each other, and that’s what contributed to our ruin in the making.

Henrik’s back to laughing over his texts, so I change the subject, relieved to know Harvey doesn’t know.

“Do you think he’s ready to get a part-time job?” I ask, thinking it might do wonders for his morale.

“Yeah, he could work at the tattoo parlor he used to.”

We stare at one another. Neither of us wish to have that conversation with him.

It has to come from him, though I’ve come to realize Harvey needs a little push in the right direction sometimes.

Perhaps we all do.

When we get back home, Henrik stays over. We watch TV together and order pizza later in the evening.

As the night wears on, I close the door and lock it behind Hen while Harvey transfers to his chair. I slide my hands over my shirt, trying to remove the sweat from it as I give myself a mental pep talk to get this over with.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask, knowing he’s ready to go hide in his bedroom.

“Sure.” He nods, and I take a seat on the couch.

“Did Claire tell you?”

“Tell me what?” He sounds genuinely surprised, although I don’t believe for a second that Claire wouldn’t have told him we met up.

“I met with her yesterday for lunch.”

The shock in his eyes tells me he didn’t know. There’s a small mist of fear in them as well.

“I wouldn’t know. I didn’t answer her call yesterday.”

His honesty surprises me, and the news is refreshing to hear.

I recap our meeting for him, and I can feel his relief when I finish. Then I brace myself for impact. “I think it’s time to reduce her hours. I think ... I think you’re more independent than you give yourself credit for.”

“What?” He chuckles. “ What did you say?”

Here it goes . . .

“Harvey, she doesn’t need to hang out with you all day.”

“Why do you care if she’s here? Are you going to quit your job, hmm? Stay away from your boss?”

God, my New York work trip next week is not going to fly well with him.

“It’s not the same thing.” I want to say more, but I stop myself, because my case might be worse. I know Harv didn’t sleep with Claire, while I slept with Damon.

“Are you kidding me? Claire stays. End of discussion.”

I get up, ready to walk away from this. He won’t change his mind. I know him.

“Why am I here? Why did you beg me to give you another chance if you can’t let her go?”

He scoffs, tugging on the tips of his blond hair. “I’m doing better with her help.”

“I just asked you to reduce her hours!”

He shakes his head, looking like he’s ready to bawl his eyes out. “Then she might quit. And besides, I’m not okay with that arrangement, not unless you quit your job.”

“You know what, Harvey?” My voice cracks. “I need this job.” I leave to go to my room, but he catches my hand before I manage to.

“Don’t—don’t fight me on this. I need you .”

My heart is breaking for us. What we need is space from each other. I shouldn’t have to live with the weight of his happiness on my shoulders. But the guilt is too profound, anchored too deep for me to stop myself from drowning with him.

“Come game with me, please.” He looks like he’s about to crumble. The truth is I think he loves us both. And he doesn’t know who to pick. “Please.”

He lets go of my wrist when I nod, and we spend the evening gaming in silence.

Harvey wasn’t mad today when I left with my family to go tubing.

He could come. We would’ve taken two cars, and we could’ve enjoyed an hour-and-a-half-long drive together. I just know he’d think he’s imposing on everyone.

For the first time since Damon broke my heart, I hear myself laugh as I watch my dad and my brother-in-law, James, running around with Athena.

It’s nice being outside again. In nature, sunbeams lighting my face. My body is all bundled up. My phone is tucked away in my ski jacket—a great way to ensure I don’t check it every minute to see if Damon texted me.

Every time I hear my phone vibrate, hope resurges, only to have it sliced to pieces. Somehow I know Damon won’t come back to me. He won’t call or text me again. I don’t even know why I bother hoping.

Later on, Gia suggests we get food and hot drinks from the resort’s common house. A part of me wants to stay outside, but the guilty side of me wants to please her.

I’ve been pushing her away, and that has to stop.

Gia texts James and Dad where to meet us, and I burn my tongue having my first sip of hot chocolate.

“Are you back with Harvey?”

I pick at my nachos, debating what to say. “We’re trying things out.”

“So you’re back together then,” she confirms, picking at her fries. “What about Damon?”

I shrug, looking behind her to avoid her inquisitions. She waits for me to answer with three fries in her hand waiting to be shoved in her mouth.

I spare her the misery.

“He doesn’t want me.” I clear my voice, knowing she wants to tell me that I shouldn’t be with Harvey simply because Damon pushed me away.

I know she’s right, but I also love Harvey. I do. I really do. But what I had with Damon? God, I can’t even think about it, or I’ll break all over again. Maybe it’s best we ended things before he did some real damage.

“Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you should come live with me or Dad until you have it figured out.”

“What?” Her suggestion is absurd. She knows I won’t leave Harvey. I’ve never left him alone for more than a few days. It creates this deeply rooted anxiety I can’t shake off.

“I can’t do that.”

“Gemma, you need space. You mistake guilt for love.”

“I wouldn’t put up with this if I didn’t love him.”

“You’re a nice person. You hate hurting people.” She takes a sip of her drink, like she didn’t insult me with her assumptions. “You know what? Maybe you do love him. Maybe you can even work things out. I just think you should clear your head. Do what you always wanted to do—focus on your career, travel, bring the hobbies back into your life. And if you do that and Harvey’s still by your side, supporting you , happy for you , then by all means ...”

I must look at her in bewilderment. Her words do something to me, because deep down I wish I could follow through with her plan. Deep down I know I need space from him.

“Even if that’s the case, I wouldn’t burden you or Dad.”

“You wouldn’t be a burden. I miss you. And Dad travels a lot, so you’d barely notice him around.”

The more she goes on and on about my independence and how she knows I fell hard for Damon, the more I let myself think of what it’d be like to have my own space.

Without Harvey.

The initial reaction is an unhealthy dose of paranoia. What would happen to him? Would he be okay? Would Claire be with him more often? Would he become depressed?

“He kissed me—Harvey.”

Wide eyes stare at me in shock. “And?”

“Before Damon, I might’ve fallen for him again. After Damon, it felt like I was cheating on Damon.”

The V in the middle of her brows forms again, and I know that she’s worried about me. I wish I could be like her and have my life together.

She has more to say. She’s on a roll today, but thankfully James comes in with Athena in his arms, and my dad follows behind them.

“Fresh air feels good, right?” My dad ruffles my hair as he sits next to me.

I smile at him, knowing that I’m ready to be me again.

We get back home in the evening. After my shower, I stare at my dad’s text for a beat too long. He asked me to think about my sister’s proposal. He told me he’s going back to Seattle for several weeks for work and that I should move back home until I have a plan.

But leaving Harvey? It’s no secret I’m the provider in our relationship. He gets Social Security benefits for his disability, but he has a lot of medical costs to cover.

I feel bad that the burden of costs would fall on his parents even more, and Harvey hates taking their money.

I text my dad back, telling him that I’ll think about it.