Merry Mix-Up (Holiday Hearts)

21. Jade

21

JADE

B efore Derek even had me into the apartment, I was swatting at him. The way he grabbed my arm was totally unacceptable even if I was his girlfriend cheating on him. I smacked his hand hard, and he let go and then I smacked him square across the face. I didn't care that he thought I was Amber or that he was upset. No man had any right to manhandle me like that.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" I spat, and fuming, I yanked my coat off and threw it at him. Snow was caked to my shoes, but I turned and walked through the living room toward the kitchen for a beer from my fridge so I could calm down. I tore off my hat and gloves and dropped them in my path, and Derek followed me.

"What the hell is going on, Amber? What are you trying to pull here? I came home to visit you and you swore you were sick and couldn't see me, but you were out with that bastard? Did you stay the night with him? Did you sleep with him?" Derek sounded hurt and angry, and as I took the beer from the fridge, I felt a twinge of guilt.

The ruse was clearly up now. I had to come clean and I couldn't wait for permission from my sister to do so. If he really thought I was her, this would be the end of their relationship, which would destroy her. I couldn’t let that happen, but at the moment, I was so upset about that look on Newt's face that all I could do was blink back tears as I gulped the beer and he stared at me incredulously.

"Nothing is going on. I'm not Amber, you idiot." I finished the beer as he wrapped his mind around things. I'd have drunk wine if I had it, but all I had was Amber's stupid secret stash of her favorite beer which probably made me look more guilty.

"So you're going to blame this on Jade now? You think I really believe a man like that would have anything to do with your psychotic sister?"

His words were a dagger to the heart and more incriminating evidence that Amber let her friends speak about me in hurtful ways. But she was my sister and I had to make this right. Just because her friends were assholes didn't mean she was. I knew she didn't feel like that about me.

"You listen to me, buddy. You don't talk about me like that. I don't care if Amber lets you say what you want. I'm not psychotic, and Newt actually likes me. So fuck off!" I pushed past him and carried my nearly empty beer back toward the door where I kicked off my soggy shoes and turned back to face him and his disbelieving expression.

"This is low, even for you, Amber. I can't believe you'd try to pretend you're your sister just to get out of this. You fucked him, didn't you?"

I was raging mad, fearing Newt would never talk to me again, and Derek didn't even believe the truth when it was right in front of his eyes. "Yeah, I fucked him. Four times, to be exact, and I'll do it again if you didn't ruin things. I told you, I'm Jade. Amber is in California. If you don't believe me, just call her."

My chest was heaving, sobs wanting to escape, but I kept the tears minimal as I explained to him our plan to keep Naomi happy, but still, he didn’t believe me.

"You know what, I'm done. I've had enough. I can't do this anymore." Derek threw up his hands and marched toward the door, but I stepped in his way and refused to let him pass.

"Derek, please. I swear I'm jade, and Amber is in California. She loves you. She'd never hurt you. I swear this is just a twin thing—you know, a merry mix-up—to help Naomi have a good wedding. You have to believe me." I put a hand on his chest, and he moved it away in anger and I knew things were really bad. "Please," I whimpered.

But he forced me aside and opened the door. "Yeah, well your 'merry mix-up' is fucked up. I need some space to think," he growled, and he slammed the door on the way out. When I heard his car peel out, I knew it was bad.

I threw myself on the couch sobbing and panicking. Amber was going to kill me, and this time, it really was my fault. If I had been at home instead of out with Newt where she strictly warned me not to be, none of this would have happened. Oh, God, how was I going to explain this to her? How would she ever even look at me again? And now I'd really fucked things up with Newt, too.

When I stopped sobbing long enough to catch my breath, I grabbed another one of Amber's secret stash and opened it, then took out my phone to call her. Day drinking had never been my thing, and on an empty stomach I knew I'd feel these six-percent craft beers quickly. She answered but sounded tense.

"Yeah, what?" she asked, and I almost threw up.

"Amber, uh… I have to tell you something." The tears started again faster than they stopped. I hated myself.

"What? What’s wrong? What happened?" She sounded frantic right away because of how I said things. It was bad no matter how I said it and she was going to flip even if I framed it delicately. So I just blurted it out.

"Uh, Derek caught me coming home this morning. I stayed the night with Newt and well… We had a fight."

"He what!" she screeched, and I swore she dropped her phone. "What are you saying, Jade?"

"I'm saying he thinks you are cheating on him with Newt." I barely choked the words out before gagging on them. A swallow of beer only made it worse. I was so nauseous from anxiety and emotion, I could feel the few bites of breakfast making an appearance in the back of my throat.

"Oh, holy fuck, you're kidding, right? This is a prank. You're getting back at me for making you go along with this." She sounded like a woman learning her partner was dead and she was about to lose it.

"No, Amber. I mean, he saw me get out of Newt's dad's truck and then Newt followed me to the door. Derek slugged him. He punched Newt right in the face, and Newt walked away bleeding, and I'm so sorry." I sobbed and then sobbed some more. And then I felt guilty. I had no right crying over this when it was me who ruined things for her. Naomi would find out, and Jared, and they'd probably both be very upset with Amber and me. It wouldn't derail the wedding, but Amber might be out, and it might end the friendship too.

"You've got to be kidding me. Jade, I told you not to see him anymore. I told you from the beginning not to get involved, to not date him. I told you this would happen." She was panicking, but maybe we could at least still fix things with Derek.

"Look, please listen. I know this is all my fault, but you have to call him. FaceTime him and show him you're in your apartment in LA. Make him see that I was telling the truth…" My heart sank. It wasn't going to fix things with me, and maybe it wouldn’t fix things until Derek was no longer so angry he was ignoring her. But eventually, he would see, and then he would feel bad and maybe even laugh at it.

I would never laugh, though. The hurt in Newt's eyes was so sharp, it was like I'd knifed him. He drew back in pain and couldn't even look at me. He really thought I was cheating on him, and there was no way to make that go away. We didn't have the history that Amber and Derek had. He had no rational reason to believe me at all, and unless Amber came clean to Naomi about the whole thing, he never would.

Even then, he'd still just be hurt that I'd let him believe I was Amber that whole time. He would never have a reason to trust me again. I blew it big time.

"I have to call him," Amber snapped, but I knew he wouldn't answer.

"Are you coming home?" I asked, now feeling like hiding from everyone. "Because someone has to finish doing this thing and I don’t think I can even look at Newt again. I can't stand the pain I saw in his eyes. I can't be Naomi's maid of honor anymore." Now I was crying so hard, I didn't even know if she could understand me.

"I'll fix it, Jayjay. I have to. I'll be home Saturday." Amber hung up on me, and I curled into a ball and called Newt's number. It rang through but I didn’t leave a message. I needed to hear his voice. So I tried again and again until it suddenly started going straight to voicemail instead of ringing, and I knew he'd shut his phone off.

My heart hurt so bad, but it was probably nothing compared to how he felt. He would probably never speak to me again, or Amber, and I prayed it wouldn’t ruin Naomi's wedding too.