Merry with a Lawman (Love Beach, Holiday Collection)

7. Wounded Him

SEVEN

WOUNDED HIM

BELLE

I make my way into Giancarlo’s, Gigi’s favorite restaurant in town. It’s her birthday. Our tradition is she gets to pick where to eat, even though we all knew she would choose the same as she does every year.

We’re all meeting here for dinner, and I’m nervous at seeing Davis after our run in on the way to The Cliffs. I never expected for him to see me with Richardson. It was only our first date. The night I met him at his house doesn’t count.

I suppose it was like ripping off a bandage. We both will probably move on and date, so seeing each other out in town with others will need to become comfortable.

Only the day I see him with another woman, I’ll freak out. I know it.

The expression of pain in Davis’ eyes as he raked over me when he realized I was in the passenger seat is something I’ll never forget. I felt like I was cheating on him. Which is ridiculous since he’s the one who told me goodbye.

“Bella.” Davis simply nods my way, already here. “You look good.”

I about choke on my spit and quickly take the seat next to Gigi, across from him. Verbal compliments aren’t necessarily his thing. His eyes are the window to his emotions, though. They always have been. From the day we first met in school, I’d learned how to read them well.

Right now, I can read right through him and the brief flashes he gives me between trying to keep up appearances with our friends.

Going on one date with Richardson, while interesting and fun, has served only one purpose—made me realize how much Davis and I knew each other. A comfort as smooth as Tennessee whiskey.

Meeting someone new and trying to get to know them, to decide how much to open up about yourself, it’s all very awkward. I don’t recall things being that way with Davis when we first met.

He’s a sight tonight, hot in a gray henley with the buttons undone at the chest, tucked into faded denims. I want to run to him, fall on my knees in front of him, and beg him to keep seeing me. Promise him the world. I could forget about love, as long as he’ll wrap his arms around me and hold me again.

There I go, fooling myself into believing I don’t deserve exactly what I want. A man to love me with his entire heart and soul. Who is proud to have me on his arm when we’re out in town. Who isn’t afraid to say—and live—those three little words.

I endure through dinner, acting like none of this bothers me, when really I hate this discomfort between us. We were friends first, before anything else. And now? We’re not? I don’t know. I didn’t think that far ahead when we jumped into this in the first place, figuring it was only a stopping point on the way to something better between us.

But he wanted this. He called for the end to our friends-with-benefits arrangement. He didn’t want to progress beyond that, and I’d given him plenty of chances.

An excruciating pain finally settles deep in my soul, chilling me from the inside out, one I’m all-too familiar with after years of pining for Davis.

“I need to go,” I shout and suddenly push back from the table, almost toppling over Gigi’s glass of birthday Bordeaux.

“What? It’ll take you ten minutes to get there. You have a half hour yet, and we haven’t had cake,” Gigi balks. But I cannot sit here and torture myself for another second.

I run out, tossing on my jacket and scarf as I go. I almost reach the car when Davis surprises me, and comes up behind me, shouting, “Are you off to see Richardson?”

“It’s none of your business.” I face him, nose turned up. The street is dark, no one around but the two of us, meeting in secret again. This shouldn’t be awkward since we only ever met in secrecy, but it is.

“Do you know he’s divorced and has a kid he left behind up north? I don’t like the guy. Something is off about him.”

“Been spying on him? On us?” I snort and sneer. Figures what with a police database on hand, he’d look the guy up. Davis’ gut reactions when it comes to his job are usually spot on though. But this time, I’m too mad to pay attention to this lawman’s instincts.

“You’re my friend. Do you really think I’m not going to look into a stranger’s past to protect you?”

“You don’t need to worry about me anymore, Davis.”

“It’s my job to protect?—”

“God, don’t hide behind your badge like a coward. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to look at you and know I can no longer touch you? You wanted us to be over.”

“What the—? You did, too. You complained nonstop about us having to sneak around.”

“You’re so stupid, Davis.” I cry and jog around to the driver’s side door, only to compose myself, never letting him see a tear. “I complained because I wanted to love you out loud. Not in the shadows. I didn’t want to keep us a secret anymore. With you, I wanted so much more.”

“Love? But you know I wouldn’t be any good for you. I told you from the beginning I couldn’t love anyone.”

“And that’s my fault. For holding onto hope too long, thinking that one day you could love me. ”

Air leaves his lungs with a whoosh and he steps back, wearing his forehead like a frown, acting like I’ve wounded him. “Fuck. Bells, I… I’m sorry.”

Finally, some emotion out of him about us. But it’s not enough. I want to rake him through coals with his feet on fire. I want him burning for me, standing on the edge of the world about to jump, and realizing at the last second how much he missed out on a good thing with me.

Is that too much to ask?

He stares at me like he’s hurt, a little, at least. Well, then good. Let him see how this feels for a while.

I quickly climb into my car and pull away, watching him fade in my rear-view mirror. Saddened even more when he’s gone out of the view for good. For longer than I should, I drive around town in a blur like a zombie, emotionally drained.

When I finally arrive at Richardson’s place fashionably late, I take a minute to compose myself before walking up the path to his enormous house, the one he bought himself hoping to fit a wife and kids in someday. Yes, he told me of his divorce, how they realized they didn’t really love each other. He hates leaving his child behind, but had to start fresh.

He always loved this town after visiting, and could see himself starting over, eventually with a new family.

A man who plans for his future wife and children? A stark contrast to Davis.

Richardson throws the door open with a warm smile, like he’s been waiting for me. His crisp white shirt tucks into navy blue pants. The sleeves are rolled up, and he wears an apron that says kiss the chef. A little white powder residue is smeared across his cheek.

I’d like to see him looking rougher, for once. A pair of jeans sitting low, with a hole in the knee, his hair mussed up. Not so…perfect.

“Well, you look like you’re having fun. I thought we were going out to dance at the country club?.” I exclaim, forcing a grin. Even as he stands here, he’s a welcome sight to the sad lawman I left behind.

“Change of plans. I’m making fresh pasta for you.” For me? On our third date in his enormous home? He makes it so easy, serving as a nice distraction to forget Davis for a while.

Even though, in the back of my mind, my handsome lawman lives rent-free. I don’t know if I ever want him to move out. I couldn’t quit him if I tried.