MC Sinners Boxed Set #1-7

~PRESENT~

I ’m crying. No, I’m heaving. When Cade has finished telling me his story, I can hardly breathe. I’ve never heard something so gut wrenching in my life. It all makes sense to me now. God, poor Cade, poor Spike, poor Cheyenne. My heart breaks a little for each of them. I swipe my tears from my eyes, and I try to focus on Cade. He’s staring out the window, his body heaving. The guilt he’s holding, it’s huge. He blames himself for Chey’s death. I can understand why he blames himself, but he was trying to do the right thing. It’s not on him, though I understand why he can’t see that.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, reaching out and placing my hand on his back.

He’s sitting now, he got up mid-way through telling his story. He flinches when my fingers slide down his back.

“I killed my best friend’s wife,” he says in a voice devoid of all emotion.

“No, you didn’t.”

He turns, and when his eyes fall on mine, they’re glassy and red. “Yeah, I fuckin’ did. I forced them into that car. I didn’t let him stop when he wanted to.”

“If you didn’t leave, it could have ended the same way. If you had let Spike out, do you think you wouldn’t be carrying the same guilt when they did the same to him?”

Cade closes his eyes a moment, then opens them. “He hates me for it, and he has every fuckin’ right.”

“He can hate you, and yeah, maybe he does have the right, but he should hate himself too. He put himself in that situation, therefore putting his wife in it, too.”

“He went through hell afterwards. Her family tried to put him in jail. He also lost a baby when she died. He lost everything he believed in.”

“And he lost you.”

Cade flinches. “I’ll never forgive myself for it. I see her face every time I close my eyes. She haunts me.”

“She wouldn’t hate you, you know.”

He shakes his head. “No, that’s the fuckin’ painful thing. She wouldn’t hate me. She would tell me it was her choice. That she was the one who wanted it. Cheyenne was beautiful like that.”

“I don’t think you’re a bad person, Cade.”

He turns to look at me. “Why do you have to be so fuckin’ understandin’?”

“Because I’ve lived with pain, guilt and horror before. I know how it feels to be trapped in it. You’re not a bad person. You’re only human, and sometimes, we don’t make the right choices.”

He cups my face. “I could so easily love you sugar, you’re testin’ every part of me. I’m fallin’ fuckin’ hard.”

I tremble at his words and every hair on my body stands on end. Did he just say he could love me? I mean, truly love me? He must be mistaken. He’s feeling lust, and getting it confused with falling in love. Noticing my expression, Cade turns my face and lets his eyes scan my face.

“Sugar, you look like you’re about to pass out. Breathe.”

I swallow over and over, unable to push the words from my head. He could love me . This can’t be right, surely there’s a mistake.

“You reactin’ like this ‘coz I said I’m fallin’ in love with you, yeah?”

I nod, feeling my eyes sting.

“Ain’t never had someone say that, and truly mean it, have you?”

I shake my head, and struggle to get a breath in.

“Well, I mean it, sugar, with everything I am. I don’t love easily, and I sure as shit don’t tell people when it’s happenin’. You’re different You’ve been different since the moment you walked into that compound.”

“That’s so cliché,” I say, then burst out into a fit of nervous giggles.

Cade chuckles, and leans down, kissing my lips softly. “Cliché I can do for you, sugar.”

“Now that’s love,” I whisper.

His green eyes scan my face, and then he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. We kiss softly for a long moment, just comforting each other in the only way we know how.

“Who is Ciara?” I ask when we finally pull apart.

“Ciara is Cheyenne’s sister.”

Oh. My. God.

“Why is she basically under the protection of the bikers?”

“Her and Spike don’t exactly see eye to eye. They have had more run ins then I can begin to count. She blamed him.”

“She doesn’t blame you?” I whisper.

“No. She thinks if Spike never married Chey, like they all wanted, then it wouldn’t have happened. He was warned away from her; he didn’t listen. Back then, Spike lived a far more dangerous life then he lives now. He was muddled up in some fucked up shit, and that’s how it ended for him.”

“And now Ciara hates him?”

“Ciara blamed him, but she doesn’t hate him. From what I know, Ciara had a massive crush on Spike before Chey came into the picture. Part of their issue goes back to that. The reason we protect her, is because when they start on each other, it’s hard to stop it.”

“Sounds complicated,” I murmur.

“It’s beyond complicated, sugar.”

I lay down on my pillow with a deep yawn. I’m exhausted and emotionally drained. Cade gives me a small grin, and leans down, brushing his lips across my head. “Get some sleep, yeah? I’ll be downstairs.”

“What?” I say, rubbing my eyes to stop them from closing.

“I’m not leavin’ you in a house alone when that crazy fucker is out there.”

“You can’t just sit downstairs and wait.”

He gives me a look. “Can’t I?”

“Cade...”

“Sugar...”

“Jackson will be home soon, I won’t sleep if you’re sitting down there alone.”

“Then I’ll sit here and watch you.”

“That’s creepy,” I grumble.

“Sugar, I’m fuckin’ stayin’. Now shut the fuck up, and get some sleep.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “You know, you could say it nicely.”

“Nah, sugar. Only way that works with you is when I tell it how it is. Now close your eyes and sleep.”

“Yes, boss.”

He gives me a stern look, so with a sigh I close my eyes. I’m out before either of us can get another word in.

I guess I was exhausted.